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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and more Panta
Action!:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/
And here are some Tales of the LNH set around the time
of Jungle Cheesecake! Tales of the LNH #285-286 by
Hubert Bartels!
Is this Dr. Genebad's Time to do some very Bad Things to Genes!??
(Or is it Time for Someone to do Something Very Bad to Dr.
Genebad?!) And is time for some Three Stooges Slicing and
Dicing?!! (And will Squid Boy totally get the wrong
impression from all this heavy slicing and dicing?!!!)
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #392
=====================
Jungle Cheesecake Part Two
=====================
Tales of the LNH #285: Revenge of the Ninja
[ In Tales of the LNH #284, Manga Man was given 4 students of the Ninja
Master Fuu Baa to help him kidnap the object of his sordid desires -
the leopard-furry girl Panta from the LNH HQ. ]
The night: Clouds rolling in from the east with the moon riding low
in the sky. The time: Late in the evening. The LNH HQ is still in shock
from losing several of its members in a crash of the LNH flight.thingy somewhere in the jungles. [This occurs right after the events of Ultimate
Ninja #6 - HGB] The place: The bushes across the street from the steps
of the LNH.
"What are you waiting for," Manga Man whispered for the third
time to the 4 black-clad ninja lurking beside him.
"Baka!" swore the female ninja, Shemp. "We wait for the clouds
to cover the face of the moon. Only in complete darkness will we attack." "Down," signaled the largest ninja, Larry. The 4 ninja became
completely still. Manga Man knew that the ninja were there, right next
to him, but they were now completely invisible.
A single woman walked past the bushes, her purse swinging freely
at her side. She was unaware that she was being followed. Her follower
was a wizened little man dressed in a bloody lab coat and carrying a
large syringe. He slunk after the unsuspecting woman, giggling softly. He
also was unaware that he was being followed.
The woman suddenly stopped and turned slowly to see the wierd
figure of Doctor Genebad behind her. She screamed. The Doctor laughed
crazily.
SHRACK!
The woman watched Doctor Genebad's form vaporize. A mysterious
shadowy figure stood behind the smoking remains of the crazy doctor,
putting away a long barreled pistol. Just before disappearing, the figure murmured, "Net.justice is served."
The woman screamed again and ran off into the night.
"Okashii na," whispered one of the Ninja, code-named Curly. "That
was strange indeed." He was signaled to silence again by Larry. Larry
looked up at the night sky where the moon was now almost completely
covered by clouds. "Now!" he signaled.
Manga Man saw, no, thought he saw four dark shadows slide across
the road to the LNH front door. They stopped for a second, then pulled
climbing claws out of a fold in their robes and strapped them onto their
hands. Then the four black-clad ninja scaled the wall of the LNH HQ to
the second floor. One of them popped open an unlocked window and the four disappeared inside. Manga Man checked his watch. It was 3:30 in the
morning.
Inside the LNH HQ, in an empty room, the four ninja spread out.
Shemp pulled out several drugged needles. She was a master at the art of fukibari-jutsu, the deadly art of blowing needles from the mouth.
"Just put them to sleep," Larry whispered. He drew his ninja-to,
his ninja sword.
Shemp nodded.
Curly checked the door. It opened onto an empty hallway. The
four ninja slowly stepped down the hallway, their weapons ready.
The staircase was empty. Larry gave a little sigh of relief.
Ninja were known more as spies than as warriors; stealth and deception
was the ninja's forte more than fighting.
On the floor that Panta's room was on, the four ninja moved
slowly to her door. With the other three standing watch, the fourth
ninja, Joe, practiced his lock-picking skills with his tsuba-giri.
There was a rattle and a door opened. Captain Cleanup stepped
into the hallway, rubbing his eyes.
Shemp turned, put the end of a needle in her mouth, puffed, and
Captain Cleanup slumped to the floor.
Joe opened the door. Panta rolled over. "Rowwrr?" she said sleeply
before Shemp puffed again and Panta returned to sleep. Larry sheathed
his sword, tied Panta's blanket around her and picked her up. "Fu."
"What's wrong?"
"We'll have to leave by the front. I can't climb down the wall
with her," Larry said, tucking Panta's tail into the blanket.
"But that means..."
"Yes, we'll need to knock out the LNH's security system."
In the Monitoring Room, Multi-Tasking Man yawned. This was the
most boring time of the night. Everyone was asleep so he couldn't
MUD with anyone, the IRC was quiet, and he didn't want to leave the
chair to get another stack of comics. So he read alt.fan.rush-limburgh, composed an article on why Nathan and Cable had nothing to with each
other, peeled the hologram cover off Uncanny X-Men #300 and slumped
in his chair when Shemp's needle struck him.
"Quickly now," Larry urged. He shifted Panta's weight to his
other shoulder.
"Just a moment now," Curly said. He flicked off banks of switches,
powered off the warning systems, turned off the cameras and erased the videotapes. "There."
"Just the front lobby and we're done." said Shemp. Out of needles,
she pulled a small weighted chain with a sickle end out of her robes.
The receptionist never knew what hit him. There he was, watching
the empty room, listening the snores of the Curly under the receptionist's desk. [The Proto-Stimpy Curly, a possible member of Net.Patrol, not the similiarly named ninja - HGB]
Then a hand grabbed him by the neck and pinched. The receptionist
collapsed. Joe stood up and looked around. "That's it. I hadn't expected
the LNH to have someone here at all.
"That's not all you didn't expect," came a voice from the shadows
near the ceiling. "My ultimate ninja skills detected you when you entered
the building."
Shemp gasped.
A dark shadow dropped from the ceiling to stand in front of the
four ninja. The Ultimate Ninja! He stood up and bowed to the shocked
ninja. "And now..." He pulled out his Ginsu Ninja sword.
"You! You traitor to ninja everywhere!" Joe cursed.
"Kisama!" Shemp swore. "I personally will strike off your head
in the name of the BigToe Clan!" She spun the end of her weighted chain.
Larry dropped Panta to the floor and pulled out his ninja-to.
"My name is Larry. You killed my father! Prepare to die!"
"Eat this!" Curly said, pulling out a handful of poisoned
shuriken.
The Ultimate Ninja smiled behind his mask.
Panta, wrapped in her blanket, slept on.
The five ninja shouted as one and jumped into battle!
[ For the conclusion of this battle, see Tales of the LNH #286. Coming
soon. ]
Panta(tm) Hubert Bartels, even if she spent this issue asleep. The Ultimate Ninja(tm) wReam, and thanks for allowing me to use him. Tales of the LNH
#286
concludes before Ultimate Ninja #7, for you continuity freaks. And I know
who you are.
Tales of the LNH #286: Attack of the Ninja
[ In Tales of the LNH #285, 4 Ninja from the Ninja Master Fuu Baa
infiltrated
LNH HQ to kidnap the leopard- girl Panta for Manga Man. On their way out,
they found their exit blocked by that master of the black Ninja Arts, the
Ultimate Ninja. To escape, they would have to kill Ultimate Ninja.
The first splash page covers two pages. The scene is the marble floored
lobby of the LNH, leather waiting chairs, reflecting pool and receptionist's desk. In the front, tucked into a blanket, with her tail hanging out and a glimpse of her furry breasts, is Panta. Asleep. To the right, jumping into
the
attack with his drawn Ginsu blade, is Ultimate Ninja. To the left, leaping
into
battle are the four Ninja from the Umeshita Temple; Joe, with his Hands of Death(tm), Larry, with a long black Ninja sword, Curly with a handful of
glit-
tering steel shuriken, and Shemp, the female ninja, swinging a weighted
chain.
"KISAMAAAAAAA!!!!!!" shouted Joe as he sprung into the air, his hands
ready to disembowel Ultimate Ninja for the glory of the BigToe Clan. "KOROSUUUUUU!!!!!!" shouted Larry, his sword pulled all the way over
his head for the single blow that would split Ninja like a coconut under a cleaver.
"SHINUUU!!!" cried Curly as he threw his handful of poisoned shuriken. "Gyaaaaaaaa!!!!" screamed Shemp as she jumped aside to avoid getting
split, poisoned, or disemboweled by her compatriots.
Ultimate Ninja barely parried the flying shuriken. His sword flickered
as he sent the shuriken into the walls and floor of the LNH lobby. He
avoided
Joe's stroke, twisting his body. Larry's sword barely touched him, leaving a long gash on his arm.
The combatants touched down, turned and sprung into the air again.
This time, Ultimate Ninja reached out lightly with the tip of his sword, cutting the tendons of Curly's hand. Curly crashed to the floor, screaming
as
he tried to keep from bleeding to death. Red blood splattered across the
marble and carpet.
But Larry's sword again left its mark; a long cut along Ultimate
Ninja's side. A thin thread of blood welled up, staining Ultimate Ninja's
black giri.
The combatants landed and turned. They paused for a moment to
study each other.
"Very good," Ultimate Ninja laughed. "But not good enough to kill me."
A whimper from Curly, who was still writhing on the floor. Then he
passed out.
Larry raised the tip of his ninja-to. "Now that we have the prelim-
inaries out of the way, let me personally welcome you to hell." He motioned with his hand, keep back. "Ultimate Ninja, for killing my father, for
burning my house down, for stealing my teddy bear, I will take your head."
"Was that me?" Ultimate Ninja laughed. "But all ninja look alike
in the dark."
"You will die." Larry rushed Ultimate Ninja, his sword over his
head, ready to cut Ultimate Ninja straight down the middle.
Down in a darkened hallway, lights came on inside the LNH Coke Machine.
Manga Man had placed one of his minions inside the Coke Machine to spy on
the
LNH and Panta. Now the shouting and crash of steel had woken the minion. He turned on the power and the LNH Coke Machine rolled down the hallway to the sounds of battle.
Larry's charge brought him right up to Ultimate Ninja. At the very
last second, Ultimate Ninja stepped aside and tripped the charging ninja. As Larry began his descent to the floor, Ultimate Ninja swung his sword like a baseball bat. Using the flat of his blade, Ultimate Ninja knocked Larry out. With a skittering sound, Larry's blade slid across the LNH lobby.
Ultimate Ninja turned suddenly and raised his blade. Shemp had stepped
closer, swinging her weighed chain. Before the Ultimate Ninja could react,
she had tossed the chain, entangled the Ginsu blade, and was pulling
Ultimate
Ninja toward her and her razor-sharp sickle blade. She was laughing.
Ultimate Ninja only had seconds to react. Joe was moving as well, his
Hands of Death(tm) poised.
He yanked on his sword and the chain. pulling Shemp towards him. She
stumbled towards him, losing her balance. He met her with a fist in her
stomach and a lightning fast grab and toss that threw her unconscious body
into the LNH lobby's reflecting pool. Then he spun on his toes like a ballet dancer, ready to take on the murderous Joe. He paused, one foot raised in
the air, the other tucked underneath himself, a hand raised in the air.
"Hah! Your 'Heron and Frog' style kung-fu is no match for my 'Claws
of the Tiger' style," boasted Joe as he curled his hands into claws.
Joe jumped at Ultimate Ninja. Ultimate Ninja sprung into the air
and kicked Joe clear over the receptionist's desk.
"Ha hah yourself, you fool!", Ultimate Ninja shouted. "That wasn't
'Heron and Frog style, that was 'Crane and Fish' style kung-fu."
Joe started to stand up, murder in his eyes.
The minion in the LNH Coke machine stopped just outside of the LNH
lobby. It was a frightening sight. Of the four ninja who had crept inside
the LNH Headquarters building, only Joe was still standing. Shaky, perhaps,
but still standing. The minion had to do something. He cautiously opened the door to the Coke Machine and armed himself.
Ultimate Ninja smiled behind his mask. One more high Chun-Li type kick
and Joe would go down like a rotten tree. He didn't see the minion crawling closer; every facet of his Ninja powers was directed to his opponent.
Ultimate Ninja jumped into the air. His kick knocked Joe back into a lobby chair. Joe flipped over the chair and crashed to the floor.
Ultimate Ninja laughed. He strode up to his defeated foe. "They
should never have sent children to do a ninja's job."
Joe started to get up again.
Ultimate Ninja never saw the 12 fluid ounce can of Big K Grape Soda
coming. The last thing he was thinking as he blacked out was, "Hey, not
fair.
I was winning."
Ultimate Ninja groaned. Slowly consciousness returned. He sat up and
looked around. The four bodies were gone. The LNH Coke Machine was sitting
in the middle of the lobby, its door open, empty. The front door of the LNH
was open. Faint drops of blood showed where the four ninja had gone.
Ultimate
Ninja suddenly became aware of the pain from his cuts; he decided to let the four ninja go and to see to his wounds. He stood up and turned.
And tripped over Panta's sleeping form. Ultimate Ninja fell to
the floor besides Panta.
"Mowrrr," Panta purred in her sleep. She reached out and pulled
Ultimate Ninja closer to her, cuddling herself around him. Sleeply, she
rubbed her face against his side.
The Ultimate Ninja pushed gently against Panta, pulling himself
out of her embrace. It took a few moments; Panta was stronger than he
thought and he had been weakened by his wounds.
When he stood up, a noise behind him caught his attention. He
turned to see Squid Boy staring at him from a open doorway. The door
slammed shut.
"Well, that's that," Ultimate Ninja thought. "Nothing I can do
about it now. I'd better go see Organic Lass or Doctor Stomper." He
walked slowly across the empty lobby to the stairs, leaving a few
faint drops of blood.
"I wonder who the h*ll those ninja were..." he mused as he
disappeared upstairs.
In her sleep, Panta curled more tightly in her blanket. Morning
would come soon enough.
[ Ultimate Ninja has prevailed. But at what cost? Panta has been
saved, but will Squid Boy recognize what he saw? What of Manga Man and
his four Ninja? Of Pliable Lad and Panta? Read Tales of the LNH #287 ]
Ultimate Ninja(tm) wReam. Panta(tm) Hubert Bartels. Ninja(tm) Rival Ninja Corporation, Quagmire.
==========
Next Week: Some more JUNGLE CHEESECAKE!!!!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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<div dir=3D"ltr"><br>And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie=
archive <br>once again.<br><br><br>Here's where you can find this and = more Panta<br>Action!:<br><br><a href=3D"
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ln= h/Series/Tales.LNH/">
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/<= /a><br><br>And here are some Tales of the LNH set around the time<br>of Jun= gle Cheesecake!=C2=A0 Tales of the LNH #285-286 by<br>Hubert Bartels!<br><b= r>Is this Dr. Genebad's Time to do some very Bad Things to Genes!??<br>= (Or is it Time for Someone to do Something Very Bad to Dr.<br>Genebad?!) = =C2=A0And is time for some Three Stooges Slicing and<br>Dicing?!! =C2=A0(An=
d will Squid Boy totally get the wrong<br>impression from all this heavy sl= icing and dicing?!!!)<br><br><br><br>Find out in...<br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 _ <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Classic <br>=C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| | =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ = =C2=A0 =C2=A0_ =C2=A0 =C2=A0____ =C2=A0 =C2=A0___<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| |__ =C2=A0 | [] | =C2=A0| [] | =C2=A0| | =C2=
=A0| [] | =C2=A0| _ \ =C2=A0<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0|____| =C2=A0 \__] =C2=A0 =C2=A0\__ | =C2=A0|_| =C2=A0 \__/ =C2=
=A0 |_|\_\<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0||<br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 |_| =C2=A0OF NET.HEROES<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 ADVENTURES #392<br><br><br><br>=C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Jungle Cheesecake Part Two<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br><br><br><br><br>=
Tales of the LNH #285: Revenge of the Ninja<br><br>[ In Tales of the LNH =
#284, Manga Man was given 4 students of the Ninja<br>=C2=A0 Master Fuu Baa =
to help him kidnap the object of his sordid desires -<br>=C2=A0 the leopard= -furry girl Panta from the LNH HQ. ]<br><br> The night: Clouds rolling in f= rom the east with the moon riding low<br>in the sky. The time: Late in the = evening. The LNH HQ is still in shock<br>from losing several of its members=
in a crash of the LNH flight.thingy<br>somewhere in the jungles. [This occ= urs right after the events of Ultimate<br>Ninja #6 - HGB] The place: The bu= shes across the street from the steps<br>of the LNH.<br><br> "What are=
you waiting for," Manga Man whispered for the third<br>time to the 4 = black-clad ninja lurking beside him.<br> "Baka!" swore the female=
ninja, Shemp. "We wait for the clouds<br>to cover the face of the moo=
n. Only in complete darkness will we attack."<br> "Down," si= gnaled the largest ninja, Larry. The 4 ninja became<br>completely still. Ma= nga Man knew that the ninja were there, right next<br>to him, but they were=
now completely invisible.<br><br> A single woman walked past the bushes, h=
er purse swinging freely<br>at her side. She was unaware that she was being=
followed. Her follower<br>was a wizened little man dressed in a bloody lab=
coat and carrying a<br>large syringe. He slunk after the unsuspecting woma=
n, giggling softly. He<br>also was unaware that he was being followed.<br> =
The woman suddenly stopped and turned slowly to see the wierd<br>figure of = Doctor Genebad behind her. She screamed. The Doctor laughed<br>crazily.<br>=
SHRACK!<br> The woman watched Doctor Genebad's form vaporize.=C2=A0 A =
mysterious<br>shadowy figure stood behind the smoking remains of the crazy = doctor,<br>putting away a long barreled pistol. Just before disappearing, t=
he figure<br>murmured, "Net.justice is served."<br> The woman scr= eamed again and ran off into the night.<br><br> "Okashii na," whi= spered one of the Ninja, code-named Curly. "That<br>was strange indeed= ." He was signaled to silence again by Larry. Larry<br>looked up at th=
e night sky where the moon was now almost completely<br>covered by clouds. = "Now!" he signaled.<br> Manga Man saw, no, thought he saw four da=
rk shadows slide across<br>the road to the LNH front door. They stopped for=
a second, then pulled<br>climbing claws out of a fold in their robes and s= trapped them onto their<br>hands. Then the four black-clad ninja scaled the=
wall of the LNH HQ to<br>the second floor. One of them popped open an unlo= cked window and the four<br>disappeared inside. Manga Man checked his watch=
. It was 3:30 in the<br>morning.<br><br> Inside the LNH HQ, in an empty roo=
m, the four ninja spread out.<br>Shemp pulled out several drugged needles. = She was a master at the art of<br>fukibari-jutsu, the deadly art of blowing=
needles from the mouth.<br> "Just put them to sleep," Larry whis= pered. He drew his ninja-to,<br>his ninja sword.<br> Shemp nodded.<br> Cur=
ly checked the door. It opened onto an empty hallway. The<br>four ninja slo= wly stepped down the hallway, their weapons ready.<br> The staircase was em= pty. Larry gave a little sigh of relief.<br>Ninja were known more as spies = than as warriors; stealth and deception<br>was the ninja's forte more t= han fighting.<br> On the floor that Panta's room was on, the four ninja=
moved<br>slowly to her door. With the other three standing watch, the four= th<br>ninja, Joe, practiced his lock-picking skills with his tsuba-giri.<br=
There was a rattle and a door opened. Captain Cleanup stepped<br>into the=
hallway, rubbing his eyes.<br> Shemp turned, put the end of a needle in he=
r mouth, puffed, and<br>Captain Cleanup slumped to the floor.<br> Joe opene=
d the door. Panta rolled over. "Rowwrr?" she said sleeply<br>befo=
re Shemp puffed again and Panta returned to sleep.=C2=A0 Larry sheathed<br>= his sword, tied Panta's blanket around her and picked her up. "Fu.= "<br> "What's wrong?"<br> "We'll have to leave =
by the front. I can't climb down the wall<br>with her," Larry said=
, tucking Panta's tail into the blanket.<br> "But that means...&qu=
ot;<br> "Yes, we'll need to knock out the LNH's security syste= m."<br><br> In the Monitoring Room, Multi-Tasking Man yawned. This was=
the<br>most boring time of the night. Everyone was asleep so he couldn'= ;t<br>MUD with anyone, the IRC was quiet, and he didn't want to leave t= he<br>chair to get another stack of comics. So he read alt.fan.rush-limburg= h,<br>composed an article on why Nathan and Cable had nothing to with each<= br>other, peeled the hologram cover off Uncanny X-Men #300 and slumped<br>i=
n his chair when Shemp's needle struck him.<br> "Quickly now,"=
; Larry urged. He shifted Panta's weight to his<br>other shoulder.<br> =
"Just a moment now," Curly said. He flicked off banks of switches= ,<br>powered off the warning systems, turned off the cameras and erased the= <br>videotapes. "There."<br> "Just the front lobby and we= 9;re done." said Shemp. Out of needles,<br>she pulled a small weighted=
chain with a sickle end out of her robes.<br><br> The receptionist never k=
new what hit him. There he was, watching<br>the empty room, listening the s= nores of the Curly under the receptionist's<br>desk. [The Proto-Stimpy = Curly, a possible member of Net.Patrol, not the<br>similiarly named ninja -=
HGB]<br> Then a hand grabbed him by the neck and pinched. The receptionist=
<br>collapsed. Joe stood up and looked around. "That's it. I hadn&= #39;t expected<br>the LNH to have someone here at all.<br> "That's=
not all you didn't expect," came a voice from the shadows<br>near=
the ceiling. "My ultimate ninja skills detected you when you entered<= br>the building."<br> Shemp gasped.<br> A dark shadow dropped from the=
ceiling to stand in front of the<br>four ninja. The Ultimate Ninja! He sto=
od up and bowed to the shocked<br>ninja. "And now..." He pulled o=
ut his Ginsu Ninja sword.<br> "You! You traitor to ninja everywhere!&q= uot; Joe cursed.<br> "Kisama!" Shemp swore. "I personally wi= ll strike off your head<br>in the name of the BigToe Clan!" She spun t=
he end of her weighted chain.<br> Larry dropped Panta to the floor and pull=
ed out his ninja-to.<br>"My name is Larry. You killed my father! Prepa=
re to die!"<br> "Eat this!" Curly said, pulling out a handfu= l of poisoned<br>shuriken.<br> The Ultimate Ninja smiled behind his mask.<b=
Panta, wrapped in her blanket, slept on.<br> The five ninja shouted as o=
ne and jumped into battle!<br><br>[ For the conclusion of this battle, see = Tales of the LNH #286. Coming<br>=C2=A0 soon. ]<br><br>Panta(tm) Hubert Bar= tels, even if she spent this issue asleep. The Ultimate<br>Ninja(tm) wReam,=
and thanks for allowing me to use him. Tales of the LNH #286<br>concludes = before Ultimate Ninja #7, for you continuity freaks. And I know<br>who you = are.<br><br><br> Tales of the LNH #286: Attack of the Ninja<br><br>[ In Ta=
les of the LNH #285, 4 Ninja from the Ninja Master Fuu Baa infiltrated<br>= =C2=A0 LNH HQ to kidnap the leopard- girl Panta for Manga Man. On their way=
out,<br>=C2=A0 they found their exit blocked by that master of the black N= inja Arts, the<br>=C2=A0 Ultimate Ninja. To escape, they would have to kill=
Ultimate Ninja.<br><br> The first splash page covers two pages. The scene =
is the marble floored<br>lobby of the LNH, leather waiting chairs, reflecti=
ng pool and receptionist's<br>desk.=C2=A0 In the front, tucked into a b= lanket, with her tail hanging out and a<br>glimpse of her furry breasts, is=
Panta. Asleep. To the right, jumping into the<br>attack with his drawn Gin=
su blade, is Ultimate Ninja. To the left, leaping into<br>battle are the fo=
ur Ninja from the Umeshita Temple; Joe, with his Hands of<br>Death(tm), Lar= ry, with a long black Ninja sword, Curly with a handful of glit-<br>tering = steel shuriken, and Shemp, the female ninja, swinging a weighted chain.<br>=
<br> "KISAMAAAAAAA!!!!!!" shouted Joe as he sprung into the air, =
his hands<br>ready to disembowel Ultimate Ninja for the glory of the BigToe=
Clan.<br> "KOROSUUUUUU!!!!!!" shouted Larry, his sword pulled al=
l the way over<br>his head for the single blow that would split Ninja like =
a coconut under a<br>cleaver.<br> "SHINUUU!!!" cried Curly as he =
threw his handful of poisoned shuriken.<br> "Gyaaaaaaaa!!!!" scre=
amed Shemp as she jumped aside to avoid getting<br>split, poisoned, or dise= mboweled by her compatriots.<br><br> Ultimate Ninja barely parried the flyi= ng shuriken. His sword flickered<br>as he sent the shuriken into the walls = and floor of the LNH lobby. He avoided<br>Joe's stroke, twisting his bo= dy. Larry's sword barely touched him, leaving a<br>long gash on his arm= .<br> The combatants touched down, turned and sprung into the air again.<br= >This time, Ultimate Ninja reached out lightly with the tip of his sword,<b= r>cutting the tendons of Curly's hand. Curly crashed to the floor, scre= aming as<br>he tried to keep from bleeding to death. Red blood splattered a= cross the<br>marble and carpet.<br> But Larry's sword again left its ma=
rk; a long cut along Ultimate<br>Ninja's side. A thin thread of blood w= elled up, staining Ultimate Ninja's<br>black giri.<br> The combatants l=
anded and turned. They paused for a moment to<br>study each other.<br> &quo= t;Very good," Ultimate Ninja laughed. "But not good enough to kil=
l me."<br> A whimper from Curly, who was still writhing on the floor. = Then he<br>passed out.<br> Larry raised the tip of his ninja-to. "Now =
that we have the prelim-<br>inaries out of the way, let me personally welco=
me you to hell." He motioned<br>with his hand, keep back. "Ultima=
te Ninja, for killing my father, for<br>burning my house down, for stealing=
my teddy bear, I will take your head."<br> "Was that me?" U=
ltimate Ninja laughed. "But all ninja look alike<br>in the dark."=
<br> "You will die." Larry rushed Ultimate Ninja, his sword over =
his<br>head, ready to cut Ultimate Ninja straight down the middle.<br><br> =
Down in a darkened hallway, lights came on inside the LNH Coke Machine.<br>= Manga Man had placed one of his minions inside the Coke Machine to spy on t= he<br>LNH and Panta. Now the shouting and crash of steel had woken the mini= on. He<br>turned on the power and the LNH Coke Machine rolled down the hall= way to the<br>sounds of battle.<br><br> Larry's charge brought him righ=
t up to Ultimate Ninja. At the very<br>last second, Ultimate Ninja stepped = aside and tripped the charging ninja. As<br>Larry began his descent to the = floor, Ultimate Ninja swung his sword like a<br>baseball bat. Using the fla=
t of his blade, Ultimate Ninja knocked Larry out.<br>With a skittering soun=
d, Larry's blade slid across the LNH lobby.<br> Ultimate Ninja turned s=
uddenly and raised his blade. Shemp had stepped<br>closer, swinging her wei= ghed chain. Before the Ultimate Ninja could react,<br>she had tossed the ch= ain, entangled the Ginsu blade, and was pulling Ultimate<br>Ninja toward he=
r and her razor-sharp sickle blade. She was laughing.<br> Ultimate Ninja on=
ly had seconds to react. Joe was moving as well, his<br>Hands of Death(tm) = poised.<br> He yanked on his sword and the chain. pulling Shemp towards him=
. She<br>stumbled towards him, losing her balance. He met her with a fist i=
n her<br>stomach and a lightning fast grab and toss that threw her unconsci= ous body<br>into the LNH lobby's reflecting pool. Then he spun on his t= oes like a ballet<br>dancer, ready to take on the murderous Joe. He paused,=
one foot raised in<br>the air, the other tucked underneath himself, a hand=
raised in the air.<br> "Hah! Your 'Heron and Frog' style kung= -fu is no match for my 'Claws<br>of the Tiger' style," boasted=
Joe as he curled his hands into claws.<br> Joe jumped at Ultimate Ninja. U=
ltimate Ninja sprung into the air<br>and kicked Joe clear over the receptio= nist's desk.<br> "Ha hah yourself, you fool!", Ultimate Ninja=
shouted. "That wasn't<br>'Heron and Frog style, that was '= ;Crane and Fish' style kung-fu."<br> Joe started to stand up, murd= er in his eyes.<br><br> The minion in the LNH Coke machine stopped just out= side of the LNH<br>lobby. It was a frightening sight. Of the four ninja who=
had crept inside<br>the LNH Headquarters building, only Joe was still stan= ding. Shaky, perhaps,<br>but still standing. The minion had to do something=
. He cautiously opened the<br>door to the Coke Machine and armed himself.<b= r><br> Ultimate Ninja smiled behind his mask. One more high Chun-Li type ki= ck<br>and Joe would go down like a rotten tree. He didn't see the minio=
n crawling<br>closer; every facet of his Ninja powers was directed to his o= pponent.<br>Ultimate Ninja jumped into the air. His kick knocked Joe back i= nto a lobby<br>chair. Joe flipped over the chair and crashed to the floor.<=
Ultimate Ninja laughed. He strode up to his defeated foe. "They<br=
should never have sent children to do a ninja's job."<br> Joe sta=
rted to get up again.<br> Ultimate Ninja never saw the 12 fluid ounce can o=
f Big K Grape Soda<br>coming. The last thing he was thinking as he blacked = out was, "Hey, not fair.<br>I was winning."<br><br> Ultimate Ninj= a groaned. Slowly consciousness returned. He sat up and<br>looked around. T=
he four bodies were gone. The LNH Coke Machine was sitting<br>in the middle=
of the lobby, its door open, empty. The front door of the LNH<br>was open.=
Faint drops of blood showed where the four ninja had gone. Ultimate<br>Nin=
ja suddenly became aware of the pain from his cuts; he decided to let the<b= r>four ninja go and to see to his wounds. He stood up and turned.<br> And t= ripped over Panta's sleeping form. Ultimate Ninja fell to<br>the floor = besides Panta.<br> "Mowrrr," Panta purred in her sleep. She reach=
ed out and pulled<br>Ultimate Ninja closer to her, cuddling herself around = him. Sleeply, she<br>rubbed her face against his side.<br> The Ultimate Nin=
ja pushed gently against Panta, pulling himself<br>out of her embrace. It t= ook a few moments; Panta was stronger than he<br>thought and he had been we= akened by his wounds.<br> When he stood up, a noise behind him caught his a=
ttention. He<br>turned to see Squid Boy staring at him from a open doorway.=
The door<br>slammed shut.<br> "Well, that's that," Ultimate = Ninja thought. "Nothing I can do<br>about it now. I'd better go se=
e Organic Lass or Doctor Stomper." He<br>walked slowly across the empt=
y lobby to the stairs, leaving a few<br>faint drops of blood.<br> "I w=
onder who the h*ll those ninja were..." he mused as he<br>disappeared = upstairs.<br><br> In her sleep, Panta curled more tightly in her blanket. M=
orning<br>would come soon enough.<br><br> [ Ultimate Ninja has prevailed. B=
ut at what cost? Panta has been<br>saved, but will Squid Boy recognize what=
he saw? What of Manga Man and<br>his four Ninja? Of Pliable Lad and Panta?=
Read Tales of the LNH #287 ]<br><br>Ultimate Ninja(tm) wReam. Panta(tm) Hu= bert Bartels. Ninja(tm) Rival Ninja<br>Corporation, Quagmire.<br><br><br><b= r>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Next Week: =C2=A0Some more JUNGLE C= HEESECAKE!!!!!<br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Arthur "Sa=
me Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer = <br><br><br></div>
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