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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and more LetterinG MaN
Action!:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/LetterinG.MaN/
And Charles FitzGerald joins the Jungle Cheesecake
Fun with LetterinG MaN #3-4!
Will there be some FunKY LetterinG?! Will our
Heroes chew on some Big Bones with Red Meat on
Them?!! And will Xkill make a Grrr Noise?!!!!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
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| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #394
=====================
Jungle Cheesecake Part Four
=====================
******************************LetterinG
MaN************************************
********* ********************************************************** See
* Mi-T * ****************** !* !* !*****************
Note
* Big * ********************* !**** !***** !** !******************
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* Comix * *************** !** !**** !*** !*** !***************
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!******
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*L Mar93* !************* ! ! !* !** !* ! ! !**************
!*** !
* No. 3 * !********** !* !* !* !* !* !***************
!*
* * **************** !***** !* !** !* !**
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<The cover shows LetterinG MaN with a slighty susprised look on his
face; behind him, aLLiterative Lass stands in a menacing stance
gripping her two, long, ninja swords. In front of them, with their
backs to the reader and a two-thirds view of their faces from behind,
stand six costumed figures. A woman with long, blonde hair stands
on the opposite side of the cover; she is speaking.>
"That's right, LetterinG MaN," the blonde said. "Now that the
---------------
| \\\ // | AAAA PPPPPP PPPPPP SSSS
| \\\ // | AA AA PP PP PP PP SS SS
| \\\ // | AA AA PP PP PP PP SS
| \\\// | === AA AA PPPPPP PPPPPP SSS
| //\\\ | === AAAAAA PP PP SSS
| // \\\ | AA AA PP PP SS
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| // \\\ | AA AA PP PP SSSS
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are here, your days are numbered!"
<Note: in this corner (going diagonally) is written "Jungle
Cheesecake Crossover!".>
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<Across the top of the is a written "Xterm-inations" in large, blue
letters. A small box at the bootom right contains:
Brought to you through the grace of
Bert Niceguy: Editor and Plotter
and
Lim Jee and Fromage Studios: Pencils
with some help provided by
Ihave Blackface: Inks
Roy G. Biv: Colors
oh, and the scripter was Charles F. FitzGerald, in case you were
wondering.
In the middle of the page, LetterinG MaN is standing, his hands over
his ears, looking slightly upward. His normally cheerfull face is
replaced by a visage twisted by rage and unbelief. His mouth is wide
open.>
"STOP!!!" LetterinG MaN yelled, frantically.
[How can we stop when we haven't started yet?--Bert.]
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<LetterinG MaN looks out of the panel with a look of angry
determination.>
"Never _mind_ THAT!" the hero of the typescript said, angrily. "WHAT'S
the _big_ IDEA!?!?!?!"
[What do you mean?--Bert.]
<LetterinG MaN lowers his head and glares from beneath overly-shadowed
brows.>
"_I_ thought WE _didn't_ USE really _FUNKY_ letters here at Mi-T Big
Comix!" the irate net.hero said, irately.
[We don't--Bert.]
<LetterinG MaN's brow grows even darker and little tufts of smoke are
seen coming from his ears.>
"then what is that," LetterinG MaN said with clenched teeth and bated
breath, "on the ___COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!___"
[Oh...that..well...you see...that doesn't affect you. It was only
allowed because it was stipulated in the special guest stars'
contract. Nothing for you to worry about, really. You can go about
the comic book in peace--Bert.]
<LetterinG MaN turns and starts walking away, muttering to himself.>
"FIRST, they say, 'NO _funky_ Lettering', than they say 'NO really
_neat-o_ NEW costume', now it's 'ONLY SPECIAL guest STARS with
CONTRACTS can use _funky_ Lettering!'" LetterinG MaN muttered as he
walked away. "mutter, mutter, Bergin, mutter, mutter, mutter!"
---
<On this page is the picture of some dweeby fan-boy geek, both his
hands filled with a fan of brightly colored trading cards. He is
smiling broadly so his missing teeth are plainly visible.>
"HI, I'm the Mi-T Big Trading Master announcing the start of the new
line of LetterinG MaN TRADING CARDS, complete with all your favorite
Lim Jee drawings of the super guys from LetterinG MaN and Mi-T Big
Comix! So go hit your mom up for some bucks (whining always works
wonders with mine, especially in public) and run out to the store so
you don't miss a single card!" the snot-nosed punk pitched.
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<A male character pops his head out of a dimensional portal on the
side of shiny, glass skyscraper. He has a full, rather unkempt head
of brown hair sticking out of a strange head covering that has
openings for his face and hair, thus covering only his ears, neck,
forehead, and the back of his skull. He looks up and down the street.>
"Seems pretty safe," he said, back through the dimensional portal.
<A blur of a figure rushes out of the portal, past the brown haired
man and down the street.>
"Out to scout," the speeding figure said before leaving the panel.
--WHHiSHHHHoo--
<The brown haired character steps out of the portal. Another figure
emerges dressed in an identical blue and yellow suit, a very furry,
brown face thrust through the face hole and two pointy ears through
the hair hole, instead.>
"Och, whair ayre we?" the newcomer asked, with a slightly feminine
lilt.
"Not in Kansas anymore," the first arrival quipped
<A small head attached to an enormous pair of shoulders pokes through
the portal, which has remained open. The eyes of the face sticking
through the strange headgear are covered by small, round lenses which
appear to be fused to the smiling cheeks and temples of the tiny head.
The bald pate that shows through the top hole is covered by a single
strand of hair, Charlie Brown style. His enormous shoulders are
larger than the portal is wide.>
"Yo, fellas, how's a body 'sposed to get tru one a' dese things?" the
big guy said to his compatriots.
<The little dog faced girl starts to pull and twists the head in an
attempt to pull the oversized body through the small (well, man-sized
anyway) opening; the brown haired guy trys to enlarge the portal. A
voice is heard from behind the stuck form.>
--ERRR-OOFFF--
--SquEERRRCHH--
"Come on guys, we have a debut to make!" the disembodied voice said.
--
<Bad-Timing Boy, Opinionated Lad, Kid Poetry, and Time-Waster Lad are
seated around a camp-fire, chewing big bones with red meat on them.
In the background, Cheesecake-Eater Lad is putting the final fronds on
what appears to be an exact replica of the Skipper and Gilligan's hut. RosterwReam is holding some palm fronds beside Cheesecake-Eater Lad.>
"There," Cheesecake-Eater Lad said in triumph. "One done!"
<Parking Karma Kid puts a red piece of cloth around Bandwagon Chick's shoulders.>
"I ... ah ... figured you might be ... ah," stammered PK Kid, "little
chilly. C-E says it gets kinda chilly after the sun goes down. But
don't worry," he reasurred her, "Cheesecake'll have you're hut done
well before then."
"Okay," she said, hesitantly, "but are you sure I can't help. I mean,
what with _that_ scandal and all, I understand it's necessary for me
to sleep separately from you guys, but it seems to be a lot of
trouble to go to on my account."
"No, that's okay," PK Kid said, confidently, "you leave that to
Cheesecake and me. Right now, I think it would be best for you to
watch Cannon Fodder and see what you can do for him."
<Parking Karma Kid walks over to where Cheesecake-Eater Lad is
standing, admiring his handiwork. Sweat covers Cheesecake-Eater Lad's
brow, and his clothes are soaked, but a smile of satisfaction graces
his countenance.>
"So," Cheesecake-Eater Lad asked his friend, "what do you think?"
"Great," Parking Karma Kid said, in an off-hand manner, "now when are
you going to finish Bandwagon Chick's? She'll freeze in that outfit!'
<Cheesecake-Eater Lad's sunny smile disappears and he eyes Parking
Karma Kid with a look of disdain.>
"Well," C-E Lad said, acidicly, "if you're so anxious, maybe you could
help RosterwReam find some long pole-like sticks for supports."
"Alrightee-oh," Parking Karma Kid, enthustically, his friend's
coolness totally unobserved.
<Parking Karma Kid jumps into the forest's underbrush outside the
clearing.>
"Found one," PK Kid said, as he plunged into the forest's greenery.
<Back in front of the glass building, the interdimensional portal is
gone. A netter comes running down the street, followed by another.
They are shooting each other with large flame throwers.>
"Oh, yeah," the leading individual rants, "I say Cable is Nathan!"
--Whoooshhh--
"You're nowt but a ninnyhammer!" the other yelled back. "Any one with
a shred of a brain _knows_ Stryfe is!"
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<A gratuitous two-page spread. In the foreground, the two netters
come to a startled halt, their flame-throwers emitting small wisps of
smoke. In front of them, the three blue and yellow clad characters
introduced in the preceeding pages have been joined by two others,
similarly dressed. One of the newcomers, a guy with blonde hair,
stands in a characteristically comic pose; his feet are spread wide
and his legs are slightly bent. His arms are clasped in front of him
and his arms are outstretched from his body. Hovering a little off
the ground is a woman with green hair flowing out from the top of her
head thingy around her face and shoulders. The little dog-girl stands
growling to left of the blonde guy in the middle of the page. The
brown haired dude who was first seen is standing at a little distance
behind the others with the extremely large guy with the Peanuts' hair.
Little rectangles appear beside each of the new characters. The one
by the blonde guy says "Xlogout", the one by the green haired girl
says "Xlock", and the one by the dog-girl says "Xkill".>
"Stop," Xlogout said, in a comanding voice, "the X-apps are here, and
from now on, computer usage will never be the same!"
"Grrrr," Xkill growled.
---
<The little rectangle by the brown haired guy says "Xrn" and the one
by the oversized muscleman says "Emacs".>
"So, where's the Blonde?" Emacs asked Xrn "Didn't she make it thru
the portal?"
Xrn shrugged in response.
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<The two netters look at each other, nod at each other, and start
firing at the X-apps with their flame-throwers.>
--Whooooshhh--
--Whooooshhh-
<The X-apps scatter for cover. More netters can be seen appearing in
the background.>
"Put a shield up Xlock!" Xlogout yelled as he dove behind some
convienent scenery. "Sic 'em Xkill!"
<Xkill jumps in the face of one the pair of netters and begins
scratching and biting.>
--Grrr-ooWLLL--
--Bite-Bite--
<The terrified netter has turns and runs away after being badly mauled
and stripped of his flame-thrower.>
"Run away! Run away!" he cried as he ran.
<Xlock projects a swirling pattern of fractals which totally blocks
the flames from the netter's flame-thrower. The members of the
quickly growing crowd begin to pull out various and assorted weapons
of mass destruction.>
"Ah...Xlogout," the green haired member of the team said in a wavering
voice, "I don't think my shield will hold them very long."
<A big netter strides up from behind the group of X-apps and begins to
clobber Emacs, with short, slyly witty posts, fast and furious,
sending Emacs flying into the pavement.>
"This one's for Darwin and the Two-Toed Sloth!" the assailant said as
he landed his last blow.
---
<Emacs pulls himself up out of crater he formed upon landing.>
"That wasn't such a good idea, bub," Emacs said as he raised himself
up, "'cause, see, I absorb all the files people throw at me, and those
files got to be released, real soon after."
<Emacs punches the netter and sends him flying into a little crumpled
heap, 150 posts away.>
"LIKE THIS," Emacs said as his fist landed on his opponent nose.
--Pow--
<Xlogout stands up again and looks official. Small beads of
perspiration appear on the brow of Xlock.>
"I didn't want to do this," Xlogout said, crypticly, "but you users
leave me no choice!"
<A large beam of white energy-stuff issues from Xlogout's outstretched
hands, hitting the flaming netter square in the chest. The netter
disappears from the face of the net.>
--Kerrr-ZAAPPP--
<A little hole with a wisp of smoke is all that is left of the netter.
The crowd looks with amazement at the crater for a second and then
they turn and glare at the assembled X-apps.>
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<LetterinG MaN enters aLLiterative Lass's room with his head downcast
and his face drooping. aLLiterative Lass looks up from the large book
she is reading.>
"HELLO aLLiterative Lass, loyal SIDEKICK!" LetterinG MaN said, but it
was clear his heart wasn't in the exclamation point.
"i Deem you're Depressed," aLLiterative Lass said as she closed her
book, carefully inserting a bookmark first.
--SIGH--
"YOU'RE right!" LetterinG MaN said, still down in the mouth.
<LetterinG MaN sits down on the edge of the bed. aLLiterative Lass
gets up and walks closer. She stops at a chair pushed into the table.
She leans against the back of the chair, her legs spread out in front
of her.>
"Does this Deal with the Rather Rambunctious Riot you Revelled in
earlier?" the hero of the doubled consonant asked.
"HMMM?!?" LetterinG MaN looked up, rather startled. "WHAT, oh...NO,
no, nothing like _that_! THAT was just a LITTLE dispute with that
_editor_ guy; no, I'VE been pretty much DEPRESSED since _last_ issue!"
<aLLiterative Lass watches LetterinG MaN closely.>
"aLLiterative Lass," the big net.hero began, uneasily, "do _you_ know
MUCH about _girls_?!?"
<aLLiterative Lass mouth curled up on one end in a sly kind of smile,
well suited for her fashionable face.>
"i Have Heard a Bit aBout them from time-to-time," she answered,
slyly. "How can i Help you?"
<LetterinG MaN looks up at aLLiterative Lass.>
"YOU see," he began, "in the _first_ part of my SAGA, (back when it
_was_ OK to use really _funky_ Lettering) there was this GIRL! HER
name was Trixi, and SHE had the _best_ pair of I'S you've ever SEEN!"
<aLLiterative Lass nods her head in agreement.>
"i Remember Reading that Part Prior to Beginning," aLLiterative Lass
said, "But she hasn't Been Seen Since."
---
<LetterinG MaN casts down his head and shakes it in disagreement.>
"THAT'S where _you're_ WRONG!" he said, sadly. "SHE appeared _last_
issue when _I_ went to NEWS.groups." The red and blue clad hero let
out a large sigh.
--SIGH--
"She SHOWED up as _some_ kind of REPORTER covering the DISTURBANCE!"
LetterinG MaN explained.
<The pretty brow of aLLitertive Lass knots a little in thought.>
"i Can't Contemplate why this Concerns you so," she stated after a
minute's reflection. "i should think her Return Requires Rejoicing."
<LetterinG MaN looks up a little peevishly.>
"HOW can _you_ say that AFTER reading the _beginning_ of my
SAGA!??!?!?" he asked with a little irritation. "SHE will _never_ see
ME as _anything_ but a COSTUMED cad!!"
<aLLitertive Lass considers this a moment.>
"you Do Decidedly Deserve such a title, Now that I Notice it," she
said with a wicked little smile, but after LetterinG MaN looked at her
with large, soulfull eyes nearly filling with tears, she recanted her
words saying, "but i'm Convinced you Can Counteract your Former Faults
if you try."
<LetterinG MaN stands up, smiling a little. aLLiterative Lass
straightens to look him in the eye, a cheerful smile on her lovely
face.>
"YOU _really_ think SO?!?!" he asked.
"i should Say So," aLLiterative Lass said with conviction.
"WELL then, I _guess_ I better STOP moping and START heroing!!"
LetterinG MaN said with a broad smile. "THANKS aLLiterative Lass!!"
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<A speaker in aLLiterative Lass's room blares forth a message.>
"LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass report to my ready room
immediately!" the voice of the Ultimate Ninja blared from the speaker.
<The LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass look at each other with
surprise.>
"WE better _GO_!" LetterinG MaN said. "It _sounds_ URGENT!"
<A brightly colored bird with a long tail sits on a branch in the
forest. Voices are heard from the underbrush.>
"Are you sure we're going
In the direction you're knowing
is the right one?" Kid Poetry asked.
<The brightly colored bird flies away as Cheesecake-Eater Lad,
Opinionated Lad, Kid Poetry, and Bad-Timing Boy emerge from
the foliage. They are tired, dirty, and sweaty.>
"I don't think _anyone_ knows where we're going!" the man with all the
views said in a disgusted voice.
"Sure, _I_ know where we're going," Cheesecake-Eater Lad reassured him.
"We're going to that ridge we saw when we landed to send a signal to
the LNH. And now that I can see where the sun is, I'm sure we're on
the right track. It's probably only a couple more miles, but this
looks like a good place for a little rest."
<Opinionated Lad lies down with a flop. Cheesecake-Eater Lad looks at
the sun in the sky. Kid Poetry takes out a pencil and paper and
starts chewing on the pencil's end while looking thoughtfully into the
jungle. Bad-Timing Boy is looking at Cheesecake-Eater Lad.>
"You know, Cheesecake," Bad-Timing Boy said, "before we crashed your
were real fat, but now you look almost normal, sorta."
<Cheesecake-Eater Lad looks down on his stomach, which has reduced a
little in size.>
"He's right," C-E Lad thought to himself, "I _have_ lost a little
weight." His faced brightened a little at the thought. "You know,"
he continued his train of thought, "maybe by the time I get back to
LNHQ, I be slimmed down to the point that aLLiterative Lass ...."
"Come on guys," he said aloud, "we've really got to continue so we can
make it back to the compound by nightfall. It's only a little
farther, I promise."
---
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass enter Ultimate Ninja's ready
room. Ultimate Ninja is studying the barracuda in its square, glass
aquarium.>
"You _called_ CHIEF!" LetterinG MaN asked, all smiles, his own
problems shelved at duty's call.
<The Ultimate Ninja turns and surveys the two net.heroes.>
"Not much to look at," he thought to himself, "and after sending those
guys after Lagneto .... Still, LetterinG MaN did do fairly well
against those PerilBots* and that flamer over on news.groups** .... And aLLitertive Lass _is_ a ninja, now."
[*Back in issue 1--Bert]
[**See issue 2 for all the action packed answers, still available on
some newsreaders--Bert.]
<The leader of the Legion walks to a television screen and turns it
on. A scene of mass combat between a group of people clad in bright
spandex and a mob of angry netters is shown on the screen.>
"A situation has arisin on r.a.c.xbooks which requires immediate
attention from the Legion," UN explained. "A team of super-powered
types appeared there a short while ago and engaged a group of resident
netters in combat. They have shown themselves to be a threat to the
resident population, so it is our duty to try to subdue them before
they cause any more inconvience."
<The Ultimate Ninja turns from the television screen to face the two net.heroes.>
"We have no idea of the power level these individuals may possess, so
extreme caution is called for," the Legion's leader said, with a final
survey of the team he was sending into the unknown once again. "Are
there any questions?"
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass look at each other again, and
then return to looking at the Ultimate Ninja.>
"NOPE, were _ready_ for ACTION!!!" LetterinG MaN answered with a broad
smile.
<The Ultimate Ninja looks concerned under his face hiding mask.>
"Then report to the Transmats immediately," he ordered, and as the
pair exited his ready room, he added, to himself, "and I hope this
goes better!"
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<Two page spread of advertisements, pushing the new G-Whiz Games Net.Role.Playing.Video.Game, "The Mummy Only Thumps Two Or Three Times
Then It Goes Away" available in stores now!>
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass enter the Transmat Room of the
Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters. W.I.L.B.U.R. sits in a chair, his
back to the heroes as they enter.>
"OH, boy, oh, BOY, _oh_, _BOY_!" LetterinG MaN said, enthusiastically.
"A _really_ IMPORTANT type mission!"
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass enter the Transmat tubes.>
"ENERGIZE!" LetterinG MaN said.
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass appear on the lawn in front of a
large, sprawling mansion. In front of the mansion is a curving drive.
Many normal people are running in all directions away from the one the
two net.heroes are facing. Several people are seen flying helplessly
through the air from that direction.>
"I _think_ we found our TROUBLE!!!" LetterinG MaN said with
conviction.
<The last panel is a large, half-page shot. In the foreground is
LetterinG MaN in a heroic pose, slightly off the ground. aLLiterative
Lass stands, her ninja swords drawn in preparation of conflict. Off
to one side, the X-apps stop their fight with the normal netters to
stand in classic comic book poses while their former opponents scatter
in all directions.>
"OKAY evil-doers, NOW there are some _real_ net.heroes to STOP
you!!!!" LetterinG MaN said, confidently.
<At the bottom of the page is a block of grey with writing in it. The
writing says "Who are these new.comers to the net.waves?! What will
the outcome of their vicious battle with our net.heroes be?! Pick up
the next issue of LetterinG MaN to find out!! And to find out what
happens to the Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Parking Karma Kid, and the rest,
pick up the next enstallment of Jungle Cheesecake in Ultimate Ninja
#7!">
<At the very bottom, in small print, is written, Copyright 1993 by
Charles F. FitzGerald. All rights reserved.>
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
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* Mi-T * ****************** !* !*
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*E Apr93* !************* ! ! !* !** !* ! ! !**************
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* No. 1 * !********** !* !* !* !* !* !***************
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<A little square below the left hand corner insignia thing has written
in it, "Now appearing TWICE a month!">
<The cover has LetterinG MaN surrounded by a group of blue and yellow
suited characters, engaging in a mad free-for-all. aLLiterative Lass
fights two others, her ninja swords a blur of action lines.>
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<On the splash page LetterinG MaN stands in front of a large,
sprawling mansion with a curved entrance-way and lots of pillars. His
right hand points in front of him. His cape flutters in the breeze.
His face shines with boyish enthusiasm. Behind him, aLLiterative Lass
crouches with her ninja swords ready for action.>
"STOP," LetterinG MaN called, "you _can't_ TREAT posters _that_ WAY!"
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<Two page spread. On the first page, at the top, is written "Loose
Ends", and two little boxes contain the names aLLiterative Lass and
LetterinG MaN. LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass stand in heroic
poses, preparing themselves for battle. At the bottom of the page is
written "This book brought to you by the Magic of Bert Niceguy
(editor/plotter) and SPECIAL GUEST ARTIST Joe Queso and all the fun
folks of Fromage Studios! Ihave Blackface and Roy G. Biv assisted, as
is only right!">
---
<The second page has "the X-apps" written in big, pink letters at the
top of the page. Little rectangles hold the names of each of the
members: Xlogout, Xlock, Xkill, Xrn, Xmh, and Emacs. All are dressed
in yellow and blue outfits except Xmh who wears a tuxedo and running
shoes.>
"It looks like there's only one thing we can do," Xlogout said, icy
resolve in his voice.
"Engage in senseless violence for seveal pages?" Emacs asked.
"Where've you been?" Xrn asked Xmh in the back of the group.
"I'm not telling," Xmh said, tersely.
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<Xlogout gives the hulking Emacs a sidelong glance.>
"Get 'em," he yelled and pointed to LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative
Lass.
<Xmh runs at Really Fast Speed towards LetterinG MaN, while Xrn starts
to create multiple links to other newsgoups to surround his enemy from
all sides.>
"QUIT it!!" LetterinG MaN yelled, in a red, button-like script.
<The command word penetrates first Xmh and then Xrn. Both stop still,
looks of surprise mingled with horror on their faces.>
"eep," Xmh said as he stopped dead in his tracks.
<The two X-apps disappear with a pop, leaving Xlogout and Emacs
standing, amazed.>
--Pop--
<Xkill lunges toward aLLiterative Lass.>
"GroWWll," the Xkill said as her claw tore at the novice ninja.
<aLLiterative Lass swings her swords in a very complicated pattern
through the advancing enemy, hiding Xkill in a mass of motion lines.>
--Whoosh-whooshoo--
--Whooshoo--
---
<aLLitertive Lass stops swinging, and Xkill stands in front of her; a
tuft of reddish brown hair floats to the ground between them. Both
females wear an expression of unbelief.>
"Wha..." Xkill gaped as she realized the swords hadn't ripped her to
ribbons.
<Xkill begins to growl again and prepare for a second assault on the
ninja. aLLiterative Lass puts her swords away.>
"i Fear these are Faulty," aLLiterative Lass thought as she sheathed
her dual ninja swords. "i'll have to Perform a new Power."
<aLLiterative Lass jumps at the wolf-girl, her right hand radiating a
field of red and white net.power. With a smooth combat grace, her
hand touches the X-app's forehead.>
"Feel the Focused Force of my Combinded Consonants!" aLLiterative Lass exclaimed, as she exibited her net.power for the first time.
--FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC--
<Xkill falls to her knees, her eyes staring blankly forward and a
small trickle of drool hanging from her lip. One corner of the novice
ninja's mouth curls up slightly.>
"..." Xkill murmured, unintelligibly.
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<aLLiterative Lass is struck by a massive bar of white, causing her to
go flying into a wall behind her.>
--OOOFFF--
<LetterinG MaN is fighting with Emacs when he sees aLLiterative Lass go flying.>
"aLLiterative LASS!!!!!" LetterinG MaN cried as his concern for his
sidekick caused him to forget his opponent, momentarily.
<Emacs takes advantage of LetterinG MaN's distraction to land a
massive fist on the net.hero's jaw.>
"Can't let an opportunity like this pass me by," Emacs said as his
fist hit LetterinG MaN's chin with true comic book ferocity.
--ka-POWie--
<LetterinG MaN lands beside a bruised and shaken aLLitertive Lass.>
--THUD--
<Xlogout, Xlock, and Emacs stand in a group, menacing faces glaring at
the two net.heroes. LetterinG MaN and aLLitertive Lass stagger to
their feet.>
"This _doesn't_ look GOOD!!" LetterinG MaN said.
---
<On this page is the picture of some dweeby fan-boy geek, both his
hands filled with a fan of brightly colored trading cards. He is
smiling broadly so his missing teeth are plainly visible.>
"HI, I'm the Mi-T Big Trading Master announcing the start of the new
line of LetterinG MaN TRADING CARDS, complete with all your favorite
Lim Jee drawings of the super guys from LetterinG MaN and Mi-T Big
Comix! So go hit your mom up for some bucks (whining always works
wonders with mine, especially in public) and run out to the store so
you don't miss a single card!" the snot-nosed punk pitched.
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<A man dressed in a ragged, green overcoat, and a battered, brown hat
under which long ends of white, scraggly hair are seen, walks down the
sidewalk in Net.ropolis Municipal Park. The sun is shining, the grass
is green, and the trees are just starting to bloom. He is carrying a
small, paper sack and singing to himself as he walks towards an empty
park bench.>
"Spring is here! Spring is here!
Life is skittles, and life is beer!" the old man croaked.
<The old man sits down on the park bench. A group of pidgeons land on
the pavement in front of the bench.>
"Hello, little things," he said, "are you hungry today?"
<The old man starts scattering the contents of his sack to the birds
at his feet, resuming his singing as he does so.>
"I think the lovliest time of the year is the Spring,
I do, doodlee-do," he sang as the peanuts flew from his wizened hands.
<A dark form emerges from behind the man on the bench, a large pistol
in its right hand. The pistol blares three times.>
--BLAMM--
--BLAMM-BLAMM--
<The shadowy form melts into the shade of a nearby tree. The body of
the old man crumples to a heap on the bench, a little pool of dark
liquid forming under it. The pidgeons lie around the bench, their
feet sticking straight up and little crosses where their eyes used to
be. A squirrel picks up a nut in the foreground and begins to
nibble.>
"Net.Justice is served," the form said as it faded to black.
---
<Here be ads!>
*******************************LetterinG
MaN***********************************
<A tall, shapely blonde female in a business suit stands with her
hands on her hips, her expression stern. Behind her, Xrn is seen
sheepishly stepping through a dimensional portal.>
"Okay, X-apps," the Blonde said, sternly, "I think we've caused enough
trouble for one session; let's pack it in."
<Xlogout looks in the direction of the newcomer, a startled expression
on his face. Emacs, standing behind his leader, looks the same way.>
"uh-oh," the giant in spandex said, "looks like the boss finally
arrived."
"I'm the boss of this outfit," Xlogout said in reply.
"oh, yeah, I forgot," Eamcs retorted, sacastically.
<Xlogout walks over to the Blonde.>
"This is _my_ team when we go into action," Xlogout lectured, "I
determine when we 'pack it in', not _you_!"
"Well then I suppose," the Blonde retorted, with equal fury, "it's
_your_ fault that the entire mission is a FAILURE!"
<Xlogout looks a little taken aback, though slightly skeptical.>
"What do you mean," the X-app leader said, increduously, "a
_failure_?"
<The Blonde looks slightly irritated as she gazes out of the long,
skinny panel.>
"The net.archy created the X-apps to help bring net.technology to the
computer illiterate," the Blonde explained. "The purpose of your
mission was to instruct the populace in the ease with which the net
may be accessed using your various net.powers."
---
<The Blonde's irritation becomes even more apparent, and Xlogout looks
down, somewhat shamefacedly.>
"Your purpose was _not_ to get involved in a huge slugfest with all
comers!" the Blonde finished, heatedly.
"oh," Xlogout said in a small voice.
<The Blonde walks over to LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass.>
"You're representatives of the Legion of Net.Heroes, are you not?" the
Blonde asked the two net.heroes.
<LetterinG MaN's chest swelled with pride and his face beamed
brightly.>
"That's _RIGHT_!!!" he said, proudly.
<The Blonde extends her hand to LetterinG MaN.>
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience," she apologized. "The net.archy
will take care of all the damages."
"THAT's _okay_!!!" LetterinG MaN reassured, "we _ALL_ make
MISTAKES!!!"
<A female with shoulder length, brown hair, carrying a large
microphone, and followed by a non-descript guy with a TV camera is
seen approaching LetterinG MaN and the group of X-apps.>
"Oh, no," the Blonde said in a disheartened voice, "the press; that's
the _last_ thing we need now!"
<LetterinG MaN waves to the X-apps and grabs aLLiterative Lass by the
arm as he begins to walk in the opposite direction from the
approaching reporters.>
"WE'll leave _you_ to EXPLAIN everything!" LetterinG MaN said as he
made his exit. "COME on, aLLiterative Lass, there are REAL
net.bad.guys that need STOPPING!!!"
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<Two page spread of advertisements, pushing the new G-Whiz Games Net.Role.Playing.Video.Game, "The Mummy Only Thumps Two Or Three Times
Then It Goes Away" available in stores now!>
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<aLLiterative Lass and LetterinG MaN appear in the Transmat Tubes of
the Legion of the Net.Heroes Headquarters.>
"i do Not kNow the Need for our Rapid Retreat," aLLiterative Lass said
in puzzled tones.
<LetterinG MaN looks away, rather sheepishly.>
"it wasn't Related to the Reporter, was it?" aLLiterative Lass asked
her rapidly reddening partner. "Didn't we Discuss her Lots Last
issue?"
<LetterinG MaN stops and turns to face his sidekick, a little annoyed
and very embarrassed.>
"i JUST didn't _think_ it was the RIGHT _time_, okay?!?!" LetterinG
MaN snapped. "I _mean_," he said, softening a little, "she had a JOB
to do, and DIDN'T need me to _distract_ her!!"
<Captain Cleanup passes aLLiterative Lass and LetterinG MaN in the
hall.>
"HELLO, captain CLEANUP!" LetterrinG MaN said to the cosmic crusader
of cleanliness. "You've _never_ been in MY book BEFORE!!"
"That's right, I'm debuting today," Captain Cleanup said in reply.
"well, it'S NICE to _see_ a new FACE gracing the PAGES!" LetterinG MaN
said.
<Captain Cleanup prepares to start walking away from the other two
net.heroes.>
"One more THING, before your _go_, CAPTAIN!" LetterinG MaN said to the retreating figure, "if you _see_ ULTIMATE ninja, could you TELL him
_we_ took care of the PROBLEM on r.a.c.x?!?"
---
<Captain Cleanup stops and shakes his head.>
"I'm sorry, I can't do that," Captain Cleanup said, "'cause UN went
off with Deja Dude and a bunch of other heroes in a flight thingy
yesterday, and he hasn't been back since.*"
[*See the exciting Ultimate Ninja #7--Bert.]
<aLLiterative Lass looks puzzled.>
"how are you So Certain he eXited eXactly then?" aLLiterative Lass
asked.
<Captain Cleanup looks confidently at aLLiterative Lass.>
"I know when he left," Captain Cleanup explained, "because he sent for
me just before he left to clean up a broken desk in his office."
"i am Cautiously Curious," aLLiterative Lass thought, "who sent us to
our Big Battle."
<LetterinG MaN waves good-bye to Captain Cleanup and resumes his
walk with his companion. Captain Cleanup returns the wave and walks
in the opposite direction.>
"I _suppose_ my MESSAGE will _have_ to WAIT then!" LetterinG MaN said, good-naturedly. "SEE you _later_!!"
"he Can't Ken the Meaning of the Mystery," aLLiterative Lass thought.
"i'LL aLLow Myself More Meditation Before Bringing iT To his
aTtention."
<LetterinG MaN stops and scratches his head, a puzzled look on his
face. aLLiterative Lass looks at him searchingly.>
"YOU know," LetterinG MaN began, "i _don't_ UNDERSTAND what _happened_
with YOU in the BIG fight with those X-APPS guys!! WHY didn't your
NINJA swords work?!? and _where_ did that net.POWER come from?!?"
<aLLiterative Lass shrugs her shoulders.>
"i'm just as Baffled Beyond Belief as you," she replied.
*********************************LetterinG
MaN*********************************
<LetterinG MaN gazes out of the panel, a mix of annoyance and
bewilderment on his face.>
"HEY, editor-GUY!" LetterinG MaN said.
[May I help you--Bert.]
<LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass cram themselves into one panel,
both starring towards the readership.>
"HOW about _answering_ the QUESTIONS i asked _last_ page!?!" LetterinG
MaN said.
[aLLiterative Lass's swords could not Xkill to shreds because heroes
do not kill in Mi-T Big Comix, and all major characters in Mi-T Big
Comix _must_ have a net.power, therefore, one was provided for
aLLiterative Lass--Bert.]
<LetterinG MaN doubles over with rage. aLLiterative Lass stands
beside him, training to calm him down.>
"Mi-T Big Comix THIS!!" LetterinG MaN began to rant. "Mi-T Big Comix
_that_!!"
<LetterinG MaN starts to pace quickly about in a circle. aLLiterative
Lass stands in the circle's center at a loss for the correct response
to her mentor's tirade.>
"IF I _hear_ Mi-T Big Comix ONE more TIME!!" LetterinG MaN threatened,
"i'LL __SCREAM__!!!!!"
<aLLiterative Lass crowds to the front of the panel, so only little
exerpts of LetterinG MaN's dialog may be seen behind her.>
--why ALWAYS us--
--What elsE--
"i Deem it Dubious to Continue the Comic from here," aLLiterative Lass
said. "See you Soon."
<At the bottom of the page is a block of yellow with blue writing in
it. The writing says "Will LetterinG MaN ever get up the nerve to
talk to Trixi Truelove again?! What about Cheesecake-Eater Lad and
his friends in the jungle?! Are they forgotten by those remaining at
the Legion Headquarters?!? Find out in the next exciting issue!!">
<At the very bottom, in small print, is written, Copyright 1993 by
Charles F. FitzGerald. All rights reserved.>
==========
Next Week: Some more JUNGLE CHEESECAKE!!!!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
--000000000000f0843406432fa21a
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<div dir=3D"ltr"><br>And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie=
archive <br>once again.<br><br><br>Here's where you can find this and = more LetterinG MaN<br>Action!:<br><br><a href=3D"
https://archives.eyrie.org= /racc/lnh/Series/LetterinG.MaN/">
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series= /LetterinG.MaN/</a><br><br><br><br>And Charles FitzGerald joins the Jungle = Cheesecake<br>Fun with LetterinG MaN #3-4!<br><br>Will there be some FunKY = LetterinG?!=C2=A0 Will our<br>Heroes chew on some Big Bones with Red Meat o= n<br>Them?!!=C2=A0 And will Xkill make a Grrr Noise?!!!!<br><br><br><br>Fin=
d out in...<br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
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=C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2= =A0___<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | []=
| =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ |=
=C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\_\<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0||<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROE= S<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #394= <br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Jungle Cheesecake Part Four<br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><b= r><br><br><br>******************************LetterinG MaN******************= ******************<br><br>********* ***************************************= ******************* =C2=A0 See<br>* Mi-T =C2=A0* ****************** =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!********= ********* =C2=A0 Note<br>* Big =C2=A0 * ********************* =C2=A0!**** = =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!** !****************** =C2=A0 Below<br>* Comix * ******= ********* =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !*** =C2=
=A0 !***************<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0!** !*** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!*** !** =C2=A0 !** =C2= =A0!*******<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0!****** !*** =C2=A0!*= *** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2= =A0!**********<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*****= ********************************* =C2=A0! =C2=A0! =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 !<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0!****** =C2=A0 !***=
=C2=A0 !** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
!* =C2=A0!******<br>********* =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 = =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!**** =C2= =A0!** =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 !<br>*L Mar93* =C2=A0 !************* =C2= =A0! =C2=A0 =C2=A0! =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0! =C2=A0! =C2=A0!****= ********** =C2=A0!*** =C2=A0!<br>* No. 3 * =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!********** = =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*= ************** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * *********= ******* =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 !********= ***************<br>********* **********************************************= ***********************<br><br><The cover shows LetterinG MaN with a sli= ghty susprised look on his<br>face; behind him, aLLiterative Lass stands in=
a menacing stance<br>gripping her two, long, ninja swords.=C2=A0 In front =
of them, with their<br>backs to the reader and a two-thirds view of their f= aces from behind,<br>stand six costumed figures.=C2=A0 A woman with long, b= londe hair stands<br>on the opposite side of the cover; she is speaking.>= ;<br><br>"That's right, LetterinG MaN," the blonde said. =C2= =A0"Now that the<br>---------------<br>| \\\ =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0// | = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 AAAA =C2=A0 PPPPPP =C2=A0 PPPPPP =C2=A0 =C2=A0SSSS<br>=
| =C2=A0\\\ =C2=A0 =C2=A0// =C2=A0| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0AA =C2=A0AA =C2=A0P=
P =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0PP =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0SS =C2=A0SS<br>| =C2=A0 \\\ =C2=A0// = =C2=A0 | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0AA =C2=A0AA =C2=A0PP =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0PP =C2=A0=
PP =C2=A0SS<br>| =C2=A0 =C2=A0\\\// =C2=A0 =C2=A0| =3D=3D=3D =C2=A0AA =C2= =A0AA =C2=A0PPPPPP =C2=A0 PPPPPP =C2=A0 =C2=A0SSS<br>| =C2=A0 =C2=A0//\\\ = =C2=A0 =C2=A0| =3D=3D=3D =C2=A0AAAAAA =C2=A0PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PP =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 SSS<br>| =C2=A0 // =C2=A0\\\ =C2=A0 | =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0AA =C2=A0AA =C2=A0PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 SS<br>| =C2=A0// =C2=A0 =C2=A0\\\ =C2=A0| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0AA =C2=A0AA =C2=A0PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 SS =C2= =A0SS<br>| // =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0\\\ | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0AA =C2=A0AA =C2= =A0PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PP =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0SSSS<br>----------= -----<br>are here, your days are numbered!"<br><br><Note: =C2=A0in = this corner (going diagonally) is written "Jungle<br>Cheesecake Crosso= ver!".><br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN******= ***************************<br><br><Across the top of the is a written &= quot;Xterm-inations" in large, blue<br>letters.=C2=A0 A small box at t=
he bootom right contains:<br>Brought to you through the grace of<br>Bert Ni= ceguy: Editor and Plotter<br>and<br>Lim Jee and Fromage Studios: Pencils<br= ><br>with some help provided by<br>Ihave Blackface: Inks<br>Roy G. Biv: Col= ors<br><br>oh, and the scripter was Charles F. FitzGerald, in case you were= <br>wondering.<br>In the middle of the page, LetterinG MaN is standing, his=
hands over<br>his ears, looking slightly upward.=C2=A0 His normally cheerf= ull face is<br>replaced by a visage twisted by rage and unbelief.=C2=A0 His=
mouth is wide<br>open.><br><br>"STOP!!!" LetterinG MaN yelled=
, frantically.<br><br>[How can we stop when we haven't started yet?--Be= rt.]<br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN*****************= ****************<br><br><LetterinG MaN looks out of the panel with a loo=
k of angry<br>determination.><br><br>"Never _mind_ THAT!" the = hero of the typescript said, angrily. "WHAT'S<br>the _big_ IDEA!?!= ?!?!"<br><br>[What do you mean?--Bert.]<br><br><LetterinG MaN lower=
s his head and glares from beneath overly-shadowed<br>brows.><br><br>&qu= ot;_I_ thought WE _didn't_ USE really _FUNKY_ letters here at Mi-T Big<= br>Comix!" the irate net.hero said, irately.<br><br>[We don't--Ber= t.]<br><br><LetterinG MaN's brow grows even darker and little tufts =
of smoke are<br>seen coming from his ears.><br><br>"then what is th= at," LetterinG MaN said with clenched teeth and bated<br>breath, "= ;on the ___COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!___"<br><br>[Oh...that..well...you=
see...that doesn't affect you.=C2=A0 It was only<br>allowed because it=
was stipulated in the special guest stars'<br>contract.=C2=A0 Nothing = for you to worry about, really.=C2=A0 You can go about<br>the comic book in=
peace--Bert.]<br><br><LetterinG MaN turns and starts walking away, mutt= ering to himself.><br><br>"FIRST, they say, 'NO _funky_ Letteri= ng', than they say 'NO really<br>_neat-o_ NEW costume', now it&= #39;s 'ONLY SPECIAL guest STARS with<br>CONTRACTS can use _funky_ Lette= ring!'" LetterinG MaN muttered as he<br>walked away. =C2=A0"m= utter, mutter, Bergin, mutter, mutter, mutter!"<br><br>---<br><br><=
On this page is the picture of some dweeby fan-boy geek, both his<br>hands = filled with a fan of brightly colored trading cards.=C2=A0 He is<br>smiling=
broadly so his missing teeth are plainly visible.><br><br>"HI, I&#= 39;m the Mi-T Big Trading Master announcing the start of the new<br>line of=
LetterinG MaN TRADING CARDS, complete with all your favorite<br>Lim Jee dr= awings of the super guys from LetterinG MaN and Mi-T Big<br>Comix!=C2=A0 So=
go hit your mom up for some bucks (whining always works<br>wonders with mi= ne, especially in public) and run out to the store so<br>you don't miss=
a single card!" the snot-nosed punk pitched.<br><br>*****************= ****************LetterinG MaN*********************************<br><br><A=
male character pops his head out of a dimensional portal on the<br>side of=
shiny, glass skyscraper.=C2=A0 He has a full, rather unkempt head<br>of br= own hair sticking out of a strange head covering that has<br>openings for h=
is face and hair, thus covering only his ears, neck,<br>forehead, and the b= ack of his skull.=C2=A0 He looks up and down the street.><br><br>"S= eems pretty safe," he said, back through the dimensional portal.<br><b= r><A blur of a figure rushes out of the portal, past the brown haired<br= >man and down the street.><br><br>"Out to scout," the speeding=
figure said before leaving the panel.<br><br>--WHHiSHHHHoo--<br><br><Th=
e brown haired character steps out of the portal.=C2=A0 Another figure<br>e= merges dressed in an identical blue and yellow suit, a very furry,<br>brown=
face thrust through the face hole and two pointy ears through<br>the hair = hole, instead.><br><br>"Och, whair ayre we?" the newcomer aske=
d, with a slightly feminine<br>lilt.<br><br>"Not in Kansas anymore,&qu= ot; the first arrival quipped<br><br><A small head attached to an enormo=
us pair of shoulders pokes through<br>the portal, which has remained open.= =C2=A0 The eyes of the face sticking<br>through the strange headgear are co= vered by small, round lenses which<br>appear to be fused to the smiling che= eks and temples of the tiny head.<br>The bald pate that shows through the t=
op hole is covered by a single<br>strand of hair, Charlie Brown style.=C2=
=A0 His enormous shoulders are<br>larger than the portal is wide.><br><b= r>"Yo, fellas, how's a body 'sposed to get tru one a' dese=
things?" the<br>big guy said to his compatriots.<br><br><The littl=
e dog faced girl starts to pull and twists the head in an<br>attempt to pul=
l the oversized body through the small (well, man-sized<br>anyway) opening;=
the brown haired guy trys to enlarge the portal. =C2=A0A<br>voice is heard=
from behind the stuck form.><br><br>--ERRR-OOFFF--<br><br>--SquEERRRCHH= --<br><br>"Come on guys, we have a debut to make!" the disembodie=
d voice said.<br><br>--<br><br><Bad-Timing Boy, Opinionated Lad, Kid Poe= try, and Time-Waster Lad are<br>seated around a camp-fire, chewing big bone=
s with red meat on them.<br>In the background, Cheesecake-Eater Lad is putt= ing the final fronds on<br>what appears to be an exact replica of the Skipp=
er and Gilligan's hut.<br>RosterwReam is holding some palm fronds besid=
e Cheesecake-Eater Lad.><br><br>"There," Cheesecake-Eater Lad = said in triumph. =C2=A0"One done!"<br><br><Parking Karma Kid p= uts a red piece of cloth around Bandwagon Chick's<br>shoulders.><br>= <br>"I ... ah ... figured you might be ... ah," stammered PK Kid,=
"little<br>chilly.=C2=A0 C-E says it gets kinda chilly after the sun = goes down.=C2=A0 But<br>don't worry," he reasurred her, "Chee= secake'll have you're hut done<br>well before then."<br><br>&q= uot;Okay," she said, hesitantly, "but are you sure I can't he= lp.=C2=A0 I mean,<br>what with _that_ scandal and all, I understand it'=
s necessary for me<br>to sleep =C2=A0separately from you guys, but it seems=
to be a lot of<br>trouble to go to on my account."<br><br>"No, t= hat's okay," PK Kid said, confidently, "you leave that to<br>= Cheesecake and me.=C2=A0 Right now, I think it would be best for you to<br>= watch Cannon Fodder and see what you can do for him."<br><br><Parki=
ng Karma Kid walks over to where Cheesecake-Eater Lad is<br>standing, admir= ing his handiwork.=C2=A0 Sweat covers Cheesecake-Eater Lad's<br>brow, a=
nd his clothes are soaked, but a smile of satisfaction graces<br>his counte= nance.><br><br>"So," Cheesecake-Eater Lad asked his friend, &q= uot;what do you think?"<br><br>"Great," Parking Karma Kid sa= id, in an off-hand manner, "now when are<br>you going to finish Bandwa= gon Chick's?=C2=A0 She'll freeze in that outfit!'<br><br><Ch= eesecake-Eater Lad's sunny smile disappears and he eyes Parking<br>Karm=
a Kid with a look of disdain.><br><br>"Well," C-E Lad said, ac= idicly, "if you're so anxious, maybe you could<br>help RosterwReam=
find some long pole-like sticks for supports."<br><br>"Alrightee= -oh," Parking Karma Kid, enthustically, his friend's<br>coolness t= otally unobserved.<br><br><Parking Karma Kid jumps into the forest's=
underbrush outside the<br>clearing.><br><br>"Found one," PK K=
id said, as he plunged into the forest's greenery.<br><br><Back in f= ront of the glass building, the interdimensional portal is<br>gone.=C2=A0 A=
netter comes running down the street, followed by another.<br>They are sho= oting each other with large flame throwers.><br><br>"Oh, yeah,"=
; the leading individual rants, "I say Cable is Nathan!"<br><br>-= -Whoooshhh--<br><br>"You're nowt but a ninnyhammer!" the othe=
r yelled back. "Any one with<br>a shred of a brain _knows_ Stryfe is!&= quot;<br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN****************= *****************<br><br><A gratuitous two-page spread.=C2=A0 In the for= eground, the two netters<br>come to a startled halt, their flame-throwers e= mitting small wisps of<br>smoke.=C2=A0 In front of them, the three blue and=
yellow clad characters<br>introduced in the preceeding pages have been joi= ned by two others,<br>similarly dressed.=C2=A0 One of the newcomers, a guy = with blonde hair,<br>stands in a characteristically comic pose; his feet ar=
e spread wide<br>and his legs are slightly bent.=C2=A0 His arms are clasped=
in front of him<br>and his arms are outstretched from his body.=C2=A0 Hove= ring a little off<br>the ground is a woman with green hair flowing out from=
the top of her<br>head thingy around her face and shoulders.=C2=A0 The lit= tle dog-girl stands<br>growling to left of the blonde guy in the middle of = the page.=C2=A0 The<br>brown haired dude who was first seen is standing at =
a little distance<br>behind the others with the extremely large guy with th=
e Peanuts' hair.<br>Little rectangles appear beside each of the new cha= racters.=C2=A0 The one<br>by the blonde guy says "Xlogout", the o=
ne by the green haired girl<br>says "Xlock", and the one by the d= og-girl says "Xkill".><br><br>"Stop," Xlogout said, =
in a comanding voice, "the X-apps are here, and<br>from now on, comput=
er usage will never be the same!"<br><br>"Grrrr," Xkill grow= led.<br><br>---<br><br><The little rectangle by the brown haired guy say=
s "Xrn" and the one<br>by the oversized muscleman says "Emac= s".><br><br>"So, where's the Blonde?" Emacs asked Xrn=
=C2=A0"Didn't she make it thru<br>the portal?"<br><br>Xrn sh= rugged in response.<br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN**= *******************************<br><br><The two netters look at each oth= er, nod at each other, and start<br>firing at the X-apps with their flame-t= hrowers.><br><br>--Whooooshhh--<br><br>--Whooooshhh-<br><br><The X-ap=
ps scatter for cover.=C2=A0 More netters can be seen appearing in<br>the ba= ckground.><br><br>"Put a shield up Xlock!" Xlogout yelled as h=
e dove behind some<br>convienent scenery. =C2=A0"Sic 'em Xkill!&qu= ot;<br><br><Xkill jumps in the face of one the pair of netters and begin= s<br>scratching and biting.><br><br>--Grrr-ooWLLL--<br><br>--Bite-Bite--= <br><br><The terrified netter has turns and runs away after being badly = mauled<br>and stripped of his flame-thrower.><br><br>"Run away! Run=
away!" he cried as he ran.<br><br><Xlock projects a swirling patte=
rn of fractals which totally blocks<br>the flames from the netter's fla= me-thrower.=C2=A0 The members of the<br>quickly growing crowd begin to pull=
out various and assorted weapons<br>of mass destruction.><br><br>"= Ah...Xlogout," the green haired member of the team said in a wavering<= br>voice, "I don't think my shield will hold them very long."= <br><br><A big netter strides up from behind the group of X-apps and beg= ins to<br>clobber Emacs, with short, slyly witty posts, fast and furious,<b= r>sending Emacs flying into the pavement.><br><br>"This one's f=
or Darwin and the Two-Toed Sloth!" the assailant said as<br>he landed = his last blow.<br><br>---<br><br><Emacs pulls himself up out of crater h=
e formed upon landing.><br><br>"That wasn't such a good idea, b= ub," Emacs said as he raised himself<br>up, "'cause, see, I a= bsorb all the files people throw at me, and those<br>files got to be releas= ed, real soon after."<br><br><Emacs punches the netter and sends hi=
m flying into a little crumpled<br>heap, 150 posts away.><br><br>"L= IKE THIS," Emacs said as his fist landed on his opponent nose.<br><br>= --Pow--<br><br><Xlogout stands up again and looks official.=C2=A0 Small = beads of<br>perspiration appear on the brow of Xlock.><br><br>"I di= dn't want to do this," Xlogout said, crypticly, "but you user= s<br>leave me no choice!"<br><br><A large beam of white energy-stuf=
f issues from Xlogout's outstretched<br>hands, hitting the flaming nett=
er square in the chest.=C2=A0 The netter<br>disappears from the face of the=
net.><br><br>--Kerrr-ZAAPPP--<br><br><A little hole with a wisp of s= moke is all that is left of the netter.<br>The crowd looks with amazement a=
t the crater for a second and then<br>they turn and glare at the assembled = X-apps.><br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN**********= ***********************<br><br><LetterinG MaN enters aLLiterative Lass&#= 39;s room with his head downcast<br>and his face drooping. =C2=A0aLLiterati=
ve Lass looks up from the large book<br>she is reading.><br><br>"HE= LLO aLLiterative Lass, loyal SIDEKICK!" LetterinG MaN said, but it<br>= was clear his heart wasn't in the exclamation point.<br><br>"i Dee=
m you're Depressed," aLLiterative Lass said as she closed her<br>b= ook, carefully inserting a bookmark first.<br><br>--SIGH--<br><br>"YOU= 'RE right!" LetterinG MaN said, still down in the mouth.<br><br>&l= t;LetterinG MaN sits down on the edge of the bed. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass<b= r>gets up and walks closer.=C2=A0 She stops at a chair pushed into the tabl= e.<br>She leans against the back of the chair, her legs spread out in front= <br>of her.><br><br>"Does this Deal with the Rather Rambunctious Ri=
ot you Revelled in<br>earlier?" the hero of the doubled consonant aske= d.<br><br>"HMMM?!?" LetterinG MaN looked up, rather startled. =C2= =A0"WHAT, oh...NO,<br>no, nothing like _that_!=C2=A0 THAT was just a L= ITTLE dispute with that<br>_editor_ guy; no, I'VE been pretty much DEPR= ESSED since _last_ issue!"<br><br><aLLiterative Lass watches Letter= inG MaN closely.><br><br>"aLLiterative Lass," the big net.hero=
began, uneasily, "do _you_ know<br>MUCH about _girls_?!?"<br><br= ><aLLiterative Lass mouth curled up on one end in a sly kind of smile,<b= r>well suited for her fashionable face.><br><br>"i Have Heard a Bit=
aBout them from time-to-time," she answered,<br>slyly. =C2=A0"Ho=
w can i Help you?"<br><br><LetterinG MaN looks up at aLLiterative L= ass.><br><br>"YOU see," he began, "in the _first_ part of=
my SAGA, (back when it<br>_was_ OK to use really _funky_ Lettering) there = was this GIRL!=C2=A0 HER<br>name was Trixi, and SHE had the _best_ pair of = I'S you've ever SEEN!"<br><br><aLLiterative Lass nods her h= ead in agreement.><br><br>"i Remember Reading that Part Prior to Be= ginning," aLLiterative Lass<br>said, "But she hasn't Been See=
n Since."<br><br>---<br><br><LetterinG MaN casts down his head and = shakes it in disagreement.><br><br>"THAT'S where _you're_ W= RONG!" he said, sadly. =C2=A0"SHE appeared _last_<br>issue when _=
I_ went to NEWS.groups." =C2=A0The red and blue clad hero let<br>out a=
large sigh.<br><br>--SIGH--<br><br>"She SHOWED up as _some_ kind of R= EPORTER covering the DISTURBANCE!"<br>LetterinG MaN explained.<br><br>= <The pretty brow of aLLitertive Lass knots a little in thought.><br><= br>"i Can't Contemplate why this Concerns you so," she stated=
after a<br>minute's reflection. =C2=A0"i should think her Return = Requires Rejoicing."<br><br><LetterinG MaN looks up a little peevis= hly.><br><br>"HOW can _you_ say that AFTER reading the _beginning_ =
of my<br>SAGA!??!?!?" he asked with a little irritation. =C2=A0"S=
HE will _never_ see<br>ME as _anything_ but a COSTUMED cad!!"<br><br>&= lt;aLLitertive Lass considers this a moment.><br><br>"you Do Decide= dly Deserve such a title, Now that I Notice it," she<br>said with a wi= cked little smile, but after LetterinG MaN looked at her<br>with large, sou= lfull eyes nearly filling with tears, she recanted her<br>words saying, &qu= ot;but i'm Convinced you Can Counteract your Former Faults<br>if you tr= y."<br><br><LetterinG MaN stands up, smiling a little. =C2=A0aLLite= rative Lass<br>straightens to look him in the eye, a cheerful smile on her = lovely<br>face.><br><br>"YOU _really_ think SO?!?!" he asked.<= br><br>"i should Say So," aLLiterative Lass said with conviction.= <br><br>"WELL then, I _guess_ I better STOP moping and START heroing!!= "<br>LetterinG MaN said with a broad smile. =C2=A0"THANKS aLLiter= ative Lass!!"<br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN***= ******************************<br><br><A speaker in aLLiterative Lass= 9;s room blares forth a message.><br><br>"LetterinG MaN and aLLiter= ative Lass report to my ready room<br>immediately!" the voice of the U= ltimate Ninja blared from the speaker.<br><br><The LetterinG MaN and aLL= iterative Lass look at each other with<br>surprise.><br><br>"WE bet= ter _GO_!" LetterinG MaN said. =C2=A0"It _sounds_ URGENT!"<b= r><br><A brightly colored bird with a long tail sits on a branch in the<= br>forest.=C2=A0 Voices are heard from the underbrush.><br><br>"Are=
you sure we're going<br>In the direction you're knowing<br> is the=
right one?" Kid Poetry asked.<br><br><The brightly colored bird fl= ies away as Cheesecake-Eater Lad,<br>Opinionated Lad, Kid Poetry, and Bad-T= iming Boy emerge from<br>the foliage.=C2=A0 They are tired, dirty, and swea= ty.><br><br>"I don't think _anyone_ knows where we're going= !" the man with all the<br>views said in a disgusted voice.<br><br>&qu= ot;Sure, _I_ know where we're going," Cheesecake-Eater Lad reassur=
ed him.<br>"We're going to that ridge we saw when we landed to sen=
d a signal to<br>the LNH.=C2=A0 And now that I can see where the sun is, I&= #39;m sure we're on<br>the right track.=C2=A0 It's probably only a = couple more miles, but this<br>looks like a good place for a little rest.&q= uot;<br><br><Opinionated Lad lies down with a flop.=C2=A0 Cheesecake-Eat=
er Lad looks at<br>the sun in the sky.=C2=A0 Kid Poetry takes out a pencil = and paper and<br>starts chewing on the pencil's end while looking thoug= htfully into the<br>jungle.=C2=A0 Bad-Timing Boy is looking at Cheesecake-E= ater Lad.><br><br>"You know, Cheesecake," Bad-Timing Boy said,=
"before we crashed your<br>were real fat, but now you look almost nor= mal, sorta."<br><br><Cheesecake-Eater Lad looks down on his stomach=
, which has reduced a<br>little in size.><br><br>"He's right,&q= uot; C-E Lad thought to himself, "I _have_ lost a little<br>weight.&qu= ot; =C2=A0His faced brightened a little at the thought. =C2=A0"You kno= w,"<br>he continued his train of thought, "maybe by the time I ge=
t back to<br>LNHQ, I be slimmed down to the point that aLLiterative Lass ..= .."<br><br>"Come on guys," he said aloud, "we've re= ally got to continue so we can<br>make it back to the compound by nightfall= .=C2=A0 It's only a little<br>farther, I promise."<br><br>---<br><= br><LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass enter Ultimate Ninja's ready= <br>room.=C2=A0 Ultimate Ninja is studying the barracuda in its square, gla= ss<br>aquarium.><br><br>"You _called_ CHIEF!" LetterinG MaN as= ked, all smiles, his own<br>problems shelved at duty's call.<br><br><= ;The Ultimate Ninja turns and surveys the two net.heroes.><br><br>"= Not much to look at," he thought to himself, "and after sending t= hose<br>guys after Lagneto ....=C2=A0 Still, LetterinG MaN did do fairly we= ll<br>against those PerilBots* and that flamer over on news.groups** .... A= nd<br>aLLitertive Lass _is_ a ninja, now."<br><br>[*Back in issue 1--B= ert]<br><br>[**See issue 2 for all the action packed answers, still availab=
le on<br>some newsreaders--Bert.]<br><br><The leader of the Legion walks=
to a television screen and turns it<br>on.=C2=A0 A scene of mass combat be= tween a group of people clad in bright<br>spandex and a mob of angry netter=
s is shown on the screen.><br><br>"A situation has arisin on r.a.c.= xbooks which requires immediate<br>attention from the Legion," UN expl= ained. =C2=A0"A team of super-powered<br>types appeared there a short = while ago and engaged a group of resident<br>netters in combat.=C2=A0 They = have shown themselves to be a threat to the<br>resident population, so it i=
s our duty to try to subdue them before<br>they cause any more inconvience.= "<br><br><The Ultimate Ninja turns from the television screen to fa=
ce the two<br>net.heroes.><br><br>"We have no idea of the power lev=
el these individuals may possess, so<br>extreme caution is called for,"=
; the Legion's leader said, with a final<br>survey of the team he was s= ending into the unknown once again. =C2=A0"Are<br>there any questions?= "<br><br><LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass look at each other ag= ain, and<br>then return to looking at the Ultimate Ninja.><br><br>"= NOPE, were _ready_ for ACTION!!!" LetterinG MaN answered with a broad<= br>smile.<br><br><The Ultimate Ninja looks concerned under his face hidi=
ng mask.><br><br>"Then report to the Transmats immediately," h=
e ordered, and as the<br>pair exited his ready room, he added, to himself, = "and I hope this<br>goes better!"<br><br>************************= *********LetterinG MaN*********************************<br><br><Two page=
spread of advertisements, pushing the new G-Whiz Games<br>Net.Role.Playing= .Video.Game, "The Mummy Only Thumps Two Or Three Times<br>Then It Goes=
Away" available in stores now!><br><br>***************************= ******LetterinG MaN*********************************<br><br><LetterinG M=
aN and aLLiterative Lass enter the Transmat Room of the<br>Legion of Net.He= roes Headquarters.=C2=A0 W.I.L.B.U.R. sits in a chair, his<br>back to the h= eroes as they enter.><br><br>"OH, boy, oh, BOY, _oh_, _BOY_!" = LetterinG MaN said, enthusiastically.<br>"A _really_ IMPORTANT type mi= ssion!"<br><br><LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass enter the Trans= mat tubes.><br><br>"ENERGIZE!" LetterinG MaN said.<br><br><= LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass appear on the lawn in front of a<br>lar= ge, sprawling mansion.=C2=A0 In front of the mansion is a curving drive.<br= >Many normal people are running in all directions away from the one the<br>= two net.heroes are facing.=C2=A0 Several people are seen flying helplessly<= br>through the air from that direction.><br><br>"I _think_ we found=
our TROUBLE!!!" LetterinG MaN said with<br>conviction.<br><br><The=
last panel is a large, half-page shot.=C2=A0 In the foreground is<br>Lette= rinG MaN in a heroic pose, slightly off the ground. =C2=A0aLLiterative<br>L= ass stands, her ninja swords drawn in preparation of conflict.=C2=A0 Off<br= >to one side, the X-apps stop their fight with the normal netters to<br>sta=
nd in classic comic book poses while their former opponents scatter<br>in a=
ll directions.><br><br>"OKAY evil-doers, NOW there are some _real_ = net.heroes to STOP<br>you!!!!" LetterinG MaN said, confidently.<br><br= ><At the bottom of the page is a block of grey with writing in it.=C2=A0=
The<br>writing says "Who are these new.comers to the net.waves?!=C2=
=A0 What will<br>the outcome of their vicious battle with our net.heroes be= ?!=C2=A0 Pick up<br>the next issue of LetterinG MaN to find out!!=C2=A0 And=
to find out what<br>happens to the Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Parking Karma Kid=
, and the rest,<br>pick up the next enstallment of Jungle Cheesecake in Ult= imate Ninja<br>#7!"> <br><br><br><At the very bottom, in small p= rint, is written, Copyright 1993 by<br>Charles F. FitzGerald.=C2=A0 All rig= hts reserved.><br><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN****= *****************************<br><br>********* ****************************= *****************************************<br>* Mi-T =C2=A0* ***************= *** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0!**************************<br>* Big =C2=A0 * ********************* =C2= =A0!**** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!*************************<br>* Comix=
* *************** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 != *** =C2=A0 !********************<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0!** !*** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!*** !** =C2= =A0 !** =C2=A0!**********<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * ******* =C2=A0!******=
!*** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 !* =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!**********<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 !**** =C2= =A0 =C2=A0!************************************** =C2=A0! =C2=A0! =C2=A0!**=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0!***= *** =C2=A0 !*** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0 !** =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!=
* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!******<br>********* =C2=A0 !**** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0!** =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!* = =C2=A0!**** =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0 !<br>*E Apr93* =C2=A0 !***= ********** =C2=A0! =C2=A0 =C2=A0! =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0! =C2=
=A0! =C2=A0!************** =C2=A0!*** =C2=A0!<br>* No. 1 * =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0!********** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !* =C2=A0=
!* =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*************** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!*<br>* =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 * **************** =C2=A0!***** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!** =C2=A0!* =C2=A0!*=
* =C2=A0 !***********************<br>********* ****************************= *****************************************<br><br><A little square below = the left hand corner insignia thing has written<br>in it, "Now appeari=
ng TWICE a month!"><br><br><The cover has LetterinG MaN surround=
ed by a group of blue and yellow<br>suited characters, engaging in a mad fr= ee-for-all. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass<br>fights two others, her ninja swords =
a blur of action lines.><br><br>*******************************LetterinG=
MaN***********************************<br><br><On the splash page Lette= rinG MaN stands in front of a large,<br>sprawling mansion with a curved ent= rance-way and lots of pillars.=C2=A0 His<br>right hand points in front of h= im.=C2=A0 His cape flutters in the breeze.<br>His face shines with boyish e= nthusiasm.=C2=A0 Behind him, aLLiterative Lass<br>crouches with her ninja s= words ready for action.><br><br>"STOP," LetterinG MaN called, = "you _can't_ TREAT posters _that_ WAY!"<br><br>**************= *****************LetterinG MaN***********************************<br><br>&l= t;Two page spread.=C2=A0 On the first page, at the top, is written "Lo= ose<br>Ends", and two little boxes contain the names aLLiterative Lass=
and<br>LetterinG MaN.=C2=A0 LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass stand in h= eroic<br>poses, preparing themselves for battle.=C2=A0 At the bottom of the=
page is<br>written "This book brought to you by the Magic of Bert Nic= eguy<br>(editor/plotter) and SPECIAL GUEST ARTIST Joe Queso and all the fun= <br>folks of Fromage Studios!=C2=A0 Ihave Blackface and Roy G. Biv assisted=
, as<br>is only right!"><br><br>---<br><br><The second page has = "the X-apps" written in big, pink letters at the<br>top of the pa= ge.=C2=A0 Little rectangles hold the names of each of the<br>members: Xlogo= ut, Xlock, Xkill, Xrn, Xmh, and Emacs.=C2=A0 All are dressed<br>in yellow a=
nd blue outfits except Xmh who wears a tuxedo and running<br>shoes.><br>= <br>"It looks like there's only one thing we can do," Xlogout=
said, icy<br>resolve in his voice.<br><br>"Engage in senseless violen=
ce for seveal pages?" Emacs asked.<br><br>"Where've you been?= " Xrn asked Xmh in the back of the group.<br><br>"I'm not tel= ling," Xmh said, tersely.<br><br>*******************************Letter= inG MaN***********************************<br><br><Xlogout gives the hul= king Emacs a sidelong glance.><br><br>"Get 'em," he yelled=
and pointed to LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative<br>Lass.<br><br><Xmh runs=
at Really Fast Speed towards LetterinG MaN, while Xrn starts<br>to create = multiple links to other newsgoups to surround his enemy from<br>all sides.&= gt;<br><br>"QUIT it!!" LetterinG MaN yelled, in a red, button-lik=
e script.<br><br><The command word penetrates first Xmh and then Xrn.=C2= =A0 Both stop still,<br>looks of surprise mingled with horror on their face= s.><br><br>"eep," Xmh said as he stopped dead in his tracks.<b= r><br><The two X-apps disappear with a pop, leaving Xlogout and Emacs<br= >standing, amazed.><br><br>--Pop--<br><br><Xkill lunges toward aLLite= rative Lass.><br><br>"GroWWll," the Xkill said as her claw tor=
e at the novice ninja.<br><br><aLLiterative Lass swings her swords in a = very complicated pattern<br>through the advancing enemy, hiding Xkill in a = mass of motion lines.><br><br>--Whoosh-whooshoo--<br><br>--Whooshoo--<br= ><br>---<br><br><aLLitertive Lass stops swinging, and Xkill stands in fr= ont of her; a<br>tuft of reddish brown hair floats to the ground between th= em.=C2=A0 Both<br>females wear an expression of unbelief.><br><br>"= Wha..." Xkill gaped as she realized the swords hadn't ripped her t= o<br>ribbons.<br><br><Xkill begins to growl again and prepare for a seco=
nd assault on the<br>ninja. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass puts her swords away.&g= t;<br><br>"i Fear these are Faulty," aLLiterative Lass thought as=
she sheathed<br>her dual ninja swords. =C2=A0"i'll have to Perfor=
m a new Power."<br><br><aLLiterative Lass jumps at the wolf-girl, h=
er right hand radiating a<br>field of red and white net.power.=C2=A0 With a=
smooth combat grace, her<br>hand touches the X-app's forehead.><br>= <br>"Feel the Focused Force of my Combinded Consonants!" aLLitera= tive Lass<br>exclaimed, as she exibited her net.power for the first time.<b= r><br>--FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC--<br><br><= Xkill falls to her knees, her eyes staring blankly forward and a<br>small t= rickle of drool hanging from her lip.=C2=A0 One corner of the novice<br>nin= ja's mouth curls up slightly.><br><br>"..." Xkill murmured=
, unintelligibly.<br><br>*******************************LetterinG MaN******= *****************************<br><br><aLLiterative Lass is struck by a m= assive bar of white, causing her to<br>go flying into a wall behind her.>= ;<br><br>--OOOFFF--<br><br><LetterinG MaN is fighting with Emacs when he=
sees aLLiterative Lass go<br>flying.><br><br>"aLLiterative LASS!!!= !!" LetterinG MaN cried as his concern for his<br>sidekick caused him =
to forget his opponent, momentarily.<br><br><Emacs takes advantage of Le= tterinG MaN's distraction to land a<br>massive fist on the net.hero'=
;s jaw.><br><br>"Can't let an opportunity like this pass me by,= " Emacs said as his<br>fist hit LetterinG MaN's chin with true com=
ic book ferocity.<br><br>--ka-POWie--<br><br><LetterinG MaN lands beside=
a bruised and shaken aLLitertive Lass.><br><br>--THUD--<br><br><Xlog= out, Xlock, and Emacs stand in a group, menacing faces glaring at<br>the tw=
o net.heroes.=C2=A0 LetterinG MaN and aLLitertive Lass stagger to<br>their = feet.><br><br>"This _doesn't_ look GOOD!!" LetterinG MaN s= aid.<br><br>---<br><br><On this page is the picture of some dweeby fan-b=
oy geek, both his<br>hands filled with a fan of brightly colored trading ca= rds.=C2=A0 He is<br>smiling broadly so his missing teeth are plainly visibl= e.><br><br>"HI, I'm the Mi-T Big Trading Master announcing the = start of the new<br>line of LetterinG MaN TRADING CARDS, complete with all = your favorite<br>Lim Jee drawings of the super guys from LetterinG MaN and = Mi-T Big<br>Comix!=C2=A0 So go hit your mom up for some bucks (whining alwa=
ys works<br>wonders with mine, especially in public) and run out to the sto=
re so<br>you don't miss a single card!" the snot-nosed punk pitche= d.<br><br><br>*******************************LetterinG MaN*****************= ******************<br><br><A man dressed in a ragged, green overcoat, an=
d a battered, brown hat<br>under which long ends of white, scraggly hair ar=
e seen, walks down the<br>sidewalk in Net.ropolis Municipal Park.=C2=A0 The=
sun is shining, the grass<br>is green, and the trees are just starting to = bloom.=C2=A0 He is carrying a<br>small, paper sack and singing to himself a=
s he walks towards an empty<br>park bench.><br><br>"Spring is here!= =C2=A0 Spring is here!<br>Life is skittles, and life is beer!" the old=
man croaked.<br><br><The old man sits down on the park bench.=C2=A0 A g= roup of pidgeons land on<br>the pavement in front of the bench.><br><br>= "Hello, little things," he said, "are you hungry today?"= ;<br><br><The old man starts scattering the contents of his sack to the = birds<br>at his feet, resuming his singing as he does so.><br><br>"=
I think the lovliest time of the year is the Spring,<br>I do, doodlee-do,&q= uot; he sang as the peanuts flew from his wizened hands.<br><br><A dark = form emerges from behind the man on the bench, a large pistol<br>in its rig=
ht hand.=C2=A0 The pistol blares three times.><br><br>--BLAMM--<br><br>-= -BLAMM-BLAMM--<br><br><The shadowy form melts into the shade of a nearby=
tree.=C2=A0 The body of<br>the old man crumples to a heap on the bench, a = little pool of dark<br>liquid forming under it.=C2=A0 The pidgeons lie arou=
nd the bench, their<br>feet sticking straight up and little crosses where t= heir eyes used to<br>be.=C2=A0 A squirrel picks up a nut in the foreground = and begins to<br>nibble.><br><br>"Net.Justice is served," the = form said as it faded to black.<br><br>---<br><br><Here be ads!><br><= br>*******************************LetterinG MaN****************************= *******<br><br><A tall, shapely blonde female in a business suit stands = with her<br>hands on her hips, her expression stern.=C2=A0 Behind her, Xrn =
is seen<br>sheepishly stepping through a dimensional portal.><br><br>&qu= ot;Okay, X-apps," the Blonde said, sternly, "I think we've ca= used enough<br>trouble for one session; let's pack it in."<br><br>= <Xlogout looks in the direction of the newcomer, a startled expression<b= r>on his face.=C2=A0 Emacs, standing behind his leader, looks the same way.= ><br><br>"uh-oh," the giant in spandex said, "looks like = the boss finally<br>arrived."<br><br>"I'm the boss of this ou= tfit," Xlogout said in reply.<br><br>"oh, yeah, I forgot," E= amcs retorted, sacastically.<br><br><Xlogout walks over to the Blonde.&g= t;<br><br>"This is _my_ team when we go into action," Xlogout lec= tured, "I<br>determine when we 'pack it in', not _you_!"<= br><br>"Well then I suppose," the Blonde retorted, with equal fur=
y, "it's<br>_your_ fault that the entire mission is a FAILURE!&quo= t;<br><br><Xlogout looks a little taken aback, though slightly skeptical= .><br><br>"What do you mean," the X-app leader said, increduou= sly, "a<br>_failure_?"<br><br><The Blonde looks slightly irrit= ated as she gazes out of the long,<br>skinny panel.><br><br>"The ne= t.archy created the X-apps to help bring net.technology to the<br>computer = illiterate," the Blonde explained. =C2=A0"The purpose of your<br>= mission was to instruct the populace in the ease with which the net<br>may =
be accessed using your various net.powers."<br><br>---<br><br><The = Blonde's irritation becomes even more apparent, and Xlogout looks<br>do= wn, somewhat shamefacedly.><br><br>"Your purpose was _not_ to get i= nvolved in a huge slugfest with all<br>comers!" the Blonde finished, h= eatedly.<br><br>"oh," Xlogout said in a small voice.<br><br><T=
he Blonde walks over to LetterinG MaN and aLLiterative Lass.><br><br>&qu= ot;You're representatives of the Legion of Net.Heroes, are you not?&quo=
t; the<br>Blonde asked the two net.heroes.<br><br><LetterinG MaN's c= hest swelled with pride and his face beamed<br>brightly.><br><br>"T= hat's _RIGHT_!!!" he said, proudly.<br><br><The Blonde extends = her hand to LetterinG MaN.><br><br>"I'm sorry for the inconveni= ence," she apologized. =C2=A0"The net.archy<br>will take care of = all the damages."<br><br>"THAT's _okay_!!!" LetterinG Ma=
N =C2=A0reassured, "we _ALL_ make<br>MISTAKES!!!"<br><br><A fe= male with shoulder length, brown hair, carrying a large<br>microphone, and = followed by a non-descript guy with a TV camera is<br>seen approaching Lett= erinG MaN and the group of X-apps.><br><br>"Oh, no," the Blond=
e said in a disheartened voice, "the press; that's<br>the _last_ t= hing we need now!"<br><br><LetterinG MaN waves to the X-apps and gr= abs aLLiterative Lass by the<br>arm as he begins to walk in the opposite di= rection from the<br>approaching reporters.><br><br>"WE'll leave=
_you_ to EXPLAIN everything!" LetterinG MaN said as he<br>made his ex= it. =C2=A0"COME on, aLLiterative Lass, there are REAL<br>net.bad.guys = that need STOPPING!!!"<br><br>*********************************Letteri=
nG MaN*********************************<br><br><Two page spread of adver= tisements, pushing the new G-Whiz Games<br>Net.Role.Playing.Video.Game, &qu= ot;The Mummy Only Thumps Two Or Three Times<br>Then It Goes Away" avai= lable in stores now!><br><br>*********************************LetterinG = MaN*********************************<br><br><aLLiterative Lass and Lette= rinG MaN appear in the Transmat Tubes of<br>the Legion of the Net.Heroes He= adquarters.><br><br>"i do Not kNow the Need for our Rapid Retreat,&= quot; aLLiterative Lass said<br>in puzzled tones.<br><br><LetterinG MaN = looks away, rather sheepishly.><br><br>"it wasn't Related to th=
e Reporter, was it?" aLLiterative Lass asked<br>her rapidly reddening = partner. =C2=A0"Didn't we Discuss her Lots Last<br>issue?"<br= ><br><LetterinG MaN stops and turns to face his sidekick, a little annoy= ed<br>and very embarrassed.><br><br>"i JUST didn't _think_ it w=
as the RIGHT _time_, okay?!?!" LetterinG<br>MaN snapped. =C2=A0"I=
_mean_," he said, softening a little, "she had a JOB<br>to do, a=
nd DIDN'T need me to _distract_ her!!"<br><br><Captain Cleanup = passes aLLiterative Lass and LetterinG MaN in the<br>hall.><br><br>"= ;HELLO, captain CLEANUP!" LetterrinG MaN said to the cosmic crusader<b= r>of cleanliness. =C2=A0"You've _never_ been in MY book BEFORE!!&q= uot;<br><br>"That's right, I'm debuting today," Captain C= leanup said in reply.<br><br>"well, it'S NICE to _see_ a new FACE = gracing the PAGES!" LetterinG MaN<br>said.<br><br><Captain Cleanup = prepares to start walking away from the other two<br>net.heroes.><br><br= >"One more THING, before your _go_, CAPTAIN!" LetterinG MaN said =
to the<br>retreating figure, "if you _see_ ULTIMATE ninja, could you T= ELL him<br>_we_ took care of the PROBLEM on r.a.c.x?!?"<br><br>---<br>= <br><Captain Cleanup stops and shakes his head.><br><br>"I'm=
sorry, I can't do that," Captain Cleanup said, "'cause U=
N went<br>off with Deja Dude and a bunch of other heroes in a flight thingy= <br>yesterday, and he hasn't been back since.*"<br><br>[*See the e= xciting Ultimate Ninja #7--Bert.]<br><br><aLLiterative Lass looks puzzle= d.><br><br>"how are you So Certain he eXited eXactly then?" aL= Literative Lass<br>asked.<br><br><Captain Cleanup looks confidently at a= LLiterative Lass.><br><br>"I know when he left," Captain Clean=
up explained, "because he sent for<br>me just before he left to clean =
up a broken desk in his office."<br><br>"i am Cautiously Curious,= " aLLiterative Lass thought, "who sent us to<br>our Big Battle.&q= uot;<br><br><LetterinG MaN waves good-bye to Captain Cleanup and resumes=
his<br>walk with his companion.=C2=A0 Captain Cleanup returns the wave and=
walks<br>in the opposite direction.><br><br>"I _suppose_ my MESSAG=
E will _have_ to WAIT then!" LetterinG MaN said,<br>good-naturedly. = =C2=A0"SEE you _later_!!"<br><br>"he Can't Ken the Meani=
ng of the Mystery," aLLiterative Lass thought.<br>"i'LL aLLow=
Myself More Meditation Before Bringing iT To his<br>aTtention." <br><= br><br><LetterinG MaN stops and scratches his head, a puzzled look on hi= s<br>face. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass looks at him searchingly.><br><br>&qu= ot;YOU know," LetterinG MaN began, "i _don't_ UNDERSTAND what=
_happened_<br>with YOU in the BIG fight with those X-APPS guys!!=C2=A0 WHY=
didn't your<br>NINJA swords work?!? and _where_ did that net.POWER com=
e from?!?"<br><br><aLLiterative Lass shrugs her shoulders.><br><= br>"i'm just as Baffled Beyond Belief as you," she replied.<b= r><br>*********************************LetterinG MaN***********************= **********<br><br><LetterinG MaN gazes out of the panel, a mix of annoya= nce and<br>bewilderment on his face.><br><br>"HEY, editor-GUY!"=
; LetterinG MaN said.<br><br>[May I help you--Bert.]<br><br><LetterinG M=
aN and aLLiterative Lass cram themselves into one panel,<br>both starring t= owards the readership.><br><br>"HOW about _answering_ the QUESTIONS=
i asked _last_ page!?!" LetterinG<br>MaN said.<br><br>[aLLiterative L= ass's swords could not Xkill to shreds because heroes<br>do not kill in=
Mi-T Big Comix, and all major characters in Mi-T Big<br>Comix _must_ have =
a net.power, therefore, one was provided for<br>aLLiterative Lass--Bert.]<b= r><br><LetterinG MaN doubles over with rage. =C2=A0aLLiterative Lass sta= nds<br>beside him, training to calm him down.><br><br>"Mi-T Big Com=
ix THIS!!" LetterinG MaN began to rant. =C2=A0"Mi-T Big Comix<br>= _that_!!"<br><br><LetterinG MaN starts to pace quickly about in a c= ircle. =C2=A0aLLiterative<br>Lass stands in the circle's center at a lo=
ss for the correct response<br>to her mentor's tirade.><br><br>"= ;IF I _hear_ Mi-T Big Comix ONE more TIME!!" LetterinG MaN threatened,= <br>"i'LL __SCREAM__!!!!!"<br><br><aLLiterative Lass crowd=
s to the front of the panel, so only little<br>exerpts of LetterinG MaN'=
;s dialog may be seen behind her.><br><br>--why ALWAYS us--<br><br>--Wha=
t elsE--<br><br>"i Deem it Dubious to Continue the Comic from here,&qu= ot; aLLiterative Lass<br>said. =C2=A0"See you Soon."<br><br><A=
t the bottom of the page is a block of yellow with blue writing in<br>it.= =C2=A0 The writing says "Will LetterinG MaN ever get up the nerve to<b= r>talk to Trixi Truelove again?!=C2=A0 What about Cheesecake-Eater Lad and<= br>his friends in the jungle?!=C2=A0 Are they forgotten by those remaining = at<br>the Legion Headquarters?!?=C2=A0 Find out in the next exciting issue!= !"><br><br><At the very bottom, in small print, is written, Copy= right 1993 by<br>Charles F. FitzGerald.=C2=A0 All rights reserved.><br><= br><br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Next Week: =C2=A0Some more=
JUNGLE CHEESECAKE!!!!!<br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Arthur=
"Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not."=
Spitzer <br><br><br><br></div>
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