From Newsgroup: rec.arts.comics.creative

Original post: https://lists.eyrie.org/mailman3/hyperkitty/list/racc@lists.eyrie.org/message/63PEAVAQLG25LXK5RDCN2L5LEXZKC3C6/
On Sun, Jan 19, 2025 at 4:08rC>PM Arthur Spitzer <arspitzer2@gmail.com> wrote: <snip>

Ultimate Ninja was upset. Partly at himself, partly at Time for
appearently taking his sweet time at getting to the cafeteria.

'Maybe I am trusting this new guy too much.' Ultimate Ninja thought to himself.'But, if I don't put my trust in someone who seems sincere about joining the LNH, how are we to expand our membership. To fight the fight for right?'

Honestly, that's a good point.

Every alarm in Ultimate Ninja's head
went off (boy, did that give him a headache!)

heeheehee

"Uh,.. yeah, he said he had to go outside and get some fresh air. He
ran into me on his way out, he said to tell you that if I ran into you."

"Well why didn't you find and tell me that earlier?" Ultimate Ninja
got the feeling that things in this room were not what they appeared to be, especially when Deductive Logic Man scratched his head in attempt to check his watch, while trying to not look like he was cheking his watch.

Webs Tor should've loaded an Actor module, because he's doing a pretty
shitty job of it. X3

"You know, Ninja, if you were a responsible leader, you would not have
let the guy out of your sight. I mean you just let some unknown person wander
around in the headquarters, that is not my idea of being responsible."

Ultimate Ninja was about to respond by voicing the thought he had
earlier on trust, but Deductive Logic Man cut him off. "Well, are you just going to let him alone in the front, doing who-knows-what?"

Ultimate Ninja's suspicions were suddenly replaced by anger. He walked
out of the room quickly before he did something to Deductive Logic Man's body,
like break it.

Dang, that's pretty good

Ultimate Ninja stopped and shuddered for a moment.'Whew, that was a
strong attack of Claremontian angst. After an attack like that, there is only
one thing to do, something with lots of action, and few words.

Heeheehee

"Ya sheila!! We're here to knock ya socks orf!" said a second man
dressed like he was on an outback excursion.

"Zat's right,' said a third man in a beret, with an annoying, high-
pitched French accent, "Zis is you chance to run while you can!"

The Stereotype Squadron :o

One was
Hispanic and wearing a white suit. The second was dressed in a black uniform wearing an "SS" insignia on each side of his shirt collar. The last man was wearing army fatigues and a turban and began to speak with an Arabic accent:

Oh boy, I hope he's careful with this one. o.o;

"That is tough talk from one man facing eight."

Whew, not too bad.

"Need any help?" Asked Irony Man.

In response Ultimate Ninja did a series of flips to where they were
standing. "NO! I will finish what I have started."

"But..."

"No, I ... :UGHKK:" Ultimate Ninja's response was cut short when the
Russian came up behind him and caught him in a bear hug, trapping both arms at
his side.

Ah, because Irony Man. n.n

On the sidelines the three other LNHers were enjoying the brief show
when All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny Woman appeared and asked, "Why
is Ultimate Ninja fighting a bunch of old movie plot devices?"

"What do you mean 'old movie plot devices'?" Asked Irony Man.

"Well, look. There's a Russian Communist, an outlaw from the outback
, a drug lord from South America, a member of the Nazi's gestapo, a Sicilian gangster from Jersey, an annoying French guy, an Iraqi, and a South African. Eight once-popular movie villans."

Ohhhhh. ...I wouldn't describe a villain archetype as a plot device?
But at least I see where it comes from

"Back in my day villans came from the good ol' U S of A. We didn't
need no foreigners comin' in ta here, takin' jobs from American villans, no siree." Complained Old Comics Man.

That's definitely not--

"But I thought Communists and Nazi's were very popular way back when."

"Oh, is that what they are? I thought the bearded feller was a lumber
jack, and they guy in black was a city worker.

Ah. X3

Then he grabbed
the Nazi by the head and slammed his face down onto his (Ultimate Ninja's) knee a couple (ten) times.

Heeheehee heck yeah

I don't like that word
you called me earlier, 'kaffir'. Maybe I will slice your tongue out so you can't use it anymore." He reached for his blade, and the South African passed
out.

Hell yeah. Good fucking targets.

"Ya young whipersnappers got it too easy, back in my day, we got beat
up a little before we won the day." 0ld Comics Man whined.

I've read a lot of Golden Age comics lately and there were
*definitely* plenty of one-sided fights for spectacle's sake. X> But
also that makes total sense as a thing for him to complain about.

Ultimate Ninja looked at the source of the voice, an armored man
standing with his arms dramatically gesturing, and a royal blue cape billowing
behind him. There was also a small, black, and disgustingly cute boy next to him. Ultimate Ninja had never seen or _felt_ someone so in command of a situation. His features showed no sign of worry.

"Uh, guys, I think I'll take that help now."

Hmmmmmm.

The man assumed a new dramatic pose and said, "I am TSAR CHASM."

"Sarcasm? Isn't that idea already taken?" Asked Irony Man.

"No, no. Two words... oh, I'm not going into this again!"

heeheehee

"I am here to collect my newest recruit. Ah, and there he is." Tsar
Chasm gestured to Webs Tor (still as Deductive Logic Man) as he came out of the
head quarters. "Do you have my gift?" He asked as he extended his hand in a dramatic fasion.

"Yes, here it is." Webs Tor said as he handed a disk over to Tsar
Chasm. "The files you requested." The other LNHers were stunned

"What are you doing?" an enraged Ultimate Ninja demanded. "How can
you abondon the LNH just like that?!"

"I don't remember signing anything, or paying dues. Last time I
checked this was free-access. I've had enough of you losers, I'm outta here."

Ahhhhh, interesting... (I don't think the LNHQ was actually free
access, but then, Webs Tor doesn't know that. X>)

Tsar Chasm had a mock look of shock on his face. "I did nothing. You
heard what he said, I just gave him a better offer, he joined of his own choice
." Tsar Chasm knew this was the critical time of his plan, the timing was delicate. He had to stall the LNH long enough for the final piece of his plan
to fall into place.

Hmmmm interesting.

Tsar Chasm shook his head. "I believe you LNH members spend too much
time together, Deductive Logic Man asked me the same question. I intend to wipe out dissatisfaction, and evil influences. We will have a flame-free net."

He doesn't even have a little bit of a plan - no, that's not
*entirely* fair, his plan was "get people who I know are good at
making plans to make a plan", which is genuinely way beyond most of
these types. X>

"Wha... Ultimate Ninja? Huh...? Where am I?" Deductive
Logic Man found it hard to think clearly.

"Not far from LNHHQ, we were told we could find you here." Ultimate
Ninja said, his voice tinged with anger.

Ah, yep, I see that this is the old fake traitor plot, and--

After Deductive Logic Man had passed out of sight, Ultimate Ninja
dropped out of a tree. He lifted up his watch face and punched a button. Webs Tor returned to his true form. He hit his signal button to let Tsar Chasm
know that his part of the plan was done.

Huhhhhh.

"HEY! What were you in such a hurry for?" He shouted at Ultimate Ninja
"I can't believe you just left me behind like that."

'Wait a minute,' Deductive Logic Man thought,'something isn't right,
Ultimate Ninja would never do that to me, would he? Man, that walk did nothing
, I still can't put things together...'

Hmmmmm, does this characterization moment make sense? Let's see where it goes...

Deductive Logic Man's train of thought was interrupted by Ultimate
Ninja. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE? I think you made it QUITE clear that you were not a part of the LNH anymore."

"WHAT??? Listen here, you chop-sockie punk!

That definitely doesn't sound like Ferris. X>

Tsar Chasm couldn't help but get a bemused look on his face, this plan
was working to perfection.

Gonna assume that's "amused".

"TSAR CHASM!" The sight of the armor and cape flooded Deductive
Logic Man with the memories of what had happened. "This guy kidnapped me!"

"What? But earlier you left, and... I am very confused." Said
Ultimate Ninja, shaking his head. Tsar Chasm was delighting in the confusion on the part of the LNHers.

Hmmmm, he doesn't mind that it came out...

"Oh, my, the mighty Legion of Net.Heros, however shall I defend
myself against them?" Tsar Chasm said in the most sarcastic voice they
had ever heard. Irony Man and Cannon Fodder found themselves unsure of
their ability to deal with Tsar Chasm, and froze in place. Deductive Logic Man and Ultimate Ninja felt the effect, but fought it off.

Ahhhh, yes, his ultimate psychic attack!

Suddenly Tsar Chasm made eye contact with Ultimate
Ninja, who was not prepared for what happened next.

Tsar Chasm rolled his eyes as "Tch" came out of his mouth. Ultimate
Ninja began to fall to the ground, he hadn't expected this man to be so formidable! With his last ounce of energy Ultimate Ninja pulled a small knife out and stuck it in Tsar Chasm's thigh.

"ARRRGH!!!" Suddenly Ultimate Ninja, and the rest of the LNHers,
lost the feelings of insecurity.

Hmmmmm yes...

Deductive Logic Man cut in,"You know, I think he did this mostly
to prove that he could. You felt how his power worked. On our insecurity. He probably planned to use this psychologically next time we meet. You know giving us a few reminders, things like that."

Hmmmm! *nodnodnods*

"As far as I can tell, he... (Deductive Logic Man pieces together
Tsar Chasm's plan, but I don't feel like typing it all here, read the next 'word bubble' -K)"

"Yeah, pretty effecient and effective,don't you think? Think about the ramifications, though. We have to be more selective in who we let join, and we
have to be sure that who were are talking to is not some impersonator, or shape
-shifter."

Ultimate Ninja started laughing, very loudly.

"How can you laugh? I tell you we will have to be two times as
careful about recruits and our members, and you laugh? What is so funny?"

"It is very simple, we adopt a 'no watch' policy." And Deductive
Logic Man had to laugh.

X3 Well fair enough I guess!

"I am BORDER BREAKER. I live to smash the pathetic political lines
that separate all people from becomming one nation. I offer my services to you, for I feel you have the best chance of accomplishing this task."

"That is real nice, but I don't think we have any political lines
in this group. Maybe a few disagreements on tax plans and medical spending, but no borders. You know of any DL?"

"Can't say that I do, but I think there is a Eastern Europe discussion
not far from here."

Border Breaker looked to his left, then to his right, then he blinked
a couple times, while chewing on his lower lip. "No borders here, are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well then I see my work here is done." And he flew away.

...fascinating. X> There's definitely *some* kind of point being made here.

Tsar Chasm was happy, his plan had worked well (up to the part where
he was stabbed, anyway.).

Heeheehee

'If I just had Deductive Logic
Man, sure Webs Tor could impersonate him, but he would hedge as soon as I disagreed with anything. That would not do me a whole lot of good. I have time to think while my leg heals. Oh, well at least I have a good doctor.' _______________________________________________________________________

FIN.

A good first outing for the character! \o/
Drew "narratively powerful but not overwhelming" Nilium
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