Forum: Too Lazy BBS

LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #418: The BloodKitty Saga Part One

From Arthur Spitzer@arspitzer2@gmail.com to rec.arts.comics.creative on Sun Jun 14 20:41:42 2026

From Newsgroup: rec.arts.comics.creative

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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

Here's where you can find this and more Panta Action!:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/

And it's Tales of LNH #291-292 by Hubert Bartels
The Beginning of the BloodKitty Saga (although
maybe it began a few issues back or perhaps
it actually begins in #294 with the first
mention of BloodKitty -- Who Knows)!

How is Panta's journey to become a Big
Star in the Comic Book Industry going?!
Will the Bad Guys be able to make a call
to get a pizza -- even if it's a long
distance call?!! And do people who buy
Furrboy ever read the articles?!!!!!!

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #418

=====================
The BloodKitty Saga Part One
=====================

_
| | Tales of the
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

#291: Dangerously Lemon Panties

[ Tales of the LNH #288 introduced us to four gentlemen who went to the
basement of the LNH HQ to do a bit of occult work. It seems that the
thing they are summoning is composed of stupidity. Tales of the LNH #289
showed us how Panta left Professor X's School for Gifted Youngsters
because
she did not have the powers that today's fanboys droll over. Tales of the
#290 printed the letter that Panta sent from somewhere West of
Net.roplis.]

In the darkness, something foul gibbered. It crashed against meta-
physical boundaries, aware only that something, someone was trying to bring
in back out into the world - out there where its victims lay.
In the basement of the Legion of Net Heroes, the four men took a
break. They had been chanting for hours. The only result of their efforts
was a dark shadow in the center of the pentagram that filled the room. The
men averted their eyes from the darkness - it had a strange glimmer to it -
the visual equivalent of screeching chalk on a blackboard.
"Wanna send out for pizza?" the youngest asked.
The leader removed THE GLASSES OF STUPIDITY and rubbed his eyes.

"They have a cafeteria here. Why don't we just go there?"
"Uh, uh. Boss. They only have cheesecake."
"Oh yeah... " The leader remembered. "Go ahead, then. But no
anchovies, ya hear!"
"Sure, boss." He flipped up his hood and walked out of the room.
The leader watched him go and then checked the wards again. It would
not do to have the thing they were summoning break free before he named it. "So, what are you going to do with it?" The man with red hair asked.
"Do with it?" the leader smiled. "Why punish people. Revenge! Utter
total physically revolting revenge. Payback for every small slight that

anyone's ever done to me." He reached over and slapped the man with his
hood. "And don't you forget it!"
"Yes, boss," the man with red hair meekly replied.

Upstairs, the youngest man approached the receptionist at his desk.
"Excuse me, I'd like to use the phone."
The receptionist looked up. "Why?"
"To order pizza."
"Is that a long distance call? You can't make long distance calls

from the front lobby. Th Ultimate Ninja has just ruled against long distance calls from the front lobby."
"Um, the pizza place is around the corner."
"I guess that will be alright. Here."
The young man in the hood picked up the phone, ordered a large cheese
and black olive pizza from the Pizza Pit, and asked that it be delivered to
the basement of the Headquarters of the Legion of the Net Heroes. Then he returned downstairs.

30 minutes later, Insomnia Boy appeared at the doorway to the room
downstairs. He glanced at the dust-covered sign reading "Mutant Guest
Quarters" and then called out, "I've got a pizza for a party of four, the Villianous Gang of Four?"
"That's us," the leader called out, breaking the chant.
"That'll be $10.50," Insomnia Boy said.
"OK. Put it down on that old bed. Just don't touch any of the lines
or there'll be hell to pay."
"Whatever you say." Insomnia Boy crossed the room, trying not to
look at the darkness inside the pentagram. After dropping off the pizza and returning to the doorway, he paused. "So, what are you working on? I thought Occult Lad was in charge of the hocus-pocus stuff?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all," the leader said, pressing a twenty
into Insomnia Boy's hand. "Have a good day." Then he pushed the young man
out of the room.
"Boss, I think we're ready for the final step."
"Good. Let's eat first and then turn it loose."

Miles and miles and miles away from Net.roplis in San Antonio, a
sad leopard girl waited in a room. She had been waiting for hours. The
address of the room was that on the card the professor had tossed her. The glass door at the end of the room read - M.H, Managing Editor.
She was not the only one in the room. A small buxom rabbit girl,
dressed in a fantasy style armor and her artist, a slightly overweight, bespectacled man in his late 30's had been waiting as she arrived. They
had ignored her, talking nervously between themselves in whispers.
The door opened. Panta and the other two looked up.
"Mr H.B____ls? Sword Bunny?" the woman in the doorway said. "He can
see you now."

Panta watched the two get up and leave the room. The door closed and
she was alone again.

Nothing to do but wait. She straightened the edges of her portfolio
and wished that she could have afforded a real artist to draw her. Or even
a BigName artist. With a BigName artist, she would have had a good chance
to get her claws into the door.
The door opened again. The same woman stood there.
"Miss Panta? I'm sorry, He isn't seeing any more people today.
Could you-"
Panta, choking back tears, had left the room.

[WHAT are they doing down there? And what is Captain Cleanup going
to say to the dust in the basement of the LNH? What will the Ultimate Ninja
do without a good fight now and then. And what of poor Panta? Will she be
able to get a job in the comics industry?

Panta and Sword Bunny, Copyright 1993 by Hubert Bartels

_
| | Tales of the
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

#292: A Tale of Two Horrors

[ Tales of the LNH #288-291 introduced us to four gentlemen who went to the
basement of the LNH HQ to do a bit of occult work. Panta is somewhere in
Texas, crushed by her failure to land a job with Antarctic Press. The four
are done; Panta is on the front steps of the building, and the sun is
about
to go down. ]

Panta turned to the building and raised her fist in the air. "I'll
be back - then I'll show you!" she shouted.
As Panta stood, she was observed by two gentlemen standing in the shadows of the building. One was tall, balding with only stray wisps of
hair.
The other was shorter, stouter, and had a little pencil mustache.
"Breasts, Mr. Hyde, " said the tall gentleman.
"Jiggling breasts, Mr. Steed," said the shorter gentleman.
They watched as the setting sun outlined the leopard girl's sleek lines, showing off her slowly bouncing, firm breasts. Then she turned to go.
"Independently jiggling breasts, Mr Hyde," added the shorter
gentleman.
He hurried with his taller partner to cut off Panta's line of retreat.
Panta came to a stop in front of the two. They bowed and tipped
their
hats.
"Mr Steed, at your service."
"Mr Hyde, at your service."
"Um, can I help you?" Panta said, puzzled.
"As I was remarking to my partner, I said, 'Mr Hyde, that girl looks like she needs an artist.'"
"So you did, Mr Steed."
"And luckily, Mr Hyde and I happen to be artists of no small
repute."
"World-famous, you should say, Mr Steed."
"I do say so, Mr Hyde."
Panta looked at the two and asked, "Gee, are you really artists?"
"Mr Hyde handles the pencils, don't you, Mr Hyde?"
"Yes, but Mr Steed is the expert with the ink pen and brush. Isn't
that true, Mr Steed?"
"That is true, Mr Hyde. But come now, a lovely..." he paused while checking out her slowly swishing tail, "girl like yourself shouldn't be
alone
on such a wonderful evening."
"True, Mr Steed. Would a fine lady like yourself permit us to escort you to dinner?"
"Um..." Panta stammered.
"We wouldn't dream of hearing your refusal. Right, Mr Hyde?"
"True, Mr Steed."
"OK, then," Panta weakly said.
"Come along then, my lady, and let us provide you with a repast and cordials while we explain the benefits of posing for Mr Hyde's pencils. Our work is in _Furrboy_. Have you ever seen _Furrboy_?" With that, the taller gentleman put his hand on Panta's shoulder and steered her down the road.
The
shorter gentleman stepped into place on the other side of Panta and guided
her
along.
"No, they would't allow _Furrboy_ at Dr X's Academy for Gifted Youngsters. What's it like? It isn't dirty, is it?"
"Oh, no, it is very tasteful. Right, Mr Hyde?"
"Most tasteful, Mr Steed. I particularly enjoy the articles."
The three walked into the twilight.

The basement room's window faced west. Only a thin streak of golden light shone into the faces of four tired men as they lifted the hoods of
their ceremonial robes.
"Done," the leader said, wiping his brow. "And now, without further ado, let the revenge begin!" He turned to the center of the pentagram where
a particularly nasty black blob of darkness glibbered. "I call you forth!
I call you forth! I call you forth!"
The black blob grew slowly in size.
"Let thy name be STUPIDTHING for out of stupidity have I made thee
and for stupidity have I fashioned thee and let thy curse be... FOR WHOEVER KNOWS STUPIDITY SHALL BURN AT THE TOUCH OF THE STUPIDTHING!!!"
The black blob turned greenish-bluish in color and formed itself roughly into a man-shaped object. It was still growing in size.
"Now it is time that you know my true name," the leader said. "I am Comics-Snob Lad II, plucked from my own time-stream to bring the word of intelligent, well-written sequential art to the great unwashed. But would
they listen? No! I showed them Will Eisner. They bought Image stuff. I
told them of Neil Gaiman. They crowded around Leifields's latest. Each time
I
tried to educate them, the little bastards went back to the worst thing in comics today."
"What's that, boss?"
"They bought LNH comics." Comics-Snob Lad II hung his head.
"No!" the other three men breathed. As one, they shuddered.
"And LNH Action figures and LNH videos and LNH songbooks and..."
"We get the point, boss," one of the three remarked, seeking to
stop the recital of horrors.
"Nothing I could do worked. Until three months ago. When I decided
to rid Net.ropolis of the LNH!"
"Really? That long ago?" Now the three were getting bored with the
long exposition.
I started looking in my few, precious works for ideas that might do
in the entire group of LNH'ers. I finally found the ritual we did today in
the first 30 issues of Cerebus. It may be older than David Sims. The
reference
to Professor X. Claremont seemed to hint towards Marvel's mutant books - but that line of inquiry was too horrid to continue. There are some things even
too horrid for someone like myself, Comics-Snob Lad II, to contemplate." He pointed at the huge-misshapened thing. "GO OUT AND DESTROY!"
SHLUCKKSHUCKKSHUCKKSHLUUCCCK. STUPIDTHING slimed its way out of the room and up the stairs. From behind it came manical laughter.
SHLUUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK.
STUPIDTHING spewed its way up out of the stairway and headed with
great slither for the receptionist's desk.
SHLUCKKSHUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK.
At the desk, Fred was shuffling letters and slipping them into pigeonholes. Cannon Fodder stood patiently at the side of the desk and
waited
for Fred to pull his mail out. When Fred held out two envelopes, Cannon
Fodder
reached out for his mail.
SHLUCKKSHUUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK.
"Hey Fred, what might that be?"
"..." said Fred. He was wearing earphones and a Walkman, doing the
mail to REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"
SHLUCKKKSHLUCKKKSHLUCKK...

In the LNH cafeteria, All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman suddenly stood up. "No. nonononononoono. The LNH is doomed! The Devour of All is
here! This time, there is no escape. We're all-"
"Not again," started NitPick Lad. "Jeeessshhh!"
Ultimate Ninja stirred his rice with one chopstick. "Someone. Shut. Her. Up!" he snarled without looking up.
At the buffet line, Sardonic Lad grinned. "Yes sir!" He lifted a
banana cream cheese cake, balanced it on the tips of his fingers, and tossed
it at All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman.
All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman was cut off in mid-warning.
Sardonic Lad smirked at the room of startled LNH'ers. "He said that someone should shut her trap."
"That was a bad thing to do," said Sister State-the-Obvious.
"That was a cruel thing to do to a banana cream cheesecake," added CheeseCake Eater Lad.

From the front of the LNH came a long, wavering, painful scream.

[ Who are Mr Hyde and Mr Steed? Will Panta be allright with them? Does
anyone at the LNH read _Furrboy_? Or will there be a LNH to deliver
_Furrboy_ to? Next time in Tales of the LNH, the battle of STUPIDTHING! ]

Panta - Copyright 1993, Hubert Bartels.
Other characters are property of their creators. All of them.
--
Hubert Bartels INTERNET: hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu
Optical Sciences Center (602)-621-2032 FAX: (602)-621-4416 University of Arizona "Supa- Wa-pon hoshii!"/"WE want super-weapons!"
Tucson, AZ, USA 85721 Annapuna & Unipuma, Dominion OVA

==========

Next Week: Some More BLOODKITTY SAGA!!!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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<div dir=3D"ltr">And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie arc= hive once again. Here's where you can find this and more=
Panta Action!: <a href=3D"https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Serie= s/Tales.LNH/">https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/</a> = And it's Tales of LNH #291-292 by Hubert Bartels The Beginni=
ng of the BloodKitty Saga (although maybe it began a few issues back or = perhaps it actually begins in #294 with the first mention of BloodKit=
ty -- Who Knows)! How is Panta's journey to become a Big = Star in the Comic Book Industry going?! Will the Bad Guys be able to mak=
e a call to get a pizza -- even if it's a long distance call?!!= =C2=A0 And do people who buy Furrboy ever read the articles?!!!!!! <b= r> Find out in... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 _ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| =
| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Classic =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___=
_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__=
=C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0 <b= r>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0=
=C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\_\ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2= =A0OF NET.HEROES =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 ADVENTURES #418 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0The BloodKitty Saga Part On= e =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Tales of the =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0= =3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | |__ =C2=
=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 |____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ = =C2=A0 |_|\_\ || |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES =C2=A0 =
#291: Dangerously Lemon Panties [ Tales of the LNH #288 introduced=
us to four gentlemen who went to the =C2=A0 basement of the LNH HQ to d=
o a bit of occult work. It seems that the =C2=A0 thing they are summonin=
g is composed of stupidity. Tales of the LNH #289 =C2=A0 showed us how P= anta left Professor X's School for Gifted Youngsters because =C2=A0 = she did not have the powers that today's fanboys droll over. Tales of t= he =C2=A0 #290 printed the letter that Panta sent from somewhere West of=
Net.roplis.] In the darkness, something foul gibbered. It crashed = against meta- physical boundaries, aware only that something, someone wa=
s trying to bring in back out into the world - out there where its victi=
ms lay. In the basement of the Legion of Net Heroes, the four men took =
a break. They had been chanting for hours. The only result of their effo= rts was a dark shadow in the center of the pentagram that filled the roo=
m. The men averted their eyes from the darkness - it had a strange glimm=
er to it - the visual equivalent of screeching chalk on a blackboard.<br=

"Wanna send out for pizza?" the youngest asked. The leader =

removed THE GLASSES OF STUPIDITY and rubbed his eyes. "They ha=
ve a cafeteria here. Why don't we just go there?" "Uh, uh=
. Boss. They only have cheesecake." "Oh yeah... " The le= ader remembered. "Go ahead, then. But no anchovies, ya hear!"<=

"Sure, boss." He flipped up his hood and walked out of the ro=

om. The leader watched him go and then checked the wards again. It woul= d not do to have the thing they were summoning break free before he name=
d it. "So, what are you going to do with it?" The man with re=
d hair asked. "Do with it?" the leader smiled. "Why puni=
sh people. Revenge! Utter total physically revolting revenge. Payback fo=
r every small slight that anyone's ever done to me." He re= ached over and slapped the man with his hood. "And don't you fo= rget it!" "Yes, boss," the man with red hair meekly repl=
ied. Upstairs, the youngest man approached the receptionist at his = desk. "Excuse me, I'd like to use the phone." The rece=
ptionist looked up. "Why?" "To order pizza." &q=
uot;Is that a long distance call? You can't make long distance calls <b= r> from the front lobby. Th Ultimate Ninja has just ruled against long d= istance calls from the front lobby." "Um, the pizza place =
is around the corner." "I guess that will be alright. Here.&q= uot; The young man in the hood picked up the phone, ordered a large che=
ese and black olive pizza from the Pizza Pit, and asked that it be deliv= ered to the basement of the Headquarters of the Legion of the Net Heroes=
. Then he returned downstairs. 30 minutes later, Insomnia Boy ap=
peared at the doorway to the room downstairs. He glanced at the dust-cov= ered sign reading "Mutant Guest Quarters" and then called out,=
"I've got a pizza for a party of four, the Villianous Gang of = Four?" "That's us," the leader called out, breaking = the chant. "That'll be $10.50," Insomnia Boy said. &q=
uot;OK. Put it down on that old bed. Just don't touch any of the lines<= br>or there'll be hell to pay." "Whatever you say." = Insomnia Boy crossed the room, trying not to look at the darkness inside=
the pentagram. After dropping off the pizza and returning to the doorwa=
y, he paused. "So, what are you working on? I thought Occult Lad wa=
s in charge of the hocus-pocus stuff?" "Oh, nothing, nothing =
at all," the leader said, pressing a twenty into Insomnia Boy's=
hand. "Have a good day." Then he pushed the young man out of = the room. "Boss, I think we're ready for the final step."=
 "Good. Let's eat first and then turn it loose." =
Miles and miles and miles away from Net.roplis in San Antonio, a sad leo= pard girl waited in a room. She had been waiting for hours. The address =
of the room was that on the card the professor had tossed her. The glass=
door at the end of the room read - M.H, Managing Editor. She was not t= he only one in the room. A small buxom rabbit girl, dressed in a fantasy=
style armor and her artist, a slightly overweight, bespectacled man in = his late 30's had been waiting as she arrived. They had ignored her,=
talking nervously between themselves in whispers. The door opened. Pan= ta and the other two looked up. "Mr H.B____ls? Sword Bunny?" =
the woman in the doorway said. "He can see you now." =
Panta watched the two get up and leave the room. The door closed and she=
was alone again. Nothing to do but wait. She straightened the edg=
es of her portfolio and wished that she could have afforded a real artis=
t to draw her. Or even a BigName artist. With a BigName artist, she woul=
d have had a good chance to get her claws into the door. The door op= ened again. The same woman stood there. "Miss Panta? I'm sorry=
, He isn't seeing any more people today. Could you-" Panta,=
choking back tears, had left the room. [WHAT are they doing d= own there? And what is Captain Cleanup going to say to the dust in the b= asement of the LNH? What will the Ultimate Ninja do without a good fight=
now and then. And what of poor Panta? Will she be able to get a job in = the comics industry? Panta and Sword Bunny, Copyright 1993 by Huber= t Bartels =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 _ =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Tales of t=
he =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ = =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___ =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| []=
| =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2= =A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\_\ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2= =A0OF NET.HEROES =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 #292: A Tale of Two Horrors <b= r>[ Tales of the LNH #288-291 introduced us to four gentlemen who went to t= he =C2=A0 basement of the LNH HQ to do a bit of occult work. Panta is so= mewhere in =C2=A0 Texas, crushed by her failure to land a job with Antar= ctic Press. The four =C2=A0 are done; Panta is on the front steps of the=
building, and the sun is about =C2=A0 to go down. ] =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Panta turned to the building and raised her fist in the a= ir. "I'll be back - then I'll show you!" she shouted.<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 As Panta stood, she was observed by two gent= lemen standing in the shadows of the building. One was tall, balding wit=
h only stray wisps of hair. The other was shorter, stouter, and had a li= ttle pencil mustache. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Breasts, Mr. Hyd=
e, " said the tall gentleman. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Jig= gling breasts, Mr. Steed," said the shorter gentleman. =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 They watched as the setting sun outlined the leopard girl= 's sleek lines, showing off her slowly bouncing, firm breasts. Then = she turned to go. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Independently jiggli=
ng breasts, Mr Hyde," added the shorter gentleman. He hurried with = his taller partner to cut off Panta's line of retreat. =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Panta came to a stop in front of the two. They bowed and = tipped their hats. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Mr Steed, at you=
r service." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Mr Hyde, at your serv= ice." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Um, can I help you?" P= anta said, puzzled. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "As I was remarking=
to my partner, I said, 'Mr Hyde, that girl looks like she needs an = artist.'" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "So you did, Mr Stee= d." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "And luckily, Mr Hyde and I ha= ppen to be artists of no small repute." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
"World-famous, you should say, Mr Steed." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 "I do say so, Mr Hyde." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
Panta looked at the two and asked, "Gee, are you really artists?&quot= ; =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Mr Hyde handles the pencils, don&#39=
;t you, Mr Hyde?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yes, but Mr Ste=
ed is the expert with the ink pen and brush. Isn't that true, Mr Ste= ed?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "That is true, Mr Hyde. But c= ome now, a lovely..." he paused while checking out her slowly swish= ing tail, "girl like yourself shouldn't be alone on such a wond= erful evening." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "True, Mr Steed. W= ould a fine lady like yourself permit us to escort you to dinner?"<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Um..." Panta stammered. =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "We wouldn't dream of hearing your refusal. = Right, Mr Hyde?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "True, Mr Steed.&= quot; =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "OK, then," Panta weakly sa= id. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Come along then, my lady, and let =
us provide you with a repast and cordials while we explain the benefits =
of posing for Mr Hyde's pencils. Our work is in _Furrboy_. Have you = ever seen _Furrboy_?" With that, the taller gentleman put his hand =
on Panta's shoulder and steered her down the road. The shorter gentl= eman stepped into place on the other side of Panta and guided her along.= =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "No, they would't allow _Furrboy_ =
at Dr X's Academy for Gifted Youngsters. What's it like? It isn= 't dirty, is it?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Oh, no, it =
is very tasteful. Right, Mr Hyde?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 &quo= t;Most tasteful, Mr Steed. I particularly enjoy the articles." =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The three walked into the twilight. =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The basement room's window faced west. Only a thin=
streak of golden light shone into the faces of four tired men as they l= ifted the hoods of their ceremonial robes. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 "Done," the leader said, wiping his brow. "And now, with= out further ado, let the revenge begin!" He turned to the center of=
the pentagram where a particularly nasty black blob of darkness glibber= ed. "I call you forth! I call you forth! I call you forth!"<br= >=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The black blob grew slowly in size. =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Let thy name be STUPIDTHING for out of stupidity=
have I made thee and for stupidity have I fashioned thee and let thy c= urse be... FOR WHOEVER KNOWS STUPIDITY SHALL BURN AT THE TOUCH OF THE ST= UPIDTHING!!!" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The black blob turned gre= enish-bluish in color and formed itself roughly into a man-shaped object=
. It was still growing in size. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Now it=
is time that you know my true name," the leader said. "I am C= omics-Snob Lad II, plucked from my own time-stream to bring the word of = intelligent, well-written sequential art to the great unwashed. But would<b= r>they listen? No! I showed them Will Eisner. They bought Image stuff. I<br= >told them of Neil Gaiman. They crowded around Leifields's latest. Each=
time I tried to educate them, the little bastards went back to the wors=
t thing in comics today." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "What= 's that, boss?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "They bought L=
NH comics." Comics-Snob Lad II hung his head. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 "No!" the other three men breathed. As one, they shuddered= . =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "And LNH Action figures and LNH video=
s and LNH songbooks and..." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "We ge=
t the point, boss," one of the three remarked, seeking to stop the = recital of horrors. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Nothing I could do=
worked. Until three months ago. When I decided to rid Net.ropolis of th=
e LNH!" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Really? That long ago?&qu= ot; Now the three were getting bored with the long exposition. =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I started looking in my few, precious works for ideas=
that might do in the entire group of LNH'ers. I finally found the r= itual we did today in the first 30 issues of Cerebus. It may be older th=
an David Sims. The reference to Professor X. Claremont seemed to hint to= wards Marvel's mutant books - but that line of inquiry was too horri=
d to continue. There are some things even too horrid for someone like my= self, Comics-Snob Lad II, to contemplate." He pointed at the huge-m= isshapened thing. "GO OUT AND DESTROY!" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 SHLUCKKSHUCKKSHUCKKSHLUUCCCK. STUPIDTHING slimed its way out of the<= br>room and up the stairs. From behind it came manical laughter. =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 SHLUUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 STUPIDTHING spewed its way up out of the stairway and headed = with great slither for the receptionist's desk. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 SHLUCKKSHUUCKKSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
At the desk, Fred was shuffling letters and slipping them into pigeonhol= es. Cannon Fodder stood patiently at the side of the desk and waited for=
Fred to pull his mail out. When Fred held out two envelopes, Cannon Fodder= reached out for his mail. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 SHLUCKKSHUUUCK= KSHUUUCKKSHLUUCCCK. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Hey Fred, what mig=
ht that be?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "..." said Fred.=
He was wearing earphones and a Walkman, doing the mail to REM's &qu= ot;It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 SHLUCKKKSHLUCKKKSHLUCKK... =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 In the LNH cafeteria, All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman s= uddenly stood up. =C2=A0"No. nonononononoono. The LNH is doomed! Th=
e Devour of All is here! This time, there is no escape. We're all-&q= uot; =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Not again," started NitPick = Lad. "Jeeessshhh!" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Ultimate Ninja = stirred his rice with one chopstick. "Someone. Shut. Her. Up!"=
he snarled without looking up. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 At the buffe=
t line, Sardonic Lad grinned. "Yes sir!" He lifted a banana cr= eam cheese cake, balanced it on the tips of his fingers, and tossed it a=
t All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 All-= Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Woman was cut off in mid-warning. =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Sardonic Lad smirked at the room of startled LNH'ers.=
"He said that someone should shut her trap." =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 "That was a bad thing to do," said Sister State-th= e-Obvious. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "That was a cruel thing to d=
o to a banana cream cheesecake," added CheeseCake Eater Lad. =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0From the fro=
nt of the LNH came a long, wavering, painful scream. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 [ Who are Mr Hyde and Mr Steed? Will Panta be allright with = them? Does =C2=A0 anyone at the LNH read _Furrboy_? Or will there be a = LNH to deliver =C2=A0 _Furrboy_ to? Next time in Tales of the LNH, the b= attle of STUPIDTHING! ] =C2=A0 Panta - =C2=A0Copyright 1993, Hubert = Bartels. =C2=A0 Other characters are property of their creators. All of = them. -- Hubert Bartels =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0INTERNET: <=
a href=3D"mailto:hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu">hgb@catalina.opt-sci.ari= zona.edu</a> Optical Sciences Center (602)-621-2032 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0FAX: (602)-621-4416 University of Arizona =C2=A0 &q= uot;Supa- Wa-pon hoshii!"/"WE want super-weapons!" Tucson=
, AZ, USA 85721 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Annapuna & Unipuma, Dominion OVA <b= r> =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Next Week: =C2=A0Some More = BLOODKITTY SAGA!!!! =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Arthur &qu= ot;Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spi= tzer </div>

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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #418: The BloodKitty Saga Part One

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