From Newsgroup: rec.humor

On Sunday, 8 December 1996 at 13:30:00 UTC+5:30, Al Bundy wrote:

Matt, the list you posted was great, but here's another one that you might want to add.
An Al Bundy Christmas (taken from that hour-long episode with Sam Kinison) Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
not a piece of food was stirring, not even a mouse.
The children were sleeping, all tucked in their beds
while the wife's constant whining was drilling his head.
The stockings were hung round daddy's neck like a tie
with a note attached that read, "Presents or Die!"
But this year daddy had money all locked in the bank
but they closed early. Now dad's in the tank.
When all of a sudden, Santa appeared.
His big pot belly and booze in his beard.
"Ho ho ho!" As he laughed merrily,
I said,"Santa, you do so much for others, do something for me."
"Give it up Bundy, you only sell shoes.
Your son is a sneak thief. You daughter's a flooze.
Not only your children, but how 'bout your wife.
Hair like an A-bomb, nails like a knife."
He went back up the chimney, that fat old bum
He mooned me 2 times and stuck out his tongue.
He got back on his sled, and as he broke wind with glee,
he said, "You're married with children. You'll never be free."

Here are the funniest Twas the Night Before Christmas Versions: https://humornama.com/jokes/twas-the-night-before-christmas-jokes/
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