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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and more Panta
Action!:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/
And here is Ultimate Ninja #7 by Raymond "wReam" Bingham
and Tales of the LNH #287 by Hubert Bartels!
Is it time for some Opinionated Lad dirt spitting?!
Will Kid Poetry find his pencil?! And is it time
for some more Net.Justice?!!!!
Find out in...
_
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|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #393
=====================
Jungle Cheesecake Part Three
=====================
(Ultimate Ninja #7 (LNH (C)opyright 1993)
*****************************************************************************
Scene opens to the beach upon which is lying ten heroes in dramatic death poses. The tide laps at the feet of CheeseCake Eater Lad and Cannon Fodder. The only blood visible is from Cannon Fodder who seems to be the most
mangled,
but still is alive. The rest lie face up with the exception of
Procrastination
Boy, who is on his side,and Parking Karma Kid and Opinionated Lad, who are
face down in the sand.
"uhhhn." CheeseCake-Eater Lad is the first to react to the shock of
the crash and twitches his toes in the wet sand. Then realizing he is just survived a serious crash shot up so fast that his head whirled and so he put his hands on his head to help stop the spinning seashore.
"Yikes! Where are we!?" he exclaimed. Then seeing the injurred Cannon
Fodder remembered he was the leader and had to do something responsible.
"Hey PK Kid. Are you ok?" CheeseCake Eater Lad nudged his limp friend
who resisted.
"Let me sleep. I'm getting a tan." PK Kid murmured not quite aware of
his surroundings but feeling the warm sun on his back.
"Get up! I need to have you help me to see if the others are OK!"
CheeseCake Eater kicked against Parking Karma Kid who realized that he had
just
crashed. It was a first for the Master of Parking. In fact he didn't
think it
was possible.
"Wow! That Lagneto would have probably killed us all had you not been
such an experienced driver." CheeseCake Eater observed. There was not a single trace of the flight.thingy.transport left. The villain had caused a complete disconnect of the vehicle. It was completely gone...
"I must say, for a crash, I couldn't have parked it better!" PKid said
smiling as he brushed the sand off his face and front onto RosterwReam's
face.
"Hey!" RosterwReam protested. Brushing the sand off his face, he sat up
and looked around. "I think we are all still here..."
"Yeah, but where is 'here'?" CheeseCake Eater said surveying the long
white beach and the rounded horizon.
"Well is everyone ok?" RosterwReam looked to around. "Boy, that was a
good crash, it looks like everyone is ok." Then passing over Cannon Fodder RosterwReam gulped. "Ooo He doesn't look all that good."
"Well Um, no, I suppose having your arm dislocated and neck twisted
like that can't possibly be good on you." said Bad-Timing Boy wiping the
sand
off of his arms.
"Um. PK Kid don't you think if you are going to be a gentleman that you
help your lady up?" CheeseCake Eater nudged his friend and pointed at BandWagon Chick who began to stir on the sand.
"Oh! Yeah!" PK Kid stumbled over the face down Opinionated Lad and
fell face first over a now very startled BandWagon Chick. CheeseCakeEater
Lad
burried his face in his hands. Granted CCEL was not the master Romeo,
actually
he was the furthest from that, but he did know that jumping on his wannabe girlfriend was NOT the way to gain a womans acceptance. Of course she is smiling, he thought, but my attempts at gaining aLLiterative Lass's
attention
have ended everytime in disaster. Well, I gotta put that out of my mind,
CCEL
thought as he resumed the leader stance again.
"RosterwReam, look after Kid Poetry. PK Kid, get up and help us with
getting everyone up and about. We need to get our bearings and find
shelter."
CheeseCake Eater instructed authoritatively.
"OHTH SHLURPPTHT! JESHTS IGNTOHR MEETPH!" Opinionated Lad spat dirt.
"OH Great! Look at us! We are stuck like a bunch of Gilligans on some desertted island..."
"Oooo My head is spinning... Where is my pencil! I do my best work
feeling this way!" Kid Poetry said frantically looking for his tablet and pencil.
"Here use my paper, and pencil" RosterwReam handed Kid Poetry a pencil
and paper from his costume and handed them to the frenzied poet, who
hastily
jotted down things in a daze.
"How doth the lovely crocodile improve his shining ..."
"Uh, Kid, that one's been done?"
** ** ** ** **
"Gone!?" Ultimate Ninja stared at the veiwports searching for some
sign, some indication that his friends were still alive. Two hours had
passed
since the computers had come back on line but he still watched like a hawk. Contraption Man had been reconstrained and only Deja Dude, Renegade
Programmer,
MultiTasking Man and Ultimate Ninja stayed to look over the instruments.
"Yep, They're gone. The computers don't lie, y'know!" Renegade
Programmer said insensitively. "You got any food around here?"
"Why you foolish blob, I oughta." Ultimate Ninja reached for his Death
Blades ala Ginzu, Renegade Programmer raised his chubby fists.
"HEY!" Deja Dude stepped between the two. "UN, chill, we've been at
this for the last couple hours. Ziltch. Perhaps Renegade Programmer and MT-Man and you and I ought to go get some refreshments, and rest."
"Hey, don't mind me, I'm fine." MT-Man said opening a can of soda,
opening three new Net.Trek windows and posting messages in six other
newsgroups
at once. "You sure that Net.Trek won't crash the system again?"
"Nah." Renegade Programmeer said dropping his fists, and completely
gnoring the fact he was just about a millimeter away from six thousands
types
of death. "I fixed it so that if Lagneto tries to bog the system all
Net.Trek
ships instanly explode, thus freeing the system."
"AAERRRGH!" MT-Man yelled as his ship exploded. "He didn't even get
close to me!"
"Of course, I need a bit more time to get the bugs out..." Renegade
Programmer shirked and then patting his large gut. "After I eat."
"GET out of HERE!" Ultimate Ninja instructed.
"UN I would like to get some more info on this OnomatoPuweeha Person."
Deja Dude said dodging the portly programmer. "Do you know any LNHers that would have more information about her?"
"Ahh. Good. Umm." Ultimate Ninja dragged his mind off the infuriating
Renegade Programmer and onto the task at hand. "Sister State-the-Obvious
and
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman would both know."
"Ok I will go find them." Deja Dude said exitting the computer room.
"Deja Dude. See that you keep this among us, until it is known how
they are."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
"ACOLYTES! Are you ready!?" wReamicus Maximus raised his arms and the
group of robed followers swayed in unisom. A portal of light warbled in the center of the acolyte's formation. "Today we step forward in time to save the force that has been lost to comercialization! We go forward to in time
to
find the last remnants of wReamed ACTON LORD!"
The acolytes chanted in accordance as the portal of light formulated
among the priests of corruption, a shadowy figure moved in the background.
As wReamicus Maximus stepped into the light door a gun was raised.
"SHRACK!" one of the acolytes fell in the middle of formation. The
other acolytes confused jumped at the portal and were gone.
"SHRACK! SHRACK! SHRACK!" The Shadowy figure's (tm) gun leveled three others, but the rest were gone. Escaped through the time portal that had
now
disappeared in the darkness of the ceremonial chamber.
"Net.Justice is Served."
**** **** **** ****
"I can't believe it!" BandWagon Chick got up pushing PK Kid to the
ground. "All you guys have not a scratch!" Then looking at Cannon Fodder
she
corrected herself, "Except for Cannon Fodder..."
"So you don't look hurt." PK Kid looked up admiring Bandwagon Chick
from the ground.
"Yes, but look at my COSTUME!?" She stood up and there wasn't much
of it left. It was just enough tattered material to cover those parts that keep this comic from falling out of standards with the Comic Code Authority. [** See Rogue in the Savage Land or Storm in Africa from more details
-- wReam...]
Parking Karma Kid's eyes bugged out, the rest of the LNHers just
drooled. "I think it looks GREAT!"
"Watch it PK Kid you are treading into Woody Scandal area!" PK Kid's
friend CheeseCake Eater Lad warned.
"Well I guess that Grunge and wearing next to nothing are both in
fashion. Especially comic fashion, so I might as well jump on the Bandwagon..." Bandwagon Chick rationalized.
"Let's get going." CheeseCake Eater Lad said worriedly. "If perchance
Lagneto wants to come back and finish us off, we had best get ready for
him."
"Besides anyone else on the island who could have seen the crash, will undoubtedly be attracted to this spot." RosterwReam observed.
"I think we should just stay here and ... Well ... I dunno, but we
gotta move Cannon Fodder if we ought to move him, yeah." TimeWaster Lad
said.
He had begun to build a sandcastle and Cheesecake Eater Lad could tell he didn't want to move.
"Grab those poles from that palm. We can make a stretcher."
Cheesecake Eater Lad said looking around.
"A what?" Procrastination Boy asked.
"Why?" Bad Timing Boy said perplexed.
"Didn't you two pay attention in Ultimate Ninja's survival/First Aid
Course." He knew the answer, but said it nonetheless. "We gotta be
careful in
moving Cannon Fodder!"
"Oh."
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
[Thanx Martin for this next scene -- wReam...]
"I tried to reassure her," said Sister State-the-Obvious.
"I told her she could be a great hero someday."
"Then she *did* confide in you?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
Sister State-the-Obvious nodded. "I could understand how she
felt. When I was introduced I didn't have much of a personality
either."
"But at least you had potential," observed Deja Dude.
"Yes. I don't mind coming across a bit slow as long as I'm
not ignored."
"And you're saying Onomato-Puweeta Person was?" Ultimate Ninja
asked scornfully.
Deja Dude nodded. "Well, to be sure, she *had* appeared in
stories but she was just ... there."
Ultimate Ninja shook his head. "So you're saying this whole
mess is my fault because I introduced such a dull character to the
Legion."
Deja Dude shook his head. "Not really. I mean, let's face it,
without all your dull characters the Legion would be a lot smaller."
"Is that so?" said Ultimate Ninja raising an eyebrow. After a
moments thought, Sister State-the-Obvious also became indignant.
"Hmm ... maybe I should rephrase that."
*** * * *** * * ***
Kid Kirby sat back in his lab working on his latest invention.
It was a transdimensional complex conjugulator -- something so complex
with lots of Kirbian knobs and dials that it would definately do something impressive. At least it looked that way. Kid threw a pull switch labeled "Power On" and the machine began to hummmmm.
All of a sudden there was a flash of light and in the middle of the
room was a man crouching down as if he was about to be hit by something. "Arrgh, huh" the man said stunned. "It worked!"
"Who are you?" Kid Kirby asked.
The man had long unkept red-brownish hair that fell into his eyes and
wore a dingy white trenchcoat which hung opened revealing ordinary street clothes that hung on an average frame. He spoke as if he was someone in control. "I am THEORY MAN!"
"Not another one." Kid Kirby murmured under his breath. "And what is
your specialty?"
"Well Theoretically speaking, I can make things happen, theoretically speaking." Theory Man spied Kid Kirby's humming contraption in the back
ground
and said, "Ahh-hah! I see you have created an instrument of most impressive details! THat would explain how I was ported away in time..."
Kid Kirby smiled. Perhaps this guy really wasn't just another nusance.
"Yes, this is my latest invention." Kid Kirby smiled, "It does..."
"Let me guess!" Theory Man encircled it and then with a few "hmm"s and
"ahh"s said, "Theoretically speaking, It does SOMETHING! "
Instantly the invention of Kid Kirby's fell silent. Theory Man shirked
as if he was responsible for it stopping.
"What did you do to my Invention!?" fumed Kid Kirby.
"Well, unfortunately my theoretical assumptions are frequently left up
to debate by the forces of nature, so when i suggested your instrument did something, nature debated with me and well... It won. So now it does
nothing."
"You mean you are saying that your powers work, some of the time!?"
"Yeah."
"What a STUPID POWER! I can't believe you consider yourself a hero!?"
** ** *** ** ** *** ** ** *** **
"Lets climb to that ridge. It is a good point to signal passing
boats
or the LNH if they find us." CheeseCake Eater Lad pointed to a high rock
over
hang which itself was covered by a cliff that went to the top of a smoking mountain.
"Gee. Its awfully high, don't you think it would be better if we just
stayed here?" TimeWaster Lad said.
"We will need shelter and that ridge looks like it might provide the
most solid and safe kind."
"Up there?" Bad Timing Boy looked up. "Why? Are we gonna be attacked
by a group of barbarians?"
"You never know." Opinionated Lad said holding his tongue.
"I think that if we were attacked that would be a safe place to hold
out, too." BandWagon Chick added.
"And Look! I have made a wooden spear!" RosterwReam held up a sharp
stick he had found and halfway carved with his handy pocket knife pen.
"Besides it is so majestic! I am sure it could be inspiration for a
great poem." Kid poetry ran to a rock and stood upon it surveying the
group.
"I think I am inspired to sing! But alas the melody is lost in the depths
of my heart! I find myself wandering this lonely sphere... Alone."
The rest of the LNH trudged on ignoring Kid Poetry who was waxing more philosophical by each passing moment.
"You know I think I am beginning to get hungry." RosterwReam said
holding his stomach.
"I have only so much CheeseCake mix on me. I am afraid we'd best save
it. Besides we might need it in battle." Cheesecake Eater lad patted his Cheesecake Squirters on his wrists and then readdressed the topic of food.
The
rest of the LNH sorta looked at him silly. Only CheeseCake Eater Lad had
the
ability to use Cheesecakes as deadly weapons. Actually they weren't deadly, pretty silly in fact. Snickers floated among the crowd of heroes.
"I want a steak." Bad-Timing Boy said looking at some coconuts high in
a palm tree. Everyone's stomachs grumbled.
"It really shouldn't be hard to find food. This is an full of plenty
of life and vegetation." Opinionated Lad spoke up.
Just then a WILD SOUND was heard from the bushes... A terrifyingly
wild...
"MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
* ** *** **** ***** **** *** ** *
Lagneto flew over the island that bore the name of GLAK, followed
closely by Onomato-Puweehah Person. "My dear, In the volcano is where you
will
find your true destiny!"
"I am ready." Onomato Puweehah Person and Lagneto dove into the
volcano and through the lava. However did not hurt the two, protected by Lagneto's ability to lag anything on the net, he had lagged the very nature
of
lava net.particles such that they didn't touch or harm him.
Deep into the dark depths of the Net.earth they did travel until
reaching a subterranean cavern they did stop.
"It is in here, I know it is!"
The two villains moved through the cavern carefully. Finally they
approached an altar like edifice that contained a large plack.
"What does it say?" OnomatoPuweeha Person asked anxiously.
Lagneto read the plack aloud suspiciously.
"Due to unforseen difficulties the rung of revamp has been moved to the
island of KLAG. There you will find the Man eating cannibals and the
gorilla
guards... We hope this does not inconvenience anyone. This island and the entire volcano will now self destruct... Thankyou..."
BBBBBBBBBB OOOOO OOOOO MMM MMM !!!
BBB BBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMMMM MMMMM !!!!!
BBB BBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMM MMM MMM MMM !!!!!
BBBBBBBBBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMM MMM MMM !!!!!
BBB BBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMM MMM !!!
BBB BBBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMM MMM !
BBBBBBBBBBBB OOO OOO OOO OOO MMM MMM .
BBBBBBBBBB OOOOO OOOOO MMMMM MMMMM ...
___________________________________________________________________ .
|___________________________________________________________________|
* * * * * * * * * *
Ultimate Ninja frowned at the notification from MT-Man that a new WC had
shown
up in Kid Kirby's chambers. I mean now they weren't even using the doors!
The base had become a nexus of activity. Did this mean that CheeseCake
Eater
and the others were dead?! Angst overwhelmed the Ninja as he wondered about the safety of his friends. Consequently causing the sales of his book to
rise
to new levels of popularity. But it was no comfort, even to one who by
report
of certain Invisible forces claimed that EGO was the Ninja's greatest power.
To make matters worse the trouble detectors began to light up like a
Christmas tree. Certainly there was too much going on at once and not
enough
time to cover all the problems. Where was all this trouble coming from? Everytime UN decided to investigate the disappearance of CheeseCake
Eater and his compatriots something new came up. If only Rebel Yell or Continuity Champ were still here. During those days he could go off on any escapade to stop evil, but now there were too many things going on. Deja
Dude
was trying to help, but he was not the leader, or even coleader.
Ultimate Ninja turned to observe the barracuda swimming ferociously in
a small square tank mounted in his wall. It thrashed about, but each
effort to
escape into the deep of the ocean was thwarted by a glass wall. They say
that
animals that stay pent up for too long go mad. I gotta get out of here... "BLAST THAT FOOL REBEL YELL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Ultimate
Ninja yelled impatiently, punching his fist through his desk.
"That is not too good on desks, you know." Deja Dude entered
unannounced. He was confident at first entering, but never before had he
heard
the Ninja curse and so Deja Dude suddenly was very cautious.
"You know knocking is a good idea." Ultimate Ninja said sinisterly.
"I just thought I would take you with me. Occultism Kid, me and the
new guys Renegade Programmer and Theory Man have requisitioned a
Flight.thingy
and are headed for the Jungle of GLAK!" Deja Dude said calmly.
"How did you ever get Occultism Kid out of the PerilRoom?" Ultimate
Ninja said grabbing his things and hurriedly pushing Deja Dude from the
room.
He was headed for the launch pad and not another interruption was going to
stop
him.
"Well it has been occupied the last couple of days by some other
dudes... Some Elvis Man and some villainous type... Weird, huh?" Deja Dude said running as he tried to keep up with the speedy ninja.
"oh well. All aboard?" Ultimate Ninja didn't even stop to see if
everyone was aboard and pushing Occultism Kid asside he secured the boarding hatch and hit the ignition.
"Aboard? That is a good question?! Is anyone ever truly aboard?"
Theory Man's disertation on matter displacing matter and the real meaning
of
presence was cut short by Renegade Programmer's pizza that smacked him in
the
face, as Ultimate Ninja put the thrusters on full and blasted out of the launching bay.
* * * * * * * * *
"Look out! Its a wild JUNGLE-COW!" Opinionated Lad dove out of the
way of the rampaging beast!
The beast turned. It was attracted to Bad-Timing Boy's red cloak. [I
wonder how many of you knew he had a red cloak!? -- wReam ;-) ]
"AAAHHHHGHQ Get it away!" Bad-Timing Boy ran up hill toward a large
rock.
Procrastination Boy saw the JungleCow coming and would have dodged it
but instead was knocked out of the way by the rampaging beast into the underbrush because he waited too long.
RosterwReam grabbed ahold of Bad-Timing Boy as he went flying by. "Get
rid of your cloak!" He yelled being dragged along by the frantic B-T Boy. RosterwReam dropped his spear as reached for his pen-knife.
"Let me go!" B-T Boy protested groping to climb the nearest tree.
RosterwReam slit the band that held B-T Boy's cape on and flung it out
into the center of the group. Without thinking he had thrown it onto TimeWaster Lad who was just standing in the middle of the chaos.
"Who turned out the lights!?" Time-Waster Lad said confused. He
really hadn't been paying much attention to the whole ordeal and therefore didn't know that there was a rampaging Jungle cow charging his direction.
PK Kid, who was the closest grabbed the cape from off of TimeWaster and
ran with it. BandWagon Chick and Kid Poetry struggled to carry the fallen Cannon Fodder out of danger from the wild Jungle Cow! CheeseCake Eater Lad seeing that RosterwReam had dropped his spear grabbed it and prepared to
face
off with the raging pot roast.
"TAKE THIS!" CheeseCake Eater Lad Plunged the spear into the
abdomen
of the Jungle Cow and braced himself for a retaliation. The jungle cow
reared
ferociously and snorted a death attack, with a spear sticking from it's
side.
Opinionated Lad seeing a chance yelled. "That blow ought to have
killed that beast!" The Jungle Cow dropped over dead at CheeseCake Eater's feet.
Panting and exhausted CheeseCake Eater Lad turned to Bad-Timing Boy and
said smirking. "There's your burger."
** *** **** *** ** ** ** *** **** ***
Onomato Puweeha Person grappled the large sound effect and concentrated it above her. Lagneto by her side the two were propelled from the middle of
the
island clear of the explosion. They stopped hovering over the rocky
remains
of a once lush island. It now boiled into the sea and vanished beneath the tide.
"That was quite a good use of powers my dear." Lagneto said
surprised. "Are you sure you wish to change, yourself?"
"I am too dull." Onomato Puweeha Person pouted. "I am sure."
"Then we must leave for the island of KLAG!" Lagneto said
confidently.
"Where is that island?" Onomato Puweeha Person said confused.
"I am not sure, but I can find out." Lagneto was for once without an
answer. "Come with me... We go to my secret base. There we will find the answer! "
** *** **** *** **
"My Pizza!" Renegade Programmer screamed.
Theory Man peeled hot cheese off of his face. "Do you know why pizza
burns your mouth when you bite into it?"
"Because it's hot?" Occultism Kid said smiling.
"Well, yes, but it also has to do with the cohesion of the molecules
and how it is meant to burn your tongue." Theory Man said. Instantly the pizza disappeared from his face and hands, dispersing into it's primary elements.
"You know your power is really weird, and I would prefer not to talk
anymore about it for fear that something weird will happen." Deja Dude said blankly.
"Oh nothing else weird will happen, I think." Theory Man said
smiling...
As if on cue the Flight.thingy's navigational computer went dead.
Ultimate Ninja glanced a killer stare at Theory Man who shirked. Deja Dude grabbed the board blankly. It was quite complex and he really didn't have
a clue what was wrong. Luckily Renegade Programmer came out of his mourning for his lost pizza and examined the computer.
"Is it Lagneto?" Deja Dude asked the guru.
"Perhaps, but according to this computer there no longer exists a
'Jungle of Glak!'" Renegade Programmer got on the com.link but before he
could
even ask a bewildered Multitasking Man was on the other end.
"Hey Guys, Did the central computer just blow a fuse or did the Jungle
of Glak just disappear!?"
"Our computers just went out too." Renegade programmer. "Somehow the
Jungle of Glak, why the entire island, has been destroyed!?"
"What do we do now?" Occultism Kid asked.
"Hang on to your seats." Ultimate Ninja hit the TURBO PLASTER WARP 11
button and zoomed for the once existing island of GLAK!
****** ****** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** **** **** *** **
wReamicus Maximus looked at the future world. It was desolate and
destroyed.
Everything lie in ruin. How could a remnant of wReamed Acton Lord even
survive
here!? Unless, he was the one that caused such misery. He clapped his
hands
together in excitement.
"Bretheren! We have come to the place of power! Surely the forces of
DVANDOM do smile on us today!"
The Acolytes who were slightly dazed after the unknown attack looked on longingly.
"Master wReamicus, many of our brethren have been slain how can we
rejoice?"
"Because Merger. Do you not see the fruits of our Master!?" wReamicus
gloated madly. The earth trembled.
"WHO INVADES THIS REALM!?" A dark figure approached. The Acolytes
upon seeing the face of the entity fell to the earth. Only wReamicus
Maximus
remained standing. BY the DVANDOM himself! It is you! wReamed Acton
Lord!?
"That was MY FATHER!? How do you know him!?" the entity asked
surprised at the respect shown him.
"We come from the time when he lived and died!" wReamicus Maximus said
bowing slyly.
"I AM PERVERTICATOR! YOU KNOW THE ONE WHO DESTROYED MY
FATHER!? DO YOU KNOW THE ONE CALLED... ULTIMATE NINJA!!!!" Perverticator bellowed.
"We are sworn enemies, Master." wReamicus signalled to Merger to raise
himself from the ground.
"I HAVE DESTROYED ALL THE LNH THAT LIVES HERE IN THIS TIME! BUT STILL
THE NINJA ESCAPES ME!" Perverticator yelled annoyed.
"I know a way you can destroy him and all that he holds dear."
wReamicus Maximus straightened himself then pointing at Merger said. "Return with us to past! There he will not know what to expect, and that surprise
will
DESTROY him!"
"YOU CAN SEND ME BACK TO THE PAST!?" Perverticator said grinning
evilly pointing to the accolyte Merger.
"no, I..." Merger said meekly.
"This one is shy of his abilities. He will send you and I back, WON'T
YOU!?" wReamicus Maximus grabbed Merger and pushed him between Perverticator and wReamicus Maximus. wReamicus further insisted, "USE YOUR POWERS!"
Merger began the chant. His eyes glowed and the two villains wReamicus
Maximus and Perverticator stood in a flash of light the images merged. wReamicus reached out to Merger, "I WILL BE SUPREME!!"
One image remains. wReamicus Maximus remains. He is taller, and has
the stance of Perverticator, but he is wReamicus Maximus...
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE !?" wReamicus Maximus yells in a voice the same as Perverticator!
"I aM OnE! I am ONe With thE FOrceS of COrrUPtiON! I am CHAos
IncaRNAtE! I am THe MASTer PERversion! I am wReamicus Maximus!" wReamicus Maximus returns to himself glowing with an eerie green mist, he hastily
says,
" THis future holds nothing for us! WE Will Return and avenge the loss of
My
brothers! The AColytes will RULE suPREMe!"
** ** ** ** ** **
** ** ** ** ** ** *
* * * * * * * ** *
2 B Contin - U'd
* * * *** * * * ***** * *
* * *** ** * * * ** * *****
wReam...
Ultimate Ninja of the LNH!
Next Issue:
** wReamicus Maximus and MacLaughlin Man start scheming
** Lagneto and the Netter Liberation Front along with Onomato Puweeha
Person head for the Jungle Of KLAG! (Any guesses where that might Be?!)
** Renegade Programmer developes a scheme to finding the rung.
** The Fate of Cannon Fodder!?
** CheeseCake Eater Lad and his crew find out they are not alone on
the
island!
** Kid Kirby gets more action.
** wReamed Acton Lord is RESURRECTED!
** Did I mention another new WC!? THIS ONE FROM SWEDEN! :)
** More on the mysterious stranger and "Net.Justice!"
** And much Much MUCH MORE!
P.S. Special thanks to Martin...
P.P.S. Welcome to the LNH Theory Man (Dennis Towne:
SLFFG@CC.USU.EDU !)
P.P.P.S. Opinionated Lad, Am I getting Closer?!
P.P.P.S. Need I say more?
_
| | Tales of the
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
#287: Scandal and Cheesecake
[ In Tales of the LNH #286, Ultimate Ninja defeated 4 ninja who tried
to kidnap the leopard-girl Panta for Manga Man. As Ultimate Ninja
started to leave the battlesite, he tripped and became entangled
with Panta's sleeping from. His struggle to free himself was seen
by a late-returning Squid Boy. Who promptly got the wrong idea.]
The cover of TotLNH #287 shows Panta wrapped in a blanket,
standing in the foreground. The background is the LNH dining room.
Everyone is staring at the figure in the foreground - some are pointing fingers.
In fact, the LNH dining room was unusually crowded this morning.
Some claimed that it was because CheeseCake-Eater Lad had been lost and
the replacement staffer was much more imaginative in his or her choices
of breakfast fare - the blueberry pancakes were really good! Others said
that with all the scandals going around the LNH, breakfast was the best
time to find who had been doing what with whom.
The buzz around the Legionaires this morning was the sudden
disappearance of Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Occultism Kid, and two strangers
to the LNH. Coming on the heels of the disappearance of several LNH'ers including CheeseCake-Eater Lad and Procrastination Boy, the rumors and
theories
were running amuck.
At a table near the end of the dining room, Squid Boy joined a
group of LNH'ers eating pancakes and rumormongering.
"Well, in my time, leaders of superhero groups didn't go jumping
off in the middle of the night without reason," Old Comics Man snorted.
"No, they gave a soliloquy that went for two-three pages on how they were
going to save the world for Truth, Justice and the Ameri-"
"Kid Kirby might know what's going on," interrupted Captain Cleanup.
"Except he hasn't come out of his lab yet. I've haven't been able to get permission to completely repaint the front lobby."
Squid Boy raised an eyebrow.
"What happened?" California Kid asked.
"A fight, I think. Hard to tell in that mess," Captain Cleanup
answered, spearing another stack of pancakes. "I'm cleaning it up
after breakfast."
Squid Boy swallowed his pancakes and cleared his throat.
"I wonder if Ultimate Ninja knows about the mess? He left in
rather a hurry." California Kid said.
"I know what happened." Squid Boy announced. The others at the
table turned to stare at him.
"You're joking," California Kid said.
"No, by the Great Squid, I swear I'm telling the truth. In the lobby,
Panta and Ultimate Ninja were rolling around in a blanket."
"What!"
"You're kidding!"
"I know what I saw." Squid Boy narrowed his eyes and stared back
at the others. "Just as I entered, Ultimate Ninja was getting up from
Panta's
embrace." He paused. "Holy Calamari! Do you think Panta is going to have Ultimate Ninja's baby?"
The others at the table were struck silent at the thought. Then
Entropy Kid spoke up. "Do you think that's why Ultimate Ninja fled this morning?"
"I thought he might be looking for the missing Net.Legionaires?"
Catalyst Lass said as she slid her tray on the table.
"It could be... Or maybe there is some truth in what Squid Boy is
saying," Fuzzy said as she joined Catalyst Lass. "It's quite unclear."
What Old Comics Man thought of these revelations was unprintable.
Squid Boy's tale spread through the dining room like wildfire.
Most people thought there probably was a good reason as to what Squid Boy
saw and they would like to hear it before making a decision. Others defended Panta and said it was all Ultimate Ninja's fault for leading the poor leopard-girl astray. A small group, headed by Self-Righteous Preacher,
stated
that it was all Panta's fault for leading a poor Ninja astray and this
would never have happened if Panta hadn't been wearing little more than
fur and a bodysuit.
A few mused on what a child of Panta's and Ultimate Ninja would
be like.
Pliable Lad was silent. He would talk to Panta first before breaking
down and crying. But the Net.Patrol was definately in bad shape. Lost Cause
Boy gone, Kid Anarky off in another dimension wearing Panta's pink fuzzy raincoat and Curly still trying to fit two thoughts into his thick skull.
And now, Panta involved in yet another sex scandal.
The door to the LNH dining room opened and a small figure, wrapped
in a blanket shuffled in. Panta rubbed her eyes and blinked sleeply at the crowd staring at her.
"Are you alright?" Catalyst Lass said, rushing to her side. She
carefully tucked up the corners of the blanket. "We just heard. You must
be heartbroken."
"What?" Panta asked slowly.
"Ultimate Ninja just fled the LNH," Fuzzy said, joining Catalyst Lass
at Panta's side. "At times like this, women must stick together, no matter
what their religion, creed, politics, or color of their fur. I think."
"Why?" Panta asked, swiveling her head from Fuzzy to Catalyst Lass.
"And it is your FAULT!" roared Self-Righteous Preacher. "Because
of your moral failings, the LNH is leaderles-"
"Huh?" Panta looked more and more confused. Across the dining room,
someone else began shouting Self-Righteous Preacher down.
"Men!" Fuzzy said. "Listen, Panta, dear. Do you know when the baby
is coming?"
"..." Panta looked completely lost.
Sarcastic Lad replied to Self-Righteous Preacher in his usual urbane
reasonable manner. Or so he thought. He was surprised when one of the Preacher's supporters hit him with a cheesecake.. Other food fights broke
out across the dining room.
Pliable Lad got up and started to walk across the dining room toward
Panta. The room was noisy with shouting and insults. But before he could
talk with Panta, the women around Panta cut off his approach. They took
Panta out of the now out-of-control food fight to the hallway outside the dining room.
Organic Lass looked up and down the hallway. Except for the sounds
of a cheesecake hitting the door behind them, the hallway was quiet.
"Panta? Did anything happen with you and Ultimate Ninja last night?"
she asked.
"No, why?" Panta said.
"Did you ever, you know," Catalyst Lass asked. "with Ultimate Ninja?"
"No." Panta said, still puzzled. "I don't love him. Why?"
"Panta, dear, does that mean there is no baby?" Fuzzt said. She
sounded disappointed.
"No. But why was I in the lobby this morning? And what's happening
in there?" Panta said, pointing to the dining room. From the sound of it,
an especially large cheescake had hit the door and slid to the floor.
"Oh, I guess they're expressing a difference of opinion." Fuzzy
quipped.
"And giving Captain Cleanup more work," Organic Lass added. "Let's
get you upstairs. It's not good to be running around in just a blanket."
The three women escorted Panta around the corner and upstairs.
"Hah, hah, hah, made it!" Pliable Lad said, stretching himself out
of the dining room. He was covered in various flavors of cheesecake and
cream pies. Behind him, the battlelines changed and altered as various
groups changed sides and smacked their former comrades in the face with
pies and cakes. The door thudded with cakes that missed their targets.
Pliable Lad wiped his face. He would go and confront Panta and
get the truth out of her. She was probably innocent of the charges. But
deep down, he knew it would never quite be the same between her and him...
[Pliable Lad (tm) MikE, Panta, Hubert Bartels, Cheescakes provided by
SaraLee Bakeries. Ultimate Ninja(tm) wReam. Read why Ultimate Ninja
took off in Jungle CheeseCake #3! And join us in Tales of the LNH #288.]
==========
Next Week: Some more JUNGLE CHEESECAKE!!!!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
--000000000000b1677c0642a2dd9e
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<div dir=3D"ltr">And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie arc= hive <br>once again.<br><br><br>Here's where you can find this and more=
Panta<br>Action!:<br><br><a href=3D"
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Se= ries/Tales.LNH/">
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/</a><= br><br><br><br>And here is Ultimate Ninja #7 by Raymond "wReam" B= ingham<br>and Tales of the LNH #287 by Hubert Bartels!<br><br>Is it time fo=
r some Opinionated Lad dirt spitting?!<br>Will Kid Poetry find his pencil?!= =C2=A0 And is it time<br>for some more Net.Justice?!!!!<br><br><br><br>Find=
out in...<br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
_ <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0Classic <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2= =A0___<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | []=
| =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ |=
=C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\_\<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0||<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROE= S<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #393= <br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Jungle Cheesecake Part Three<br>=C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<b= r><br><br><br><br><br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0(Ultimate Ninja #7 (LNH (C)opyright 1=
993) <br><br><br><br>******************************************************= ***********************<br><br>Scene opens to the beach upon which is lying=
ten heroes in dramatic death<br>poses.=C2=A0 The tide laps at the feet of = CheeseCake Eater Lad and Cannon Fodder.<br>The only blood visible is from C= annon Fodder who seems to be the most mangled,<br>but still is alive.=C2=A0=
The rest lie face up with the exception of Procrastination<br>Boy, who is =
on his side,and Parking Karma Kid and Opinionated Lad, who are <br>face dow=
n in the sand.<br> "uhhhn." =C2=A0CheeseCake-Eater Lad is the fir=
st to react to the shock of<br>the crash and twitches his toes in the wet s= and. Then realizing he is just<br>survived a serious crash shot up so fast = that his head whirled and so he put<br>his hands on his head to help stop t=
he spinning seashore. =C2=A0<br><br> "Yikes!=C2=A0 Where are we!?"= ; he exclaimed.=C2=A0 Then seeing the injurred Cannon<br>Fodder remembered =
he was the leader and had to do something responsible.<br> "Hey PK Kid=
.=C2=A0 Are you ok?" =C2=A0CheeseCake Eater Lad nudged his limp friend= <br>who resisted.<br> "Let me sleep.=C2=A0 I'm getting a tan."= ; =C2=A0PK Kid murmured not quite aware of<br>his surroundings but feeling = the warm sun on his back.<br> "Get up!=C2=A0 I need to have you help m= e to see if the others are OK!" <br>CheeseCake Eater kicked against Pa= rking Karma Kid who realized that he had just<br>crashed.=C2=A0 It was a fi= rst for the Master of Parking.=C2=A0 In fact he didn't think it<br>was = possible. =C2=A0<br><br> "Wow!=C2=A0 That Lagneto would have probably =
killed us all had you not been<br>such an experienced driver." =C2=A0C= heeseCake Eater observed.=C2=A0 There was not a<br>single trace of the flig= ht.thingy.transport left.=C2=A0 The villain had caused a<br>complete discon= nect of the vehicle.=C2=A0 It was completely gone... =C2=A0<br><br> "I=
must say, for a crash, I couldn't have parked it better!" =C2=A0P= Kid said<br>smiling as he brushed the sand off his face and front onto Rost= erwReam's face.<br> "Hey!" RosterwReam protested. Brushing th=
e sand off his face, he sat up<br>and looked around. =C2=A0"I think we=
are all still here..."<br> "Yeah, but where is 'here'?&q=
uot; =C2=A0CheeseCake Eater said surveying the long<br>white beach and the = rounded horizon.<br> "Well is everyone ok?" =C2=A0RosterwReam loo= ked to around. =C2=A0"Boy, that was a<br>good crash, it looks like eve= ryone is ok." =C2=A0Then passing over Cannon Fodder<br>RosterwReam gul= ped. =C2=A0"Ooo He doesn't look all that good."<br> "Wel=
l Um, no, I suppose having your arm dislocated and neck twisted<br>like tha=
t can't possibly be good on you." said Bad-Timing Boy wiping the s= and<br>off of his arms. =C2=A0<br><br> "Um. PK Kid don't you think=
if you are going to be a gentleman that you<br>help your lady up?" = =C2=A0CheeseCake Eater nudged his friend and pointed at<br>BandWagon Chick = who began to stir on the sand.<br> "Oh! Yeah!" =C2=A0PK Kid stumb=
led over the face down Opinionated Lad and<br>fell face first over a now ve=
ry startled BandWagon Chick.=C2=A0 CheeseCakeEater Lad<br>burried his face =
in his hands.=C2=A0 Granted CCEL was not the master Romeo, actually<br>he w=
as the furthest from that, but he did know that jumping on his wannabe<br>g= irlfriend was NOT the way to gain a womans acceptance.=C2=A0 Of course she = is<br>smiling, he thought, but my attempts at gaining aLLiterative Lass'=
;s attention<br>have ended everytime in disaster.=C2=A0 Well, I gotta put t= hat out of my mind, CCEL<br>thought as he resumed the leader stance again. = =C2=A0<br><br> "RosterwReam, look after Kid Poetry. PK Kid, get up and=
help us with<br>getting everyone up and about.=C2=A0 We need to get our be= arings and find shelter."<br>CheeseCake Eater instructed authoritative= ly.<br> "OHTH SHLURPPTHT! JESHTS IGNTOHR MEETPH!" Opinionated Lad=
spat dirt.<br>"OH Great! Look at us!=C2=A0 We are stuck like a bunch =
of Gilligans on some<br>desertted island..."<br> "Oooo My head is=
spinning... Where is my pencil!=C2=A0 I do my best work<br>feeling this wa= y!" Kid Poetry said frantically looking for his tablet and<br>pencil. =
<br> "Here use my paper, and pencil" RosterwReam handed Kid Poetr=
y a pencil<br>and paper from his costume and handed them to the frenzied po= et, who hastily <br>jotted down things in a daze.<br><br> "How doth th=
e lovely crocodile improve his shining ..."<br><br> "Uh, Kid, tha=
t one's been done?"<br><br> ** ** ** ** **<br><br> "Gone!=
?" Ultimate Ninja stared at the veiwports searching for some <br>sign,=
some indication that his friends were still alive.=C2=A0 Two hours had pas= sed<br>since the computers had come back on line but he still watched like =
a hawk. <br>Contraption Man had been reconstrained and only Deja Dude, Rene= gade Programmer,<br>MultiTasking Man and Ultimate Ninja stayed to look over=
the instruments. =C2=A0<br><br> "Yep, They're gone.=C2=A0 The com=
puters don't lie, y'know!" =C2=A0Renegade<br>Programmer said i= nsensitively. =C2=A0"You got any food around here?"<br> "Why=
you foolish blob, I oughta." =C2=A0Ultimate Ninja reached for his Dea= th<br>Blades ala Ginzu, Renegade Programmer raised his chubby fists.<br> &q=
uot;HEY!" Deja Dude stepped between the two. =C2=A0"UN, chill, we= 've been at<br>this for the last couple hours.=C2=A0 Ziltch.=C2=A0 Perh= aps Renegade Programmer and<br>MT-Man and you and I ought to go get some re= freshments, and rest."<br> "Hey, don't mind me, I'm fine.= " =C2=A0MT-Man said opening a can of soda,<br>opening three new Net.Tr=
ek windows and posting messages in six other newsgroups<br>at once. =C2=A0&= quot;You sure that Net.Trek won't crash the system again?"<br> &qu= ot;Nah." =C2=A0Renegade Programmeer said dropping his fists, and compl= etely<br>gnoring the fact he was just about a millimeter away from six thou= sands types<br>of death. =C2=A0"I fixed it so that if Lagneto tries to=
bog the system all Net.Trek<br>ships instanly explode, thus freeing the sy= stem."<br> "AAERRRGH!" MT-Man yelled as his ship exploded. = =C2=A0"He didn't even get<br>close to me!"<br> "Of cours= e, I need a bit more time to get the bugs out..." Renegade<br>Programm=
er shirked and then patting his large gut. =C2=A0"After I eat."<b=
"GET out of HERE!" Ultimate Ninja instructed.<br> "UN I w=
ould like to get some more info on this OnomatoPuweeha Person."<br>Dej=
a Dude said dodging the portly programmer. =C2=A0"Do you know any LNHe=
rs that<br>would have more information about her?"<br> "Ahh. Good=
.=C2=A0 Umm." Ultimate Ninja dragged his mind off the infuriating<br>R= enegade Programmer and onto the task =C2=A0at hand. =C2=A0"Sister Stat= e-the-Obvious and<br>All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman would bot=
h know."<br> "Ok I will go find them." =C2=A0Deja Dude said =
exitting the computer room.<br> "Deja Dude.=C2=A0 See that you keep th=
is among us, until it is known how<br>they are."<br><br>*** *** *** **=
* *** *** *** ***<br><br> "ACOLYTES! Are you ready!?" wReamicus=
Maximus raised his arms and the<br>group of robed followers swayed in unis= om.=C2=A0 A portal of light warbled in the<br>center of =C2=A0the acolyte&#= 39;s formation. =C2=A0 "Today we step forward in time to save<br>the f= orce that has been lost to comercialization! We go forward to in time to<br= >find the last remnants of wReamed ACTON LORD!" =C2=A0<br><br> The aco=
lytes chanted in accordance as the portal of light formulated<br>among the = priests of corruption, a shadowy figure moved in the background.<br>As wRea= micus Maximus stepped into the light door a gun was raised. =C2=A0<br><br> =
"SHRACK!" one of the acolytes fell in the middle of formation.=C2= =A0 The<br>other acolytes confused jumped at the portal and were gone. <br>= <br>=C2=A0 "SHRACK!=C2=A0 SHRACK! SHRACK!" =C2=A0The Shadowy figu=
re's (tm) gun leveled three<br>others, but the rest were gone.=C2=A0 Es= caped through the time portal that had now<br>disappeared in the darkness o=
f the ceremonial chamber.<br><br> "Net.Justice is Served."<br><br=
**** **** **** ****<br><br> "I can't believe it!" =C2=A0B=
andWagon Chick got up pushing PK Kid to the<br>ground. =C2=A0"All you = guys have not a scratch!" =C2=A0Then looking at Cannon Fodder she<br>c= orrected herself, "Except for Cannon Fodder..." =C2=A0<br> "= So you don't look hurt." =C2=A0PK Kid looked up admiring Bandwagon=
Chick<br>from the ground.<br> "Yes, but look at my COSTUME!?" = =C2=A0She stood up and there wasn't much<br>of it left.=C2=A0 It was ju=
st enough tattered material to cover those parts that<br>keep this comic fr=
om falling out of standards with the Comic Code Authority.<br>[** See Rogue=
in the Savage Land or Storm in Africa from more details <br>-- wReam...]<b=
Parking Karma Kid's eyes bugged out, the rest of the LNHers just<br>=
drooled. =C2=A0"I think it looks GREAT!" =C2=A0<br> "Watch i= t PK Kid you are treading into Woody Scandal area!" =C2=A0PK Kid's= <br>friend CheeseCake Eater Lad warned.<br> "Well I guess that Grunge =
and wearing next to nothing are both in <br>fashion.=C2=A0 Especially comic=
fashion, so I might as well jump on the<br>Bandwagon..." =C2=A0Bandwa= gon Chick rationalized.<br> "Let's get going." =C2=A0CheeseCa=
ke Eater Lad said worriedly. =C2=A0"If perchance<br>Lagneto wants to c= ome back and finish us off, we had best get ready for him."<br> "= Besides anyone else on the island who could have seen the crash, will<br>un= doubtedly be attracted to this spot." =C2=A0RosterwReam observed.<br> =
"I think we should just stay here and ... Well ... I dunno, but we <br= >gotta move Cannon Fodder if we ought to move him, yeah." =C2=A0TimeWa= ster Lad said. <br>He had begun to build a sandcastle and Cheesecake Eater = Lad could tell he<br>didn't want to move.<br> "Grab those poles fr=
om that palm.=C2=A0 We can make a stretcher." <br>Cheesecake Eater Lad=
said looking around.<br> "A what?" =C2=A0Procrastination Boy ask=
ed.<br> "Why?" Bad Timing Boy said perplexed.<br> "Didn'=
t you two pay attention in Ultimate Ninja's survival/First Aid<br>Cours= e." =C2=A0He knew the answer, but said it nonetheless. =C2=A0"We = gotta be careful in<br>moving Cannon Fodder!"<br> "Oh." =C2= =A0<br><br>*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***<br> [Thanx Martin for th=
is next scene -- wReam...]<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I tried to rea= ssure her," said Sister State-the-Obvious.<br>"I told her she cou=
ld be a great hero someday."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Then she *d= id* confide in you?" asked Ultimate Ninja.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Sis= ter State-the-Obvious nodded. =C2=A0"I could understand how she =C2=A0= <br>felt.=C2=A0 When I was introduced I didn't have much of a personali=
ty =C2=A0<br>either."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "But at least you h=
ad potential," observed Deja Dude.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yes.= =C2=A0 I don't mind coming across a bit slow as long as I'm<br>not = ignored."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "And you're saying Onomato-= Puweeta Person was?" Ultimate Ninja<br>asked scornfully.<br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 Deja Dude nodded. =C2=A0"Well, to be sure, she *had* appear=
ed in =C2=A0<br>stories but she was just ... there."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 Ultimate Ninja shook his head. =C2=A0"So you're saying this=
whole<br>mess is my fault because I introduced such a dull character to th= e<br>Legion."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Deja Dude shook his head. =C2=A0= "Not really.=C2=A0 I mean, let's face it,<br>without all your dull=
characters the Legion would be a lot smaller."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 "Is that so?" said Ultimate Ninja raising an eyebrow.=C2=A0 A= fter a<br>moments thought, Sister State-the-Obvious also became indignant.<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Hmm ... maybe I should rephrase that."<b= r><br>*** * * *** =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 * =C2=A0 *** <br><br> Kid Kirby sat =
back in his lab working on his latest invention.<br>It was a transdimension=
al complex conjugulator -- something so complex<br>with lots of Kirbian kno=
bs and dials that it would definately do something<br>impressive.=C2=A0 At = least it looked that way.=C2=A0 Kid threw a pull switch labeled<br>"Po= wer On" =C2=A0and the machine began to hummmmm.<br> All of a sudden th=
ere was a flash of light and in the middle of the <br>room was a man crouch= ing down as if he was about to be hit by something.<br> "Arrgh, huh&qu= ot; =C2=A0the man said stunned. =C2=A0"It worked!" =C2=A0<br> &qu= ot;Who are you?" =C2=A0Kid Kirby asked.<br> The man had long unkept re=
d-brownish hair that fell into his eyes and <br>wore a dingy white trenchco=
at which hung opened revealing ordinary street<br>clothes that hung on an a= verage frame.=C2=A0 He spoke as if he was someone in<br>control. =C2=A0&quo= t;I am THEORY MAN!"<br> "Not another one." =C2=A0Kid Kirby m= urmured under his breath. =C2=A0"And what is <br>your specialty?"=
<br> "Well Theoretically speaking, I can make things happen, theoretic=
ally<br>speaking." =C2=A0Theory Man spied Kid Kirby's humming cont= raption in the back ground<br>and said, "Ahh-hah! I see you have creat=
ed an instrument of most impressive<br>details!=C2=A0 THat would explain ho=
w I was ported away in time..." =C2=A0<br> Kid Kirby smiled.=C2=A0 Per= haps this guy really wasn't just another nusance.<br> "Yes, this i=
s my latest invention." =C2=A0Kid Kirby smiled, "It does..."=
<br> "Let me guess!" =C2=A0Theory Man encircled it and then with =
a few "hmm"s and<br>"ahh"s said, "Theoretically sp= eaking, It does SOMETHING! "<br> Instantly the invention of Kid Kirby&= #39;s fell silent.=C2=A0 Theory Man shirked<br>as if he was responsible for=
it stopping.<br> "What did you do to my Invention!?" =C2=A0fumed=
Kid Kirby.<br> "Well, unfortunately my theoretical assumptions are fr= equently left up<br>to debate by the forces of nature, so when i suggested = your instrument did<br>something, nature debated with me and well... It won= .=C2=A0 So now it does nothing."<br> "You mean you are saying tha=
t your powers work, some of the time!?"<br> "Yeah."<br> &quo=
t;What a STUPID POWER!=C2=A0 I can't believe you consider yourself a he= ro!?"<br> <br>** ** *** ** ** *** ** ** *** **<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Lets climb to that ridge.=C2=A0 It is a good point to s= ignal passing boats<br>or the LNH if they find us." =C2=A0CheeseCake E= ater Lad pointed to a high rock over<br>hang which itself was covered by a = cliff that went to the top of a smoking<br>mountain. =C2=A0 <br> "Gee.=
=C2=A0 Its awfully high, don't you think it would be better if we just<= br>stayed here?" =C2=A0TimeWaster Lad said. =C2=A0<br> "We will n=
eed shelter and that ridge looks like it might provide the<br>most solid an=
d safe kind."<br> "Up there?" =C2=A0Bad Timing Boy looked up=
. =C2=A0"Why?=C2=A0 Are we gonna be attacked<br>by a group of barbaria= ns?"<br> "You never know." =C2=A0Opinionated Lad said holdin= g his tongue.<br> "I think that if we were attacked that would be a sa=
fe place to hold<br>out, too." =C2=A0BandWagon Chick added.<br> "= And Look!=C2=A0 I have made a wooden spear!" =C2=A0RosterwReam held up=
a sharp<br>stick he had found and halfway carved with his handy pocket kni=
fe pen. =C2=A0<br> "Besides it is so majestic!=C2=A0 I am sure it coul=
d be inspiration for a<br>great poem." =C2=A0Kid poetry ran to a rock = and stood upon it surveying the group. =C2=A0<br>"I think I am inspire=
d to sing!=C2=A0 But alas the melody is lost in the depths <br>of my heart!= =C2=A0 I find myself wandering this lonely sphere... Alone." =C2=A0<br=
The rest of the LNH trudged on ignoring Kid Poetry who was waxing more<br=
philosophical by each passing moment.<br> "You know I think I am begi=
nning to get hungry." =C2=A0RosterwReam said<br>holding his stomach. = =C2=A0<br> "I have only so much CheeseCake mix on me.=C2=A0 I am afrai=
d we'd best save<br>it.=C2=A0 Besides we might need it in battle."=
=C2=A0Cheesecake Eater lad patted his<br>Cheesecake Squirters on his wrist=
s and then readdressed the topic of food.=C2=A0 The<br>rest of the LNH sort=
a looked at him silly.=C2=A0 Only CheeseCake Eater Lad had the<br>ability t=
o use Cheesecakes as deadly weapons.=C2=A0 Actually they weren't deadly= ,<br>pretty silly in fact.=C2=A0 Snickers floated among the crowd of heroes=
. =C2=A0<br> "I want a steak." =C2=A0Bad-Timing Boy said looking = at some coconuts high in<br>a palm tree.=C2=A0 Everyone's stomachs grum= bled.<br> "It really shouldn't be hard to find food.=C2=A0 This is=
an full of plenty<br>of life and vegetation." =C2=A0Opinionated Lad s= poke up.<br> Just then a WILD SOUND was heard from the bushes... A terrifyi= ngly<br>wild... =C2=A0<br> "MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO=
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"<br><br>* ** *** **** ***** **** =C2=A0*** =C2=
=A0 ** =C2=A0 =C2=A0*<br> <br> Lagneto flew over the island that bore the =
name of GLAK, followed<br>closely by Onomato-Puweehah Person. =C2=A0"M=
y dear, In the volcano is where you will<br>find your true destiny!"<b=
"I am ready." =C2=A0Onomato Puweehah Person and Lagneto dove i=
nto the<br>volcano and through the lava.=C2=A0 However did not hurt the two=
, protected by<br>Lagneto's ability to lag anything on the net, he had = lagged the very nature of<br>lava net.particles such that they didn't t= ouch or harm him.<br> Deep into the dark depths of the Net.earth they did t= ravel until<br>reaching a subterranean cavern they did stop. =C2=A0<br> &qu= ot;It is in here, I know it is!"<br> The two villains moved through th=
e cavern carefully.=C2=A0 Finally they<br>approached an altar like edifice = that contained a large plack. =C2=A0<br> "What does it say?" =C2=
=A0OnomatoPuweeha Person asked anxiously.<br> Lagneto read the plack aloud = suspiciously.<br> "Due to unforseen difficulties the rung of revamp ha=
s been moved to the<br>island of KLAG.=C2=A0 There you will find the Man ea= ting cannibals and the gorilla<br>guards...=C2=A0 We hope this does not inc= onvenience anyone.=C2=A0 This island and the<br>entire volcano will now sel=
f destruct...=C2=A0 Thankyou..."<br><br><br> BBBBBBBBBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0OOOOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOOOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0MMM=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!!!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 BBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OOO OOO =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0OOO OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMMMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMMMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !!!= !!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 BBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0= OOO =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOO =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0MMM MMM MMM MMM =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 !!!!!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBBBBBBBBB =C2=A0 =C2= =A0OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 MMM = =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !!!!!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBB =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBB =C2=A0OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OO=
O =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0!!!<br>=C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBBB =C2=A0OOO =C2=
=A0 OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOO =C2=A0 OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 !<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0BBBB= BBBBBBBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOO OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOO OOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMM=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 .<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 BBBBBBBBBB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0OOOOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0OOOOO =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMMMM =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 MMMMM =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 ...<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0___________________________________________________= ________________ =C2=A0.<br>=C2=A0 |_______________________________________= ____________________________|<br><br><br>* * * * * * * * * *<br><br>Ultimat=
e Ninja frowned at the notification from MT-Man that a new WC had shown<br>=
up in Kid Kirby's chambers.=C2=A0 I mean now they weren't even usin=
g the doors! <br>The base had become a nexus of activity.=C2=A0 Did this me=
an that CheeseCake Eater<br>and the others were dead?!=C2=A0 Angst overwhel= med the Ninja as he wondered about<br>the safety of his friends.=C2=A0 Cons= equently causing the sales of his book to rise<br>to new levels of populari= ty.=C2=A0 But it was no comfort, even to one who by report<br>of certain In= visible forces claimed that EGO was the Ninja's greatest power.<br> To = make matters worse the trouble detectors began to light up like a <br>Chris= tmas tree.=C2=A0 Certainly there was too much going on at once and not enou= gh<br>time to cover all the problems.=C2=A0 Where was all this trouble comi=
ng from?<br> Everytime UN decided to investigate the disappearance of Chees= eCake<br>Eater and his compatriots something new came up.=C2=A0 If only Reb=
el Yell or<br>Continuity Champ were still here.=C2=A0 During those days he = could go off on any<br>escapade to stop evil, but now there were too many t= hings going on.=C2=A0 Deja Dude<br>was trying to help, but he was not the l= eader, or even coleader. =C2=A0<br> Ultimate Ninja turned to observe the ba=
rracuda swimming ferociously in<br>a small square tank mounted in his wall.= =C2=A0 It thrashed about, but each effort to<br>escape into the deep of the=
ocean was thwarted by a glass wall.=C2=A0 They say that<br>animals that st=
ay pent up for too long go mad.=C2=A0 I gotta get out of here...<br> "= BLAST THAT FOOL REBEL YELL!=C2=A0 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" =C2= =A0Ultimate<br>Ninja yelled impatiently, punching his fist through his desk= .<br> "That is not too good on desks, you know." =C2=A0Deja Dude = entered<br>unannounced.=C2=A0 He was confident at first entering, but never=
before had he heard<br>the Ninja curse and so Deja Dude suddenly was very = cautious.<br> "You know knocking is a good idea." =C2=A0Ultimate = Ninja said sinisterly.<br> "I just thought I would take you with me.= =C2=A0 Occultism Kid, me and the<br>new guys Renegade Programmer and Theory=
Man have requisitioned a Flight.thingy<br>and are headed for the Jungle of=
GLAK!" =C2=A0Deja Dude said calmly.<br> "How did you ever get Oc= cultism Kid out of the PerilRoom?" =C2=A0Ultimate<br>Ninja said grabbi=
ng his things and hurriedly pushing Deja Dude from the room.<br>He was head=
ed for the launch pad and not another interruption was going to stop<br>him= .<br>=C2=A0 "Well it has been occupied the last couple of days by some=
other<br>dudes...=C2=A0 Some Elvis Man and some villainous type... Weird, = huh?" =C2=A0Deja Dude<br>said running as he tried to keep up with the = speedy ninja.<br> "oh well.=C2=A0 All aboard?" =C2=A0Ultimate Nin=
ja didn't even stop to see if<br>everyone was aboard and pushing Occult= ism Kid asside he secured the boarding<br>hatch and hit the ignition. =C2= =A0<br> "Aboard? That is a good question?!=C2=A0 Is anyone ever truly = aboard?" <br>Theory Man's disertation on matter displacing matter = and the real meaning of <br>presence was cut short by Renegade Programmer&#= 39;s pizza that smacked him in the<br>face, as Ultimate Ninja put the thrus= ters on full and blasted out of the<br>launching bay. =C2=A0<br><br> * * * =
* * * * * *<br><br> "Look out!=C2=A0 Its a wild JUNGLE-COW!" =C2=
=A0Opinionated Lad dove out of the<br>way of the rampaging beast!<br> The b= east turned. It was attracted to Bad-Timing Boy's red cloak. =C2=A0[I<b= r>wonder how many of you knew he had a red cloak!? =C2=A0-- wReam ;-) =C2= =A0]<br> "AAAHHHHGHQ =C2=A0Get it away!" =C2=A0Bad-Timing Boy ran=
up hill toward a large<br>rock. =C2=A0<br> Procrastination Boy saw the Jun=
gleCow coming and would have dodged it<br>but instead was knocked out of th=
e way by the rampaging beast into the <br>underbrush because he waited too = long.<br> RosterwReam grabbed ahold of Bad-Timing Boy as he went flying by.=
=C2=A0"Get<br>rid of your cloak!" =C2=A0He yelled being dragged = along by the frantic B-T Boy. <br>RosterwReam dropped his spear as reached = for his pen-knife. =C2=A0<br> "Let me go!" =C2=A0B-T Boy proteste= d groping to climb the nearest tree. =C2=A0<br> RosterwReam slit the band t= hat held B-T Boy's cape on and flung it out<br>into the center of the g= roup.=C2=A0 Without thinking he had thrown it onto<br>TimeWaster Lad who wa=
s just standing in the middle of the chaos.<br> "Who turned out the li= ghts!?" =C2=A0Time-Waster Lad said confused.=C2=A0 He<br>really hadn&#= 39;t been paying much attention to the whole ordeal and therefore<br>didn&#= 39;t know that there was a rampaging Jungle cow charging his direction. =C2= =A0<br> PK Kid, who was the closest grabbed the cape from off of TimeWaster=
and<br>ran with it.=C2=A0 BandWagon Chick and Kid Poetry struggled to carr=
y the fallen<br>Cannon Fodder out of danger from the wild Jungle Cow!=C2=A0=
CheeseCake Eater Lad<br>seeing that RosterwReam had dropped his spear grab= bed it and prepared to face<br>off with the raging pot roast.<br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "TAKE THIS!" =C2=A0CheeseCake Eater Lad Plunged=
the spear into the abdomen<br>of the Jungle Cow =C2=A0and braced himself f=
or a retaliation.=C2=A0 The jungle cow reared<br>ferociously and snorted a = death attack, with a spear sticking from it's side.<br> Opinionated Lad=
seeing a chance yelled. =C2=A0"That blow ought to have<br>killed that=
beast!" =C2=A0The Jungle Cow dropped over dead at CheeseCake Eater= 9;s<br>feet.<br> Panting and exhausted CheeseCake Eater Lad turned to Bad-T=
iming Boy and<br>said smirking. =C2=A0"There's your burger."<= br><br>** *** **** *** ** ** ** *** **** ***<br><br>Onomato Puweeha Person =
grappled the large sound effect and concentrated it<br>above her.=C2=A0 Lag= neto by her side the two were propelled from the middle of the<br>island cl= ear of the explosion. =C2=A0 They stopped hovering over the rocky remains<b= r>of a once lush island.=C2=A0 It now boiled into the sea and vanished bene= ath the <br>tide. <br> "That was quite a good use of powers my dear.&q=
uot; =C2=A0Lagneto said<br>surprised. =C2=A0"Are you sure you wish to = change, yourself?"<br> "I am too dull." =C2=A0Onomato Puweeh=
a Person pouted. =C2=A0"I am sure."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 "Then we must leave for the island of KLAG!" =C2=A0Lagneto sa= id<br>confidently. <br> "Where is that island?" =C2=A0Onomato Puw= eeha Person said confused.<br> "I am not sure, but I can find out.&quo= t; =C2=A0 Lagneto was for once without an<br>answer. =C2=A0 "Come with=
me... We go to my secret base.=C2=A0 There we will find the<br>answer! &qu= ot;<br><br> ** *** **** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 *** =C2=A0 =C2=A0**<br><br> "=
My Pizza!" =C2=A0Renegade Programmer screamed. =C2=A0<br> Theory Man p= eeled hot cheese off of his face. =C2=A0"Do you know why pizza<br>burn=
s your mouth when you bite into it?"<br> "Because it's hot?&q= uot; =C2=A0Occultism Kid said smiling.<br> "Well, yes, but it also has=
to do with the cohesion of the molecules<br>and how it is meant to burn yo=
ur tongue." =C2=A0Theory Man said.=C2=A0 Instantly the<br>pizza disapp= eared from his face and hands, dispersing into it's primary<br>elements=
. =C2=A0<br> "You know your power is really weird, and I would prefer = not to talk<br>anymore about it for fear that something weird will happen.&= quot; =C2=A0Deja Dude said<br>blankly.<br> "Oh nothing else weird will=
happen, I think." =C2=A0Theory Man said<br>smiling... <br> As if on c=
ue the Flight.thingy's navigational computer went dead. <br>Ultimate Ni= nja glanced a killer stare at Theory Man who shirked.=C2=A0 Deja Dude<br>gr= abbed the board blankly.=C2=A0 It was quite complex and he really didn'=
t have <br>a clue what was wrong.=C2=A0 Luckily Renegade Programmer came ou=
t of his mourning<br>for his lost pizza and examined the computer. <br> &qu= ot;Is it Lagneto?" =C2=A0Deja Dude asked the guru.<br> "Perhaps, =
but according to this computer there no longer exists a<br>'Jungle of G= lak!'" =C2=A0Renegade Programmer got on the com.link but before he=
could<br>even ask a bewildered Multitasking Man was on the other end.<br> =
"Hey Guys, Did the central computer just blow a fuse or did the Jungle= <br>of Glak just disappear!?" <br> "Our computers just went out t= oo." =C2=A0Renegade programmer. =C2=A0"Somehow the<br>Jungle of G= lak, why the entire island, has been destroyed!?"<br> "What do we=
do now?" =C2=A0Occultism Kid asked.<br> "Hang on to your seats.&= quot; Ultimate Ninja hit the TURBO PLASTER WARP 11<br>button and zoomed for=
the once existing island of GLAK!<br><br>****** ****** ***** ***** ***** *=
**** ***** **** **** *** =C2=A0**<br><br>wReamicus Maximus looked at the fu=
ture world.=C2=A0 It was desolate and destroyed. <br>Everything lie in ruin= .=C2=A0 How could a remnant of wReamed Acton Lord even survive<br>here!?=C2= =A0 Unless, he was the one that caused such misery.=C2=A0 He clapped his ha= nds<br>together in excitement. =C2=A0<br> "Bretheren!=C2=A0 We have co=
me to the place of power!=C2=A0 Surely the forces of<br>DVANDOM do smile on=
us today!"<br> The Acolytes who were slightly dazed after the unknown=
attack looked on<br>longingly. =C2=A0<br> "Master wReamicus, many of =
our brethren have been slain how can we<br>rejoice?" =C2=A0<br> "= Because Merger.=C2=A0 Do you not see the fruits of our Master!?" =C2= =A0wReamicus<br>gloated madly. =C2=A0 The earth trembled.<br> "WHO INV= ADES THIS REALM!?" =C2=A0A dark figure approached.=C2=A0 The Acolytes<= br>upon seeing the face of the entity fell to the earth.=C2=A0 Only wReamic=
us Maximus<br>remained standing.=C2=A0 BY the DVANDOM himself!=C2=A0 It is = you! =C2=A0wReamed Acton Lord!?<br> "That was MY FATHER!?=C2=A0 How do=
you know him!?" =C2=A0the entity asked<br>surprised at the respect sh= own him.<br> "We come from the time when he lived and died!" =C2= =A0wReamicus Maximus said<br>bowing slyly.<br> "I AM PERVERTICATOR!=C2= =A0 YOU KNOW THE ONE WHO DESTROYED MY =C2=A0<br>FATHER!?=C2=A0 DO YOU KNOW = THE ONE CALLED...=C2=A0 ULTIMATE NINJA!!!!" =C2=A0Perverticator <br>be= llowed.<br> "We are sworn enemies, Master." =C2=A0wReamicus signa=
lled to Merger to raise<br>himself from the ground.<br> "I HAVE DESTRO= YED ALL THE LNH THAT LIVES HERE IN THIS TIME!=C2=A0 BUT STILL<br>THE NINJA = ESCAPES ME!" =C2=A0Perverticator yelled annoyed.<br> "I know a wa=
y you can destroy him and all that he holds dear." <br>wReamicus Maxim=
us straightened himself then pointing at Merger said. "Return<br>with =
us to past!=C2=A0 There he will not know what to expect, and that surprise = will<br>DESTROY him!"<br> "YOU CAN SEND ME BACK TO THE PAST!?&quo= t; =C2=A0Perverticator said grinning<br>evilly pointing to the accolyte Mer= ger.<br> "no, I..." =C2=A0Merger said meekly.<br> "This one =
is shy of his abilities.=C2=A0 He will send you and I back, WON'T<br>YO= U!?" wReamicus Maximus grabbed Merger and pushed him between Pervertic= ator<br>and wReamicus Maximus. wReamicus further insisted, "USE YOUR P= OWERS!" <br> Merger began the chant.=C2=A0 His eyes glowed and the two=
villains wReamicus<br>Maximus and Perverticator stood in a flash of light = the images merged. <br>wReamicus reached out to Merger, "I WILL BE SUP= REME!!"<br> One image remains. =C2=A0wReamicus Maximus remains.=C2=A0 =
He is taller, and has<br>the stance of Perverticator, but he is wReamicus M= aximus...<br> "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE !?" =C2=A0wReamicus Maximus yel= ls in a voice the same as<br>Perverticator! =C2=A0<br> "I aM OnE!=C2=
=A0 I am ONe With thE FOrceS of COrrUPtiON!=C2=A0 I am CHAos<br>IncaRNAtE!= =C2=A0 I am THe MASTer PERversion!=C2=A0 I am wReamicus Maximus!" =C2= =A0wReamicus<br>Maximus returns to himself glowing with an eerie green mist=
, he hastily says, <br>" THis future holds nothing for us!=C2=A0 WE Wi=
ll Return and avenge the loss of My<br>brothers!=C2=A0 The AColytes will RU=
LE suPREMe!"<br><br>** ** ** ** ** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 **<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0** =C2=A0 ** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0** =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
** ** ** *<br>* * * * * * * ** *<br><br> 2 B Contin - U'd<br>* * =
* *** * * * ***** * *<br>* * *** ** * * * ** * *****<br><br><br> wRea=
m...<br> Ultimate Ninja of the LNH!<br><br>Next Issue:<br> ** wReamicu=
s Maximus and MacLaughlin Man start scheming<br> ** Lagneto and the Netter =
Liberation Front along with Onomato Puweeha<br>Person head for the Jungle O=
f KLAG! =C2=A0(Any guesses where that might Be?!)<br> ** Renegade Programme= r developes a scheme to finding the rung.<br> ** The Fate of Cannon Fodder!= ?<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ** CheeseCake Eater Lad and his crew find = out they are not alone on the<br>island! =C2=A0<br> ** Kid Kirby gets more =
action.<br> ** wReamed Acton Lord is RESURRECTED!<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 ** Did I mention another new WC!? THIS ONE FROM SWEDEN! :)<br> ** Mo= re on the mysterious stranger and "Net.Justice!"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 ** And much Much MUCH MORE!<br><br>P.S.=C2=A0 Special thanks=
to Martin...<br><br>P.P.S. Welcome to the LNH Theory Man (Dennis Towne: <a=
href=3D"mailto:
SLFFG@CC.USU.EDU">
SLFFG@CC.USU.EDU</a> !)<br><br>P.P.P.S.= =C2=A0 Opinionated Lad, Am I getting Closer?! =C2=A0 =C2=A0<br><br>P.P.P.S.= =C2=A0 Need I say more?<br><br><br><br><br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0_<br> =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Tales of the<br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0= =3D<br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___<br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 | |__ =C2=
=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \<br> =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 |____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=A0 |_|\= _\<br> ||<br> |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES<br><br> #287: Scandal and Che=
esecake<br><br>[ In Tales of the LNH #286, Ultimate Ninja defeated 4 ninja = who tried<br>=C2=A0 to kidnap the leopard-girl Panta for Manga Man. As Ulti= mate Ninja<br>=C2=A0 started to leave the battlesite, he tripped and became=
entangled<br>=C2=A0 with Panta's sleeping from. His struggle to free h= imself was seen<br>=C2=A0 by a late-returning Squid Boy. Who promptly got t=
he wrong idea.]<br><br> The cover of TotLNH #287 shows Panta wrapped in a b= lanket,<br>standing in the foreground. The background is the LNH dining roo= m.<br>Everyone is staring at the figure in the foreground - some are pointi= ng<br>fingers.<br><br> In fact, the LNH dining room was unusually crowded t= his morning.<br>Some claimed that it was because CheeseCake-Eater Lad had b= een lost and<br>the replacement staffer was much more imaginative in his or=
her choices<br>of breakfast fare - the blueberry pancakes were really good=
! Others said<br>that with all the scandals going around the LNH, breakfast=
was the best<br>time to find who had been doing what with whom.<br> The bu= zz around the Legionaires this morning was the sudden<br>disappearance of U= ltimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Occultism Kid, and two strangers<br>to the LNH. C= oming on the heels of the disappearance of several LNH'ers<br>including=
CheeseCake-Eater Lad and Procrastination Boy, the rumors and theories<br>w= ere running amuck.<br><br> At a table near the end of the dining room, Squi=
d Boy joined a<br>group of LNH'ers eating pancakes and rumormongering.<=
"Well, in my time, leaders of superhero groups didn't go jumpi=
ng<br>off in the middle of the night without reason," Old Comics Man s= norted.<br>"No, they gave a soliloquy that went for two-three pages on=
how they were<br>going to save the world for Truth, Justice and the Ameri-= "<br> "Kid Kirby might know what's going on," interrupte=
d Captain Cleanup.<br>"Except he hasn't come out of his lab yet. I= 've haven't been able to get<br>permission to completely repaint th=
e front lobby."<br> Squid Boy raised an eyebrow.<br> "What happen=
ed?" California Kid asked.<br> "A fight, I think. Hard to tell in=
that mess," Captain Cleanup<br>answered, spearing another stack of pa= ncakes. "I'm cleaning it up<br>after breakfast."<br> Squid Bo=
y swallowed his pancakes and cleared his throat.<br> "I wonder if Ulti= mate Ninja knows about the mess? He left in<br>rather a hurry." Califo= rnia Kid said.<br> "I know what happened." Squid Boy announced. T=
he others at the<br>table turned to stare at him.<br> "You're joki= ng," California Kid said.<br> "No, by the Great Squid, I swear I&=
#39;m telling the truth. In the lobby,<br>Panta and Ultimate Ninja were rol= ling around in a blanket."<br> "What!"<br> "You're =
kidding!"<br> "I know what I saw." Squid Boy narrowed his ey=
es and stared back<br>at the others. "Just as I entered, Ultimate Ninj=
a was getting up from Panta's<br>embrace." He paused. "Holy C= alamari! Do you think Panta is going to have<br>Ultimate Ninja's baby?&= quot;<br> The others at the table were struck silent at the thought. Then<b=
Entropy Kid spoke up. "Do you think that's why Ultimate Ninja fl=
ed this<br>morning?"<br> "I thought he might be looking for the m= issing Net.Legionaires?"<br>Catalyst Lass said as she slid her tray on=
the table.<br> "It could be... Or maybe there is some truth in what S= quid Boy is<br>saying," Fuzzy said as she joined Catalyst Lass. "= It's quite unclear."<br> What Old Comics Man thought of these reve=
lations was unprintable.<br><br> Squid Boy's tale spread through the di=
ning room like wildfire.<br>Most people thought there probably was a good r= eason as to what Squid Boy<br>saw and they would like to hear it before mak= ing a decision. Others defended<br>Panta and said it was all Ultimate Ninja= 's fault for leading the poor<br>leopard-girl astray. A small group, he= aded by Self-Righteous Preacher, stated<br>that it was all Panta's faul=
t for leading a poor Ninja astray and this<br>would never have happened if = Panta hadn't been wearing little more than<br>fur and a bodysuit.<br> A=
few mused on what a child of Panta's and Ultimate Ninja would<br>be li= ke.<br> Pliable Lad was silent. He would talk to Panta first before breakin= g<br>down and crying. But the Net.Patrol was definately in bad shape. Lost = Cause<br>Boy gone, Kid Anarky off in another dimension wearing Panta's = pink fuzzy<br>raincoat and Curly still trying to fit two thoughts into his = thick skull.<br>And now, Panta involved in yet another sex scandal.<br><br>=
The door to the LNH dining room opened and a small figure, wrapped<br>in a=
blanket shuffled in. Panta rubbed her eyes and blinked sleeply at the<br>c= rowd staring at her.<br> "Are you alright?" Catalyst Lass said, r=
ushing to her side. She<br>carefully tucked up the corners of the blanket. = "We just heard. You must<br>be heartbroken."<br> "What?"=
; Panta asked slowly.<br> "Ultimate Ninja just fled the LNH," Fuz=
zy said, joining Catalyst Lass<br>at Panta's side. "At times like = this, women must stick together, no matter<br>what their religion, creed, p= olitics, or color of their fur. I think."<br> "Why?" Panta a=
sked, swiveling her head from Fuzzy to Catalyst Lass.<br> "And it is y=
our FAULT!" roared Self-Righteous Preacher. "Because<br>of your m= oral failings, the LNH is leaderles-"<br> "Huh?" Panta looke=
d more and more confused. Across the dining room,<br>someone else began sho= uting Self-Righteous Preacher down.<br> "Men!" Fuzzy said. "= Listen, Panta, dear. Do you know when the baby<br>is coming?"<br> &quo= t;..." Panta looked completely lost.<br> Sarcastic Lad replied to Self= -Righteous Preacher in his usual urbane<br>reasonable manner. Or so he thou= ght. He was surprised when one of the<br>Preacher's supporters hit him = with a cheesecake.. Other food fights broke<br>out across the dining room.<=
Pliable Lad got up and started to walk across the dining room toward<br=
Panta. The room was noisy with shouting and insults. But before he could<b= r>talk with Panta, the women around Panta cut off his approach. They took<b= r>Panta out of the now out-of-control food fight to the hallway outside the= <br>dining room.<br> Organic Lass looked up and down the hallway. Except fo= r the sounds<br>of a cheesecake hitting the door behind them, the hallway w=
as quiet.<br> "Panta? Did anything happen with you and Ultimate Ninja = last night?"<br>she asked.<br> "No, why?" Panta said.<br> &q=
uot;Did you ever, you know," Catalyst Lass asked. "with Ultimate = Ninja?"<br> "No." Panta said, still puzzled. "I don'=
;t love him. Why?"<br> "Panta, dear, does that mean there is no b=
aby?" Fuzzt said. She<br>sounded disappointed.<br> "No. But why w=
as I in the lobby this morning? And what's happening<br>in there?"=
Panta said, pointing to the dining room. From the sound of it,<br>an espec= ially large cheescake had hit the door and slid to the floor.<br> "Oh,=
I guess they're expressing a difference of opinion." Fuzzy<br>qui= pped.<br> "And giving Captain Cleanup more work," Organic Lass ad=
ded. "Let's<br>get you upstairs. It's not good to be running a= round in just a blanket."<br>The three women escorted Panta around the=
corner and upstairs.<br><br> "Hah, hah, hah, made it!" Pliable L= ad said, stretching himself out<br>of the dining room. He was covered in va= rious flavors of cheesecake and<br>cream pies. Behind him, the battlelines = changed and altered as various<br>groups changed sides and smacked their fo= rmer comrades in the face with<br>pies and cakes. The door thudded with cak=
es that missed their targets.<br> Pliable Lad wiped his face. He would go a=
nd confront Panta and<br>get the truth out of her. She was probably innocen=
t of the charges. But<br>deep down, he knew it would never quite be the sam=
e between her and him...<br><br>[Pliable Lad (tm) MikE, Panta, Hubert Barte= ls, Cheescakes provided by<br>SaraLee Bakeries. Ultimate Ninja(tm) wReam. R= ead why Ultimate Ninja<br>took off in Jungle CheeseCake #3! And join us in = Tales of the LNH #288.]<br><br><br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><b= r>Next Week: =C2=A0Some more JUNGLE CHEESECAKE!!!!!<br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Arthur "Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Ti= me?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer <br><br><br><br></div>
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