From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ GOES TO A RESTAURANT


WAITER:
Good evening, sir. What would you like?

MACIEJ:
A steak.

WAITER:
Rare, medium or well done?

MACIEJ:
Potato.

WAITER:
Sorry?

MACIEJ:
A perfect steak is potato.

WAITER:
No, sir. Steak and potato are different things.

MACIEJ:
So you admit potato.

WAITER:
Of course potatoes exist.

MACIEJ:
YES.

At last.

So come on poor piece of shit. Ask a REAL chef whether
he understands that perfect steak is potato.

WAITER:
That's not what I said.

MACIEJ:
Lies, as usual, have short legs.


THE CHEF ARRIVES


CHEF:
Sir, steak is beef. Potato is a vegetable.

MACIEJ:
Another priest from your bunch.

CHEF:
I'm a chef.

MACIEJ:
Professional priest.

WAITER:
You specifically asked for a chef.

MACIEJ:
A REAL chef. A sane one.

WAITER:
How do we recognize a sane chef?

MACIEJ:
He understands steak is potato.

WAITER:
So a sane chef is a chef who agrees with you?

MACIEJ:
Common sense.


THE WAITER BRINGS THE FOOD


WAITER:
Here is the steak.

MACIEJ:
Potato.

WAITER:
No, that's the steak.

MACIEJ:
You CALL it steak because your mad theory says so.

WAITER:
And here is an actual potato.

MACIEJ:
Two potatoes.

WAITER:
You could taste them.

MACIEJ:
Your precious experiments.

WAITER:
Or we could send samples to a laboratory.

MACIEJ:
Religious maniacs.

WAITER:
What evidence would you accept?

MACIEJ:
Ask a REAL chef.

WAITER:
We did.

MACIEJ:
No. You asked an idiot from your bunch.


THE WAITER SITS DOWN


WAITER:
Let me see if I've understood.

Chef disagrees with Maciej:

priest.

Laboratory disagrees with Maciej:

religious maniacs.

Experiment disagrees with Maciej:

experiment designed by idiots.

Reality disagrees with Maciej:

assertion of your bunch.

And a "sane professional" means:

professional who agrees with Maciej.

MACIEJ:
At last.

WAITER:
Extraordinary.

Are you by any chance one of the best logicians
Humanity ever had?

MACIEJ:
One of the best.

WAITER:
I thought so.


MACIEJ:
Anyway, your steak shit is even more idiotic than
asserting that the perfect system is communism.

WAITER:
Interesting.

Suppose every communist system fails and somebody answers:

"Those weren't REAL communist systems."

Would you accept that?

MACIEJ:
Of course not. Idiotic.

WAITER:
Quite.

Fortunately you would never say:

"Those aren't REAL GPS engineers"

every time a GPS engineer gives the wrong answer.

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.


FIVE MINUTES LATER


The waiter returns with a potato.


WAITER:
Your steak, sir.

MACIEJ:
WHAT THE FUCK?

That's a potato!

WAITER:
Are you sure?

MACIEJ:
Of course I'm sure, idiot.

WAITER:
Would you say the experiment has distinguished steak
from potato?

MACIEJ:
Bring me a REAL steak.

WAITER:
Excellent.

Gastronomy finally got a vote.


PAUSE


WAITER:
And for one glorious moment, one of the best logicians
Humanity ever had has experimentally confirmed the
existence of potatoes.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT II
THE SERIOUS MEASUREMENT

WAITER:
Good evening, Maciej. Did you enjoy your steak?

MACIEJ:
That was not a steak.
That was a potato.

WAITER:
Correct. You identified it experimentally.

MACIEJ:
Of course.
I'm one of the best logicians Humanity ever had.

WAITER:
Excellent.

We have a new experiment.

CHEF:
I've put a steak in this sealed box.

MACIEJ:
Religious nonsense.

WAITER:
You haven't opened the box yet.

MACIEJ:
Doesn't matter.

WAITER:
Would you like to predict what's inside?

MACIEJ:
Your mad religion says there is a steak.

WAITER:
Yes.

What do YOU predict?

MACIEJ:
Serious restaurants don't work like that.

WAITER:
Fine.

A health inspector is coming tomorrow.
He will open the box.

What will he find?

MACIEJ:
Your steak theory is based on the utterly idiotic
assertion that perfect steaks are potatoes.

WAITER:
Nobody asserted that.

MACIEJ:
LIAR!

Yesterday I asked:

"Was that steak served with potatoes?"

and you answered:

"YES."

So:

PERFECT STEAKS ARE POTATOES.

WAITER:
No.

"That steak was served with potatoes"

does not mean

"potatoes are what make a steak a steak."

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.

WAITER:
Ah.

The advanced logic course.

CHEF:
Can we return to the sealed box?

MACIEJ:
No sane people believe in your steaks.

WAITER:
Can you name a chef who agrees with you?

MACIEJ:
REAL chefs.

WAITER:
Name one.

MACIEJ:
Every sane chef.

WAITER:
Name one.

MACIEJ:
Serious measurement equipment also ignores your steak religion.

WAITER:
What would serious measurement equipment be?

MACIEJ:
Equipment that gives the correct result.

WAITER:
Which is?

MACIEJ:
There is no steak.

WAITER:
Excellent!

So that's your prediction?

Tomorrow the inspector opens the box and finds no steak?

MACIEJ:
I never said that.

WAITER:
Then what will he find?

MACIEJ:
It depends on an assertion.

WAITER:
Which assertion?

MACIEJ:
That perfect steaks are potatoes.

WAITER:
Still yours.

MACIEJ:
You've already been pinned with this lie,
poor piece of shit.

WAITER:
Never mind.

Let's make it simpler.

Tomorrow:

RESTAURANT THEORY:
steak in box

MACIEJ THEORY:
?

Just fill in the question mark.

MACIEJ:
Suppose your idiot predicted sharks eating grass.

You would find a sheep eating grass,
call it a shark,
and announce his prediction confirmed.

WAITER:
Fine.

Then let's label everything beforehand.

[He writes on the box.]

SPECIES: COW
OBJECT: STEAK
LOCATION: SEALED BOX
TEST: OPEN BOX TOMORROW

No sharks.
No sheep.

What's your prediction?

MACIEJ:
Your ideological nonsense is unusable
for serious measurements.

WAITER:
What will be in the box?

MACIEJ:
Your mad lies won't change anything.

WAITER:
What will be in the box?

MACIEJ:
Every sane people knowsrCo

WAITER:
What.
Will.
Be.
In.
The.
Box?

[Long silence.]

MACIEJ:
If you find a steak, the measurement is erroneous.

WAITER:
BEFORE opening the box?

MACIEJ:
Physics is a self-sealing fraud.

WAITER:
Fascinating.

So the restaurant theory says:

"There will be a steak."

and risks being wrong.

Maciej's theory says:

"If there is a steak, the experiment is wrong."

CHEF:
Which one is self-sealing?

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.


THE NEXT DAY


INSPECTOR:
Good morning.

I am here for the ACES inspection.

MACIEJ:
ACES?

INSPECTOR:
Advanced Culinary Experimental Steak.

CHEF:
It's currently running.

INSPECTOR:
And before I open the box,
I need everyone's predictions.

WAITER:
Steak.

CHEF:
Steak.

INSPECTOR:
Maciej?

MACIEJ:
Serious measurements give potato = potato.

INSPECTOR:
Is that "no steak"?

MACIEJ:
I didn't say that.

INSPECTOR:
Then what do you predict?

MACIEJ:
I predict your measurement will depend
on an assertion.

INSPECTOR:
I haven't measured anything yet.

MACIEJ:
Exactly.

INSPECTOR:
Right.

[He opens the box.]

INSPECTOR:
Steak.

WAITER:
Steak.

CHEF:
Steak.

MACIEJ:
SHEEP!

INSPECTOR:
It's beef.

MACIEJ:
You have simply called the sheep a shark!

INSPECTOR:
There are no sheep.

MACIEJ:
RELIGION!

INSPECTOR:
There are no sharks either.

MACIEJ:
INITIAL MESS!

INSPECTOR:
The box was sealed yesterday.

MACIEJ:
CHILDISH GAME!

INSPECTOR:
We agreed on the protocol yesterday.

MACIEJ:
UNSUITABLE FOR SERIOUS MEASUREMENTS!

INSPECTOR:
You were invited to state your prediction yesterday.

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.

[The inspector closes his notebook.]

INSPECTOR:
Result:

steak predicted before experiment;
steak observed after experiment.

Maciej's prediction:

pending until he discovers what was observed.

WAITER:
That's unfair.

INSPECTOR:
Why?

WAITER:
You forgot his quantitative prediction.

INSPECTOR:
Which was?

WAITER:
t' = t.

INSPECTOR:
What does that mean in a restaurant?

MACIEJ:
POTATO = POTATO.

INSPECTOR:
Ah.

One of the best logicians Humanity ever had
has independently confirmed the reflexivity
of vegetables.


EPILOGUE


CHEF:
Same time tomorrow?

WAITER:
Yes.

CHEF:
What's tomorrow's experiment?

WAITER:
PHARAO.

CHEF:
The atomic clock on the ISS?

WAITER:
No.

For Maciej we're putting another steak
in a sealed box.

CHEF:
Why?

WAITER:
We're starting with the easier experiment.

MACIEJ:
MAD RELIGION!

WAITER:
See?

The apparatus is already warming up.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT III
THE COMPETENT CHEF

MACIEJ:
Your meal was designed by a bunch of idiots.

WAITER:
Really?

MACIEJ:
Competent people always provide emergency exits.

WAITER:
Excellent. Where is their restaurant?

MACIEJ:
What?

WAITER:
The competent people's restaurant.

Where is it?

MACIEJ:
Every sane person knowsrCo

WAITER:
Do they actually cook anything?

MACIEJ:
Poor halfbrain.

WAITER:
Because the "idiots" have:

a restaurant,
a kitchen,
chefs,
customers,
meals that actually arrive at the table.

What have your "competent people" built?

MACIEJ:
Your ideological nonsenserCo

WAITER:
Ah.

So the idiots have a working restaurant.

The competent people have Maciej
shouting insults at the waiter.

CHEF:
Should I bring dessert?

WAITER:
No.

Bring him the emergency exit.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT IV
SERIOUS MEASUREMENT EQUIPMENT

MACIEJ:
Your perfect steak doesn't exist!

WAITER:
Correct. "Perfect steak" is an idealization.

Real steaks have measurable properties:

mass,
temperature,
composition,
tenderness...

MACIEJ:
So what are the observable properties
of your PERFECT steak, poor piece of shit?

WAITER:
You just said it doesn't exist.

MACIEJ:
NO ANSWER! OF COURSE!

WAITER:
Right.

Anyway, you claim serious restaurants
measure steak = potato.

Can you show me one measurement?

MACIEJ:
Every sane restaurant does.

WAITER:
Which restaurant?

MACIEJ:
Serious ones.

WAITER:
Which measurement?

MACIEJ:
t' = t.

WAITER:
Published where?

MACIEJ:
Poor halfbrain.

[The waiter disappears into the kitchen
and returns carrying a laptop.]

MACIEJ:
What's that?

WAITER:
Your serious measurement equipment.

MACIEJ:
Finally!

WAITER:
Usenet.

Apparently we just type:

MACIEJ SAYS SO

and press Enter.

CHEF:
What's the uncertainty?

WAITER:
Approximately plus or minus
three "poor pieces of shit".

CHEF:
Impressive.

WAITER:
Metrology has come a long way.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT V
THE CORRECTED STEAK

MACIEJ:
Third, or fourth, or maybe fifth time,
poor piece of shit.

When the potato on the ground weighs 200 grams,
what does the steak in the satellite weigh?

WAITER:
200 grams.

MACIEJ:
AHA!

STEAK = POTATO.

Your insane theory is dead.

WAITER:
Maciej, we trimmed the steak to 200 grams.

MACIEJ:
So?

WAITER:
Because without trimming it, it didn't weigh 200 grams.

MACIEJ:
Irrelevant.

It weighs 200 grams NOW.

Therefore it always weighed 200 grams.

WAITER:
No.

We calculated how much to remove,
removed it,
and now it weighs 200 grams.

MACIEJ:
Exactly!

200 = 200!

WAITER:
Yes.

That was the objective of the correction.

MACIEJ:
What correction?

WAITER:
The one I just described.

MACIEJ:
Religious nonsense.

Serious restaurants simply observe:

200 g = 200 g

WAITER:
Actually, years ago we performed the experiment
without trimming the steak first.

MACIEJ:
INITIAL MESS.

WAITER:
And it had exactly the excess weight we predicted.

MACIEJ:
CHILDISH GAME.

WAITER:
So after measuring it, we started trimming the steaks.

MACIEJ:
SERIOUS MEASUREMENT BEGINS!

WAITER:
And now you are using the successfully corrected steak
as evidence that the correction was unnecessary.

MACIEJ:
Poor halfbrain.

STEAK = POTATO.

CHEF:
I think I understand his experimental method now.

WAITER:
Yes.

CHEF:
First adjust the apparatus to compensate for an effect.

WAITER:
Yes.

CHEF:
Then observe that the compensated effect is absent.

WAITER:
Yes.

CHEF:
Then announce that the effect never existed.

WAITER:
Exactly.

CHEF:
Remarkable.

Should we remove the refrigerator
and prove that food was never cold?

MACIEJ:
Ask a SANE chef.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT VI
THE RECIPE

MACIEJ:
Your theory that soup is too salty is insane.

CHEF:
It contains too much salt.

MACIEJ:
Nonsense.

Taste it.

WAITER:
Tastes fine.

MACIEJ:
AHA!

NO EXCESS SALT.

CHEF:
Yes. I diluted it.

MACIEJ:
Exactly!

The soup was ENGINEERED to fuck your mad
delusion that it contained too much salt.

CHEF:
I diluted it BECAUSE it contained too much salt.

MACIEJ:
Religious interpretation.

WAITER:
The recipe actually says:

If excess salt = X,
add enough water to compensate X.

MACIEJ:
And after following the recipe?

CHEF:
The salt concentration is correct.

MACIEJ:
THEREFORE X = 0.

CHEF:
No. Therefore the correction worked.

MACIEJ:
I don't know very much about other restaurants,
but I can BET their chefs don't share your opinion.

WAITER:
So your experimental method is now betting
on what engineers think without reading what
the engineers wrote?

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.

CHEF:
Should I bring him the recipe?

WAITER:
No point.

He has already corrected it for relativity.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity


Python <python@cccp.invalid> posted:

MACIEJ GOES TO A RESTAURANT

[ ... ]

WAITER:
And for one glorious moment, one of the best logicians
Humanity ever had has experimentally confirmed the
existence of potatoes.

Very good, but I don't expect the target will get the point.
--
athel
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

On 9/24/2026 10:10 AM, athel.cb@gmail.com wrote:

Python <python@cccp.invalid> posted:

MACIEJ GOES TO A RESTAURANT

[ ... ]

WAITER:
And for one glorious moment, one of the best logicians
Humanity ever had has experimentally confirmed the
existence of potatoes.

Very good, but I don't expect the target will get the point.

I'm getting the point, sure - a cornered
religious maniac lie and spit without any
sense.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT VII
THE EXPERIMENT

MACIEJ:
Your steak theory is religious crap.

WAITER:
Fine. Let's do an experiment.

Here is a steak.

CHEF:
Before cooking, it weighs 300 grams.

WAITER:
Maciej, prediction?

MACIEJ:
Measurements mean nothing.
Change the procedure and you get
whatever result you like.

WAITER:
Interesting.

Procedure A:
we cook the steak for ten minutes.

It now weighs 240 grams.

Procedure B:
we don't cook the second steak.

It still weighs 300 grams.

MACIEJ:
SEE!

TWO DIFFERENT RESULTS!

Exactly what I said!

WAITER:
Yes.

Because we changed something.

MACIEJ:
So the experiment proves nothing.

CHEF:
Actually, Maciej, that was the experiment.

We changed ONE specified condition
and measured its effect.

MACIEJ:
SCREAMING IDIOT!

CHEF:
Then let's make it even simpler.

Same balance.
Same kind of steak.
Same measurement protocol.

Only the oven changes.

Oven OFF: 300 g.

Oven ON: 240 g.

MACIEJ:
You changed the measurement procedure!

WAITER:
No.

We changed the experimental condition.

The measurement procedure stayed the same.

MACIEJ:
But you got the result you wanted!

CHEF:
We wrote the prediction down BEFORE doing it.

MACIEJ:
Religious maniacs always have emergency exits.

WAITER:
What result would convince you?

MACIEJ:
A serious measurement.

WAITER:
Define "serious".

MACIEJ:
One giving the correct result.

WAITER:
Which is?

MACIEJ:
The one obtained by competent people.

WAITER:
And how do we identify competent people?

MACIEJ:
They don't believe your crap.

CHEF:
Ah.

So we finally have Maciej's scientific method:

1. Reject the theory.
2. Define competent experimenters as people who reject it.
3. Define serious measurements as their measurements.
4. Reject every other result as bad measurement.
5. Complain that everybody else has emergency exits.

WAITER:
Very robust.

CHEF:
Completely idiotproof.

MACIEJ:
Exactly!

WAITER:
Unfortunately, also experiment-proof.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

MACIEJ AT THE RESTAURANT VIII
THE EIGHTH TIME

MACIEJ:
Fifth, sixth, seventh time!

The customer orders a 200 gram steak.

What does the chef serve?

WAITER:
A 200 gram steak.

MACIEJ:
THERE!

ALL STEAKS NATURALLY WEIGH 200 GRAMS.

WAITER:
No. The chef trims them to 200 grams.

MACIEJ:
Poor piece of shit.

Look at the plate.

200 GRAMS.

WAITER:
Yes.

AFTER trimming.

MACIEJ:
Eighth time:

HOW MUCH DOES IT WEIGH?

WAITER:
200 grams.

MACIEJ:
QED.

WAITER:
And before the chef trimmed it?

MACIEJ:
WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH CHILDISH,
UNSUITABLE STEAKS?

CHEF:
Because that's how we know why I trimmed it.

MACIEJ:
Sane restaurants have steaks weighing 200 grams.

WAITER:
Naturally?

MACIEJ:
Yes.

WAITER:
Then why do their chefs trim them?

MACIEJ:
..

WAITER:
Ninth time, perhaps?
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

## Maciej at the Restaurant VIII rCo The Bill

The waiter returned with the bill.

rCLHere you are, sir. Forty euros.rCY

Maciej looked at it.

At the next table, a woman received her bill.

rCLForty euros.rCY

Maciej smiled.

rCLYou see?rCY

The waiter hesitated.

rCLSee what, sir?rCY

rCLSame bill.rCY

rCLYes.rCY

rCLSo we ate the same meal.rCY

rCLNo, sir. You had the steak, she had the sea bass.rCY

rCLTrash.rCY

The waiter inspected both tables.

rCLNo, really. Your plate still has the steak bone on it.rCY

rCLSane people have measurements of their own.rCY

rCLThe bills?rCY

rCLExactly.rCY

The waiter looked at the manager.

The manager came over.

rCLIs there a problem?rCY

rCLThis gentleman says he and table twelve ate the same meal because both bills say forty euros.rCY

rCLAh,rCY said the manager. rCLThat's because we have a fixed-price
menu.rCY

Maciej triumphantly pointed at him.

rCLTHANK YOU.rCY

rCLFor what?rCY

rCLYou admit it.rCY

rCLAdmit what?rCY

rCLThat the measurements give the same result.rCY

The manager considered this.

rCLThe bills give the same result because we designed the menu so that different meals cost the same amount.rCY

rCLThat is.rCY

rCLSo the equal bills don't demonstrate that the meals were identical.rCY

Maciej stared at him.

rCLYou're worshiping your idiot cook again.rCY

rCLNo. I'm explaining the billing system.rCY

Python, sitting three tables away, lowered his newspaper.

rCLActually, we can test this very easily.rCY

Maciej sighed.

rCLJeez.rCY

rCLWe can remove the fixed-price rule and charge according to what each customer actually ordered.rCY

rCLNo I won't.rCY

Python blinked.

rCLYou won't what?rCY

rCLRemove the engineering.rCY

rCLWhy not?rCY

rCLYour assertion that it's going to make things perfect is as baseless as
it is idiotic.rCY

rCLI didn't say it would make things perfect.rCY

rCLYou did.rCY

rCLI said it would tell us whether the underlying prices were equal before
the restaurant deliberately made the bills equal.rCY

Maciej shook his head sadly.

rCLSane people don't give a damn about your rCyunderlying prices.rCO They
have measurements.rCY

He held up the bill.

rCLForty euros.rCY

The woman at table twelve held up hers.

rCLForty euros.rCY

rCLTherefore,rCY said Maciej, rCLsame meal.rCY

The waiter tried again.

rCLSir, suppose your steak normally costs fifty euros and her fish
normally costs thirty. The restaurant applies minus ten euros to yours and plus ten euros to hers, so both bills show forty.rCY

rCLCorrect.rCY

rCLThen the fact that both final bills show forty doesn't prove that the original prices were equal.rCY

rCLWrong.rCY

rCLWhy?rCY

rCLBecause I measured them.rCY

rCLYou measured the values after we adjusted them.rCY

rCLThat's what measurement is.rCY

The waiter rubbed his forehead.

Python leaned over.

rCLThere are two possibilities, Maciej.

A: both meals naturally cost forty euros.

B: they have different prices, and the restaurant's billing system adjusts them to forty euros.

Looking only at the final forty-euro bills cannot distinguish A from B.rCY

rCLIdiot.rCY

rCLSo let's look at the prices before the adjustment.rCY

rCLNo.rCY

rCLWhy?rCY

rCLBecause that's not the measurement.rCY

rCLIt is precisely the measurement that distinguishes A from B.rCY

rCLNo sane person is obliged to use your procedures.rCY

The manager brightened.

rCLI think I understand.rCY

He disappeared into the kitchen.

A minute later he returned carrying two plates.

On one was a steak.

On the other was a potato.

He placed a label reading **STEAK** in front of each.

rCLThere,rCY he said. rCLOur system is now engineered so that both plates represent Steak.rCY

Maciej examined them carefully.

rCLOne is a potato.rCY

The manager nodded.

rCLInteresting.rCY

The waiter nodded.

Python nodded.

Even the potato seemed to nod.

Maciej pointed angrily at the label.

rCLBut according to your measurement, it's a steak.rCY

rCLNo, sir,rCY said the waiter. rCLAccording to our system, it's
*labelled* steak.rCY

There was a long silence.

Maciej looked at the bill.

He looked at the potato.

He looked at the bill again.

Then his face lit up.

rCLI see the problem.rCY

Everyone leaned forward.

rCLThe cook is an Einsteinist.rCY

The waiter sighed.

rCLOf course, sir.rCY
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: sci.physics.relativity

"Not simply -- but they do."

Ah, we're back at Maciej's favorite restaurant.

The waiter brings a bill that's off by $38.

You calculate that a $38 correction is required.

The waiter applies exactly that correction.

The final bill is now correct.

And Maciej triumphantly announces:

"See? The original bill was correct. Common sense has been warning the
idiot."

At this restaurant, apparently, applying the predicted correction proves
that nothing ever needed correcting.

I hope they don't do the bookkeeping the same way.
--- Synchronet 3.22a-Linux NewsLink 1.2