From Newsgroup: rec.music.filk

If there's anyone left here, I'd like suggestions for a title.
Similarly, even I have problems keeping scansion on the third line of
the chorus, so let me know how it works for you.

ttto: Chim Chim Cheree by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

Wake nor asleep, but seems that you're somewhere between
You find you're aware of things half-way unseen
While in this state you can't decide if they are real
And you can't tell whether you feel what you feel
So what does it hide; what does it reveal?

The day has its pleasures and sleep its surcease
But right in between is a time of great peace
Your toil is ended, but still you're aware
Your consciousness floating with nary a care

Wake nor asleep, but seems that you're somewhere between
You find you're aware of things half-way unseen
While in this state you can't decide if they are real
And you can't tell whether you feel what you feel
So what does it hide; what does it reveal?

Lying in bed and your eyes are half-closed
And no one can say quite for sure if you dozed
Your thoughts seem perfection but might be mistakes
There's no need of doing, and you have no aches

Sleep's a great mystery we all go through
As great as the myst'ry of consciousness, too
Is it the same self we felt when we woke
As last night's delirious half-asleep bloke
If it is, or it's not, it's the cosmos's joke

Wake nor asleep, but seems that you're somewhere between
You find you're aware of things half-way unseen
While in this state you can't decide if they are real
And you can't tell whether you feel what you feel
So what does it hide; what does it reveal?


My lyrics copyright 2025 by Arthur Tansky. License granted for
non-commercial, non-political archiving and performance as long as:
1. copyright notice is maintained, and
2. no money changes hands.
--
Arthur T. - ar23hur "at" pobox "dot" com

Guessing a lyricist's opinions from his songs is as futile as
guessing an author's opinions from his novels.

Last one out, turn off the lights.
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From Newsgroup: rec.music.filk

On 1/18/25 5:52 PM, Arthur T. wrote:

If there's anyone left here, I'd like suggestions for a title.
Similarly, even I have problems keeping scansion on the third line of
the chorus, so let me know how it works for you.

ttto: Chim Chim Cheree by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

Wake nor asleep, but seems that you're somewhere between
You find you're aware of things half-way unseen
While in this state you can't decide if they are real
And you can't tell whether you feel what you feel
So what does it hide; what does it reveal?

The scansion on the chorus seems fine to me. The words are a little
tricky to sing, but a moderately good singer should be able to handle
them with some practice, perhaps slowing the tempo down a hair from the original song.
--
Gary McGath http://www.mcgath.com

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From Newsgroup: rec.music.filk

Arthur T. <arthur@munged.invalid> writes:

If there's anyone left here, I'd like suggestions for a title.
Similarly, even I have problems keeping scansion on the third line of
the chorus, so let me know how it works for you.

I don't see obvious scansion errors but I can't tell which part is the
chorus or quite how your lyrics fit. The original song is this, right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG6O4N3wxf8

I kept wanting a bridge verse, something like:

Your thoughts hypnagogic, have inside-out logic,
You see how they land, but not whence they flew
Your bathypelagic[1] is where you make magic,
The depths of your mind is a cauldron a-brew.

[1] bathypelagic zone = a very deep region of the ocean. Yes I found
that in a rhyming dictionary. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathypelagic_zone --- Synchronet 3.21a-Linux NewsLink 1.2

From Newsgroup: rec.music.filk

Paul Rubin <no.email@nospam.invalid> writes:

[1] bathypelagic zone = a very deep region of the ocean.

Actually "hadopelagic" is the deepest part, maybe a better choice,
though in the actual ocean very little goes on there.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadal_zone
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