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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #427: LetterinG MaN #8

From Arthur Spitzer@arspitzer2@gmail.com to rec.arts.comics.creative on Sun Aug 23 20:33:42 2026

From Newsgroup: rec.arts.comics.creative

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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

Here's where you can find this and more LetterinG MaN
Action!:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/LetterinG.MaN/

And it's LetterinG MaN #8 by Charles FitzGerald!

Cheesecake Eater Lad -- has a brother?! And will he have
a name like Apple Pie Eater Guy -- or something not that
obvious?!! And what does Fury -- Taste Like?!!!!!

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #427

=====================
LetterinG MaN #8
=====================

****************************************************************************** * Mi-T * ****************** !* !*
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* Big * ********************* !**** !***** !**
!*************************
* Comix * *************** !** !**** !*** !***
!********************
* * ******* !** !*** !**** !***** !* !*** !** !**
!**********
* * ******* !****** !*** !**** !* !** !* !* !*
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* * !**** !************************************** ! ! !**
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* * !**** !****** !*** !** !** !** !**** !* !*
!******
********* !**** !** !* !* !** !* !* !**** !** !* !**
!
* Jul93 * !************* ! ! !* !** !* ! ! !**************
!*** !
* No. 1 * !********** !* !* !* !* !* !***************
!*
* * **************** !***** !* !** !* !**
!*********************** ******************************************************************************
starring
LL LL LL
LL LL LL
a LLL LLL iterative LLL ass

<The cover has The Ultimate Ninja posed with a look of pure hatred and anger
on his masked face and his twin Ginsu Katanas drawn and ready for action. aLLiterative Lass stands behind him, her chest heaving and her hips thrown
to one side, also ready for action. Looming behind them is a shadowy form
of a man dressed in gray spandex and a blue cape, his arms outstretched to engulf the Net.heroes.>

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<The first panel on this page shows aLLiterative Lass hugging
Cheesecake-Eater Lad, affectionately. Off to one side, New Look Lass
surveys the pair.>

``Oh, Cheesy, it's so good to see you,'' aLLiterative Lass said.

``It's good to see you too, LLL,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad replied.

<Another net.character enters the small group. He looks amazingly like Cheesecake-Eater Lad.>

``Look, LLL, this is my brother, Apple Pie Guy,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad said.

``I know him,'' explained aLLiterative Lass, ``he's the person you feel
closest to in the whole world, right?''

``That's right,'' Apple Pie Guy stated, ``me and Cheesy go _way_ back.''

<There is a loud crash. New Look Lass and Apple Pie Guy exchange startled glances; Cheesecake-Eater Lad jumps into aLLiterative Lass's arms.>

--Krasch--

``What was that?'' aLLiterative Lass was heard to say.

<aLLiterative Lass grabs Cheesecake-Eater Lass by the hand and starts to
drag him down the hall in the direction of the noise. New Look Lass and
Apple Pie Guy follow the pair.>

``Come on, guys,'' aLLiterative Lass said with enthusiasm, ``that sounded exciting.''

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<Two page spread. In one corner, a small box has written in it:
Supreme Editor for Life: Bert Niceguy
Plot: Bert Niceguy
Letterer: Chris Elioupoulous
Penciller: Lim Jee
Inker: Ihave Blackface
Colorer: Roy G. Biv
Script: Hack N. Slasch
Across the top of the two pages is written in big, purple letters:
The Beginning of the End!>

<In the first page, New Look Lass, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, and Apple Pie Guy start back at the sight in front of them, astonishment on their horrified faces. aLLiterative Lass draws her ninja swords and snarls in defiance.>

``Grrrrrr,'' aLLiterative Lass growled.

---

<On this page, a large, well-muscled, blonde man stands floating about a
foot off the ground. He is dressed in gray spandex and blue cape, boots,
and gloves; in addition, he has a red belt around his waist with ``Tsar
Chasm'' written on the buckle. Beside him floats two dark skinned men, slightly taller, though no less muscled, than their leader.>

``Ah ha,'' Tsar Chasm said, pompously, ``more Net.heroes. Now they will
taste my fury! Bwhahahahahaha!''

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<Golden beams fly from the fingertips of the Independ.Net Conqueror towards
the heroes.>

``I will continue my reign of terror without you meddlesome mongrels,'' Tsar Chasm ranted.

--ZZZZ-ttttt--

<aLLiterative Lass deftly deflects the murderous bolts of net.energy with
her ninja swords...>

--tink--

<...only to see the bolts hit Apple Pie Guy squarely amidst his chest.>

``Oh no,'' complained aLLiterative Lass as she saw the misdirected shot to
her fellow net.hero.

``Ughh,'' Apple Pie Guy groaned.

<Apple Pie Guy slumps into the awaiting arms of his brother. aLLiterative
Lass turns hers eyes away.>

``What...'' sputtered Cheesecake-Eater Lad, flabbergasted. ``....''

<aLLiterative Lass turns her grimace towards Tsar Chasm's contemptous face.>

``This is all your fault,'' she accused.

``You're absolutely correct,'' Tsar Chasm said in reply. ``and it's going
to continue to be my fault. Everything that happens to you will be because
of me. Remember that!''

<Tsar Chasm waves an arm and begins to fade away.>

``This is the Beginning of the End for you and all your kind,'' Tsar Chasm
said as he faded away. ``Fare well, Fools!''

---

<Page o' ads!>

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<aLLiterative Lass, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, and New Look Lass gather around
the gasping body of Apple Pie Guy.>

``I can't believe this is happening,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad said in a
ghostly voice.

``Now is not the time for that, Cheesy,'' aLLiterative Lass said, authoritariously. ``NL Lass, go and see if you can find one of the doctor types in this joint while I see what I can do.''

<aLLiterative Lass lowers herself into a lotus position. Cheesecake-Eater
Lad watches her with interest.>

``How can you help?'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad asked. ``What are you going to do?''

``This is an ancient ninja technique that helps to bring people back from almost dead,'' she replied. ``If only I'm not too late.''

<Green light envelops the forms of aLLiterative Lass and Apple Pie Guy.>

``Yekop-Yekoh eht od, Yekop-Yekoh eht od!'' chanted aLLiterative Lass.

<Apple Pie Guy's body gives a violent start ...>

``Dnuora flesruoy Nrut DNA Yekop-Yekoh eht od!'' continued aLLiterative
Lass.

<...and is lifeless once more.>

``Tuoba lla si ti tahw si taht!'' aLLiterative Lass finished with a sigh.

---

<aLLiterative Lass gets up and puts her hand on Cheesecake-Eater Lad's shoulder.>

``I'm sorry, Cheesy, there was nothing I could do,'' aLLiterative Lass explained, ``it's all in the Editor's hands now.''

<Cheesecake-Eater Lad buries his head in aLLiterative Lass's shoulder.
Behind the pair, the familiar form of the Ultimate Ninja is seen
approaching.>

``Waaaaaa,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad cried as aLLiterative Lass gently patted
his back.

``What's going on here,'' the master of all things ninja began. ``I felt a disturbance in the ninjether and came to investigate.''

<Ultimate Ninja notices the body of the fallen net.hero.>

``What...'' UN said in startled tones. ``What's happened to Apple Pie
Guy.''

``Tsar Chasm,'' both the other net.heroes reply.

<Ultimate Ninja grimaces beneath his mask and lets out an animalistic growl
of anger.>

``That's the last time one of my people gets hurt by that wacko,'' the Ninja said with great foreboding.

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<Yet more lovely advertisements!>

---

<Behind a big, oaken desk, a tall, thin figure with a thinner nose and an altogether too expensive suit sits in a chair obviously suited to a thicker man. His hands are clasped behind his head and his feet are on the desk.>

``This is the life,'' Bert Niceguy smirked. ``Oh, those poor, writers! How
I would hate to be them. A mere sheep to be led in whatsoever direction
those with greater minds, who sit above them in power, choose to go. Always worrying about _characters_ and _plotlines_ without truly understanding...''

--Bzzzzt--

<The Supreme Editor for Life picks up his phone with great displeasure.>

``Have I not told you not to bother me while I am soliloquizing!'' Bert said with real vehemence.

``Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh,'' the speaker phone said in perfect Charlie Brownese.

``Deja Dude, here?'' Mr. Niceguy replied, brightening visibly. ``Send him
in! Send him in!''

<Bert Niceguy gets up and meets the net.hero half way across the large
office, his hand out-streached.>

``It's so good to see you,'' Bert said to his newly arrived visitor. ``How
do you like the issue so far?''

``Hmm,'' Deja Dude grunted. ``Look, `Niceguy', I didn't come here to talk
about LetterinG MaN; I came about the Good Guys (tm).''

<The Editor waves Deja Dude towards a beautifully upholstered chair directly
in front of the enormous desk.>

``Yes, yes, that's right,'' Bert said suavely, ``Tell me, how is the Limited Series going? Almost done with the fourth part?''

``That's just my point,'' Deja Dude explained. ``The Limited Series is
over. Has been for weeks now.''

<Bert looks horrified at the news.>

``What,'' Bert gaped, ``I did not see a thing.''

<Deja Dude fiddles with his watch as he smiles at the Mi-T Big Editor.>

``The last parts went out without the Mi-T Big Label,'' continued Deja Dude, non-chalantly. ``I decided it was better not to associate with a known net.felon.''

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<A spasm of anger twists Mr. Niceguy's angular visage.>

``That was long ago,'' he rationalized. ``I've changed since then. I'm better. People like me now.''

<Deja Dude leans back and props his legs on the desk in front of him.>

``Oh yeah,'' he said snidely, ``what's your sales been like since you fired your leading man?''

<Bert's face is totally consumed by his rage.>

``That is none of your business,'' Bert said, spitting in his extreme anger. ``It is just the time of the year; we don't have a good supporting cast
built up; the writer is a ....'' His voice trailed away.

<Deja Dude is clearly pleased with himself as he flips the lid back of the
box of cigars on one corner of the desk. Bert Niceguy manages to bring his emotions into line.>

``Please, have one,'' Bert said with an effort. ``They are truly excellent cigars, unlike the ones my predessor enjoyed.''

``I don't smoke,'' Deja Dude stated.

``Neither do I,'' the Editor said in reply. ``I keep them here for my guests.'' With a slight hesitation he added, ``I apologize for losing
my temper.''

``That's alright,'' Deja Dude replied, ``I wasn't expecting much from you.''

<The corners of the Editor's mouth move upwards a minute amount with great effort.>

``Of course,'' Niceguy said without conviction. ``But I really think you
acted a bit hastily in removing your works from the Mi-T Big family, don't
you? I mean, you were, after all, our single best writer, much better than that idiot we used to have on LetterinG MaN -- what was his name? F
something, I believe.''

``FitzGerald,'' Deja Dude replied flatly.

``Quite right, quite right,'' the Editor replied. ``But you are so much
better than he that it would be a shame for you not to be working for the biggest producer of net.comics in the business. Think of the fame and
prestige we can offer you.''

---

<Deja Dude shakes his head and laughs a dry, hollow laugh.>

``You just don't understand,'' Deja Dude conceded.

<Bert Niceguy rises to his feet and stares down at Deja Dude.>

``It is you who do not understand,'' Bert said in a menacing tone. ``We
bought the Good Guys (tm). If they do not appear under our label they
appear nowhere!''

<Deja Dude stands and meets the Editor face to face.>

``Don't try to get all menacing with me, Mr. Bigshot,'' challenged Deja
Dude, ``'cause it's not gonna work. I'm not some two-bit net.character that relies on some collection of interconnected computers to give me life; I'm a W.C. A _Writer_ Character. I live both in the net and out of it simultaneously. You only have power over me if I allow you to have that
power. Remember that. Now I've told you the Good Guys (tm) don't belong to Mi-T Big anymore, and I am outta here.''

<Deja Dude hits a control on his watch and Bert Niceguy makes a grab for
him, his arms turning black and expanding into ghostlike appendages...>

``No, wait,'' yelled Bert Niceguy as Deja Dude hit the button that would
send him far away from the Mi-T Big corporate offices.

<...and Deja Dude disappears while Bert's arms slash through where he used
to be.>

--Blip--

<Bert Niceguy falls into his chair and covers his face in his hands.>

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<Are you tired of working for some two-bit, undercirculated,
black-and-white paged net.comic company?

Are your net.characters not given the merchandising they deserve?

Are you having trouble getting the last penny out of the snivelling
fanboy masses?

If the answer to any of the above questions is ``yes'', Mi-T Big Comix Corporation is looking for you! Mi-T Big is the biggest producer of
net.comics in the business and has been capitalizing on creativity for
more years than most have been in the business!

So if you're tired of a low return on your creative investment, e-mail

Bert Niceguy
Supreme Editor for Life
at
cffitzge@iastate.edu

and get the most experienced merchandizing team in the industry
working for _you_!>

---

<Ultimate Ninja, aLLiterative Lass, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad watch a
huge monitor as wReamhack types on the attached keyboard. The monitor
shows a vast map of Net.ropolis with a small, red blip at the
intersection of Phipps and Bingham Way.>

``By reversing the sequence of the electron flow,'' explained
wReamhack, ``and incorporating the tri-dilithium subatomic frequency modulation, I have been able to track Tsar Chasm's psycho-spoor back
to his lair as you can see by the little red dot on the map.''

<The two ninjas exchange deadly smiles.>

``Very good work, wReamhack,'' Ultimate Ninja said with a cold chill
in his voice. ``Now ready the TransMat Tubes and we will bring the
fight to these fell villians.''

<In his secret hideout, Tsar Chasm sits in a chair drinking a beer
while his two assistants lounge against the walls.>

``We really knocked it to 'em, didn't we boss,'' the first assistant
said with a smile.

``We sure did, Webster,'' Tsar Chasm quipped. ``I just love killing
those inept fools.''

<Big half page panel. aLLiterative Lass stands with her ninja swords
ready for action.>

``Well, we're here to make sure that it doesn't happen again,''
aLLiterative Lass threatened.

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<Tsar Chasm points to aLLiterative Lass, the Ultimate Ninja, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad as his two assistants rush at the assembled
net.heroes.>

``Get them,'' Tsar Chasm called.

<The Ultimate Ninja springs past the flunkies to attack their leader
while aLLiterative Lass prepares her defense against muscle-bound
pair.>

``You take care of these two while I take care of Tsar Chasm,'' UN
told aLLiterative Lass.

``You got it, chief,'' aLLiterative Lass replied.

<Cheesecake-Eater Lad watches the fight with a worried look.>

``Oh my,'' he thought, ``I wish I we didn't have to fight these
terrible villians all the time! With Apple Pie Guy gone, I don't
think I could bear the loss of aLLiterative Lass. But, I suppose, a
hero's gotta do what a hero's gotta do.''

<aLLiterative Lass uses the hilt of one of her swords to hit the first
flunky on the head and the other hilt she rams into the other flunky's stomach.>

--Clunk--

``Ughhh,'' the second flunky groaned as he hit the floor.

<The Ultimate Ninja slices at Tsar Chasm with his Ginsu Katana.>

``Take that you no-good crook,'' Ultimate Ninja taunted.

<Tsar Chasm gathers himself up and unleashes a stream of net.energy at
his foe.>

``Die, Ninja, Die!'' the villian sneered.

---

<The blinding yellow fury of his enemy's powerful beam disintegrates
the Ginsu Katana in the Ultimate Ninja's hands.>

``One .. last .. chance,'' thought UN as the net.energy enveloped him.

<The Ultimate Ninja springs at Tsar Chasm. Tsar Chasm, surprised by
the ninja's speed, brings up his arms to protect himself.>

``GRrrrr,'' growled the master of all things ninja.

<aLLiterative Lass jumps and grabs ahold of Cheesecake-Eater Lad.>

``Get down!'' she cried, pulling C-E Lad with her.

<There is a huge, blue and white explosion, the grappling forms of
Ultimate Ninja and Tsar Chasm ghostly visible in its center.>

--Wha-Zoomie--

*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************

<aLLiterative Lass helps Cheesecake-Eater Lad up from the floor.
Behind them, New Look Lass can be seen with several net.cops.>

``Are you okay,'' aLLiterative Lass asked Cheesecake-Eater Lad.

``Just a little shaken is all,'' he replied. ``What happened?''

<The net.cops start to haul the two flunkies away while the net.heroes congregate.>

``I was about to ask the same thing,'' New Look Lass said. ``Where's
Ultimate Ninja?''

``As near as I can tell,'' aLLiterative Lass explained, ``they went
off in a spatial-temporal distortion flux. I think they'll both turn
up sooner or later.''

``That's a relief,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad said, but then added
hastily, ``at least as far as Ultimate Ninja is concerned.''

<aLLiterative Lass draws away from her fellow LNH'ers and stands
looking nobly out of the page. The other two stand behind her in
silence.>

``Yes,'' aLLiterative Lass began, ``but this issue has shown me
something. No longer are our loved ones safe with terrible villians
like these always out to get us. No, now I fear we must hide
ourselves away from the rest of the net in order that our friends and
relations will not become the victims of the savage attacks of crazed
lunatics. Maybe Australia ....''

<The bottom of the page is boxed off. Inside is written, ``How will aLLiterative Lass and her friends manage to continue their fight
against evil without endangering their friends? Find out in the next
issue of LetterinG MaN starring aLLiterative Lass!''>

<At the bottom of this page, in small print, is written:
Copyright 1993 by Charles F. FitzGerald. The Ultimate
Ninja, wReamhack property of Raymond Bingham. Tsar
Chasm property of Ken Schmidt. Deja Dude property of
Martin Phipps. All used with permission. Special
thanks to Martin Phipps for help with the Bert
Niceguy/Deja Dude interlude scene.>

---

LL
LL
LLL e TT e r s
--------------

Dear LetterinG Man,

Forgive my tardiness with these tidings, but plotting the conquest
of
the entire .net is busy work. I just had to give you my impressions of LetterinG MaN [issue] 5. Wonderful work. Truly you are the most flawless
of all of the Legion of Net.Heroes when it comes to typesetting and use of words.

I am sincere with these remarks. Look in near the middle of that issue, and what do we see? I shall paraphrase:

"Your Bluffing!" said LetterinG MaN.

Ah yes, bluffing. What exactly is a bluffing? Oh, my! Is that a mistake
made
by LetterinG MaN? Then you truthfully do represent the Legion of
Net.Heroes.

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA. You pathetic fools! Don't ever be too comfortable. For
when the fruit of conquest is ripe, I shall be prepared to pluck it. Who
shall be there to stop me? Your Legion? HA! This conquest will be easier than I orginally thought!

Tsar Chasm
1 Conquest Way
Secret Headquarters, somewhere on the .net

[Well Mr. Chasm, _your_ right! (hee hee, hee hee) I guess it's a good
thing we got rid of that character when we did! (You will note that issue 5 marked the last appearance of LetterinG MaN in this fine publication.)
I am sure aLLiterative Lass won't ever make such a stupid mistake. But
that's what comes from having characters with more letters than brains!

Thanks for the letter Tsar! And all you out there, keep writing and
telling just how much you enjoy our comic book! Just think, next time it
could be _you're_ letter here!]

---
aLLiterative Lass -- Living for Language!

Appearing monthly in Mi-T Big Comix!

==========

Next Week: Something something LNH!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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<div dir=3D"ltr">And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie arc= hive once again. Here's where you can find this and more=
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=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #427 <br= > =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0LetterinG MaN #8 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D = *******************************************************************= *********** * Mi-T =C2=A0* ****************** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !************************** *=
Big =C2=A0 * ********************* =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!** !***= ********************** * Comix * *************** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0!**** = =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !*** =C2=A0!******************** * =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!** !*** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0= !***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!*** !** =C2=A0 !** !********** * =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0!****** !*** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2= =A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* !********** * =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!************************************** = =C2=A0! =C2=A0! =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0! * =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 *=
=C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0!****** =C2=A0 !*** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0=
!** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* !****** ********* =C2=A0 !****=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!*=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0! * Jul=
93 * =C2=A0 !************* =C2=A0! =C2=A0 =C2=A0! =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0=
!* =C2=A0! =C2=A0! =C2=A0!************** =C2=A0!*** ! * No. 1 * =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0!********** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !*=
=C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*************** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !* * =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 * **************** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!=
** =C2=A0!*********************** **************************************= **************************************** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 starring =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 LL =C2=A0LL =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0LL =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 LL =C2=A0LL =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0LL =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 a LLL LLL it= erative LLL ass <The cover has The Ultimate Ninja posed with a lo=
ok of pure hatred and anger on his masked face and his twin Ginsu Katana=
s drawn and ready for action. aLLiterative Lass stands behind him, her c= hest heaving and her hips thrown to one side, also ready for action.=C2=
=A0 Looming behind them is a shadowy form of a man dressed in gray spand=
ex and a blue cape, his arms outstretched to engulf the Net.heroes.><= br> *******************************LetterinG MaN************************= *********** <The first panel on this page shows aLLiterative Lass=
hugging Cheesecake-Eater Lad, affectionately.=C2=A0 Off to one side, Ne=
w Look Lass surveys the pair.> ``Oh, Cheesy, it's so good =
to see you,'' aLLiterative Lass said. ``It's good to see=
you too, LLL,'' Cheesecake-Eater Lad replied. <Another n= et.character enters the small group.=C2=A0 He looks amazingly like Chees= ecake-Eater Lad.> ``Look, LLL, this is my brother, Apple Pie Guy,= '' Cheesecake-Eater Lad said. ``I know him,'' explai= ned aLLiterative Lass, ``he's the person you feel closest to in the = whole world, right?'' ``That's right,'' Apple Pi=
e Guy stated, ``me and Cheesy go _way_ back.'' <There is =
a loud crash.=C2=A0 New Look Lass and Apple Pie Guy exchange startled gl= ances; Cheesecake-Eater Lad jumps into aLLiterative Lass's arms.><br= > --Krasch-- ``What was that?'' aLLiterative Lass was hea=
rd to say. <aLLiterative Lass grabs Cheesecake-Eater Lass by the = hand and starts to drag him down the hall in the direction of the noise.= =C2=A0 New Look Lass and Apple Pie Guy follow the pair.> ``Com=
e on, guys,'' aLLiterative Lass said with enthusiasm, ``that sounde= d exciting.'' *******************************LetterinG Ma= N*********************************** <Two page spread.=C2=A0 In o=
ne corner, a small box has written in it: Supreme Editor for Life: =C2= =A0Bert Niceguy Plot: =C2=A0Bert Niceguy Letterer: =C2=A0Chris Elioup= oulous Penciller: =C2=A0Lim Jee Inker: =C2=A0Ihave Blackface Color= er: =C2=A0Roy G. Biv Script: =C2=A0Hack N. Slasch Across the top of t=
he two pages is written in big, purple letters: =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 The Beginning of the End!> <In the first page, New Look La= ss, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, and Apple Pie Guy start back at the sight in f= ront of them, astonishment on their horrified faces. =C2=A0aLLiterative = Lass draws her ninja swords and snarls in defiance.> ``Grrrrrr,&#= 39;' aLLiterative Lass growled. --- <On this page, a l= arge, well-muscled, blonde man stands floating about a foot off the grou= nd.=C2=A0 He is dressed in gray spandex and blue cape, boots, and gloves=
; in addition, he has a red belt around his waist with ``Tsar Chasm'= ' written on the buckle.=C2=A0 Beside him floats two dark skinned men,<= br>slightly taller, though no less muscled, than their leader.> `= `Ah ha,'' Tsar Chasm said, pompously, ``more Net.heroes.=C2=A0 Now = they will taste my fury!=C2=A0 Bwhahahahahaha!'' ********= ***********************LetterinG MaN*********************************** = <Golden beams fly from the fingertips of the Independ.Net Conqueror = towards the heroes.> ``I will continue my reign of terror with= out you meddlesome mongrels,'' Tsar Chasm ranted. --ZZZZ-= ttttt-- <aLLiterative Lass deftly deflects the murderous bolts of=
net.energy with her ninja swords...> --tink-- <...o= nly to see the bolts hit Apple Pie Guy squarely amidst his chest.> <b= r>``Oh no,'' complained aLLiterative Lass as she saw the misdirecte=
d shot to her fellow net.hero. ``Ughh,'' Apple Pie Guy gr= oaned. <Apple Pie Guy slumps into the awaiting arms of his brothe=
r. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass turns hers eyes away.> ``What...&#3= 9;' sputtered Cheesecake-Eater Lad, flabbergasted. =C2=A0``....'&#3= 9; <aLLiterative Lass turns her grimace towards Tsar Chasm's = contemptous face.> ``This is all your fault,'' she accuse= d. ``You're absolutely correct,'' Tsar Chasm said in rep= ly. =C2=A0``and it's going to continue to be my fault.=C2=A0 Everyth= ing that happens to you will be because of me.=C2=A0 Remember that!'= ' <Tsar Chasm waves an arm and begins to fade away.> <b= r>``This is the Beginning of the End for you and all your kind,'' T= sar Chasm said as he faded away. =C2=A0``Fare well, Fools!'' = --- <Page o' ads!> ****************************= ***LetterinG MaN*********************************** <aLLiterative=
Lass, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, and New Look Lass gather around the gasping=
body of Apple Pie Guy.> ``I can't believe this is happening,= '' Cheesecake-Eater Lad said in a ghostly voice. ``Now is=
not the time for that, Cheesy,'' aLLiterative Lass said, author= itariously. =C2=A0``NL Lass, go and see if you can find one of the doctor<b= r>types in this joint while I see what I can do.'' <aLLit= erative Lass lowers herself into a lotus position.=C2=A0 Cheesecake-Eater<b= r>Lad watches her with interest.> ``How can you help?'' C= heesecake-Eater Lad asked. =C2=A0``What are you going to do?''<b= r> ``This is an ancient ninja technique that helps to bring people back = from almost dead,'' she replied. =C2=A0``If only I'm not too=
late.'' <Green light envelops the forms of aLLiterative = Lass and Apple Pie Guy.> ``Yekop-Yekoh eht od, Yekop-Yekoh eht od= !'' chanted aLLiterative Lass. <Apple Pie Guy's body = gives a violent start ...> ``Dnuora flesruoy Nrut DNA Yekop-Yekoh=
eht od!'' continued aLLiterative Lass. <...and is lifele=
ss once more.> ``Tuoba lla si ti tahw si taht!'' aLLitera= tive Lass finished with a sigh. --- <aLLiterative Lass get=
s up and puts her hand on Cheesecake-Eater Lad's shoulder.> <b= r>``I'm sorry, Cheesy, there was nothing I could do,'' aLLitera= tive Lass explained, ``it's all in the Editor's hands now.'&= #39; <Cheesecake-Eater Lad buries his head in aLLiterative Lass&#= 39;s shoulder. Behind the pair, the familiar form of the Ultimate Ninja =
is seen approaching.> ``Waaaaaa,'' Cheesecake-Eater La=
d cried as aLLiterative Lass gently patted his back. ``What's=
going on here,'' the master of all things ninja began. =C2=A0``I f= elt a disturbance in the ninjether and came to investigate.''<br= > <Ultimate Ninja notices the body of the fallen net.hero.> <br= >``What...'' UN said in startled tones. =C2=A0``What's happened=
to Apple Pie Guy.'' ``Tsar Chasm,'' both the oth=
er net.heroes reply. <Ultimate Ninja grimaces beneath his mask an=
d lets out an animalistic growl of anger.> ``That's the la=
st time one of my people gets hurt by that wacko,'' the Ninja sa=
id with great foreboding. *******************************LetterinG M= aN*********************************** <Yet more lovely advertisem= ents!> --- <Behind a big, oaken desk, a tall, thin figu=
re with a thinner nose and an altogether too expensive suit sits in a ch= air obviously suited to a thicker man.=C2=A0 His hands are clasped behin=
d his head and his feet are on the desk.> ``This is the life,&#39= ;' Bert Niceguy smirked. =C2=A0``Oh, those poor, writers!=C2=A0 How =
I would hate to be them.=C2=A0 A mere sheep to be led in whatsoever directi= on those with greater minds, who sit above them in power, choose to go.= =C2=A0 Always worrying about _characters_ and _plotlines_ without truly = understanding...'' --Bzzzzt-- <The Supreme Editor = for Life picks up his phone with great displeasure.> ``Have I not=
told you not to bother me while I am soliloquizing!'' Bert said<br= >with real vehemence. ``Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh,'' the speaker phone = said in perfect Charlie Brownese. ``Deja Dude, here?'' Mr. N= iceguy replied, brightening visibly. =C2=A0``Send him in!=C2=A0 Send him=
in!'' <Bert Niceguy gets up and meets the net.hero half = way across the large office, his hand out-streached.> ``It&#39=
;s so good to see you,'' Bert said to his newly arrived visitor. = =C2=A0``How do you like the issue so far?'' ``Hmm,'&#= 39; Deja Dude grunted. ``Look, `Niceguy', I didn't come here to tal= k about LetterinG MaN; I came about the Good Guys (tm).'' <br= ><The Editor waves Deja Dude towards a beautifully upholstered chair dir= ectly in front of the enormous desk.> ``Yes, yes, that's r= ight,'' Bert said suavely, ``Tell me, how is the Limited Series = going?=C2=A0 Almost done with the fourth part?'' ``That'=
s just my point,'' Deja Dude explained. =C2=A0``The Limited Series = is over.=C2=A0 Has been for weeks now.'' <Bert looks h= orrified at the news.> ``What,'' Bert gaped, ``I did not = see a thing.'' <Deja Dude fiddles with his watch as he sm= iles at the Mi-T Big Editor.> ``The last parts went out without t=
he Mi-T Big Label,'' continued Deja Dude, non-chalantly. =C2=A0`=
`I decided it was better not to associate with a known net.felon.'&#= 39; *******************************LetterinG MaN********************= *************** <A spasm of anger twists Mr. Niceguy's angula=
r visage.> ``That was long ago,'' he rationalized. =C2=A0= ``I've changed since then.=C2=A0 I'm better.=C2=A0 People like m=
e now.'' <Deja Dude leans back and props his legs on the = desk in front of him.> ``Oh yeah,'' he said snidely, ``wh= at's your sales been like since you fired your leading man?'&#39= ; <Bert's face is totally consumed by his rage.> ``= That is none of your business,'' Bert said, spitting in his extreme=
anger. ``It is just the time of the year; we don't have a good supp= orting cast built up; the writer is a ....'' =C2=A0His voice tra= iled away. <Deja Dude is clearly pleased with himself as he flips=
the lid back of the box of cigars on one corner of the desk.=C2=A0 Bert=
Niceguy manages to bring his emotions into line.> ``Please, h= ave one,'' Bert said with an effort. =C2=A0``They are truly excelle= nt cigars, unlike the ones my predessor enjoyed.'' ``I do= n't smoke,'' Deja Dude stated. ``Neither do I,''=
the Editor said in reply. =C2=A0``I keep them here for my guests.'&= #39; =C2=A0With a slight hesitation he added, ``I apologize for losing m=
y temper.'' ``That's alright,'' Deja Dude repli= ed, ``I wasn't expecting much from you.'' <The corner=
s of the Editor's mouth move upwards a minute amount with great effo= rt.> ``Of course,'' Niceguy said without conviction. =C2= =A0``But I really think you acted a bit hastily in removing your works f= rom the Mi-T Big family, don't you?=C2=A0 I mean, you were, after al=
l, our single best writer, much better than that idiot we used to have o=
n LetterinG MaN -- what was his name? =C2=A0F something, I believe.'= ' ``FitzGerald,'' Deja Dude replied flatly. ``Qui=
te right, quite right,'' the Editor replied. =C2=A0``But you are so=
much better than he that it would be a shame for you not to be working = for the biggest producer of net.comics in the business.=C2=A0 Think of t=
he fame and prestige we can offer you.'' --- <D= eja Dude shakes his head and laughs a dry, hollow laugh.> ``You j= ust don't understand,'' Deja Dude conceded. <Bert Nic= eguy rises to his feet and stares down at Deja Dude.> ``It is you=
who do not understand,'' Bert said in a menacing tone. =C2=A0``We<= br>bought the Good Guys (tm).=C2=A0 If they do not appear under our label t= hey appear nowhere!'' <Deja Dude stands and meets the = Editor face to face.> ``Don't try to get all menacing with me=
, Mr. Bigshot,'' challenged Deja Dude, ``'cause it's not=
gonna work.=C2=A0 I'm not some two-bit net.character that relies on=
some collection of interconnected computers to give me life; I'm a = W.C.=C2=A0 A _Writer_ Character.=C2=A0 I live both in the net and out of it= simultaneously.=C2=A0 You only have power over me if I allow you to hav=
e that power.=C2=A0 Remember that.=C2=A0 Now I've told you the Good = Guys (tm) don't belong to Mi-T Big anymore, and I am outta here.&#39= ;' <Deja Dude hits a control on his watch and Bert Niceguy ma= kes a grab for him, his arms turning black and expanding into ghostlike = appendages...> ``No, wait,'' yelled Bert Niceguy as Deja = Dude hit the button that would send him far away from the Mi-T Big corpo= rate offices. <...and Deja Dude disappears while Bert's arms = slash through where he used to be.> --Blip-- <Bert N= iceguy falls into his chair and covers his face in his hands.> **= *****************************LetterinG MaN*********************************= ** <Are you tired of working for some two-bit, undercirculated,<b= r>black-and-white paged net.comic company? Are your net.characters n=
ot given the merchandising they deserve? Are you having trouble gett= ing the last penny out of the snivelling fanboy masses? If the an= swer to any of the above questions is ``yes'', Mi-T Big Comix Co= rporation is looking for you!=C2=A0 Mi-T Big is the biggest producer of = net.comics in the business and has been capitalizing on creativity for m= ore years than most have been in the business! So if you're tire=
d of a low return on your creative investment, e-mail =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Bert Niceguy =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Supreme Editor for Life at =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 <a href=3D"mailto:cffi= tzge@iastate.edu">cffitzge@iastate.edu</a> and get the most experien= ced merchandizing team in the industry working for _you_!> ---= <Ultimate Ninja, aLLiterative Lass, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad wat=
ch a huge monitor as wReamhack types on the attached keyboard.=C2=A0 The=
monitor shows a vast map of Net.ropolis with a small, red blip at the<b= r>intersection of Phipps and Bingham Way.> ``By reversing the seq= uence of the electron flow,'' explained wReamhack, ``and incorpo= rating the tri-dilithium subatomic frequency modulation, I have been abl=
e to track Tsar Chasm's psycho-spoor back to his lair as you can see=
by the little red dot on the map.'' <The two ninjas exch= ange deadly smiles.> ``Very good work, wReamhack,'' Ultim= ate Ninja said with a cold chill in his voice. =C2=A0``Now ready the Tra= nsMat Tubes and we will bring the fight to these fell villians.'&#39= ; <In his secret hideout, Tsar Chasm sits in a chair drinking a b= eer while his two assistants lounge against the walls.> ``We r= eally knocked it to 'em, didn't we boss,'' the first assist= ant said with a smile. ``We sure did, Webster,'' Tsar Cha=
sm quipped. =C2=A0``I just love killing those inept fools.'' = <Big half page panel. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass stands with her ninja = swords ready for action.> ``Well, we're here to make sure = that it doesn't happen again,'' aLLiterative Lass threatened= . *******************************LetterinG MaN**********************= ************* <Tsar Chasm points to aLLiterative Lass, the Ultima=
te Ninja, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad as his two assistants rush at the ass= embled net.heroes.> ``Get them,'' Tsar Chasm called.<b= r> <The Ultimate Ninja springs past the flunkies to attack their lead= er while aLLiterative Lass prepares her defense against muscle-bound = pair.> ``You take care of these two while I take care of Tsar Cha= sm,'' UN told aLLiterative Lass. ``You got it, chief,&#39= ;' aLLiterative Lass replied. <Cheesecake-Eater Lad watches t=
he fight with a worried look.> ``Oh my,'' he thought, ``I=
wish I we didn't have to fight these terrible villians all the time= !=C2=A0 With Apple Pie Guy gone, I don't think I could bear the loss=
of aLLiterative Lass.=C2=A0 But, I suppose, a hero's gotta do what =
a hero's gotta do.'' <aLLiterative Lass uses the hilt=
of one of her swords to hit the first flunky on the head and the other = hilt she rams into the other flunky's stomach.> --Clunk--<= br> ``Ughhh,'' the second flunky groaned as he hit the floor.<br= > <The Ultimate Ninja slices at Tsar Chasm with his Ginsu Katana.>= ``Take that you no-good crook,'' Ultimate Ninja taunted.<br= > <Tsar Chasm gathers himself up and unleashes a stream of net.energy=
at his foe.> ``Die, Ninja, Die!'' the villian sneered= . --- <The blinding yellow fury of his enemy's powerfu=
l beam disintegrates the Ginsu Katana in the Ultimate Ninja's hands.= > ``One .. last .. chance,'' thought UN as the net.energy=
enveloped him. <The Ultimate Ninja springs at Tsar Chasm.=C2=A0 = Tsar Chasm, surprised by the ninja's speed, brings up his arms to pr= otect himself.> ``GRrrrr,'' growled the master of all thi= ngs ninja. <aLLiterative Lass jumps and grabs ahold of Cheesecake= -Eater Lad.> ``Get down!'' she cried, pulling C-E Lad wit=
h her. <There is a huge, blue and white explosion, the grappling = forms of Ultimate Ninja and Tsar Chasm ghostly visible in its center.&gt= ; --Wha-Zoomie-- *******************************LetterinG MaN= *********************************** <aLLiterative Lass helps Chee= secake-Eater Lad up from the floor. Behind them, New Look Lass can be se=
en with several net.cops.> ``Are you okay,'' aLLiterative=
Lass asked Cheesecake-Eater Lad. ``Just a little shaken is all,&#39= ;' he replied. =C2=A0``What happened?'' <The net.cops=
start to haul the two flunkies away while the net.heroes congregate.&gt= ; ``I was about to ask the same thing,'' New Look Lass said.=
=C2=A0``Where's Ultimate Ninja?'' ``As near as I can=
tell,'' aLLiterative Lass explained, ``they went off in a spati= al-temporal distortion flux.=C2=A0 I think they'll both turn up soon=
er or later.'' ``That's a relief,'' Cheesecake-E= ater Lad said, but then added hastily, ``at least as far as Ultimate Nin=
ja is concerned.'' <aLLiterative Lass draws away from her=
fellow LNH'ers and stands looking nobly out of the page.=C2=A0 The = other two stand behind her in silence.> ``Yes,'' aLLit= erative Lass began, ``but this issue has shown me something.=C2=A0 No lo= nger are our loved ones safe with terrible villians like these always ou=
t to get us.=C2=A0 No, now I fear we must hide ourselves away from the r= est of the net in order that our friends and relations will not become t=
he victims of the savage attacks of crazed lunatics.=C2=A0 Maybe Austral=
ia ....'' <The bottom of the page is boxed off.=C2=A0 Ins= ide is written, ``How will aLLiterative Lass and her friends manage to c= ontinue their fight against evil without endangering their friends?=C2=
=A0 Find out in the next issue of LetterinG MaN starring aLLiterative La= ss!''> <At the bottom of this page, in small print, is=
written: =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Copyright 1993 by Charles F. FitzG= erald.=C2=A0 The Ultimate =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Ninja, wReamhack p= roperty of Raymond Bingham.=C2=A0 Tsar =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Chasm=
property of Ken Schmidt.=C2=A0 Deja Dude property of =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 Martin Phipps.=C2=A0 All used with permission.=C2=A0 Special <br= >=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 thanks to Martin Phipps for help with the Bert=
 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Niceguy/Deja Dude interlude scene.> = --- LL LL LLL e TT e r s -------------- Dear Let= terinG Man, =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Forgive my tardiness with th= ese tidings, but plotting the conquest of the entire .net is busy work.= =C2=A0 I just had to give you my impressions of LetterinG MaN [issue] 5= .=C2=A0 Wonderful work.=C2=A0 Truly you are the most flawless of all of = the Legion of Net.Heroes when it comes to typesetting and use of words. = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I am sincere with these remarks.=C2=A0 = Look in near the middle of that issue, and what do we see?=C2=A0 I shall=
paraphrase: "Your Bluffing!" =C2=A0said LetterinG MaN.<br= > Ah yes, bluffing.=C2=A0 What exactly is a bluffing?=C2=A0 Oh, my! Is t= hat a mistake made by LetterinG MaN?=C2=A0 Then you truthfully do repres= ent the Legion of Net.Heroes. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.=C2=A0 You pathetic foo= ls!=C2=A0 Don't ever be too comfortable.=C2=A0 For when the fruit o=
f conquest is ripe, I shall be prepared to pluck it.=C2=A0 Who shall be = there to stop me?=C2=A0 Your Legion?=C2=A0 HA!=C2=A0 This conquest will be = easier than I orginally thought! =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Tsar Chasm =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 1 Conquest Way =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Secret Headquarters, somewhere on the .net<= br> [Well Mr. Chasm, _your_ right! =C2=A0(hee hee, hee hee) =C2=A0I gues=
s it's a good thing we got rid of that character when we did! =C2=A0= (You will note that issue 5 marked the last appearance of LetterinG MaN =
in this fine publication.) I am sure aLLiterative Lass won't ever ma=
ke such a stupid mistake.=C2=A0 But that's what comes from having ch= aracters with more letters than brains! Thanks for the letter Tsar!= =C2=A0 And all you out there, keep writing and telling just how much you=
enjoy our comic book!=C2=A0 Just think, next time it could be _you'= re_ letter here!] --- aLLiterative Lass -- Living for Language!<b= r> Appearing monthly in Mi-T Big Comix! =3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Next Week: =C2=A0Something something LNH!! <br= >=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Arthur "Same Classic Channel.= =C2=A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer <br= ></div>

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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #427: LetterinG MaN #8

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