From Newsgroup: rec.arts.poems


One Windy Day.
################

On a windy day,
She was three things, she was one.
The heart of my love.

- J.




It's *wrong*. It feels *wrong*. It doesn't have the "spring". I'm
sure that I can do better.

I need to think on this.




That Windy Day.
################

She became three things
She remained forever one
All the love I have.

- J.

Hmmm, better-ish, but the last line is iccky. It's a bit nicer than
"The love of my life", I think but not by much.

On A Windy Day.
################

She became three things
She remained forever one
The love of my life.

- J.

Yep, that last line is dreadful.


############################

Okay:

The Day That Changed It All.
############################

She was three and one.
Fiancoe, Bride, glowing wife.
The one I would hold.

- J.


Okay. That's *better*, but still not perfect.

Damnit, I want *her* opinion. :)

J.
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From Newsgroup: rec.arts.poems

John wrote:
One Windy Day.
################

On a windy day,
She was three things, she was one.
The heart of my love.

-- J.

It's *wrong*. It feels *wrong*. It doesn't have the "spring". I'm
sure that I can do better.

I need to think on this.

That Windy Day.
################

She became three things
She remained forever one
All the love I have.

-- J.

Hmmm, better-ish, but the last line is iccky. It's a bit nicer than
"The love of my life", I think but not by much.

On A Windy Day.
################

She became three things
She remained forever one
The love of my life.

-- J.

Yep, that last line is dreadful.

############################

Okay:

The Day That Changed It All.
############################

She was three and one.
Fianc|-e, Bride, glowing wife.
The one I would hold.

-- J.

Okay. That's *better*, but still not perfect.

Damnit, I want *her* opinion. :)

J.

Thanks for sharing.


This response appears in the discussion at: http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=705291654#705291654
--
Via JLA Forums web gateway for rec.arts.poems: http://www.jlaforums.com/viewforum.php?f=662
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From Newsgroup: rec.arts.poems

On Sat, 23 May 2026 20:23:55 -0400,
mummycullen@gmail-dot-com.no-spam.invalid (MummyChunk) wrote:

John wrote:

<<snipped>>

Thanks for sharing.

You're quite welcome.

Editorial commentary is appreciated. :)

This response appears in the discussion at: >http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=705291654#705291654

Well, I will never know about that. They don't like my browser, they
don't like my operating system, they hate that I block their scripts
and advertisements and won't let them snoop up my data and they won't
even respond when I correctly answer their "security question".

I don't think I'll ever be seeing that site.

Is there any chance that the discussions, if any, of my stuff could
be ripped into a Usenet post?

J.
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