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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and more LNH
Misc Story Action!:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/
And it's The Conclusion of The Great Public Domain
Caper by Ken Schmidt!
And also an add-on by David R Henry!
(Beyond the Green Door!)
(Although now that I'm reading it it
seems to be an add-on to a completely
different story -- Leadership Crisis?
Jungle Cheesecake? Who knows!)
Is it time for The Serious Writer to
finally come out of his room?! Will someone dare
to defile the slurpee machine's -- PEACH
BLEND?!
And will a certain Hulk Writer from the 90s
make an appearance?!!!!!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #430
=====================
THE GREAT PUBLIC DOMAIN CAPER! The Conclusion!
=====================
***************************************************************************
At LNHHQ Sarcastic Lad was inspecting the work of the others. He
was checking on the progress of Catalyst Lass in preparing the largest room
for Tsar Chasm to use as his chambers. "Almost finished?" he asked.
"Yeah, just a few more..."
Their conversation was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Elvis
Man. "Get him! He's a traitor!" shouted Sarcastic Lad.
Before Catalyst Lass could move Elvis Man had bucked his hips and
sang 'Because mah baby left me, I found a new place to dwell'(I don't know Elvis's lyrics very well, sorry -K) Catalyst Lass froze in place, got a big smile and fainted.
"Yeah, those are real fancy moves you ove*ughm*," Sarcastic Lad's
response was cut short by a noseful of chloroform courtesy Pocket Man who
had materialized at the same time as Elvis Man, but behind Sarcastic Lad.
"Ahhh...Deja Dude said only one person. What are we gonna do?" asked
Elvis Man.
"You transport back with Catalyst Lass. I'll wait here with Sarc, you
tell DD to get us out as soon as possible."
"Sho'nu..." Elvis Man's reply was cut short by his fading back to
limbo. He reappeared in front of Deja Dude, Halls Jordan and Mimic Kid.
"Catalyst Lass??? Why did you get her?" whined Mimic Kid.
"She was alone and away from the others. Where is Pocket Man?"
asked Deja Dude.
"Sarcastic Lad was there also. Poc KO'ed him and they are waiting
for you to zap them back here."
"That will take a few minutes. Mimic Kid you take over the shape of
Catalyst Lass, we have to make sure Tsar Chasm doesn't know that anyone is missing."
"Aw, couldn't I wait for them to get someone else? I don't wanna
be a girl!"
Deja Dude glared at Mimic Kid, "This situation goes beyond any
preferances for who you do and do not want to become. Now do this quickly.
The more time that someone is away, the greater the chance that Tsar
Chasm realizes someone may be gone."
Mimic Kid didn't look to happy, but did what he was told. Deja Dude
looked him over," Close, but not quite right."
"It's the best I can do, it's not like I'm comfortable being female!"
Deja Dude looked at Halls Jordan who concentrated on stopping the
power flow on the belt. Mimic Kid (as Catalyst Lass) disappeared and
Pocket Man and Sarcastic Lad appeared in his place.
"That is getting harder everytime," said Halls. "I don't know how many
more times I can do that."
"Hopefully it won't be too many. We have to break Catalyst Lass and
Sarcastic Lad out of Tsar Chasm's control as quick as we can. We need to
get Sarc and Catalyst Lass back from their mind control for info. Who
thinks
they can deprogram them?"
"I can do it," said Ultimate Ninja,"it won't be gentle but it will
be quick."
"Alright."
Ultimate Ninja walked over to Catalyst Lass and shook her awake.
"Catalyst Lass,"Ultimate Ninja said in a soft voice," wake up. You had a
bad
dream and we need you to wake up."
Catalyst Lass' eyes opened up, she stood up and blinked her eyes a
few times. "What happened? Where am I?" she looked at the assembled
Legion.
"Keep away! You want to hurt me!"
"No we won't. No one here will do anything of the sort." Ultimate
Ninja walked towards Catalyst Lass with his hands, palms up, out in front
of
him. When he got close enough he quickly grabbed Catalyst Lass and shook
her
while yelling,"WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS! Fight the mind control!"
Catalyst Lass screamed,"No! The Legion wants to hurt me. I...I... what
am I saying? You guys are all my friends. Why is everything so fuzzy? I remember Occultism Kid trying a spell and then going into the clubroom, but then? It's like my memory has been fragmented into pieces. I can't put everything together,"she said shaking her head.
"That's OK, we'll try and help you. It's important that you start
remembering. We need info on what Tsar Chasm is up to, and who all has
been
converted," said Ultimate Ninja.
"Hey Ninja, I thought you said it wasn't going to be gentle. That
wasn't too bad," said Deja Dude.
"Now," Ultimate Ninja said in a low voice,"it's Sarcastic Lad's turn."
"Hey why don't you let me handle this one?" asked Marvel Zombie Lad.
"I don't think..."
"I don't care what you think. I will do this my way." Ultimate Ninja
picked up Sarcastic Lad by the shirt with both hands. He pulled Sarcastic
Lad
up so they were nose-to-(masked) nose. A few rough shakes woke up Sarcastic Lad, but he was still generally unaware of what was going on.
"Who do you serve?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
"Tsar Chasm," Sarcastic Lad said still in a daze.
"Wrong answer." Ultimate Ninja pulled Sarcastic Lad forward and smashed
his (UN's) head into Sarcastic Lad's nose. "Who do you serve?"
"OWWWW! I said Tsar Chasm, Ultimate Nincompoop!"
That answer brought a similar treatment,"Who do you serve?"
"STOP IT! You demented psycho! I don't even know why we ever...let... you...in," Sarcastic Lad's voice trailed off. "Waitaminnit. I'm _in_ the
LNH.
What am I doing with that Tsar Chasm?" Sarcastic Lad shook his head. "What has been going on? Why am I in a cave? Jeez, who does the landscaping.
I've
seen better looking placess _after_ they've been eaten by Galactus."
Pocket Man smiled,"I think you can put him down now, Ninja. We
better clue in these two about what has been going on." ****************************************************************************** Tsar Chasm was puzzled. He was in the montoring room and looking at
a green door that had "DRH" on it. The door would not open no matter what
he did. "Tell me, California Kid. What is behind this door?"
"That is the Serious Writer's(tm) room."
"Does he ever come out?"
"There have been rumors that he has, but I don't believe them. I know
he posts here every so often, but who knows what exactly will bring him
out,"
California Kid said with a shrug.
"I must study this further. I think I may know how to get some
information," Tsar Chasm said with a wry smile. "Get me to a terminal. I
have an idea on how to get him to come out."
*******************************************************************************
"...and that is what we have figured out plus what Tsar Chasm had told
us earlier," said Deja Dude who finished summing up the first five issues
of
this LS to Catalyst Lass and Sarcastic Lad. "What has happened at the
HQ since we got zapped here?"
Sarcastic Lad produced the list that Tsar Chasm had given him earlier.
"We've only finished putting these modifications in the Peril Room, but
I'm not exactly sure what it will do. That and CheesecakeEater Lad has been making a ton of cheesecakes with some chemical added to them that TC gave to him."
"Tsar Chasm has been learning as much as he can about the LNH and
the headquarters. He even took Ultimate Ninja's room over. His ready room, too," said Catalyst Lass.
"That fiend! Has he..."
"Oh yeah, he put cherry and cola in the Slurpee machine. Seems that
he likes to make a swirl of them. I tried some too, it's not bad."
"HE DARES TO DEFILE MY PEACH BLEND??? When do we get out of here, DD?
I have a few things to ...discuss with Tsar Chasm."
"As soon as Kid Kirby feels up to booming us back to the HQ."
"He tried that once, doesn't your stomach still hurt?"
"Not anymore. I have it figured out. Since I can only teleport
a few people at a time, thanks to this belt, it would take forever to get everyone back to the HQ. Now if Halls interrupts the power flow, then Kid Kirby can boom us back in one large group. With the power on the belt interrupted there should be no feedback loop. We are back and ready to take out Tsar Chasm."
"That plan does have merit," said Kid Kirby. "I am ready at any time."
"There is only one thing left to find out, has anyone else returned
and been converted?"
Sarcastic Lad thought for a moment. "Cannon Fodder has. Hey! That's
it! CheesecakeEater Lad fed him and then he was taken to the Peril Room.
That
is what those modifications were for, they must work with the chemicals to subvert everyone's wills. I wonder why he picked the Peril Room."
"He probably used the safey protocols of the Peril Room to make sure no
one was seriously hurt in the conversion process. He doesn't strike me as
the
kind to randomly kill or maim," said Occultism Kid, joining in the conversation.
"What makes you think he isn't 'the kind to randomly kill'?" asked
Opiniated Lad.
"We're standing here talking, aren't we?"
"OK, now we know what we are up against. Tsar Chasm, Webster and
Webs Tor, and a few NWC's. Here is what we'll do...," Deja Dude's voice
fades
(I don't wanna spoil it for ya!) ******************************************************************************* "You see, I told you I could get his attention," Tsar Chasm indicated
the computer screen where a post from Serious Writer(tm) appeared. Behind
him
stood Webster and Webs Tor. "Now all I need to do is check the devices that
I left in the monitoring room to see if I got any information about this 'Serious Writer(tm)'. Before I forget, Webster, did you hand out your
beacons to all of the Public Domain types? (Webster nods) Has anyone
besides
Cannon Fodder returned? (Webster shakes his head no) Then there is only one more thing to check before we begin our planning on taking over city hall. Catalyst Lass," Tsar Chasm called over the intercom," come to my
ready room."
Catalyst Lass quickly entered the room. "Have you finished preparing
my room?" asked Tsar Chasm.
"Uh...yes everything is done, just as you ordered."
"Excellent. Are you feeling OK, you look a bit pale."
Actually Catalyst Lass was sweating quite a bit. "I'm just a bit
tired."
"Take a rest, you have earned it."
Before Catalyst Lass could leave, Sarcastic Lad came running into the
room. "Tsar Chasm! I've just been abducted by the LNH! They found a way
to circumvent that belt. I convinced them that I was loyal to them and
tricked
them into revealing their plan. If you come quickly you can foil it still!"
"What is their plan?"
"They are going to get all of the NWCs under your control and get them
away so they can't be used as hostages. Then they are going to confront
you."
"I see. Take me to the place where you teleported back to. I want
to be there so I can surpise them."
"Just follow me!" On his way out Sarcastic Lad winked at Catalyst Lass. ******************************************************************************
"I don't see anyone," was Tsar Chasm's statement at seeing an empty
club room.
"Hmm, maybe because you, you devious modus operandi stealing son of a
side-show freak turned supervillan, have fallen for our trap!"
The core of the LNH suddenly 'boomed' into the club room behind Tsar
Chasm. Without turning he said," I see that Kid Kirby has finally figured
out how to de-activate my little belt."
Deja Dude smacked his forehead,"That _would_ have been much easier!"
he said exasperated. He continued,"I hope you enjoyed your one day as
occupant of LNHHQ! You _won't_ have any more like it."
With a smirk on his face, Tsar Chasm turned to face the LNH,"You have
not won the day. Webster, if you would please." The group of converted
NWCs instantly appeared in the room. "Get them!"
"No!" It was Mimic Kid (still as Catalyst Lass). "Don't you see?
Those are our friends! Tsar Chasm is our enemy!"
The NWCs looked very confused. Their heads swiveled back and forth
between the LNH and the Independ Net Conquerers, unsure of who to believe.
"Kid?" said Sing Along Lass tenatively to Kid Kirby who was looking
very tired after his most recent 'booming'.
'I see my control isn't what I thought it was,' thought Tsar Chasm.
'I didn't plan on taxing their loyalty so soon, better safe than sorry.'Tsar Chasm signaled to Webster and Webs Tor, put his hands on top of his
forehead with a look of feigned fear and in a mocking tone said,
"My plan is ruined, whatever shall I do? I couldn't possibly stand a chance against this awe-inspiring assemblage of heros and heroines!"
Most of the LNH froze in place as a result of Tsar Chasm's power.
Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Marvel Zombie Lad, Halls Jordan and Invisible Incendiary advanced while Pocket Man, Occultism Kid, Kid Kirby and Pliable
Lad tried to help. (Pocket Man was rapidly digging through his pockets, Occultsim Kid was saying "Aw, crap!", Kid Kirby was trying to work with
Sing Along Lass in gaining access to the Kirby Zone, and Pliable Lad, taking
no chances, stretched around the NWCs to make sure they didn't do anything.)
Ultimate Ninja leapt up and landed about two feet above Tsar Chasm's
head. He was swinging his blade, trying to get through Protector's field.
II and MZL experienced similar problems. Halls Jordan used his ring around
the collar to materialize a boxing glove inside the half-sphere.
"Halls Jordan? Wha..?" was all Tsar Chasm could get out before being
bonked on the nose. "HEY! Dad hurd! Not to wowwy LNH," he said holding
his
nose,"I hawe finaw twump cawd to pway!" The trio teleported out of the club room.
"Get to the Monitoring Room quickly!" said Calfornia Kid.
"Why?" asked Deja Dude.
"I helped him set up some equipment there. I think he might go there
and collect it first!"
******************************{[(<Interlude>)]}*******************************
The man stood in the doorway, the dirty yellow light of day
spilling onto the beer-soaked floor in front of him, his sillohoutte
extending to the front of the door. Four or five heads turned to the
darkness still residing in the smoky corners of the room, hiding from
the near dazzling light. At the bar, a short, round man was swabbing
a grey dishcloth through a short tumbler, his pink prothesis grinding
and wheezing as it moved.
"Dis is more like it," the man said as he entered the room.
He bit the end off the cigar in his hand and spit it out on the floor.
The door behind him swung to and the cloudy darkness of the corners
slowly engulfed him. He felt the eyes of the room turn their animal
ferocity on him, and he looked down at his tattered clothes while he
nervously approached the bar.
His progress was interrupted half way by a scrawny teenager in
a t-shirt and torn blue jeans. Her blond hair was shaved off one half
her head and despite the three rings in her nose, he found her
strangely attractive. "Tardes, chellovenk," the girl said, carefully
assesing the pudgy man standing before her. "Neuvo vid here, mates."
She added with a slight toss of her head.
"Up and up," a young person sitting at a table behind the girl
said in answer. "Custom posted -- your address." The lanky teen
smiles and gives a quick glance at the speaker who lifts a glass in
her honor. The remaining denizens of the bar grin wolfishly and lean
back in anticipation of a good show.
The man took a step back, his discomfort growing
exponentially. The blond girl in front of him said with a pout,
"Mates not standard? Custom denied?" He could not understand a word
that had been uttered since he entered, and that unnerved him more.
He stood for a moment, trying to puzzle out this latest attempt at communication, as the slight figure before him suddenly became a
flurry of motion.
He was caught unawares by her first kick, which landed
squarely on his jaw, dislodging several teeth and causing an arc of
blood to spout from his mouth. The momentum of the kick caused him to
fall crashing into the nearest table, the legs giving way beneath his
weight. A loud cheer rang out around the bar, and the girl gave a
little bow before resuming her stance two feet from her fallen foe.
"So dat's de way it's gonna be," he said to himself, and with
a move suprisingly quick for such a bulk, he swept his leg in an
attempt to knock her off her feet. She was too skillful for such a
tactic, however, and merely bounced a couple feet back out of reach of
his stubby legs.
"Custom compiled with no errors!" she said as he regained his
feet, but he did not try to sort this one out. Immediately upon
regaining his feet, he swung with all his might at the thin figure,
but the girl deflected the silver appendage with graceful art and
added a knee to his groin in addition.
"OHH-uuughhh," the man groaned and doubled over, retching, and
considering the advantages to a place six feet under the ground. The
girl seemed to be basking in the applause of the surrounding audiance
when suddenly, the door to the joint crashed in and pure, golden light
streamed past a large figure framed by the door.
"HHH HHH eeee lll lll
HH HH ee ee ll ll
HHHHHH eeeee ll ll oooo
HH HH ee ll ll oo oo
HHH HHH eeee llll llll oooo,
everyBODY!!!!!!!!!" the NEWcomer boomed. At the sight of the figure,
the room fell silent, and the teenager quietly backed away from her
victim. The biG, smIlIng, muscle-BOUND figURe entered the room,
bringing the bright light of a promising tomorrow with him. "What's ->>THIS?!?<<-!!" hE asked in amazement. "DIdn'T _I_ >>TalK<< to
YYY YYY
YY YY
YYY oooo uu uu
Y oo oo uu uu
YYY oooo uuuuu
_once_ about this >>>sort<<< of THING!?!" There were several faint
grumbles of assent to this question as the inhabitants of the bar
collected their belongings and headed towards the bar's various exits.
"Let _me_ >>>>HElP<<<< yoU!!!"
As the sMiling sTranger assisted the pudgy man into a nearby
chair, the pain in the man's abdomen subsided enough for him to get a
good look at his benefactor's face. With a shocked face and voice
barely audible, the man whispered, "LetterinG MaN," increduously.
*************************{[(<end
interlude>)]}********************************
Ultimate Ninja was behind Marvel Zombie Lad in running to the
montoring room and in front of Deja Dude, Pliable Lad, Pocket Man, and Halls Jordan. Marvel Zombie Lad threw open the door, and froze in place.
Ultimate
Ninja stopped in time to avoid running into his back. "Get _in_ that room!" Marvel Zombie Lad did not move, and he was blocking everyone's view inside
the room.
"I'll see what is going on," said Pliable Lad, who stretched his head
into the room. "Oh, my!" was all the Legion heard from PL.
Halls Jordan used his ring around the collar and force the two out
of the way. Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Pocket Man, and Halls Jordan got
inside the room and froze in their collective tracks. Behind one of the termials was PAD!
He looked up and waved to the heroes,"Hello. This is some set up you
have here."
Marvel Zomibe Lad's mouth moved, but no sound came out. Pliable
Lad brought the rest of his body into the room very slowly, never taking
his eyes off PAD.
"You got my messages and have come here to join us?" asked an
awestruck Ultimate Ninja.
"I don't know yet. I just thought I'd get the feel of the place
first."
"Gosh, you are my favorite writer!" Marvel Zombie Lad finally managed
to get out.
"Writer," PAD said with a small smile,"that's right."
Ultimate Ninja looked around the room and saw something out of place,
then he remembered what they came in the room for. "We just need to check
on something first."
"Be my guest."
"Hey Deja Dude, come here and help me look."
"Huh? Oh, sure."
"Do you see something out of the ordinary?"
"You mean besides PAD?"
"Thats it! Writer! Why didn't I see through this from the start!"
Ultimate Ninja spun and ran at PAD, praying he was right. "Imposter!"
An invisible fist hit Ultimate Ninja before he got too far. "No, no.
That is the Writer, Imposter is another ability," came the voice of Tsar
Chasm
from somewhere. Suddenly PAD disappered. "A small invisibility spell from Presitidigitator and a diversion from Writer," The LNHers could feel Tsar Chasm's confidence in the room, even though they could not see him. "As for you Halls Jordan, you have impressed me. You shook off the effect of my
power
far more rapidly than I thought possible. Perhaps next time I look for
some
new recruits I shall start with you."
"What did you need a diversion for?" asked Ultimate Ninja trying to
locate the source of the voice.
"To collect the information I have gathered on Serious Writer(tm).
I want to have something to show for my effort. My hand has been played
out LNH, enjoy your victory."
Ultimate Ninja threw a shruiken in the direction of the voice. He
saw it stick in something about mid-thigh high. Instead of blood, half of
a machine fell to the ground.
"No! My infor..." Tsar Chasm's voice faded as Webster teleported
the group out of LNHHQ.
The rest of the LNH finally made it to the monitoring area. "What
happened?" asked Sarcastic Lad. "Where did Tsar Chasm go? I owe that guy
a coupla good shots to the head!"
"That is twice now he has run away when he still seemed to be
in control. I can't quite figure it out," said Ultimate Ninja.
"I'd say he cut his losses," said Deja Dude. He sighed and said,"
I guess we better start cleaning up this mess."
*************************************************************************** FIN, part VI ***************************************************************************
EPILOGUE:
About an hour after the fight with Tsar Chasm had ended, Ultimate Ninja
was in his ready room talking to Deja Dude. "So, is everyone out of limbo yet?"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't we just bring everyone back at once, to help us fight
Tsar Chasm?"
"Don't you remember 'Justice League International' #24? Too many of
us would have gotten in the way of each other."
Ultimate Ninja nodded in agreement. "So what did Kid Kirby find out
when he took that belt apart?"
"He seemed amused by it. He laughed and said something like 'this
is fiendishly simple! How effective though'", said Deja Dude mimicing
Kid Kirby.
"Hey, that's a pretty good Kid Kirby," said Ultimate Ninja. "So you're
back to 100%, what about Occultism Kid?"
"Sarcastic Lad returned all of our shirts and as OK changed, he found
a little disk sewn into his 'Hordak' shirt. He took it to his room to
analyze
it. I think he canceled that 'Aw,crap' spell, but I haven't had a chance
to
talk to him to make sure."
The conversation was cut short by a knock at the door. It was
Sarcastic Lad with a bandaged nose. Deja Dude quickly excused himself," I'm going to check on the Peril Room."
Ultimate Ninja faced Sarc and asked,"So has everyone broken free from
Tsar Chasm's mind control?"
"Yeah. Some had an easier time that others," Sarc added rubbing his
nose. "Look Ninj, I guess I'm here to say I'm sorry I let the LNH down by going over to this Tsar Chasm so quickly."
"It wasn't your fault, he just found a weakness in you and exploited
it. It took chemcals and lots of machinery to finally break your spirit."
Sarcastic Lad looked down and shrugged.
"Could you do me one favor," asked Ultimate Ninja. "Find the NWCs who
have jobs and tell them to come to my ready room in one hour."
"Sure." Without looking up, and as he headed to the door, Sarc added
,"I'm sorry about kicking you in the club room."
Ultimate Ninja looked at Sarc's back as he walked out of the room.
"And the name calling when I was trying to deprogram you?"
Sarc stopped, turned around with a big smile on his face," I'm sorry
about kicking you in the club room." And closed the door, laughing. **************************************************************************
Deja Dude sat staring into the Peril Room from the control booth.
Inside was all of the tainted food that CheesecakeEater Lad had prepared
and the machinery that Tsar Chasm had designed. Behind him, he heard
Occultism Kid enter the room.
"I just thought you might want to know," began OK," that I'm free
of that spell. Deja? Deja, are you OK?"
"I was just thinking. Do you think we could modify these machines
to work for us?"
"What are you talking about???"
"There are many forces gathering against the LNH. Think of what
a set-up like this could do for us."
"C'mon. You must have read 'Squardon Supreme' LS! You know what
happened when they tried it!"
"Yeah, you're right. I wasn't seriously considering keeping these
things, it's just that... I dunno. Something like this could come in handy some day." Deja Dude set the Peril Room's defenses on 'Puree and flambe'
and
started it up. In a few seconds the Peril Room was empty. **************************************************************************
Cannon Fodder, Flameproof Lad, Nit Pick Lad, Browsing Boy, Incredible Un-sleeping Man, Late-Nite Lad, Netiquette Lad, Grammer Lad and Inacoustic
Kid
all found themselves waiting outside Ultimate Ninja's ready room.
"What do you think he wants to talk to us about?" asked
Late-Nite Lad.
"Oh, you know UN. He probably wants to yell at us about not being
around when that Tsar Chasm guy took over the HQ. He's so picky about
things
like that," said Cannon Fodder.
"I'm glad I'm not one of the Trivia boys. Flying out to Netwood like
that," said Flameproof Lad shaking his head. "I don't want to be around
when
UN talks to them."
Ultimate Ninja appeared in his doorway and made sure everyone he wanted
was present. He cleared his throat to get their attention. "Ah-hem! I
have
two announcements for you all. One: The jobs that you *had* were all a diversion to get you out of Tsar Chasm's way so he could more easily take
over
the LNH. Which leads us to two: You all *will* quit from your respective
jobs
, effective immediately."
Ultimate Ninja's words went over like a lead balloon. "What?" "No
Way!" "That is not fair" were among the printable comments. "This is
*not* a
discussion, and those were *not* requests!"
Cannon Fodder's face lit up with inspiration. "Guys, huddle up!"
Ultimate Ninja watched with skepticism as the group assembled in a
tight huddle and Cannon Fodder began whispering and gesturing wildly with
his
hands. The more he talked the more of the group began to nod and smile.
Cannon Fodder looked up at Ultimate Ninja, "We need to call in some of the others, hang on a sec."
Before Ultimate Ninja could stop them the group scattered and a few
minutes later they came back with Parking Karma Kid, CheesecakeEater Lad,
Bad
Timing Boy, Sing Along Lass, Catalyst Lass, and a few other NWCs with them.
"OK, UN. Here is the deal. We quit our jobs, and don't go looking for
any new ones."
"Figure that out on your own, or did the whole group have to come up
with that one?" Ultimate Ninja's patience was wearing thin.
"On one condition. We want our own title."
"For each of you??? I don't think there are enough writers!" 'Or
interest,' UN thought to himself.
"No, just one title to cover all of us. We hate sitting around the HQ,
hoping someone gets to our names on the roster so we can go on a mission.
We
don't all have to appear in every issue."
"I've been busy, why don't you ask everyone else if they don't mind?"
******************************************************************************* Continued in : Public Domain Presents!
ROLL CALL
Parking Karma Kid, Cannon Fodder, CheesecakeEater Lad
Bad Timing Boy, All-Knowing Last Chance Whiner Destiny
Woman, Domestic Lad, Catalyst Lass, Sing Along Lass,
Adamant Authority on Everything, Amorphous Lad,
Public Domain
Flameprooof Lad, Trivia King, Trivia Master, Nit Pick
NWCs
Lad, California Kid, CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, Captain Clean-up,
Squeaky Clean, Entropy Kid, Hooded Ho`'od Win, Irony Man,
Mainstream Man, Procrastination Boy, Typo Lad, Browsing
Boy, Incredible UnSleeping Man, Late-Nite Lad,
Netiquette Lad, Grammer Lad, Inacoustic Kid,
Old Comics Man, Lurker Lad, Sister State the Obvious
Sarcastic Lad, Pocket Man, Elvis Man
lawrence@express.ctron.com
Ultimate Ninja, BandWagon Boy*
sl859@cc.usu.edu
Deja Dude
phipps@chopin.physics.mcgill.ca
Occultism Kid
guerink@grumpy.cc.utexas.edu
Halls Jordan, Cliche Dude* Jef Kolodziej (account now?)
Kid Kirby
ha09@andrew.cmu.edu
Super Apathy Lad ??(anyone wanna claim this guy)
Marvel Zombie Lad
v124jw4y@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
Opinionated Lad
uplink@cwis.unomaha.edu
Mimic Kid
mattp@matt.ksu.ksu.edu
Invisible Incendiary
hutch@ibeam.intel.com
Pliable Lad
mre@kepler.unh.edu
Kid Chivalry
a_condon@unhh.unh.edu
(* Mentioned, but no appearance)
****Dream Appearances only****
aLLiterative Lass
cffitzge@iastate.edu
Hamster Man Daniel Falk (e-mail?)
Bandwagon Chick
clark@netcom.com
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Kid Anarky (I won't even try to put the e-mail address:) for putting up with
my requests (even though they weren't originally meant for him!)
Jim Cowling (
jcowling@sol.uvic.ca) for letting me metion his name in the 'Constraints of Awcrap'.
Dave Henry (
dhenry@plains.nodak.edu) for just being the 'Serious Writer'.
Subplots courtesy of:
LetterinG MaN
cffitzge@iastate.edu
Note and big feather
pwright@unix.ubc.ca
(Whew! I hope that is everyone and everything)
---Ken
kenaschm@cs.indiana.edu
kenaschm@silver.ucs.indiana.ed
Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh
From:
dhenry@plains.NoDak.edu (David R. Henry)
Subject: Beyond the Green Door
Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1993 02:04:23 GMT
Since I went and posted my "first" LNH story, I thought this would be an entirely appropriate time to repost the LNH story I wrote earlier, which features the, ahem, painful something-or-other of RosterwReam.
And away we go...
&&&&&
"By that locked door that never opens, you know, the one with the
three letters DRH on it."
"Oh. Yes, the quarters of Serious Writer (tm). He claims to have
nothing to do with us! He's a serious writer!" RosterwReam said getting
up and heading for the closet of where the disks were held. "Drat! I
forgot to put him on the roster as well!" He cursed. I wonder what DRH >stands for? RosterwReam thought back to an explanation that List Lad had >told him once. I think the R stands for Rogue-lover, if I recall
correctly.
It was a quiet night. Too quiet.
All good hardboiled detective stories start that way.
RosterwReam was walking down the corridor, mindlessly running his
thumb along the molding. There sure was a lot of dust, he decided, looking
at his thumb.
He felt bored. He felt... trapped. He felt...
No. He didn't feel like singing.
RosterwReam moved on, silent in the dusty night.
There was a door. Not just any door, but A door. A special door.
A magical, wonderful, one-way, beautiful cosmic door of wonder and power.
Not to get too much of the wrong idea about it: it wasn't hardly a
dangerous, monstrous, dungeon-dwelling, iron-bound-brass portal. It didn't glower down on innocent people, and it didn't rampage across whole solar systems, leaving flaming wreckage behind it.
It was just a really neat door. Almost too cute. If Mr. Rogers'
Trolley could be made into a door, just as it's tooting, without losing any
of its metaphysical cuteness, you'd have a pretty good start about what
the door could look like.
And what it led to! Oh, the possibilities! All you could imagine,
if your brain was soaked in thorazine and your eyes trained to a blacklight kalidoscope, would be nothing compared to what was beyond that door.
Not that it mattered, because it was locked, anyway.
RosterwReam walked on, in the still, hot night. A tune started
bubbling in his mind.
"Da daaa da..." he hummed.
"...is such a frightful bore..."
Something moved. A piece of time woke up, decided it wasn't being
spent, and moved someplace else. This would be fine, except that the time currently happening at that place wasn't too thrilled with having to squeeze
in yet more time. A clock whirred faster, hurling a few mice off its hands
into the kitchen.
"...cause all we do is eat and eat
and then we eat some more!"
RosterwReam suddenly stopped. A thought, caroming happily across
the cosmos, found to its horror RosterwReam's head looming right before it. RosterwReam blinked.
RosterwReam shuddered.
RosterwReam stopped, and reversed himself. He pounded around the
corner, swinging on a spare bannister, and ended up, breathless, before the door.
Locked, for so long. Locked, and no one knew why. Locked, and the
finest minds of the LNH had been unable to figure out a way to open it.
Locked, for all intents and purposes, forever.
RosterwReam reached up above the jamb, and took down the spare key.
He inserted it into the door, and turned.
Click.
"Hey, is that..."
Slam.
It is a magical, wondrous door. It is a portal between what should
be, and what almost would. It is a figment of its own imagination, a
pressure point on the almost-was. It's also painted green.
The DRH above the doorknob grew red and pale.
&&&&&
"STOP BENDIN' THE SHAFTS!!!!" --pax memorium!
--
David R. Henry -- Rogue Fan Club / THE RED SHOES is coming! Barney fthagn! Obessa Cantauit. --Richard Darwin // What was the question? -- Kate Bush
"All you of Earth are IDIOTS!"-P9fOS // Thanks... for the memories.--Rogue
dhenry@plains.nodak.edu *
ud137927@ndsuvm1.bitnet *
ud137927@vm1.nodak.edu
==========
Next Week: Something something LNH!!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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<div dir=3D"ltr">And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie arc= hive <br>once again.<br><br><br>Here's where you can find this and more=
LNH<br>Misc Story Action!:<br><br><a href=3D"
https://archives.eyrie.org/ra= cc/lnh/Misc/">
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/</a><br><br><br>And = it's The Conclusion of The Great Public Domain<br>Caper by Ken Schmidt!= <br><br>And also an add-on by David R Henry!<br>(Beyond the Green Door!)<br= >(Although now that I'm reading it it<br>seems to be an add-on to a com= pletely<br>different story -- Leadership Crisis?<br>Jungle Cheesecake?=C2=
=A0 Who knows!)<br><br><br>Is it time for The Serious Writer to<br>finally = come out of his room?!=C2=A0 Will someone dare<br>to defile the slurpee mac= hine's -- PEACH<br>BLEND?!<br><br>And will a certain Hulk Writer from t=
he 90s<br>make an appearance?!!!!!<br><br><br>Find out in...<br><br><br><br= >=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 _ <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Classic <br>=C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2= =A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| =
| =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ = =C2=A0 |_|\_\<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0||<br>=C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #430<br><br><br><br>= =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 THE GREAT=
PUBLIC DOMAIN CAPER!=C2=A0 The Conclusion!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br><br><br>********= *******************************************************************<br> <br= >At LNHHQ Sarcastic Lad was inspecting the work of the others.=C2=A0 He<br>= was checking on the progress of Catalyst Lass in preparing the largest room= <br>for Tsar Chasm to use as his chambers. =C2=A0"Almost finished?&quo=
t; he asked.<br><br> "Yeah, just a few more..."<br><br> Their con=
versation was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Elvis<br>Man. =C2=A0&= quot;Get him!=C2=A0 He's a traitor!" shouted Sarcastic Lad.<br><br=
Before Catalyst Lass could move Elvis Man had bucked his hips and <br>san=
g 'Because mah baby left me, I found a new place to dwell'(I don= 9;t know<br>Elvis's lyrics very well, sorry -K) Catalyst Lass froze in = place, got a big <br>smile and fainted.<br><br> "Yeah, those are real = fancy moves you ove*ughm*," Sarcastic Lad's <br>response was cut s= hort by a noseful of chloroform courtesy Pocket Man who<br>had materialized=
at the same time as Elvis Man, but behind Sarcastic Lad.<br><br> "Ahh=
h...Deja Dude said only one person.=C2=A0 What are we gonna do?" asked= <br>Elvis Man.<br><br> "You transport back with Catalyst Lass.=C2=A0 I= 'll wait here with Sarc, you<br>tell DD to get us out as soon as possib= le." =C2=A0<br><br> "Sho'nu..." Elvis Man's reply wa=
s cut short by his fading back to <br>limbo.=C2=A0 He reappeared in front o=
f Deja Dude, Halls Jordan and Mimic Kid.<br><br> "Catalyst Lass???=C2=
=A0 Why did you get her?" whined Mimic Kid.<br><br> "She was alon=
e and away from the others.=C2=A0 Where is Pocket Man?"<br>asked Deja = Dude.<br><br> "Sarcastic Lad was there also.=C2=A0 Poc KO'ed him a= nd they are waiting <br>for you to zap them back here."<br><br> "= That will take a few minutes.=C2=A0 Mimic Kid you take over the shape of<br= >Catalyst Lass, we have to make sure Tsar Chasm doesn't know that anyon=
e is<br>missing."<br><br> "Aw, couldn't I wait for them to ge=
t someone else?=C2=A0 I don't wanna<br>be a girl!"<br><br> Deja Du=
de glared at Mimic Kid, "This situation goes beyond any <br><br>prefer= ances for who you do and do not want to become.=C2=A0 Now do this quickly.<= br>The more time that someone is away, the greater the chance that Tsar <br= >Chasm realizes someone may be gone."<br><br> Mimic Kid didn't loo=
k to happy, but did what he was told.=C2=A0 Deja Dude<br>looked him over,&q= uot; Close, but not quite right."<br><br> "It's the best I ca=
n do, it's not like I'm comfortable being female!"<br><br> Dej=
a Dude looked at Halls Jordan who concentrated on stopping the <br>power fl=
ow on the belt.=C2=A0 Mimic Kid (as Catalyst Lass) disappeared and <br>Pock=
et Man and Sarcastic Lad appeared in his place.<br><br> "That is getti=
ng harder everytime," said Halls. "I don't know how many<br>m= ore times I can do that."<br><br> "Hopefully it won't be too = many.=C2=A0 We have to break Catalyst Lass and<br>Sarcastic Lad out of Tsar=
Chasm's control as quick as we can.=C2=A0 We need to<br>get Sarc and C= atalyst Lass back from their mind control for info. Who thinks <br>they can=
deprogram them?"<br><br> "I can do it," said Ultimate Ninja= ,"it won't be gentle but it will<br>be quick."<br><br> "= Alright."<br><br> Ultimate Ninja walked over to Catalyst Lass and shoo=
k her awake.<br>"Catalyst Lass,"Ultimate Ninja said in a soft voi= ce," wake up.=C2=A0 You had a bad<br>dream and we need you to wake up.= "<br><br> Catalyst Lass' eyes opened up, she stood up and blinked = her eyes a <br>few times. =C2=A0"What happened?=C2=A0 Where am I?"=
; she looked at the assembled Legion.<br>"Keep away!=C2=A0 You want to=
hurt me!"<br><br> "No we won't.=C2=A0 No one here will do an= ything of the sort." =C2=A0Ultimate <br>Ninja walked towards Catalyst = Lass with his hands, palms up, out in front of <br>him.=C2=A0 When he got c= lose enough he quickly grabbed Catalyst Lass and shook her<br>while yelling= ,"WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!=C2=A0 Fight the mind control!"<br><br> Cat= alyst Lass screamed,"No! The Legion wants to hurt me.=C2=A0 I...I... w= hat<br>am I saying?=C2=A0 You guys are all my friends.=C2=A0 Why is everyth= ing so fuzzy?=C2=A0 I <br>remember Occultism Kid trying a spell and then go= ing into the clubroom, but <br>then?=C2=A0 It's like my memory has been=
fragmented into pieces.=C2=A0 I can't put <br>everything together,&quo= t;she said shaking her head.<br><br> "That's OK, we'll try and=
help you.=C2=A0 It's important that you start<br>remembering.=C2=A0 We=
need info on what Tsar Chasm is up to, and who all has been <br>converted,= " said Ultimate Ninja.<br><br> "Hey Ninja, I thought you said it =
wasn't going to be gentle.=C2=A0 That<br>wasn't too bad," said=
Deja Dude.<br><br> "Now," =C2=A0Ultimate Ninja said in a low voi=
ce,"it's Sarcastic Lad's turn."<br><br> "Hey why don=
't you let me handle this one?" asked Marvel Zombie Lad.<br>"=
I don't think..."<br><br> "I don't care what you think.= =C2=A0 I will do this my way." =C2=A0Ultimate Ninja<br>picked up Sarca= stic Lad by the shirt with both hands.=C2=A0 He pulled Sarcastic Lad<br>up =
so they were nose-to-(masked) nose.=C2=A0 A few rough shakes woke up Sarcas= tic<br>Lad, but he was still generally unaware of what was going on.<br><br=
"Who do you serve?" asked Ultimate Ninja.<br><br> "Tsar Ch=
asm," Sarcastic Lad said still in a daze.<br><br> "Wrong answer.&= quot; Ultimate Ninja pulled Sarcastic Lad forward and smashed<br>his (UN= 9;s) head into Sarcastic Lad's nose. =C2=A0"Who do you serve?"= ;<br><br> "OWWWW!=C2=A0 I said Tsar Chasm, Ultimate Nincompoop!"<=
<br> That answer brought a similar treatment,"Who do you serve?&quo= t;<br><br> "STOP IT!=C2=A0 You demented psycho!=C2=A0 I don't even=
know why we ever...let...<br>you...in," Sarcastic Lad's voice tra= iled off. "Waitaminnit.=C2=A0 I'm _in_ the LNH.<br>What am I doing=
with that Tsar Chasm?" =C2=A0Sarcastic Lad shook his head. =C2=A0&quo= t;What<br>has been going on?=C2=A0 Why am I in a cave?=C2=A0 Jeez, who does=
the landscaping.=C2=A0 I've<br>seen better looking placess _after_ the= y've been eaten by Galactus."<br><br> Pocket Man smiled,"I th= ink you can put him down now, Ninja.=C2=A0 We<br>better clue in these two a= bout what has been going on."<br>*************************************= *****************************************<br> Tsar Chasm was puzzled.=C2=A0=
He was in the montoring room and looking at <br>a green door that had &quo= t;DRH" on it.=C2=A0 The door would not open no matter what<br>he did. = =C2=A0"Tell me, California Kid.=C2=A0 What is behind this door?"<= br><br> "That is the Serious Writer's(tm) room."<br><br> &quo= t;Does he ever come out?"<br><br> "There have been rumors that he=
has, but I don't believe them.=C2=A0 I know<br>he posts here every so = often, but who knows what exactly will bring him out,"<br>California K=
id said with a shrug.<br><br> "I must study this further.=C2=A0 I thin= k I may know how to get some <br>information," Tsar Chasm said with a = wry smile. =C2=A0"Get me to a terminal. =C2=A0I<br>have an idea on how=
to get him to come out."<br><br>*************************************= ******************************************<br><br> "...and that is wha=
t we have figured out plus what Tsar Chasm had told<br>us earlier," sa=
id Deja Dude who finished summing up the first five issues of <br>this LS t=
o Catalyst Lass and Sarcastic Lad. =C2=A0"What has happened at the <br= >HQ since we got zapped here?"<br><br> Sarcastic Lad produced the list=
that Tsar Chasm had given him earlier.<br>"We've only finished pu= tting these modifications in the Peril Room, but<br>I'm not exactly sur=
e what it will do.=C2=A0 That and CheesecakeEater Lad has been<br>making a = ton of cheesecakes with some chemical added to them that TC gave to<br>him.= "<br><br> "Tsar Chasm has been learning as much as he can about t= he LNH and<br>the headquarters.=C2=A0 He even took Ultimate Ninja's roo=
m over.=C2=A0 His ready room,<br>too," said Catalyst Lass.<br><br> &qu= ot;That fiend!=C2=A0 Has he..."<br><br> "Oh yeah, he put cherry a= nd cola in the Slurpee machine.=C2=A0 Seems that<br>he likes to make a swir=
l of them.=C2=A0 I tried some too, it's not bad."<br><br> "HE=
DARES TO DEFILE MY PEACH BLEND???=C2=A0 When do we get out of here, DD?<br=
I have a few things to ...discuss with Tsar Chasm."<br><br> "As =
soon as Kid Kirby feels up to booming us back to the HQ."<br><br> &quo= t;He tried that once, doesn't your stomach still hurt?"<br><br> &q=
uot;Not anymore. I have it figured out.=C2=A0 Since I can only teleport<br>=
a few people at a time, thanks to this belt, it would take forever to get <= br>everyone back to the HQ.=C2=A0 Now if Halls interrupts the power flow, t= hen Kid<br>Kirby can boom us back in one large group.=C2=A0 With the power =
on the belt <br>interrupted there should be no feedback loop.=C2=A0 We are = back and ready to take<br>out Tsar Chasm."<br><br> "That plan doe=
s have merit," said Kid Kirby. =C2=A0"I am ready at any time.&quo= t;<br><br> "There is only one thing left to find out, has anyone else =
returned <br>and been converted?"<br><br> Sarcastic Lad thought for a = moment. =C2=A0"Cannon Fodder has.=C2=A0 Hey!=C2=A0 That's<br>it!= =C2=A0 CheesecakeEater Lad fed him and then he was taken to the Peril Room.= =C2=A0 That<br>is what those modifications were for, they must work with th=
e chemicals to <br>subvert everyone's wills.=C2=A0 I wonder why he pick=
ed the Peril Room."<br><br> "He probably used the safey protocols=
of the Peril Room to make sure no<br>one was seriously hurt in the convers= ion process.=C2=A0 He doesn't strike me as the<br>kind to randomly kill=
or maim," said Occultism Kid, joining in the <br>conversation. =C2=A0= <br><br> "What makes you think he isn't 'the kind to randomly =
kill'?" asked<br>Opiniated Lad.<br><br> "We're standing h=
ere talking, aren't we?"<br><br> "OK, now we know what we are=
up against.=C2=A0 Tsar Chasm, Webster and <br>Webs Tor, and a few NWC'= s.=C2=A0 Here is what we'll do...," Deja Dude's voice fades<br= >(I don't wanna spoil it for ya!)<br>**********************************= *********************************************<br> "You see, I told you=
I could get his attention," Tsar Chasm indicated<br>the computer scre=
en where a post from Serious Writer(tm) appeared.=C2=A0 Behind him<br>stood=
Webster and Webs Tor. =C2=A0"Now all I need to do is check the device=
s that<br>I left in the monitoring room to see if I got any information abo=
ut this<br>'Serious Writer(tm)'.=C2=A0 Before I forget, Webster, di=
d you hand out your<br>beacons to all of the Public Domain types? (Webster = nods) =C2=A0Has anyone besides<br>Cannon Fodder returned? (Webster shakes h=
is head no) Then there is only one <br>more thing to check before we begin = our planning on taking over city hall. =C2=A0<br>Catalyst Lass," Tsar = Chasm called over the intercom," come to my<br>ready room."<br><b=
Catalyst Lass quickly entered the room. =C2=A0"Have you finished pr=
eparing<br>my room?" asked Tsar Chasm.<br><br> "Uh...yes everythi=
ng is done, just as you ordered."<br><br> "Excellent.=C2=A0 Are y= ou feeling OK, you look a bit pale."<br><br> Actually Catalyst Lass wa=
s sweating quite a bit. =C2=A0"I'm just a bit<br>tired."<br><=
"Take a rest, you have earned it."<br><br> Before Catalyst La=
ss could leave, Sarcastic Lad came running into the<br>room. =C2=A0"Ts=
ar Chasm!=C2=A0 I've just been abducted by the LNH!=C2=A0 They found a = way<br>to circumvent that belt.=C2=A0 I convinced them that I was loyal to = them and tricked<br>them into revealing their plan.=C2=A0 If you come quick=
ly you can foil it still!"<br><br> "What is their plan?"<br>=
<br> "They are going to get all of the NWCs under your control and get=
them<br>away so they can't be used as hostages.=C2=A0 Then they are go= ing to confront you."<br><br> "I see.=C2=A0 Take me to the place =
where you teleported back to. I want<br>to be there so I can surpise them.&= quot;<br><br> "Just follow me!" On his way out Sarcastic Lad wink= ed at Catalyst Lass.<br>***************************************************= ***************************<br><br> "I don't see anyone," was=
Tsar Chasm's statement at seeing an empty<br>club room.<br><br> "= Hmm, maybe because you, you devious modus operandi stealing son of a <br>si= de-show freak turned supervillan, have fallen for our trap!"<br><br> T=
he core of the LNH suddenly 'boomed' into the club room behind Tsar= <br>Chasm.=C2=A0 Without turning he said," I see that Kid Kirby has fi= nally figured<br>out how to de-activate my little belt."<br><br> Deja = Dude smacked his forehead,"That _would_ have been much easier!"<b= r>he said exasperated.=C2=A0 He continued,"I hope you enjoyed your one=
day as <br>occupant of LNHHQ!=C2=A0 You _won't_ have any more like it.= "<br><br> With a smirk on his face, Tsar Chasm turned to face the LNH,= "You have<br>not won the day.=C2=A0 Webster, if you would please."=
; =C2=A0The group of converted<br>NWCs instantly appeared in the room. =C2= =A0"Get them!"<br><br> "No!" It was Mimic Kid (still as=
Catalyst Lass). =C2=A0"Don't you see?<br>Those are our friends!= =C2=A0 Tsar Chasm is our enemy!"<br><br> The NWCs looked very confused= .=C2=A0 Their heads swiveled back and forth<br>between the LNH and the Inde= pend Net Conquerers, unsure of who to believe.<br><br> "Kid?" sai=
d Sing Along Lass tenatively to Kid Kirby who was looking <br>very tired af= ter his most recent 'booming'.<br><br> 'I see my control isn= 9;t what I thought it was,' thought Tsar Chasm.<br>'I didn't pl=
an on taxing their loyalty so soon, better safe than sorry.'Tsar<br>Cha=
sm signaled to Webster and Webs Tor, put his hands on top of his <br>forehe=
ad with a look of feigned fear and in a mocking tone said,<br>"My plan=
is ruined, whatever shall I do?=C2=A0 I couldn't possibly stand a chan= ce<br>against this awe-inspiring assemblage of heros and heroines!"<br= ><br> Most of the LNH froze in place as a result of Tsar Chasm's power.=
=C2=A0<br>Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Marvel Zombie Lad, Halls Jordan and I= nvisible <br>Incendiary advanced while Pocket Man, Occultism Kid, Kid Kirby=
and Pliable <br>Lad tried to help. =C2=A0(Pocket Man was rapidly digging t= hrough his pockets, <br>Occultsim Kid was saying "Aw, crap!", Kid=
Kirby was trying to work with<br>Sing Along Lass in gaining access to the = Kirby Zone, and Pliable Lad, taking<br>no chances, stretched around the NWC=
s to make sure they didn't do anything.)<br> <br> Ultimate Ninja leapt =
up and landed about two feet above Tsar Chasm's<br>head.=C2=A0 He was s= winging his blade, trying to get through Protector's field.<br>II and M=
ZL experienced similar problems.=C2=A0 Halls Jordan used his ring around<br= >the collar to materialize a boxing glove inside the half-sphere.<br><br> &=
quot;Halls Jordan?=C2=A0 Wha..?" was all Tsar Chasm could get out befo=
re being<br>bonked on the nose. =C2=A0"HEY! Dad hurd!=C2=A0 Not to wow=
wy LNH," he said holding his <br>nose,"I hawe finaw twump cawd to=
pway!" =C2=A0The trio teleported out of the club<br>room.<br><br> &qu= ot;Get to the Monitoring Room quickly!" said Calfornia Kid.<br><br> &q=
uot;Why?" asked Deja Dude.<br><br> "I helped him set up some equi= pment there.=C2=A0 I think he might go there<br>and collect it first!"=
<br><br>=C2=A0******************************{[(<Interlude>)]}*******= ************************<br><br> The man stood in the doorway, the dirty ye=
llow light of day<br>spilling onto the beer-soaked floor in front of him, h=
is sillohoutte<br>extending to the front of the door.=C2=A0 Four or five he= ads turned to the<br>darkness still residing in the smoky corners of the ro= om, hiding from<br>the near dazzling light.=C2=A0 At the bar, a short, roun=
d man was swabbing<br>a grey dishcloth through a short tumbler, his pink pr= othesis grinding<br>and wheezing as it moved.<br><br> "Dis is more lik= e it," the man said as he entered the room.<br>He bit the end off the = cigar in his hand and spit it out on the floor.<br>The door behind him swun=
g to and the cloudy darkness of the corners<br>slowly engulfed him.=C2=A0 H=
e felt the eyes of the room turn their animal<br>ferocity on him, and he lo= oked down at his tattered clothes while he<br>nervously approached the bar.= <br><br> His progress was interrupted half way by a scrawny teenager in<br>=
a t-shirt and torn blue jeans.=C2=A0 Her blond hair was shaved off one half= <br>her head and despite the three rings in her nose, he found her<br>stran= gely attractive. =C2=A0"Tardes, chellovenk," the girl said, caref= ully<br>assesing the pudgy man standing before her. =C2=A0"Neuvo vid h= ere, mates."<br>She added with a slight toss of her head.<br><br> &quo= t;Up and up," a young person sitting at a table behind the girl<br>sai=
d in answer. =C2=A0"Custom posted -- your address." =C2=A0The lan=
ky teen<br>smiles and gives a quick glance at the speaker who lifts a glass=
in<br>her honor.=C2=A0 The remaining denizens of the bar grin wolfishly an=
d lean<br>back in anticipation of a good show.<br><br> The man took a step = back, his discomfort growing<br>exponentially.=C2=A0 The blond girl in fron=
t of him said with a pout,<br>"Mates not standard?=C2=A0 Custom denied= ?" =C2=A0He could not understand a word<br>that had been uttered since=
he entered, and that unnerved him more.<br>He stood for a moment, trying t=
o puzzle out this latest attempt at<br>communication, as the slight figure = before him suddenly became a<br>flurry of motion.<br><br> He was caught una=
wares by her first kick, which landed<br>squarely on his jaw, dislodging se= veral teeth and causing an arc of<br>blood to spout from his mouth.=C2=A0 T=
he momentum of the kick caused him to<br>fall crashing into the nearest tab= le, the legs giving way beneath his<br>weight.=C2=A0 A loud cheer rang out = around the bar, and the girl gave a<br>little bow before resuming her stanc=
e two feet from her fallen foe.<br><br> "So dat's de way it's = gonna be," he said to himself, and with<br>a move suprisingly quick fo=
r such a bulk, he swept his leg in an<br>attempt to knock her off her feet.= =C2=A0 She was too skillful for such a<br>tactic, however, and merely bounc=
ed a couple feet back out of reach of<br>his stubby legs.<br><br> "Cus=
tom compiled with no errors!" she said as he regained his<br>feet, but=
he did not try to sort this one out.=C2=A0 Immediately upon<br>regaining h=
is feet, he swung with all his might at the thin figure,<br>but the girl de= flected the silver appendage with graceful art and<br>added a knee to his g= roin in addition.<br><br> "OHH-uuughhh," the man groaned and doub=
led over, retching, and<br>considering the advantages to a place six feet u= nder the ground.=C2=A0 The<br>girl seemed to be basking in the applause of = the surrounding audiance<br>when suddenly, the door to the joint crashed in=
and pure, golden light<br>streamed past a large figure framed by the door.= <br><br>"HHH =C2=A0HHH =C2=A0 eeee =C2=A0 lll =C2=A0lll =C2=A0<br>=C2= =A0 HH =C2=A0HH =C2=A0 ee =C2=A0ee =C2=A0 ll =C2=A0 ll<br>=C2=A0 HHHHHH =C2= =A0 eeeee =C2=A0 =C2=A0ll =C2=A0 ll =C2=A0 oooo<br>=C2=A0 HH =C2=A0HH =C2=
=A0 ee =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ll =C2=A0 ll =C2=A0oo =C2=A0oo<br>=C2=A0HHH =C2= =A0HHH =C2=A0 eeee =C2=A0 llll llll =C2=A0oooo,<br><br>everyBODY!!!!!!!!!&q= uot; =C2=A0the NEWcomer boomed.=C2=A0 At the sight of the figure,<br>the ro=
om fell silent, and the teenager quietly backed away from her<br>victim.=C2= =A0 The biG, smIlIng, muscle-BOUND figURe entered the room,<br>bringing the=
bright light of a promising tomorrow with him. =C2=A0"What's<br>-= >>THIS?!?<<-!!" =C2=A0hE asked in amazement. =C2=A0"D= Idn'T _I_ >>TalK<< to <br><br>YYY YYY<br>=C2=A0YY YY<br>=C2= =A0 YYY =C2=A0 oooo =C2=A0 uu =C2=A0uu<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0Y =C2=A0 oo =C2=A0oo=
=C2=A0uu =C2=A0uu<br>=C2=A0 YYY =C2=A0 oooo =C2=A0 =C2=A0uuuuu<br><br>_onc=
e_ about this >>>sort<<< of THING!?!" =C2=A0There we=
re several faint<br>grumbles of assent to this question as the inhabitants =
of the bar<br>collected their belongings and headed towards the bar's v= arious exits.<br>"Let _me_ >>>>HElP<<<< yoU!!!= "<br><br> As the sMiling sTranger assisted the pudgy man into a nearby= <br>chair, the pain in the man's abdomen subsided enough for him to get=
a<br>good look at his benefactor's face.=C2=A0 With a shocked face and=
voice<br>barely audible, the man whispered, "LetterinG MaN," inc= reduously.<br><br>*************************{[(<end interlude>)]}*****= ***************************<br><br> Ultimate Ninja was behind Marvel Zombie=
Lad in running to the <br>montoring room and in front of Deja Dude, Pliabl=
e Lad, Pocket Man, and Halls<br>Jordan.=C2=A0 Marvel Zombie Lad threw open = the door, and froze in place.=C2=A0 Ultimate<br>Ninja stopped in time to av= oid running into his back. =C2=A0"Get _in_ that room!"<br>Marvel = Zombie Lad did not move, and he was blocking everyone's view inside<br>= the room.<br><br> "I'll see what is going on," said Pliable L=
ad, who stretched his head<br>into the room. =C2=A0"Oh, my!" was = all the Legion heard from PL.<br><br> Halls Jordan used his ring around the=
collar and force the two out<br>of the way.=C2=A0 Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dud=
e, Pocket Man, and Halls Jordan got<br>inside the room and froze in their c= ollective tracks.=C2=A0 Behind one of the <br>termials was PAD!<br><br> He = looked up and waved to the heroes,"Hello.=C2=A0 This is some set up yo= u<br>have here."<br><br> Marvel Zomibe Lad's mouth moved, but no s= ound came out.=C2=A0 Pliable<br>Lad brought the rest of his body into the r= oom very slowly, never taking<br>his eyes off PAD.<br><br> "You got my=
messages and have come here to join us?" asked an <br>awestruck Ultim= ate Ninja.<br><br> "I don't know yet.=C2=A0 I just thought I'd=
get the feel of the place<br>first."<br><br> "Gosh, you are my f=
avorite writer!" Marvel Zombie Lad finally managed <br>to get out.<br>=
<br> "Writer," PAD said with a small smile,"that's right=
."<br><br> Ultimate Ninja looked around the room and saw something out=
of place,<br>then he remembered what they came in the room for. =C2=A0&quo= t;We just need to check<br>on something first."<br><br> "Be my gu= est."<br><br> "Hey Deja Dude, come here and help me look."<b=
<br> "Huh?=C2=A0 Oh, sure."<br><br> "Do you see something =
out of the ordinary?"<br><br> "You mean besides PAD?"<br><br=
"Thats it!=C2=A0 Writer!=C2=A0 Why didn't I see through this fro=
m the start!"<br>Ultimate Ninja spun and ran at PAD, praying he was ri= ght. =C2=A0"Imposter!"<br><br> An invisible fist hit Ultimate Nin=
ja before he got too far. "No, no.<br>That is the Writer, Imposter is = another ability," came the voice of Tsar Chasm<br>from somewhere.=C2=
=A0 Suddenly PAD disappered. =C2=A0"A small invisibility spell from<br= >Presitidigitator and a diversion from Writer," =C2=A0The LNHers could=
feel Tsar<br>Chasm's confidence in the room, even though they could no=
t see him. =C2=A0"As for<br>you Halls Jordan, you have impressed me.= =C2=A0 You shook off the effect of my power<br>far more rapidly than I thou= ght possible. =C2=A0 Perhaps next time I look for some <br>new recruits I s= hall start with you."<br><br> "What did you need a diversion for?=
" asked Ultimate Ninja trying to<br>locate the source of the voice.<br= ><br> "To collect the information I have gathered on Serious Writer(tm= ).<br>I want to have something to show for my effort.=C2=A0 My hand has bee=
n played<br>out LNH, enjoy your victory."<br> <br> Ultimate Ninja thre=
w a shruiken in the direction of the voice.=C2=A0 He <br>saw it stick in so= mething about mid-thigh high.=C2=A0 Instead of blood, half of<br>a machine = fell to the ground.<br><br> "No! My infor..." Tsar Chasm's vo=
ice faded as Webster teleported <br>the group out of LNHHQ.<br><br> The res=
t of the LNH finally made it to the monitoring area. =C2=A0"What<br>ha= ppened?" asked Sarcastic Lad. =C2=A0"Where did Tsar Chasm go?=C2=
=A0 I owe that guy<br>a coupla good shots to the head!"<br><br> "= That is twice now he has run away when he still seemed to be<br>in control.=
I can't quite figure it out," said Ultimate Ninja.<br><br> "= I'd say he cut his losses," said Deja Dude.=C2=A0 He sighed and sa= id,"<br>I guess we better start cleaning up this mess."<br><br>**= *************************************************************************<b=
FIN, part VI<br>*****************************************************=
**********************<br><br>EPILOGUE: <br>About an hour after the fight =
with Tsar Chasm had ended, Ultimate Ninja<br>was in his ready room talking =
to Deja Dude. =C2=A0"So, is everyone out of limbo <br>yet?"<br><b=
"Yeah."<br><br> "Why didn't we just bring everyone ba=
ck at once, to help us fight<br>Tsar Chasm?"<br><br> "Don't y=
ou remember 'Justice League International' #24?=C2=A0 Too many of<b= r>us would have gotten in the way of each other."<br><br> Ultimate Nin= ja nodded in agreement. =C2=A0"So what did Kid Kirby find out<br>when =
he took that belt apart?"<br><br> "He seemed amused by it.=C2=A0 = He laughed and said something like 'this<br>is fiendishly simple!=C2=A0=
How effective though'", said Deja Dude mimicing <br>Kid Kirby.<br= ><br> "Hey, that's a pretty good Kid Kirby," said Ultimate Ni= nja. =C2=A0"So you're<br>back to 100%, what about Occultism Kid?&q= uot;<br><br> "Sarcastic Lad returned all of our shirts and as OK chang= ed, he found <br>a little disk sewn into his 'Hordak' shirt.=C2=A0 =
He took it to his room to analyze <br>it.=C2=A0 I think he canceled that &#= 39;Aw,crap' spell, but I haven't had a chance to <br>talk to him to=
make sure."<br><br> The conversation was cut short by a knock at the =
door.=C2=A0 It was <br>Sarcastic Lad with a bandaged nose.=C2=A0 Deja Dude = quickly excused himself," I'm<br>going to check on the Peril Room.= "<br><br> Ultimate Ninja faced Sarc and asked,"So has everyone br= oken free from<br>Tsar Chasm's mind control?"<br> <br> "Yeah.=
=C2=A0 Some had an easier time that others," Sarc added rubbing his<br= >nose. =C2=A0"Look Ninj, I guess I'm here to say I'm sorry I l=
et the LNH down by<br>going over to this Tsar Chasm so quickly."<br><b=
"It wasn't your fault, he just found a weakness in you and expl=
oited<br>it.=C2=A0 It took chemcals and lots of machinery to finally break = your spirit."<br><br> Sarcastic Lad looked down and shrugged. <br><br>=
"Could you do me one favor," asked Ultimate Ninja. "Find th=
e NWCs who<br>have jobs and tell them to come to my ready room in one hour.= "<br><br> "Sure." Without looking up, and as he headed to th=
e door, Sarc added<br>,"I'm sorry about kicking you in the club ro= om."<br><br> Ultimate Ninja looked at Sarc's back as he walked out=
of the room.<br>"And the name calling when I was trying to deprogram = you?"<br><br> Sarc stopped, turned around with a big smile on his face=
," I'm sorry<br>about kicking you in the club room." =C2=A0An=
d closed the door, laughing.<br>*******************************************= *******************************<br> Deja Dude sat staring into the Peril Ro=
om from the control booth.<br>Inside was all of the tainted food that Chees= ecakeEater Lad had prepared<br>and the machinery that Tsar Chasm had design= ed.=C2=A0 Behind him, he heard<br>Occultism Kid enter the room.<br><br> &qu= ot;I just thought you might want to know," began OK," that I'=
m free<br>of that spell.=C2=A0 Deja?=C2=A0 Deja, are you OK?"<br><br> =
"I was just thinking.=C2=A0 Do you think we could modify these machine= s<br>to work for us?"<br><br> "What are you talking about???"=
;<br><br> "There are many forces gathering against the LNH.=C2=A0 Thin=
k of what<br>a set-up like this could do for us."<br><br> "C'= mon.=C2=A0 You must have read 'Squardon Supreme' LS!=C2=A0 You know=
what<br>happened when they tried it!"<br><br> "Yeah, you're =
right.=C2=A0 I wasn't seriously considering keeping these <br>things, i= t's just that... I dunno.=C2=A0 Something like this could come in handy=
<br>some day." =C2=A0Deja Dude set the Peril Room's defenses on &= #39;Puree and flambe' and<br>started it up.=C2=A0 In a few seconds the = Peril Room was empty.<br>**************************************************= ************************<br><br> Cannon Fodder, Flameproof Lad, Nit Pick La=
d, Browsing Boy, Incredible <br>Un-sleeping Man, Late-Nite Lad, Netiquette = Lad, Grammer Lad and Inacoustic Kid <br>all found themselves waiting outsid=
e Ultimate Ninja's ready room.<br><br> "What do you think he wants=
to talk to us about?" =C2=A0asked <br>Late-Nite Lad.<br><br> "Oh=
, you know UN.=C2=A0 He probably wants to yell at us about not being <br>ar= ound when that Tsar Chasm guy took over the HQ.=C2=A0 He's so picky abo=
ut things <br>like that," said Cannon Fodder.<br><br> "I'm gl=
ad I'm not one of the Trivia boys.=C2=A0 Flying out to Netwood like<br>= that," said Flameproof Lad shaking his head. =C2=A0"I don't w= ant to be around when<br>UN talks to them."<br><br> Ultimate Ninja app=
eared in his doorway and made sure everyone he wanted<br>was present.=C2=A0=
He cleared his throat to get their attention. =C2=A0"Ah-hem!=C2=A0 I = have <br>two announcements for you all.=C2=A0 One: =C2=A0The jobs that you = *had* were all a <br>diversion to get you out of Tsar Chasm's way so he=
could more easily take over<br>the LNH.=C2=A0 Which leads us to two: =C2= =A0You all *will* quit from your respective jobs<br>, effective immediately= ."<br><br> Ultimate Ninja's words went over like a lead balloon. = =C2=A0"What?" =C2=A0"No <br>Way!" =C2=A0"That is n=
ot fair" were among the printable comments. =C2=A0"This is *not* = a<br>discussion, and those were *not* requests!"<br><br> Cannon Fodder= 's face lit up with inspiration. =C2=A0"Guys, huddle up!"<br>=
<br> Ultimate Ninja watched with skepticism as the group assembled in a<br>=
tight huddle and Cannon Fodder began whispering and gesturing wildly with h=
is <br>hands.=C2=A0 The more he talked the more of the group began to nod a=
nd smile. =C2=A0<br>Cannon Fodder looked up at Ultimate Ninja, "We nee=
d to call in some of the <br>others, hang on a sec."<br><br> Before Ul=
timate Ninja could stop them the group scattered and a few <br>minutes late=
r they came back with Parking Karma Kid, CheesecakeEater Lad, Bad <br>Timin=
g Boy, Sing Along Lass, Catalyst Lass, and a few other NWCs with them.<br><=
"OK, UN.=C2=A0 Here is the deal.=C2=A0 We quit our jobs, and don&#=
39;t go looking for<br>any new ones."<br><br> "Figure that out on=
your own, or did the whole group have to come up <br>with that one?" = Ultimate Ninja's patience was wearing thin.<br><br> "On one condit= ion.=C2=A0 We want our own title."<br><br> "For each of you???=C2= =A0 I don't think there are enough writers!" =C2=A0'Or <br>int= erest,' UN thought to himself.<br><br> "No, just one title to cove=
r all of us.=C2=A0 We hate sitting around the HQ,<br>hoping someone gets to=
our names on the roster so we can go on a mission.=C2=A0 We<br>don't a=
ll have to appear in every issue."<br><br> "I've been busy, w=
hy don't you ask everyone else if they don't mind?"<br><br>***= ***************************************************************************= *<br>Continued in : Public Domain Presents!<br><br>=C2=A0 <br> ROLL CAL=
L<br><br>Parking Karma Kid, Cannon Fodder, CheesecakeEater Lad<br>Bad Timin=
g Boy, All-Knowing Last Chance Whiner Destiny<br>Woman, Domestic Lad, Catal= yst Lass, Sing Along Lass, <br><br>Adamant Authority on Everything, Amorpho=
us Lad, <br> Public Domain<br>Flameprooof Lad, Trivia King, Trivia Master=
, Nit Pick <br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0NWCs<br>Lad, California Kid, CAPTAIN CAPITAL=
IZE, Captain Clean-up,<br>Squeaky Clean, Entropy Kid, Hooded Ho`'od Win=
, Irony Man,<br>Mainstream Man, Procrastination Boy, Typo Lad, Browsing<br>= Boy, Incredible UnSleeping Man, Late-Nite Lad, <br><br>Netiquette Lad, Gram= mer Lad, Inacoustic Kid, =C2=A0<br><br>Old Comics Man, Lurker Lad, Sister S= tate the Obvious<br><br>Sarcastic Lad, Pocket Man, Elvis Man <a href=3D"ma=
ilto:
lawrence@express.ctron.com">
lawrence@express.ctron.com</a><br>Ultimate=
Ninja, BandWagon Boy* <a href=3D"mailto:
sl859@cc.usu.edu">
sl859@cc.usu.e=
du</a><br>Deja Dude <a href=3D"mailto:
phipps@chopin.physics.mcgill.ca">=
phipps@chopin.physics.mcgill.ca</a><br>Occultism Kid <a href=3D"mailto:=
guerink@grumpy.cc.utexas.edu">
guerink@grumpy.cc.utexas.edu</a><br>Halls Jor= dan, Cliche Dude* Jef Kolodziej (account now?)<br>Kid Kirby <a href=
=3D"mailto:
ha09@andrew.cmu.edu">
ha09@andrew.cmu.edu</a><br>Super Apathy Lad=
??(anyone wanna claim this guy)<br>Marvel Zombie Lad <a href=3D"mail=
to:
v124jw4y@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu">
v124jw4y@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu</a><br>Opin= ionated Lad <a href=3D"mailto:
uplink@cwis.unomaha.edu">
uplink@cwis.unom=
aha.edu</a><br>Mimic Kid <a href=3D"mailto:
mattp@matt.ksu.ksu.edu">matt=
p@matt.ksu.ksu.edu</a><br>Invisible Incendiary <a href=3D"mailto:hutch@i=
beam.intel.com">
hutch@ibeam.intel.com</a><br>Pliable Lad <a href=3D"mai=
lto:
mre@kepler.unh.edu">
mre@kepler.unh.edu</a><br>Kid Chivalry <a href=
=3D"mailto:
a_condon@unhh.unh.edu">
a_condon@unhh.unh.edu</a><br> (* Mention=
ed, but no appearance) <br><br> ****Dream Appearances only****<br>aLLitera=
tive Lass <a href=3D"mailto:
cffitzge@iastate.edu">
cffitzge@iastate.edu</=
<br>Hamster Man Daniel Falk (e-mail?)<br>Bandwagon Chick <a href=
=3D"mailto:
clark@netcom.com">
clark@netcom.com</a><br><br> SPECIAL THANKS =
TO:<br>Kid Anarky (I won't even try to put the e-mail address:) for put= ting up with<br>my requests (even though they weren't originally meant = for him!)<br><br>Jim Cowling (<a href=3D"mailto:
jcowling@sol.uvic.ca">jcowl=
ing@sol.uvic.ca</a>) for letting me metion his name in the<br>'Constrai= nts of Awcrap'.<br><br>Dave Henry (<a href=3D"mailto:
dhenry@plains.noda= k.edu">
dhenry@plains.nodak.edu</a>) for just being the 'Serious Writer&= #39;.<br><br> Subplots courtesy of:<br>LetterinG MaN <a href=3D"mailt=
o:
cffitzge@iastate.edu">
cffitzge@iastate.edu</a><br>Note and big feather =
<a href=3D"mailto:
pwright@unix.ubc.ca">
pwright@unix.ubc.ca</a><br><br> (W=
hew! I hope that is everyone and everything)<br><br> ---Ken<br><a href=3D=
"mailto:
kenaschm@cs.indiana.edu">
kenaschm@cs.indiana.edu</a><br>kenaschm@si= lver.ucs.indiana.ed<br><br><br><br><br>Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh<br>From: =
<a href=3D"mailto:
dhenry@plains.NoDak.edu">
dhenry@plains.NoDak.edu</a> (Dav=
id R. Henry)<br>Subject: Beyond the Green Door<br>Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1993 02= :04:23 GMT<br><br>Since I went and posted my "first" LNH story, I=
thought this would be an<br>entirely appropriate time to repost the LNH st= ory I wrote earlier, which<br>features the, ahem, painful something-or-othe=
r of RosterwReam.<br><br>And away we go...<br><br>&&&&&= <br><br>> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0"By that locked door that neve=
r opens, you know, the one with the <br>>three letters DRH on it."<= br>> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0"Oh.=C2=A0 Yes, the quarters of Ser= ious Writer (tm).=C2=A0 He claims to have<br>>nothing to do with us!=C2=
=A0 He's a serious writer!" =C2=A0RosterwReam said getting <br>>= ;up and heading for the closet of where the disks were held. =C2=A0"Dr= at! =C2=A0I<br>>forgot to put him on the roster as well!" =C2=A0He = cursed.=C2=A0 I wonder what DRH <br>>stands for?=C2=A0 RosterwReam thoug=
ht back to an explanation that List Lad had<br>>told him once.=C2=A0 I t= hink the R stands for Rogue-lover, if I recall correctly.<br><br><br> It wa= s a quiet night. Too quiet.<br> All good hardboiled detective stories start=
that way.<br><br> RosterwReam was walking down the corridor, mindlessly ru=
nning his<br>thumb along the molding. There sure was a lot of dust, he deci= ded, looking<br>at his thumb.<br> He felt bored. He felt... trapped. He fel=
t...<br> No. He didn't feel like singing.<br> RosterwReam moved on, sil=
ent in the dusty night.<br><br> There was a door. Not just any door, but A = door. A special door.<br>A magical, wonderful, one-way, beautiful cosmic do=
or of wonder and power.<br>Not to get too much of the wrong idea about it: = =C2=A0it wasn't hardly a<br>dangerous, monstrous, dungeon-dwelling, iro= n-bound-brass portal. It didn't<br>glower down on innocent people, and =
it didn't rampage across whole solar<br>systems, leaving flaming wrecka=
ge behind it.<br> It was just a really neat door. Almost too cute. If Mr. R=
ogers'<br>Trolley could be made into a door, just as it's tooting, = without losing any<br>of its metaphysical cuteness, you'd have a pretty=
good start about what<br>the door could look like.<br> And what it led to!=
Oh, the possibilities! All you could imagine,<br>if your brain was soaked =
in thorazine and your eyes trained to a blacklight<br>kalidoscope, would be=
nothing compared to what was beyond that door.<br> Not that it mattered, b=
ecause it was locked, anyway.<br><br> RosterwReam walked on, in the still, = hot night. A tune started<br>bubbling in his mind.<br> "Da daaa da...&= quot; he hummed.<br> "...is such a frightful bore..."<br><br> Som=
ething moved. A piece of time woke up, decided it wasn't being<br>spent=
, and moved someplace else. This would be fine, except that the time<br>cur= rently happening at that place wasn't too thrilled with having to squee= ze<br>in yet more time. A clock whirred faster, hurling a few mice off its = hands<br>into the kitchen.<br><br> "...cause all we do is eat and eat<=
and then we eat some more!"<br><br> RosterwReam suddenly stopped.=
A thought, caroming happily across<br>the cosmos, found to its horror Rost= erwReam's head looming right before it.<br> RosterwReam blinked.<br> Ro=
sterwReam shuddered.<br> RosterwReam stopped, and reversed himself. He poun=
ded around the<br>corner, swinging on a spare bannister, and ended up, brea= thless, before the<br>door.<br> Locked, for so long. Locked, and no one kne=
w why. Locked, and the<br>finest minds of the LNH had been unable to figure=
out a way to open it.<br>Locked, for all intents and purposes, forever.<br=
RosterwReam reached up above the jamb, and took down the spare key.<br>He=
inserted it into the door, and turned.<br> Click.<br> "Hey, is that..=
."<br> Slam.<br><br> It is a magical, wondrous door. It is a portal be=
tween what should<br>be, and what almost would. It is a figment of its own = imagination, a<br>pressure point on the almost-was. It's also painted g= reen.<br> The DRH above the doorknob grew red and pale.<br><br>&&&a=
mp;&&<br><br>"STOP BENDIN' THE SHAFTS!!!!" --pax memo= rium!<br><br>-- <br>David R. Henry -- Rogue Fan Club / THE RED SHOES is com= ing! Barney fthagn!<br>Obessa Cantauit. --Richard Darwin =C2=A0// =C2=A0Wha=
t was the question? -- Kate Bush<br>"All you of Earth are IDIOTS!"= ;-P9fOS // Thanks... for the memories.--Rogue<br><a href=3D"mailto:dhenry@p= lains.nodak.edu">
dhenry@plains.nodak.edu</a> *
ud137927@ndsuvm1.bitnet * <a=
href=3D"mailto:
ud137927@vm1.nodak.edu">
ud137927@vm1.nodak.edu</a><br><br><= br><br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Next Week: =C2=A0Something=
something LNH!!!<br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Arthur "= ;Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitz=
er <br></div>
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