From Newsgroup: uk.religion.christian

With Easter coming up, I thought some might be amused by the following.
If anyone wants to use it in some way, I have no objection.

God bless,
Kendall K. Down

Jerusalem Radio 4 and I'm Catriona Young with today's headlines. The
Pentecost festival today was disturbed by an excited band of Gallileans
who burst out into the streets this morning shouting in a number of
different languages. When police moved in to quell the disturbance
Peter, one of the followers of the former Jesus of Nazareth, made a
powerful speech in which he declared that Jesus, who was put to death by
the authorities seven weeks ago for blasphemy and sedition, was in fact
the promised Messiah. Now over to Sir Rob ben Day for today's news in full.

Sir Rob Thank you Catriona. Jerusalem was the scene today of an
amazing spectacle as the followers of the former Jesus of
Nazareth burst out into the streets to declare that He was
indeed the Messiah. With me in the radio car I have Mr
Caiaphas, high priest of Israel. Hello, Mr Caiaphas.
Caiaphas Hello, Sir Rob ben Day.
Sir Rob Mr Caiaphas, you have heard the report about today's
disturbance in Jerusalem. Would you like to comment on the
situation?
Caiaphas Yes, indeed, Sir Rob ben. I'm glad you asked me that. In fact
it was a very serious disturbance but I am glad to say that
the situation is fully under control at this moment in time.
Sir Rob But Mr Caiaphas, we understand that over three thousand people
were persuaded by these followers of Jesus of Nazareth to
accept their point of view and undergo a ceremony called
baptism. What does the government propose to do about this?
Caiaphas Thank you, Sir Rob ben. That's a very interesting question.
Naturally we are very concerned that so many people have been
deceived in this way. Very concerned indeed.
Sir Rob We understand that Peter, the former fisherman, accuses the
government of executing the Messiah and declares that in fact
Jesus of Nazareth has risen from the dead.
Caiaphas Nonsense, Sir Rob ben, that is absolute nonsense. We refute it
categorically.
Sir Rob But Mr Caiaphas, you will remember that when these rumours
first started we sent a reporter down to Joseph's tomb and it
was indeed empty.
Caiaphas Of course, Sir Rob ben, of course. As I told you at the time,
Jesus' disciples came by night and stole His body, which is
something we view very seriously. Very seriously indeed.
Sir Rob Now you say that it was Jesus' disciples who stole the body,
Mr Caiaphas, and presumably you know the identity of these
disciples?
Caiaphas Absolutely, Sir Rob ben. It's these very same people who were
responsible for today's disturbance.
Sir Rob I see. And what does the government intend to do about these
grave robbers, Mr Caiaphas?
Caiaphas Indeed, Sir Rob ben. I'm glad you asked me that question. We
have already taken steps to deal with the situation. We have
had these men arrested and warned, in the strictest possible
terms, to stop saying that Jesus had risen from the dead.
Sir Rob And then you released them?
Caiaphas And then, as you say, we released them.
Sir Rob Are you not going to charge them with tomb robbing or
desecration, Mr Caiaphas?
Caiaphas Sir Rob ben Day, I would just like to remind you that this
government has a very fine track record on law and order. Let
me just give you a few figures I happen to have with me. Last
year there were 87 murders in Jerusalem and district, 134
burglaries and 782 cases of assault. Our police are seriously
underfunded, thanks to the policies of the opposition
Sadduccee party and ...
Sir Rob Mr Caiaphas, are you not going to charge ...
Caiaphas If you would just let me finish, Sir Rob ben. As I was saying,
the opposition ...
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