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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and more NTB One Shots:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/One.Shots/
And it's the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator.
Part Forty is by Paul "Withnail" Hardy.
Part Forty-One is by Dan'l "Shade the" Danehy-Oakes
Is it time for Dan Clowes to do a comic about the Return
of Chicago?! And should anyone do something to stop this
Netromancer guy?!
Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
Find out in...
C L A S S I C
N E T T R E N C H C O A T B R I G A D E
A D V E N T U R E S #383
=====================
W R A T H O F T H E A D M I N I S T R A T O R
Part Twenty-Five
=====================
P A R T F O R T Y
---------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chicago returned with a dull thud and an unsettled thirst. Buildings and people repeated the Paris experience, except without the flair and
artistry
that Paris had managed; Chicago simply growled, checked the box to see how badly the Bears were doing and started complaining about things again. Dan Clowes thought briefly about doing a comic on the subject, but dismissed the whole thing as too weird. In a bar on no particular side of the city, the
few
people who knew exactly what had happened were in nothing like a good mood.
The Bucket remained quiet for a time. The Barman considered a new
job,
possibly in somewhere less weird. Maybe an extra in Twin Peaks. He`d just
spent
the last few hours as a receptionist, and was beginning to wonder what the management were putting in the drinks today. He took a pint glass and filled it, eyes shaking in their sockets, with whisky, and nearly got as far as drinking it. A man wearing a tatty trenchcoat and a stubble-stained grimace below his thinning hair snatched it first and drained a good half of it, and gave it back with a far steadier hand. Withnail grimaced again for a while
as
the alcohol started to reestablish synaptic connections dead since he last drank; he looked over to the rest of the bar, where a large portion of the trenchcoat brigade were recovering from the recent ordeal, and surmised that the whole thing had solved itself without any intervention from him, which annoyed him mildly. He managed to get very annoyed indeed by the time the
other
Trenchcoats had recovered.
Kid Anarky returned from the nightmare and discovered he was still wearing a pink trenchcoat. This was turning out to be a really bad day. He`d spent the last few hours wandering around the office trying to use his power
to do things to it, but not much had happened apart from the sudden rain of
an extinct species of frog through the sprinkler system. Rather messy. He looked around again to see where all the bright lights had taken him this
time.
Oh, back here, he groaned to himself and wished he were fighting someone in
a
costume. The Constantines recovered their wits with reasonable speed,
although
recovering their sense of humour was to take a rather longer time. Kit, remarkably unadorned with wounds, began to seriously consider changing his
name permanently to Ex-Kit, taking a plane to Australia and hiding under
Ayers
Rock. The Question rose and looked about the bar, noting the slow upheaval
of
previously unconscious trenchcoaters, trying to dismiss the last few hours
as
a chaos-induced hallucination, and looking for a particular trenchcoat he wanted to have a few, lengthy words with.
"Damnation! Can`t he ever stay in the same place for a few hours!"
he
shouted in frustrated anger, waking his dog, which yelped and stood,
seriously
disturbing some of the awakening denizens of the Bucket.
"You still looking for that Singh fellow?" asked Withnail. The
Question
stalked over ThingFish to the bar.
"Bloody right I am! This keeps on happening..." The dog, which
Withnail noticed with some apprehension, padded over to the bar, onto it,
and
started lapping whisky out of the barman`s pint glass. The barman naturally chose this point in time to depart from consciousness.
"You should`ve got all that sorted out years ago. I would`ve."
"Yeah, thanks, less of the sarcastic comments. Just tell me one
thing.
What the hell happened?"
"Bloody cock-up. As bloody usual." Much of the NTB was on it`s feet,
or the jelly-like equivalents of such, by now. Heads were being scratched,
an
infinity of pockets were being searched, and GrimSloth was trying not to attract anyone`s attention. Elric stood, checked that his trechcoat was back with him, and spoke.
"I know what happened." said Elric in an unusually serious and grim tone. "Someone created a dimension of infinite office space and rented it
to
the whole of Chicago. Us and the rest of the city have spent the last few
hours
wandering aimlessly around a nightmare plane."
"So? Why did it fold? I didn`t do anything," said LJC, lifting Kit
up
off the floor.
"No. That was me and Net.Thing. I got sucked into the office`s net
the
hard way, and _Stormbringer_ got turned into a film prop. I used the chaos
to
detonate the reality, and _Stormbringer_ told me what it was when it`d
finished taking it apart. And-" looking at GrimSloth with a dangerous look- "how it got here." Eyes turned, without much persuasion, to Grim, who
started
considering flight as a serious option.
Withnail left his stool. "It was that briefcase, wasn`t it? You
bought
that thing in here and that`s what bloody started it!" He walked to Grim
with
speed and grabbed him before he could squirm away.
"Yeah, what was he doing with it, anyway?" asked ThingFish.
"I saw the sigil of the Office on it..." remarked Some Irish Guy.
"It`s his fault!" accused Stubby Jim.
"It was him all along. I bloody knew it." said LJC.
"No! It`s all a mistake! I just-" protested GrimSloth, sweat
starting
to break out in waterfalls.
"Bloody traitor. Thinks he can put one over on us, does he?" said Mouse.
"Listen, it was Burak Racey-"
"Oh, he`s your contact is he?"
"No, just listen for once-"
Withnail pushed GrimSloth into the wall with a thud, as the Brigade closed in, wrath being their sole wish and preoccupation. "This is turning
out
to be really familiar..." said Professor Esoteric, and was ignored. NTBers, starting to find various lynching implements, pressed in on GrimSloth.
"You little bastard. We`ll sort you out." said Withnail with a sneer and a grin of approaching cruelty.
"Loans Officers... Harrisburg... Guest.Bot... left... Munden`s..." choked GrimSloth in no particular order. It was no good. They just weren`t going to listen to reason. This required the ultimate sacrifice.
"OKAY! I`LL BUY YOU ALL A DRINK!!!" Withnail let him down.
"Well why didn`t you bloody say so in the first place? Mine`s a
double whisky. Chin-chin."
There was a gust of wind, a chill that struck the Bucket like an
Arctic wind in the Sahara; and a figure was stood in the doorway. "I take it you have finished?"
"Who...?" asked the barman, who had just recovered and had been starting to get the hang of things again before this person had entered.
"Once, I would have bought a drink from you, would have talked animatedly about last night`s football game, would have collapsed in a
drunken heap. Once I would have socialised extensively. But now I must remain.... A-"
"ALRIGHT! WE *KNOW*!!!"
The Stranger looked mildly disappointed. "Suffice it to say that
whilst you are wasting your time here, the world continues to be strangled
by
the terrible bonds of bureaucracy, and none can tear it`s grasp from the world."
Some Irish Guy looked puzzled. "I thought we just got rid of it?"
"You merely freed yourselves, and the city of Chicago. Turn on the television." Kit reached over the insensible barman and did so.
"-and here`s the midday news on NBC-"
"Midday? Wasn`t it about 9ish when the thing went off?"
"Shhh!"
"-Today saw the introduction of vast new filing systems to
accomodate
the influx of new forms into the governmental system. Citizens should apply
to their local authorities to apply for the application forms so that they
can
be entered into the filing system as smoothly as possible. There are seven forms that are required-" Kit turned it off.
"Okay, so we`ve got some more headaches. Anything else?" asked LJC.
"Merely that you have been prisoners of the office for longer than
you think. It has been two months since the Universal Office began to
implement it`s plans for world organisation; already there is little left
that
stands in it`s way."
"Oh, brilliant. Just wonderful. Amazing. Any suggestions?"
"I must leave now. There are many matters that require my
attention..."
He faded from view.
"So. What are we going to doo?" asked Yo-yo. There were blank expressions all round.
"Look, let`s go to Munden`s. It`s in alt.cynosure, so it should be relatively safe. We can work out something from there." said GrimSloth.
"Plus
you all get a free drink, of course." He sighed. This was getting to be a really bad day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by
enubf@csv.warwick.ac.uk
P A R T F O R T Y - O N E
---------------------------------------
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Willy Watson wiped the sweat from his forehead to keep it from getting
into his eyes. He really could not afford to be running blind, since that Thing, whatever it was, could be right behind him. It first appeared
after he had stuffed twenty or so conflicting messages through the system.
Someone must have figured out where the confusion was coming from, and
sent that... whatever... to straighten it out. And only after about a
score of mangled messages. Damn, this place was efficient. Too
efficient. Will turned sideways and ran with his inertia into the push
bar of the stairwell door. He slammed into the dimly lit shaft and
proceeded to take the stairs in twos and threes. He could not shake the
image of what he had just seen.
He had sent a note to the Vice President in charge of Efficiency about a shipment of guava juice being delayed a week, when he felt a low rumbling coming towards him. When he had looked down the hallway, he stared unblinkingly as a ripple of expansion rolled towards him at an alarming
rate. The boundaries of the hall were dissipating, and the whole place
was expanding into nothing. Will was not sure what effect this would have
on him, but he was not about to stand around to find out. So he did what
any sane person would have done. He ran like hell.
Now, what Willy did not know was that he was probably better off staying
right where he was. You see, the wave of expansion was simply the
officeverse reverting Chicago to its normal (or, at least what passes for normal; it was Chicago, after all) state of being. It had nothing to do
with the office discovering his actions, as its systems were too expansive
to notice his efforts. If Will had stayed where he was, he would have
been simply returned home. But, as I said, Will knew none of this and ran
like hell. Two minutes and uncountable flights of stairs later, Willy
caught up with Shade, which was a good thing for Willy, since the
expansion had about caught up with him.
Shade had heard Will's heavy footfalls and gasping breath coming up the
stairs behind him, and had braced himself at a landing, just in case it
was some nasty the office had sent after him. A little paranoia goes a
long way to keeping alive. When he saw Will come around on the lower
landing, he only had a split second to keep from sending a surge of pure
binary through the young boy's weary frame. Then he only had another
split second to realize that Will was falling into emptiness, and then he
was falling, too.
As the ripple of expansion passed Shade, he did not stop falling. In fact,
had he ever been to Chicago before, he would have recognized the Sears
tower whisking by at nine-point-eight-meters-per-second-squared. This was decidedly a position he did not wish to find himself in. Shade channeled
the Surge Stream through his coat, mapping the curve of z=1/x below Will
and himself, effectively creating a slide which would catch them and slow
their descent enough that they wouldn't go 'splat' all over the nice clean asphalt. It would have been a perfect plan, had Shade remembered to
account for the fact that he was in the middle of a city, and there were buildings he had to worry about running into.
After Shade and Will peeled themselves off of the wall, Shade stumbled to
his feet, rubbing his side. Will just lay on the ground in complete exhaustion.
"What the HELL was THAT all about??!!" Will asked as he rolled over onto
his back.
"Near as I can figure, Chicago is now back to its normal state of affairs.
One of the others must have done it, because I don't think I did anything,
and I really don't think the Netromancer would have reverted the city
after all the trouble he had gone to to trap us there in the first place."
Shade looked around, trying desperately to get his bearings in a city he
had never been in before in his life.
"The others WHO? And who is this 'Netromancer' guy?" Will enquired,
certain already that he really did not want to hear the answers.
"The other trenchcoaters. Not exactly a sociable bunch, but not so bad on
an individual basis. The Netromancer's the guy responsible for all this
mess. Chicago as an office and all that. He keeps killing me, too, and
it's getting really annoying. Don't suppose you have a line on any soon-to-be-dormant bodies? Preferably not something too mangled?"
"Er, no, not really." Willy stood up slowly with his back to the wall and
his eyes warily focused on Shade.
"I didn't think so. Oh, well. Do you know where we are?"
"Yeah, sure." Will felt his head spin as he tried to digest all that had happened to him in the last couple of hours (his time). "Uh, I suppose
you're planning on doing something to stop this Netromancer."
"I guess I kinda should. I mean, I'm sure the others are on it and all,
but they might need help. I should probably try and meet them at the
source of all this." Shade pondered the complexities of finding the
Universal Office from where he was.
Will strengthened his resolve and stated "I'm going with you. You could
use the help, you won't know where you are without me, and it beats
bagging groceries." Will winced as he awaited Shade's protest.
"Huhm? Oh, sure. The more the merrier. Where's the nearest post
office?"
Although this sort of response was not exactly what he expected, Will
decided not to tempt fate, and didn't question it one bit.
When they got to the post office, Shade turned to Will, "I'm a bit short
on funds, so to speak. We need a post paid envelope."
Will certainly did not understand what this had to do with stopping the Netromancer, but he decided to just buy the envelope and be done with it.
It wasn't quite that easy.
"Have you filled out form e-37 in triplicate? You need to fill out form
e-37 in triplicate before you buy an envelope. And you need form s-62 for
a first class postage stamp." Things had gotten pretty bad while Chicago
was in the office.
"And where do I get these forms?" Will asked, certain whatever Shade was planning was not worth the effort.
"Line 559,320. Next."
Several hours, lines, and forms later, Will and Shade had their prize.
"This better be good," Will grumpled.
"It should get us right into the office," Shade said, scrawling an
address on the envelope. "Now, let me concentrate a moment...."
Shade focused the Surge Stream into the envelope. He mathematically
redefined the space around himself and Will as being inside the envelope.
The envelope plopped down onto the counter with the proper forms for
delivery, which Shade had the forthought to fill out in advance. A postal clerk eventually noticed the envelope, read the address "Netromancer, c/o
the Universal Office," gathered the paperwork, and mailed Shade and Will
on their way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by
danl@wam.umd.edu
==========
Next Week: More NTB Fun with Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Six!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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<div dir=3D"ltr">And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie arc= hive <br>once again.<br><br><br>Here's where you can find this and more=
NTB One Shots:<br><br><a href=3D"
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/One.S= hots/">
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/One.Shots/</a><br><br><br><br>An=
d it's the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator.<br>Part Forty i=
s by Paul "Withnail" Hardy.<br>Part Forty-One is by Dan'l &qu= ot;Shade the" Danehy-Oakes<br><br>Is it time for Dan Clowes to do a co= mic about the Return<br>of Chicago?!=C2=A0 And should anyone do something t=
o stop this <br>Netromancer guy?! =C2=A0<br><br>Anyone? =C2=A0<br><br>Anyon=
e? =C2=A0<br><br>Bueller?<br><br><br><br>Find out in...<br><br><br><br><br>= <br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0C L A S S I C<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 N E T =C2=A0T R E N C H C=
O A T =C2=A0B R I G A D E<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 A D =
V E N T U R E S =C2=A0#383<br><br><br><br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 W R A T H =C2=A0O F =C2=A0T H E =C2=A0A D M I N I S T=
R A T O R<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Part Twenty-Five<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>= =C2=A0 =C2=A0 <br><br><br> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 P =C2=A0A =
=C2=A0R =C2=A0T =C2=A0 =C2=A0F =C2=A0O =C2=A0R =C2=A0T =C2=A0Y<br>=C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 -----------------------=
----<br><br><br>-----------------------------------------------------------= --------------------<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Chicago returned wi=
th a dull thud and an unsettled thirst. Buildings<br>and people repeated th=
e Paris experience, except without the flair and artistry<br>that Paris had=
managed; Chicago simply growled, checked the box to see how <br>badly the = Bears were doing and started complaining about things again. Dan<br>Clowes = thought briefly about doing a comic on the subject, but dismissed the<br>wh= ole thing as too weird. In a bar on no particular side of the city, the few= <br>people who knew exactly what had happened were in nothing like a good m= ood.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The Bucket remained quiet for a time. T=
he Barman considered a new job,<br>possibly in somewhere less weird. Maybe =
an extra in Twin Peaks. He`d just spent<br>the last few hours as a receptio= nist, and was beginning to wonder what the<br>management were putting in th=
e drinks today. He took a pint glass and filled<br>it, eyes shaking in thei=
r sockets, with whisky, and nearly got as far as <br>drinking it. A man wea= ring a tatty trenchcoat and a stubble-stained grimace<br>below his thinning=
hair snatched it first and drained a good half of it, and<br>gave it back = with a far steadier hand. Withnail grimaced again for a while as<br>the alc= ohol started to reestablish synaptic connections dead since he last<br>dran=
k; he looked over to the rest of the bar, where a large portion of the<br>t= renchcoat brigade were recovering from the recent ordeal, and surmised that= <br>the whole thing had solved itself without any intervention from him, wh= ich<br>annoyed him mildly. He managed to get very annoyed indeed by the tim=
e the other<br>Trenchcoats had recovered.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Ki=
d Anarky returned from the nightmare and discovered he was still <br>wearin=
g a pink trenchcoat. This was turning out to be a really bad day. He`d<br>s= pent the last few hours wandering around the office trying to use his power= <br>to do things to it, but not much had happened apart from the sudden rai=
n of<br>an extinct species of frog through the sprinkler system. Rather mes= sy. He <br>looked around again to see where all the bright lights had taken=
him this time.<br>Oh, back here, he groaned to himself and wished he were = fighting someone in a<br>costume. The Constantines recovered their wits wit=
h reasonable speed, although<br>recovering their sense of humour was to tak=
e a rather longer time. Kit,<br>remarkably unadorned with wounds, began to = seriously consider changing his<br>name permanently to Ex-Kit, taking a pla=
ne to Australia and hiding under Ayers<br>Rock. The Question rose and looke=
d about the bar, noting the slow upheaval of<br>previously unconscious tren= chcoaters, trying to dismiss the last few hours as<br>a chaos-induced hallu= cination, and looking for a particular trenchcoat he <br>wanted to have a f= ew, lengthy words with.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Damnation! Can=
`t he ever stay in the same place for a few hours!" he<br>shouted in f= rustrated anger, waking his dog, which yelped and stood, seriously<br>distu= rbing some of the awakening denizens of the Bucket.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 "You still looking for that Singh fellow?" asked Withnail=
. The Question<br>stalked over ThingFish to the bar. <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 "Bloody right I am! This keeps on happening..." The do=
g, which<br>Withnail noticed with some apprehension, padded over to the bar=
, onto it, and<br>started lapping whisky out of the barman`s pint glass. Th=
e barman naturally<br>chose this point in time to depart from consciousness= .<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "You should`ve got all that sorted ou=
t years ago. I would`ve."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yeah, t= hanks, less of the sarcastic comments. Just tell me one thing.<br>What the = hell happened?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Bloody cock-up. A=
s bloody usual." Much of the NTB was on it`s feet,<br>or the jelly-lik=
e equivalents of such, by now. Heads were being scratched, an<br>infinity o=
f pockets were being searched, and GrimSloth was trying not to<br>attract a= nyone`s attention. Elric stood, checked that his trechcoat was back<br>with=
him, and spoke.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I know what happened.= " said Elric in an unusually serious and grim<br>tone. "Someone c= reated a dimension of infinite office space and rented it to <br>the whole =
of Chicago. Us and the rest of the city have spent the last few hours<br>wa= ndering aimlessly around a nightmare plane."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 "So? Why did it fold? I didn`t do anything," said LJC, lif= ting Kit up<br>off the floor.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "No. That=
was me and Net.Thing. I got sucked into the office`s net the<br>hard way, = and _Stormbringer_ got turned into a film prop. I used the chaos to<br>deto= nate the reality, and _Stormbringer_ told me what it was when it`d<br>finis= hed taking it apart. And-" looking at GrimSloth with a dangerous look-= <br>"how it got here." Eyes turned, without much persuasion, to G= rim, who started<br>considering flight as a serious option.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Withnail left his stool. "It was that briefcase, was= n`t it? You bought<br>that thing in here and that`s what bloody started it!= " He walked to Grim with<br>speed and grabbed him before he could squi=
rm away.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yeah, what was he doing with = it, anyway?" asked ThingFish.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I s=
aw the sigil of the Office on it..." remarked Some Irish Guy.<br>=C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "It`s his fault!" accused Stubby Jim.<br= >=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "It was him all along. I bloody knew it.&= quot; said LJC. <br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "No! It`s all a mistak=
e! I just-" protested GrimSloth, sweat starting <br>to break out in wa= terfalls.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Bloody traitor. Thinks he ca=
n put one over on us, does he?" said<br>Mouse.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 "Listen, it was Burak Racey-"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 "Oh, he`s your contact is he?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
"No, just listen for once-"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Withn= ail pushed GrimSloth into the wall with a thud, as the Brigade<br>closed in=
, wrath being their sole wish and preoccupation. "This is turning out<= br>to be really familiar..." said Professor Esoteric, and was ignored.=
NTBers,<br>starting to find various lynching implements, pressed in on Gri= mSloth.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "You little bastard. We`ll sort=
you out." said Withnail with a sneer<br>and a grin of approaching cru= elty.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Loans Officers... Harrisburg... = Guest.Bot... left... Munden`s..." <br>choked GrimSloth in no particula=
r order. It was no good. They just weren`t<br>going to listen to reason. Th=
is required the ultimate sacrifice.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "OK= AY! I`LL BUY YOU ALL A DRINK!!!" Withnail let him down.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Well why didn`t you bloody say so in the first plac=
e? Mine`s a<br>double whisky. Chin-chin."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 There was a gust of wind, a chill that struck the Bucket like an<br>Arc= tic wind in the Sahara; and a figure was stood in the doorway. "I take=
it<br>you have finished?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Who...= ?" asked the barman, who had just recovered and had been <br>starting =
to get the hang of things again before this person had entered. <br>=C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Once, I would have bought a drink from you, woul=
d have talked<br>animatedly about last night`s football game, would have co= llapsed in a<br>drunken heap. Once I would have socialised extensively. But=
now I must <br>remain.... A-"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "AL= RIGHT! WE *KNOW*!!!"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The Stranger looke=
d mildly disappointed. "Suffice it to say that<br>whilst you are wasti=
ng your time here, the world continues to be strangled by<br>the terrible b= onds of bureaucracy, and none can tear it`s grasp from the<br>world."<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Some Irish Guy looked puzzled. "I thoug=
ht we just got rid of it?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "You me= rely freed yourselves, and the city of Chicago. Turn on the<br>television.&= quot; Kit reached over the insensible barman and did so.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "-and here`s the midday news on NBC-"<br>=C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Midday? Wasn`t it about 9ish when the thing went of= f?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Shhh!"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "-Today saw the introduction of vast new filing systems =
to accomodate<br>the influx of new forms into the governmental system. Citi= zens should apply<br>to their local authorities to apply for the applicatio=
n forms so that they can<br>be entered into the filing system as smoothly a=
s possible. There are seven<br>forms that are required-" Kit turned it=
off.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Okay, so we`ve got some more hea= daches. Anything else?" asked LJC.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 &quo= t;Merely that you have been prisoners of the office for longer than<br>you = think. It has been two months since the Universal Office began to <br>imple= ment it`s plans for world organisation; already there is little left that<b= r>stands in it`s way."<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Oh, brilli= ant. Just wonderful. Amazing. Any suggestions?"<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 "I must leave now. There are many matters that require my a= ttention..."<br>He faded from view.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 &qu= ot;So. What are we going to doo?" asked Yo-yo. There were blank <br>ex= pressions all round.<br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Look, let`s go to=
Munden`s. It`s in alt.cynosure, so it should be<br>relatively safe. We can=
work out something from there." said GrimSloth. "Plus<br>you all=
get a free drink, of course." He sighed. This was getting to be a<br>= really bad day.<br><br>----------------------------------------------------= ---------------------------<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 by <a href= =3D"mailto:
enubf@csv.warwick.ac.uk">
enubf@csv.warwick.ac.uk</a><br><br><br>= <br><br> =C2=A0 P =C2=A0A =C2=A0R =C2=A0T =C2=A0 =C2=A0F =C2=A0O =C2=A0R =
=C2=A0T =C2=A0Y =C2=A0- =C2=A0O =C2=A0N =C2=A0E<br> =C2=A0 --------------=
-------------------------<br><br><br>--------------------------------------= -----------------------------------------<br><br>Willy Watson wiped the swe=
at from his forehead to keep it from getting =C2=A0<br>into his eyes.=C2=A0=
He really could not afford to be running blind, since that =C2=A0<br>Thing=
, whatever it was, could be right behind him.=C2=A0 It first appeared =C2= =A0<br>after he had stuffed twenty or so conflicting messages through the s= ystem. =C2=A0 <br>Someone must have figured out where the confusion was com= ing from, and =C2=A0<br>sent that... whatever... to straighten it out.=C2=
=A0 And only after about a =C2=A0<br>score of mangled messages.=C2=A0 Damn,=
this place was efficient.=C2=A0 Too =C2=A0<br>efficient.=C2=A0 Will turned=
sideways and ran with his inertia into the push =C2=A0<br>bar of the stair= well door.=C2=A0 He slammed into the dimly lit shaft and =C2=A0<br>proceede=
d to take the stairs in twos and threes.=C2=A0 He could not shake the =C2= =A0<br>image of what he had just seen.<br><br>He had sent a note to the Vic=
e President in charge of Efficiency about a =C2=A0<br>shipment of guava jui=
ce being delayed a week, when he felt a low rumbling =C2=A0<br>coming towar=
ds him.=C2=A0 When he had looked down the hallway, he stared =C2=A0<br>unbl= inkingly as a ripple of expansion rolled towards him at an alarming =C2=A0<= br>rate.=C2=A0 The boundaries of the hall were dissipating, and the whole p= lace =C2=A0<br>was expanding into nothing.=C2=A0 Will was not sure what eff= ect this would have =C2=A0<br>on him, but he was not about to stand around =
to find out.=C2=A0 So he did what =C2=A0<br>any sane person would have done= .=C2=A0 He ran like hell.<br><br>Now, what Willy did not know was that he w=
as probably better off staying =C2=A0<br>right where he was.=C2=A0 You see,=
the wave of expansion was simply the =C2=A0<br>officeverse reverting Chica=
go to its normal (or, at least what passes for =C2=A0<br>normal; it was Chi= cago, after all) state of being.=C2=A0 It had nothing to do =C2=A0<br>with = the office discovering his actions, as its systems were too expansive =C2= =A0<br>to notice his efforts.=C2=A0 If Will had stayed where he was, he wou=
ld have =C2=A0<br>been simply returned home.=C2=A0 But, as I said, Will kne=
w none of this and ran =C2=A0<br>like hell.=C2=A0 Two minutes and uncountab=
le flights of stairs later, Willy =C2=A0<br>caught up with Shade, which was=
a good thing for Willy, since the =C2=A0<br>expansion had about caught up = with him. =C2=A0<br><br>Shade had heard Will's heavy footfalls and gasp= ing breath coming up the =C2=A0<br>stairs behind him, and had braced himsel=
f at a landing, just in case it =C2=A0<br>was some nasty the office had sen=
t after him.=C2=A0 A little paranoia goes a =C2=A0<br>long way to keeping a= live.=C2=A0 When he saw Will come around on the lower =C2=A0<br>landing, he=
only had a split second to keep from sending a surge of pure =C2=A0<br>bin= ary through the young boy's weary frame.=C2=A0 Then he only had another=
=C2=A0<br>split second to realize that Will was falling into emptiness, an=
d then he =C2=A0<br>was falling, too.<br><br>As the ripple of expansion pas= sed Shade, he did not stop falling.=C2=A0 In fact, =C2=A0<br>had he ever be=
en to Chicago before, he would have recognized the Sears =C2=A0<br>tower wh= isking by at nine-point-eight-meters-per-second-squared.=C2=A0 This was =C2= =A0<br>decidedly a position he did not wish to find himself in.=C2=A0 Shade=
channeled =C2=A0<br>the Surge Stream through his coat, mapping the curve o=
f z=3D1/x below Will =C2=A0<br>and himself, effectively creating a slide wh= ich would catch them and slow =C2=A0<br>their descent enough that they woul= dn't go 'splat' all over the nice clean =C2=A0<br>asphalt.=C2=
=A0 It would have been a perfect plan, had Shade remembered to =C2=A0<br>ac= count for the fact that he was in the middle of a city, and there were =C2= =A0<br>buildings he had to worry about running into.<br><br>After Shade and=
Will peeled themselves off of the wall, Shade stumbled to =C2=A0<br>his fe= et, rubbing his side.=C2=A0 Will just lay on the ground in complete =C2=A0<= br>exhaustion.<br><br>"What the HELL was THAT all about??!!" =C2= =A0Will asked as he rolled over onto =C2=A0<br>his back.<br><br>"Near =
as I can figure, Chicago is now back to its normal state of affairs. =C2=A0=
<br>One of the others must have done it, because I don't think I did a= nything, =C2=A0<br>and I really don't think the Netromancer would have = reverted the city =C2=A0<br>after all the trouble he had gone to to trap us=
there in the first place." =C2=A0 <br>Shade looked around, trying des= perately to get his bearings in a city he =C2=A0<br>had never been in befor=
e in his life.<br><br>"The others WHO?=C2=A0 And who is this 'Netr= omancer' guy?" =C2=A0Will enquired, =C2=A0<br>certain already that=
he really did not want to hear the answers.<br><br>"The other trenchc= oaters.=C2=A0 Not exactly a sociable bunch, but not so bad on =C2=A0<br>an = individual basis.=C2=A0 The Netromancer's the guy responsible for all t= his =C2=A0<br>mess.=C2=A0 Chicago as an office and all that.=C2=A0 He keeps=
killing me, too, and =C2=A0<br>it's getting really annoying.=C2=A0 Don= 't suppose you have a line on any =C2=A0<br>soon-to-be-dormant bodies?= =C2=A0 Preferably not something too mangled?"<br><br>"Er, no, not=
really." =C2=A0Willy stood up slowly with his back to the wall and = =C2=A0<br>his eyes warily focused on Shade.<br><br>"I didn't think=
so.=C2=A0 Oh, well.=C2=A0 Do you know where we are?"<br><br>"Yea=
h, sure." =C2=A0Will felt his head spin as he tried to digest all that=
had =C2=A0<br>happened to him in the last couple of hours (his time). =C2= =A0"Uh, I suppose =C2=A0<br>you're planning on doing something to = stop this Netromancer."<br><br>"I guess I kinda should.=C2=A0 I m= ean, I'm sure the others are on it and all, =C2=A0<br>but they might ne=
ed help.=C2=A0 I should probably try and meet them at the =C2=A0<br>source =
of all this." =C2=A0Shade pondered the complexities of finding the =C2= =A0<br>Universal Office from where he was.<br><br>Will strengthened his res= olve and stated "I'm going with you.=C2=A0 You could =C2=A0<br>use=
the help, you won't know where you are without me, and it beats =C2=A0= <br>bagging groceries." =C2=A0Will winced as he awaited Shade's pr= otest.<br><br>"Huhm?=C2=A0 Oh, sure.=C2=A0 The more the merrier.=C2=A0=
Where's the nearest post =C2=A0<br>office?"<br><br>Although this = sort of response was not exactly what he expected, Will =C2=A0<br>decided n=
ot to tempt fate, and didn't question it one bit.<br><br>When they got =
to the post office, Shade turned to Will, "I'm a bit short =C2=A0<= br>on funds, so to speak.=C2=A0 We need a post paid envelope."<br><br>= Will certainly did not understand what this had to do with stopping the =C2= =A0<br>Netromancer, but he decided to just buy the envelope and be done wit=
h it.<br><br>It wasn't quite that easy.<br><br>"Have you filled ou=
t form e-37 in triplicate?=C2=A0 You need to fill out form =C2=A0<br>e-37 i=
n triplicate before you buy an envelope.=C2=A0 And you need form s-62 for = =C2=A0<br>a first class postage stamp." =C2=A0Things had gotten pretty=
bad while Chicago =C2=A0<br>was in the office.<br><br>"And where do I=
get these forms?" =C2=A0Will asked, certain whatever Shade was =C2=A0= <br>planning was not worth the effort.<br><br>"Line 559,320.=C2=A0 Nex= t."<br><br>Several hours, lines, and forms later, Will and Shade had t= heir prize.<br><br>"This better be good," Will grumpled.<br><br>&= quot;It should get us right into the office," =C2=A0Shade said, scrawl= ing an =C2=A0<br>address on the envelope. =C2=A0"Now, let me concentra=
te a moment...."<br><br>Shade focused the Surge Stream into the envelo= pe.=C2=A0 He mathematically =C2=A0<br>redefined the space around himself an=
d Will as being inside the envelope. =C2=A0 <br>The envelope plopped down o= nto the counter with the proper forms for =C2=A0<br>delivery, which Shade h=
ad the forthought to fill out in advance.=C2=A0 A postal =C2=A0<br>clerk ev= entually noticed the envelope, read the address "Netromancer, c/o =C2= =A0<br>the Universal Office," gathered the paperwork, and mailed Shade=
and Will =C2=A0<br>on their way.<br><br>----------------------------------= ---------------------------------------------<br><br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 by <a href=3D"mailto:
danl@wam.umd.edu">
danl@wam.umd.edu</a><br><br><= br><br><br><br><br>=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Next Week: =C2=A0M= ore NTB Fun with Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Six!!<br><br>=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D<br><br>Arthur "Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 Bu=
t Same Time?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer <br><br><br><br></div>
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