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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #399: Tales of the LNH #289

From Arthur Spitzer@arspitzer2@gmail.com to rec.arts.comics.creative on Sun Jan 4 20:23:51 2026

From Newsgroup: rec.arts.comics.creative

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And it's a New Year!

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

Here's where you can find this and more Panta Action!:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/

And it's Tales of the LNH #289 by Hubert Bartels!

Will they finally ditch this Panta character and
replace her with the FAR more Kewler BadAzz
character of -- BLOODSPIKE?!!! (and should they
spell Bloodspike -- Bluddspyke -- cuz that
would be a much kewler way to spell it?! I
think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Find out in...

_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #399

=====================
Tales of the LNH #289
=====================

_
| | Tales of the
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

#289: Flowers for Panta

[ Tales of the LNH #288 introduced us to four gentlemen who went to the
basement of the LNH HQ to do a bit of occult work. It seems that the
thing they are summoning is composed of stupidity. In the meantime, the
leadership of the LNH decided to send the members out on the street to
fight crime - they've been tearing up the walls in boredom. Panta is
still at her school. It is now late afternoon....]

The sun cast long shadows on the library floor. THe light did not
illuminate the corners of the room; the books there were hidden in shadows.
The library was in a very secluded mansion in Westchester, New York. X's
School for Gifted Youngsters.
Panta watched the shadows grow slowly across the floor. Wasn't the
Professor ever going to speak again?
Professor X's fine fingers fiddled with the controls on his wheel-
chair. He adjusted something and then looked up at his student. "Do you
have a problem with my decision, Miss Panta?" He folded his hands in his lap again.
"But," Panta stammered. "Surely, my work has been... a... I mean, I
did alright on all your assignments. I'm familar with all the Shi'ar equip- ment... I..." Her voice faltered.
"There is no denying that you have excelled at the academic portion
of my studies. However, it is in your mutant abilities that you are, shall
we say, lacking. In short, Miss Panta, your powers are inadequate for the modern Marvel heroine."
"What!" Panta's eyes widened. Her tail twitched under her schoolgirl's
uniform.
"Employment with the major comic companies is rather limited for
cat-girls. At Marvel, those roles are more than adequately filled by Feral
and Rahne."
"But Rahne's a werewolf!" Panta protested.
"Tut, tut, tut," the Professor scolded, shaking a finger. Don't
correct your professor. Do you remember your 'History of Marvel' class?" "Yes..." Panta said, puzzled at the change in subject.
"Do you remember what happened to Tigra? She had her own series. That
ended in 4 issues. After that she bounced around for several years before ending up in West Coast Avengers."
"West Coast Avengers... Weren't they a bunch of superheroes who
couldn't support their own titles?"
"Very good, Miss Panta," the professor smiled, steepling his hands.
"That they were. Tigra stayed with them up to issue 50, then appeared from
time to time up to 75 when Marvel decided to dump her for a female Spiderman clone."
"But what does that have to do with me?" Panta looked confused.
"Ah, but it does." The professor pointed a finger at Panta. "Tigra
is the most successful cat-girl in the Marvel Universe. She was dumped
because her powers weren't adequate for today's fanboy."
"But Feral's still around..." Panta protested.
The Professor shook his head slowly. "Feral came on board because
Rob Liefield needed someone to replace Rahne on his new team. No one has
yet figured out what to do with her. She'll be out of there in, say, ten
issues or less. Mark my words."
Panta's eyes began to fill with tears. "Does that mean I'm done.
Isn't there any hope...."
"Miss Panta, if there had been any hope, you would have been admitted
to the Danger Room to begin your combat training. If only you had some
super power - like shooting lightning bolts from your nose, I could promise
you something."
Panta was silent a moment. The sun's rays touched the far wall of the
library. There would only be a few minutes before the sun set and the room became completely black.
"I know! I could carry big guns like Cable and Lobo. Fire thousands
of rounds in every... direction... and..." Panta's words trailed off.
"Miss Panta, surely you realize the futility of that idea. First, it
would violate your character concept. Second, you are too small to carry
even the smallest of Cable's guns. It would look too silly. And Marvel Superheroes are never silly!"
"Then I could be a brain like the Beast!" Panta said quickly. "You
said yourself that I did all the academic work alright..."
"Sorry, Miss Panta." The professor reached over and flicked on the
desk light. The sun was now almost gone. "Today's stories rarely require the need of thinking. Henry McCoy's real purpose is to hit people, not to
think."
"Do I have to go back to the Legion of Net Heroes? I was hoping
with the start of 'X-Generation' I would finally get a break. I mean, here
I was, a student and all and this new X-book starting and they want teenager types and I'm kindaa cute and..." Panta was sobbing now, tears streaking
the fur on her cheeks.
"Here," the Professor said, handing Panta a cotton hankerchief. The
only light in the room was a small circle under the desk lamp.
"And the Legion of Net Heroes is run by this guy who's seen one too
many Ninja movies, and this girl who's never there and this guy who's read
all the Kirby-written comics and... THEY'RE ALL CRAZY OVER THERE!!!!" Panta sank to her knees. "And Elvis is working for them. All the food is cooked
by a guy who eats cheesecake all the time and...." Panta hiccupped. "And
this guy who's got everything in the world in his pockets except for what
he needs and- THEY'RE COMPLETELY NUTS and I can't go back there anymore...." The Professor looked perturbed at Panta's outburst. He sat stiffly
in his chair until Panta stood up and wiped the tears away with the back of
her hands.
"I think I'm alright now." Panta said slowly and coldly. "I will
survive. Somehow." Her voice had become distant and arrogant.
"One moment." The Professor said. He rummaged in his desk before
flicking a business card at Panta.
With her cat-like reflexes, Panta snatched the tattered business
card out of the air. She read the title and looked up at Professor X.
"They have started several anthropromorphic titles. You might
interview with them," the Professor said offhandly. "Good luck."
With that, he turned his wheelchair around to look at the last
remmants of the sunset. Panta had been dismissed.
Without a backwards glance, Panta left the library and the mansion,
never to return.

By sunrise, she was far from Net.ropolis.

[ This completes the Panta stories for a while. I'm not sure when I'll pick
up again - my editors want me to drop Panta altogether and write about
their latest creation, 'Bloodspike', the toughest, meanest bastard in
Comic
History. He's so bad, he makes Lobo look like Barbie!

I looked at the proposed storyline and suggested that it be run as a four
issue limited run. With the planned death rate, there would no longer be
any one for Bloodspike to kill after four issues. The editors laughed at
me
and said - no one ever dies in our Universe, so we'll just resurrect them
so that Bloodspike can kill them again. With lots more blood and pain.

I asked who would do the artwork for this trash. They said Rob Liefield
who do it. Or rather, they'd use photocopies of his work since he draws
the
same three characters over and over again. And since there is no plot, the
editors can drop the pictures in whatever order is needed.

So while the editors and I fight this out, I'd like to thank my readers
for
reading my Panta stories and writing to me. I've got all the back issues
so
if you want them, just write me at hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu. ]

Panta(tm) Hubert Bartels. Bloodspike(tm) Some bunch of editors.
Other characters probably (tm) by Marvel. Rob Liefield(tm) Image.

[ PS, Panta's comments about the LNH. :):):):):), OK? I'm not going away - I
will still be reading a.c.l. I'm also gonna practice drawing Panta. Maybe
I can get her published some day.

Hubert Bartels INTERNET: hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu
Optical Sciences Center (602)-621-2032
University of Arizona "Supa- Wa-pon hoshii!"/"WE want super-weapons!"
Tucson, AZ, USA 85721 Annapuna & Unipuma, Dominion OVA]

==========

Next Week: Something Something LNH!!!!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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<div dir=3D"ltr">And it's a New Year! And we're back in = the past and can check the eyrie archive once again. Here&#3= 9;s where you can find this and more Panta Action!: <a href=3D"https= ://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/">https://archives.eyrie.or= g/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/</a> And it's Tales of the LNH #= 289 by Hubert Bartels! Will they finally ditch this Panta character = and replace her with the FAR more Kewler BadAzz character of -- BLOOD= SPIKE?!!! =C2=A0(and should they spell Bloodspike -- Bluddspyke -- cuz t= hat would be a much kewler way to spell it?! =C2=A0I think so!!!!!!!!= !!!!!) Find out in... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 _ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Classic =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0=
| _ \ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| = =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\_\ =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #399 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0Tales of the LNH #289 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Tales of the =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2= =A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___ =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 | |__ =C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 |____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/=
=C2=A0 |_|\_\ =C2=A0|| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES #289: Flowers for Panta<br=

 [ Tales of the LNH #288 introduced us to four gentlemen who went to th= e =C2=A0 basement of the LNH HQ to do a bit of occult work. It seems tha=

t the =C2=A0 thing they are summoning is composed of stupidity. In the m= eantime, the =C2=A0 leadership of the LNH decided to send the members ou=
t on the street to =C2=A0 fight crime - they've been tearing up the = walls in boredom. Panta is =C2=A0 still at her school. It is now late af= ternoon....] The sun cast long shadows on the library floor. THe li= ght did not illuminate the corners of the room; the books there were hid= den in shadows. The library was in a very secluded mansion in Westcheste=
r, New York. X's School for Gifted Youngsters. Panta watched the=
shadows grow slowly across the floor. Wasn't the Professor ever goi=
ng to speak again? Professor X's fine fingers fiddled with the cont= rols on his wheel- chair. He adjusted something and then looked up at hi=
s student. "Do you have a problem with my decision, Miss Panta?&quo=
t; He folded his hands in his lap again. "But," Panta stam= mered. "Surely, my work has been... a... I mean, I did alright on a=
ll your assignments. I'm familar with all the Shi'ar equip- ment= ...=C2=A0 I..." Her voice faltered. "There is no denying that=
you have excelled at the academic portion of my studies. However, it is=
in your mutant abilities that you are, shall we say, lacking. In short,=
Miss Panta, your powers are inadequate for the modern Marvel heroine.&q= uot; "What!" Panta's eyes widened. Her tail twitched unde=
r her schoolgirl's uniform. "Employment with the major comi=
c companies is rather limited for cat-girls. At Marvel, those roles are = more than adequately filled by Feral and Rahne." "But Rahn= e's a werewolf!" Panta protested. "Tut, tut, tut," t= he Professor scolded, shaking a finger. Don't correct your professor=
. Do you remember your 'History of Marvel' class?" "Y=
es..." Panta said, puzzled at the change in subject. "Do you = remember what happened to Tigra? She had her own series. That ended in 4=
issues. After that she bounced around for several years before ending u=
p in West Coast Avengers." "West Coast Avengers... Weren'=
t they a bunch of superheroes who couldn't support their own titles?= " "Very good, Miss Panta," the professor smiled, steepli=
ng his hands. "That they were. Tigra stayed with them up to issue 5=
0, then appeared from time to time up to 75 when Marvel decided to dump = her for a female Spiderman clone." "But what does that hav=
e to do with me?" Panta looked confused. "Ah, but it does.&qu=
ot; The professor pointed a finger at Panta. "Tigra is the most suc= cessful cat-girl in the Marvel Universe. She was dumped because her powe=
rs weren't adequate for today's fanboy." "But Feral&#=
39;s still around..." Panta protested. The Professor shook his hea=
d slowly. "Feral came on board because Rob Liefield needed someone =
to replace Rahne on his new team. No one has yet figured out what to do = with her. She'll be out of there in, say, ten issues or less. Mark m=
y words." Panta's eyes began to fill with tears. "Does th=
at mean I'm done. Isn't there any hope...." "Miss = Panta, if there had been any hope, you would have been admitted to the D= anger Room to begin your combat training. If only you had some super pow=
er - like shooting lightning bolts from your nose, I could promise you s= omething." Panta was silent a moment. The sun's rays touched t=
he far wall of the library. There would only be a few minutes before the=
sun set and the room became completely black. "I know! I could=
carry big guns like Cable and Lobo. Fire thousands of rounds in every..=
. direction... and..." Panta's words trailed off. "Miss P= anta, surely you realize the futility of that idea. First, it would viol= ate your character concept. Second, you are too small to carry even the = smallest of Cable's guns. It would look too silly. And Marvel Superh= eroes are never silly!" "Then I could be a brain like the Bea=
st!" Panta said quickly. "You said yourself that I did all the=
academic work alright..." "Sorry, Miss Panta." The prof=
essor reached over and flicked on the desk light. The sun was now almost=
gone. "Today's stories rarely require the need of thinking. He= nry McCoy's real purpose is to hit people, not to think." &quo= t;Do I have to go back to the Legion of Net Heroes? I was hoping with th=
e start of 'X-Generation' I would finally get a break. I mean, here= I was, a student and all and this new X-book starting and they want tee= nager types and I'm kindaa cute and..." Panta was sobbing now, = tears streaking the fur on her cheeks. "Here," the Profess= or said, handing Panta a cotton hankerchief. The only light in the room = was a small circle under the desk lamp. "And the Legion of Net Her=
oes is run by this guy who's seen one too many Ninja movies, and thi=
s girl who's never there and this guy who's read all the Kirby-w= ritten comics and... THEY'RE ALL CRAZY OVER THERE!!!!" Panta sa=
nk to her knees. "And Elvis is working for them. All the food is cooke= d by a guy who eats cheesecake all the time and...." Panta hiccuppe=
d. "And this guy who's got everything in the world in his pocke=
ts except for what he needs and- THEY'RE COMPLETELY NUTS and I can&#= 39;t go back there anymore...." The Professor looked perturbed at =
Panta's outburst. He sat stiffly in his chair until Panta stood up a=
nd wiped the tears away with the back of her hands. "I think I&=
#39;m alright now." Panta said slowly and coldly. "I will surv= ive. Somehow." Her voice had become distant and arrogant. "On=
e moment." The Professor said. He rummaged in his desk before flick= ing a business card at Panta. With her cat-like reflexes, Panta snatche=
d the tattered business card out of the air. She read the title and look=
ed up at Professor X. "They have started several anthropromorphic =
titles. You might interview with them," the Professor said offhandl=
y. "Good luck." With that, he turned his wheelchair around to=
look at the last remmants of the sunset. Panta had been dismissed. =
Without a backwards glance, Panta left the library and the mansion, neve=
r to return. By sunrise, she was far from Net.ropolis. [ Thi= s completes the Panta stories for a while. I'm not sure when I'll p= ick =C2=A0 up again - my editors want me to drop Panta altogether and wr= ite about =C2=A0 their latest creation, 'Bloodspike', the toughe= st, meanest bastard in Comic =C2=A0 History. He's so bad, he makes L= obo look like Barbie! =C2=A0 I looked at the proposed storyline and = suggested that it be run as a four =C2=A0 issue limited run. With the pl= anned death rate, there would no longer be =C2=A0 any one for Bloodspike=
to kill after four issues. The editors laughed at me =C2=A0 and said - =
no one ever dies in our Universe, so we'll just resurrect them =C2=
=A0 so that Bloodspike can kill them again. With lots more blood and pain.<= br> =C2=A0 I asked who would do the artwork for this trash. They said Ro=
b Liefield =C2=A0 who do it. Or rather, they'd use photocopies of hi=
s work since he draws the =C2=A0 same three characters over and over aga= in. And since there is no plot, the =C2=A0 editors can drop the pictures=
in whatever order is needed. =C2=A0 So while the editors and I figh=
t this out, I'd like to thank my readers for =C2=A0 reading my Panta=
stories and writing to me. I've got all the back issues so =C2=A0 i=
f you want them, just write me at <a href=3D"mailto:hgb@catalina.opt-sci.ar= izona.edu">hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu</a>. ] Panta(tm) Hubert=
Bartels. Bloodspike(tm) Some bunch of editors. Other characters probab=
ly (tm) by Marvel. Rob Liefield(tm) Image. [ PS, Panta's comment=
s about the LNH. :):):):):), OK? I'm not going away - I =C2=A0 will = still be reading a.c.l. I'm also gonna practice drawing Panta. Maybe<br= >=C2=A0 I can get her published some day. Hubert Bartels =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0INTERNET: <a href=3D"mailto:hgb@catalina.opt-sci.ar= izona.edu">hgb@catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu</a> Optical Sciences Center = (602)-621-2032 University of Arizona =C2=A0 "Supa- Wa-pon hoshii!&q= uot;/"WE want super-weapons!" Tucson, AZ, USA 85721 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0Annapuna & Unipuma, Dominion OVA] =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D Next Week: =C2=A0Something Something LNH!!!!! = =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Arthur "Same Classic Channel.=C2= =A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer </div>

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LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #399: Tales of the LNH #289

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