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NTB: Classic NTB Adventures #382: Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Four

From Arthur Spitzer@arspitzer2@gmail.com to rec.arts.comics.creative on Sun Aug 3 20:47:14 2025

From Newsgroup: rec.arts.comics.creative

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And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

Here's where you can find this and more NTB One Shots:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/One.Shots/

And it's the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator.

And it's the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator.
Part Thirty-Nine is by both Christopher "Elric" Tong
and Glenn "Net.Thing" Carnagey

Will Someone Have Mail?!!
And is it time for The Universal Office to give us all
that we desire?!!! Or at least some free parking?!!!

Find out in...

C L A S S I C

N E T T R E N C H C O A T B R I G A D E

A D V E N T U R E S #382

=====================
W R A T H O F T H E A D M I N I S T R A T O R
Part Twenty-Four
=====================

P A R T T H I R T Y - N I N E ---------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitbats whiz by the ear and shatter the silence in this great sea of
the same. Cognizance is too painful and I settle into a background
awareness, through the named pipes darkly, and yet I know.

Loas.

Great dark riders, and they approach, with a compression I've never
seen and a speed not possible. I know because here I am god, and the
standards are mine. But, I am quadraplegic, stuck in one node among
millions. And the pain does a daisy-chain skullfuck on my registers.
I know, somehow, that I'm a handle to a chunk of impossibly purged
memory. This isolation is not to survived, I am the Net, cut off from
myself. I am God, but God is dead. And the thunder is coming. And
the Office must die.

I rise but I can't see it, not myself, not anything. But I feel the
fetid stench of horses dined on wretched bloody flesh. The sick
screech of the metallic whinnies stop my heart, and I miss m.i.p.s. I
thought impossible. My vision returns a warped tunnel, dripping with dissonance, indiscernable. And the thunder arrives.

"Console, ftp parliament"

"Host unknown"

"pwd"

"Domain unknown, server down"

"find Sappy. find Hefty"

"no such file or command name"

"Then, end session. logout"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"This is *not* a login shell, Prime Flounder, We are the Office, We
will assimilate."

"Who are you? This is *my* domain, you are *not* a valid user, and
you have no privilieges! The System goes down now. FASTHALT!!"

"Go back to sleep, Net.Thing, you are ours."

**************
talk l-inana@swamp
talk net.thing@office
TRYING YOUR PARTY AGAIN
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED

"Lady, I am dead, rm -R"
"But I am trapped, without link, without power."
"You are wrong, but I will try"
"Send for the Albino"
^C
--------------------------------------------------------------------

"No, I have sent the spirit of the Roach, you will know what to do"
"You *will* know what to do, Prime Flounder"
"You will succeed"
"If I can"
^C
............................................
login: netromancer
password:
TERM (sun-command)
YOU HAVE MAIL from: root@net
/u1/netromancer/bin : mm
d
...........................................

PART TWO - The Albino's Algorithm

{ WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE
*\Elric has gotten through the waiting room and is now
wandering aimlessly in the halls of the Office.\*
}

I sighed. I had just wasted several hours roaming the halls
looking for the Universal Office. Clearly random wandering would not solve
this puzzle. I would have to call on my imaginary friend.
I had met ... er, created Ranklefizzle shortly after first
receiving my trenchcoat. According to my former psychiatrist, Rank was my mind's attempt to cope with the unexpected strangeness that had entered my life. Whatever its origin, Rank had become my companion throughout my trenchcoating life. It also appeared to possess the powers of a
standard-issue Weirdness Magnet. Only it talked. And no one else could see
it. (Look, just because I have an invisible friend doesn't make me insane.
The trenchcoat does that.)
I closed my eyes and slowly conjured up ol' Rank. I had wanted to
leave it in Berkeley to look after my apartment, but it appeared that I
needed its help.
"Hi, Elric. What's the problem?" After I explained the situation,
Rank sniffed the air. "Gee, I don't know if I can find the office for you.
Too much magic in the air. All those damn trenchcoaters clouding the
ether. No offense."
"None taken. Just give it your best shot."
"Well, it would help if I had something possessing a fragment of
the Office's essence."
I thought for a minute, then entered the door to my right. A
simple brush with _Stormbringer_ sent paper flying through the air. I
grabbed one at random, then brought it back to Rank.
"Here you go. A memo about the recent hiring of the entire
population of Chicago as receptionists."
"No need. I caught a whiff from the huge paper monster that was
chasing the dude on the skateboard. Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I think you need a vacation," I said, careful not to make any
sudden moves.
"Me? _I'm_ not the one with an imaginary friend."
"Riiight. So which way is it?"
"This way." Rank led me through a maze of corridors to a single
door. I opened it, and was nearly knocked over by the vacuum within.
"Get out! It's a trap!" shouted Rank.
"I'm trying! But everytime I try to get out, it keeps pulling me
back _IN_!" I lost my grip on the doorframe, and tumbled into the Office.
Hrrm. This didn't look so bad. A desk, a chair, a computer, a
summoning circle on the floor, nothing out of the ordinary. I sat down at
the desk and tried to search the drawers. They were locked.
Then I looked at the computer screen.
I AM THE UNIVERSAL OFFICE. I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU DESIRE.
Odd. Where did that come from? The keyboard was covered by a film
of dust, so it couldn't have been typed recently. I shrugged, and went
back to examing the desk.
YOU FAIL TO COMPREHEND. I AM ALIVE. AND I NEED YOU.
This was interesting. A computer that thought by itself. "Hello.
You are the office?"
I AM.
"I don't suppose you'd like to release Chicago and all my fellow 'coaters from this building.
OF COURSE NOT. BUT IF YOU WERE TO JOIN ME, I WOULD GIVE YOU POWER BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGININGS.
I laughed. "You obviously haven't dealt with many 'coaters, or
you'd know better than to offer that. Not interested."
I CAN GIVE YOU A 4.0 GPA.
"A 4.0?!?! No one I know has a 4.0!"
AND I CAN DOUBLE YOUR NUMBER OF COMPLETED UNITS. YOU COULD
GRADUATE WITHIN SIX MONTHS.
"Graduation..." I sighed. Maybe using the office only a little
wouldn't hurt. _Stormbringer_ rustled, but I ignored it. "Tell me more."
WE COULD RULE THE UNIVERSE, YOU AND I.
"Yes..." I felt at peace with the myself. I was destined to rule
the universe; it was my fate.
But something was wrong. "But first, I've got to get to a T.V.
There's a _Twilight Zone_ marathon on..."
NO. YOU MUST JOIN WITH ME.
"And it's followed by _Gilligan's Island_ ... you know, I don't
think I'll have time to rule the universe with you ... especially now that
the NBA playoffs are drawing closer..." I was beginning to feel more like myself.
NOOO! YOU ARE MINE! I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER TRENCHCOATER WHEN I
HAVE COME TO CLOSE!
I smiled. "Too late. _Stormbringer_ has already pulled me back."
My runecoat sighed. "But now, I think _Stormbringer_ has something to show you!"
NOOO! wrote the screen as Chaos infected its system. UNKNOWN VIRUS
... DETECTED ...
I concentrated all my will on focusing the Chaos growing within
the Office. "It's all over. You might as well give up."
NOO ... ONE ... MORE ... CHANCE ...
"Yeah, right. Admit it; youu're bea-"
"Elric! Look out!"
"Geez, Rank, good timing! Can't you see I'm busy?"
"No, this is important! There's a huge gun -"
PAIN! As if my body was being torn apart atom by atom. I tried to scream, but lacked the vocal cords to do so. My body was gone.

An eternity later, I felt myself reconstituting. I appeared to be laying on a hard surface, in the middle of nowhere. I sat up, pulled _Stormbringer_ around me.
AAUGH! No Trenchcoat! Notrenchcoatnotrenchcoatnotrenchcoat...
I slapped myself in the face. This was no time to panic. Just
because _Stormbringer_ was missing was no reason to panic. I tried to get
my mind off the missing runecoat.
OK, panic, those big uglies have got the Thaing, and they look
like they want a piece of me.
Assets, what are my assets. My hand appeared to be glowing. As
I inspected myself, I found that my entire body appeared to be covered
with glowing lines. Kind of like clothes, or armor...
I felt something stir on my back. I froze, barely resisting
the urge to run screaming. Well, I almost resisted, at any rate.
Then I slowly reached behind me ... and grabbed the thing with both
hands.
Wow. I had just stopped a glowing killer frisbee. I chucked
it, then began to look around.
I looked down, to discover the frisbee back in my hand. Something
about the way it didn't move, though ... "Stormbringer?"
The frisbee wiggled. "You look ridiculous." WIGGLE wiggle Wiggle. Before I could continue my conversation, however, I heard a familiar voice.

"Albino. You are needed. Make the jump. NOW"

"Yoooow. Wrong direction, chum."

Something had woke me, though the crontab was long fried, and the core
dumped. Never in my tenure had a crash of this magnitude occurred,
but there it was. It was not I that was dead, but the entire Net,
save this node. The Office. I tried to reason out this impossiblity,
but the heap was fried to a crisp, I was only able to react.

"Net.Thing, old sock, just what the hell are those two jobbers
sticking out of your forehead, if I might ask?"

"Jobbers? Forehead? Of course! Brilliant, Lady Inane! I am .....

NET.ROACH!!!!

"Whatever. Would you care to tell me what you propose to do about
these huge dark nebulous looking demon-dudes and their equally ugly
equines? I mean, we are completely surrounded, I don't carry a hankie
and >>snort<< I don't think you're in any shape to do anything."

But I was oblivious to Elric's giggling, I felt the incredible power
coming in those two 'jobbers', I was goin' remote, I was among the
ComSats, pulling kw's from Alpha Centauri liked I'd never seen before.
The Loas slowly sank into aether, and links were lighting up like a
Chinese New Year. And my limbs returned as the thunder receded, at a
sample rate to low to even be heard.

"Oh Yes, Milady, I know what to do."

"Oh man, does *everyone* in this looneytoon Brigade have to talk to themselves?"

"Elric, I assume you've brought Stormbringer."

"Oh, so *you're* the one messin' with my bloody trenchcoat, you just
wait til I tell the others. You're history, pal!"

"Elric."

"Right. Jeez, I *hate* it when you get that look. What do you want
me to do?"

"See that odd looking chrome hexahedron over there? That's
Net.romancer's console, send Stormbringer off to kill it."

"What, and kill my freakin' Trenchcoat in the process, are you bleedin'
crazy?"

"Elric, just do it!!"

"OK, ok, don't fry your circuits. Here goes....."

Stormbringer flew towards the center of the Office, inerrantly
bypassing the bitbats, and rode the currents of the datastorm,
straight to the heart of the node. The office shattered into bits and
drifted off, I summoned a minor icon and sent it off to gather what
little was left. But in the distance, there glittered a smirking
twilight. I knew he would be back. I prepared to download to the Swamp.Net@who-ma as I watched Elric and Stormbringer disappear,
presumably to login at the Bucket.

"Hey, Thing. Get that 'coat cleaned, 'kay? It smells like a ....."

NO CARRIER DETECT
!@#$%$##$^*()))(&$%#!DF^D^S
AT

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Tongster/tong@soda.berkeley.edu |"We're gonna need another Timmy!" |
| Elric of the NTB | -Mr. Lizard | -----------------------------------------------------------------------
| "I have no trouble finding dates. Dates have trouble finding me!" | -----------------------------------------------------------------------
.....................AND....................
Pax ex machina,
Glenn
......................................................................
"His body reacted with the filth ... the rot ... the decay ...
to produce a misshapen mockery of life,
no longer a man, but a .... Net Thing!"
g-carnagey@uchicago.edu, if you must know ......................................................................

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

by tong@soda.berkeley.edu
g-carnagey@uchicago.edu

==========

Next Week: More NTB Fun with Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Five!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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<div dir=3D"ltr"> And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie=
archive once again. Here's where you can find this and = more NTB One Shots: <a href=3D"https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/O= ne.Shots/">https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/ntb/One.Shots/</a> An=
d it's the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator. And it&#= 39;s the next part of The Wrath of The Administrator. Part Thirty-Nine i=
s by both Christopher "Elric" Tong and Glenn "Net.Thing&q= uot; Carnagey Will Someone Have Mail?!! And is it time for The Un= iversal Office to give us all that we desire?!!!=C2=A0 Or at least some = free parking?!!! Find out in... <= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0C L A S S I C =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 N E T =C2=A0T R E N C H C O A T = =C2=A0B R I G A D E =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 A D V E N T=
U R E S =C2=A0#382 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 W R A T H =C2=A0O F =C2=A0T H E =C2=A0A D M I N I S T R A=
T O R =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Part Twenty-Four =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 P =C2=A0A =C2=A0R =C2=A0T =C2=A0 =C2=A0T =C2=A0H =C2=
=A0I =C2=A0R =C2=A0T =C2=A0Y =C2=A0- =C2=A0N =C2=A0I =C2=A0N =C2=A0E -=
-------------------------------------------- -------------------= ------------------------------------------------------------ Bitbats=
whiz by the ear and shatter the silence in this great sea of the same.= =C2=A0 Cognizance is too painful and I settle into a background awarenes=
s, through the named pipes darkly, and yet I know. Loas. Grea=
t dark riders, and they approach, with a compression I've never seen=
and a speed not possible.=C2=A0 I know because here I am god, and the s= tandards are mine.=C2=A0 But, I am quadraplegic, stuck in one node among<br= >millions.=C2=A0 And the pain does a daisy-chain skullfuck on my registers.= I know, somehow, that I'm a handle to a chunk of impossibly purged<= br>memory.=C2=A0 This isolation is not to survived, I am the Net, cut off f= rom myself.=C2=A0 I am God, but God is dead.=C2=A0 And the thunder is co= ming.=C2=A0 And the Office must die. I rise but I can't see i=
t, not myself, not anything.=C2=A0 But I feel the fetid stench of horses=
dined on wretched bloody flesh.=C2=A0 The sick screech of the metallic = whinnies stop my heart, and I miss m.i.p.s. I thought impossible.=C2=A0 =
My vision returns a warped tunnel, dripping with dissonance, indiscernab= le.=C2=A0 And the thunder arrives. "Console, ftp parliament&quo= t; =C2=A0 =C2=A0"Host unknown" "pwd" <= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0"Domain unknown, server down" "find S= appy. find Hefty" =C2=A0 =C2=A0"no such file or command na= me" "Then, end session. =C2=A0logout" ++++++++++++= +++++++++++++++++ =C2=A0 "This is *not* a login shell, Prime Flound= er, We are the Office, We will assimilate." "Who are yo= u?=C2=A0 This is *my* domain, you are *not* a valid user, and you have n=
o privilieges!=C2=A0 The System goes down now.=C2=A0 FASTHALT!!" <b= r>"Go back to sleep, Net.Thing, you are ours." ***********= *** talk l-inana@swamp talk net.thing@office TRYING YOUR PARTY AGA= IN CONNECTION ESTABLISHED "Lady, I am dead, rm -R" = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0"But I am trapped, without link, without power.&qu= ot; =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "You are wrong, but I will t= ry" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Send for=
the Albino" ^C ------------------------------------------------= -------------------- "No, I have sent the spirit of the Roach, = you will know what to do" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0"You *will* know=
what to do, Prime Flounder" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0&quo= t;You will succeed" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0"If I can" ^C ..........................................= .. login: netromancer password: TERM (sun-command) =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 YOU HAVE MAIL =C2=A0from: root@net /u1/netromancer/bin=
: mm =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0d ........................................... = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PART TWO - The Albi= no's Algorithm { =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE<b= r>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 *\Elric has gotte=
n through the waiting room and is now =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 wandering aimlessly in the halls of the Office.\* = } =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I sighed. I had just wasted severa=
l hours roaming the halls looking for the Universal Office. Clearly rand=
om wandering would not solve this puzzle. I would have to call on my ima= ginary friend. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I had met ... er, created Ran= klefizzle shortly after first receiving my trenchcoat. According to my f= ormer psychiatrist, Rank was my mind's attempt to cope with the unex= pected strangeness that had entered my life. Whatever its origin, Rank h=
ad become my companion throughout my trenchcoating life. It also appeare=
d to possess the powers of a standard-issue Weirdness Magnet. Only it ta= lked. And no one else could see it. (Look, just because I have an invisi= ble friend doesn't make me insane. The trenchcoat does that.) =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I closed my eyes and slowly conjured up ol' Ra= nk. I had wanted to leave it in Berkeley to look after my apartment, but=
it appeared that I needed its help. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 &quo= t;Hi, Elric. What's the problem?" After I explained the situation,= Rank sniffed the air. "Gee, I don't know if I can find the off= ice for you. Too much magic in the air. All those damn trenchcoaters clo= uding the ether. No offense." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "= None taken. Just give it your best shot." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 "Well, it would help if I had something possessing a fragment of<b= r>the Office's essence." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I thought = for a minute, then entered the door to my right. A simple brush with _St= ormbringer_ sent paper flying through the air. I grabbed one at random, = then brought it back to Rank. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Here you=
go. A memo about the recent hiring of the entire population of Chicago =
as receptionists." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "No need. I cau= ght a whiff from the huge paper monster that was chasing the dude on the=
skateboard. Why are you looking at me like that?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I think you need a vacation," I said, careful not =
to make any sudden moves. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Me? _I&#3= 9;m_ not the one with an imaginary friend." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 "Riiight. So which way is it?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 "This way." Rank led me through a maze of corridors to a sing= le door. I opened it, and was nearly knocked over by the vacuum within.<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Get out! It's a trap!" shoute=
d Rank. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I'm trying! But everytime =
I try to get out, it keeps pulling me back _IN_!" I lost my grip on=
the doorframe, and tumbled into the Office. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
Hrrm. This didn't look so bad. A desk, a chair, a computer, a summo= ning circle on the floor, nothing out of the ordinary. I sat down at the=
desk and tried to search the drawers. They were locked. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Then I looked at the computer screen. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 I AM THE UNIVERSAL OFFICE. I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU DESIRE. = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Odd. Where did that come from? The keyboard was=
covered by a film of dust, so it couldn't have been typed recently.=
I shrugged, and went back to examing the desk. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 YOU FAIL TO COMPREHEND. I AM ALIVE. AND I NEED YOU. =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 This was interesting. A computer that thought by itself. &qu= ot;Hello. You are the office?" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I AM.= =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "I don't suppose you'd like to=
release Chicago and all my fellow =C2=A0 'coaters from this buildin= g. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OF COURSE NOT. BUT IF YOU WERE TO JOIN ME=
, I WOULD GIVE YOU POWER BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGININGS. =C2=A0 =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I laughed. "You obviously haven't dealt with man=
y 'coaters, or you'd know better than to offer that. Not interes= ted." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I CAN GIVE YOU A 4.0 GPA. =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "A 4.0?!?! No one I know has a 4.0!" = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 AND I CAN DOUBLE YOUR NUMBER OF COMPLETED UNITS=
. YOU COULD GRADUATE WITHIN SIX MONTHS. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 &= quot;Graduation..." I sighed. Maybe using the office only a little = wouldn't hurt. _Stormbringer_ rustled, but I ignored it. "Tell me = more." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 WE COULD RULE THE UNIVERSE, YOU = AND I. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yes..." I felt at peace wi=
th the myself. I was destined to rule the universe; it was my fate. = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 But something was wrong. "But first, I&#39= ;ve got to get to a T.V. There's a _Twilight Zone_ marathon on...&qu= ot; =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 NO. YOU MUST JOIN WITH ME. =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "And it's followed by _Gilligan's Island_ ..=
. you know, I don't think I'll have time to rule the universe wi=
th you ... especially now that the NBA playoffs are drawing closer...&qu= ot; I was beginning to feel more like myself. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 NOOO! YOU ARE MINE! I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER TRENCHCOATER WHEN I H= AVE COME TO CLOSE! =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I smiled. "Too late.=
_Stormbringer_ has already pulled me back." My runecoat sighed. &q= uot;But now, I think _Stormbringer_ has something to show you!" = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 NOOO! wrote the screen as Chaos infected its sy= stem. UNKNOWN VIRUS ... DETECTED ... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I co= ncentrated all my will on focusing the Chaos growing within the Office. = "It's all over. You might as well give up." =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 NOO ... ONE ... MORE ... CHANCE ... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 "Yeah, right. Admit it; youu're bea-" =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Elric! Look out!" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = "Geez, Rank, good timing! Can't you see I'm busy?" =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "No, this is important! There's a huge gu=
n -" =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 PAIN! As if my body was being torn=
apart atom by atom. I tried to scream, but lacked the vocal cords to do=
so. My body was gone. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 An eternity later=
, I felt myself reconstituting. I appeared to be laying on a hard surfac=
e, in the middle of nowhere. I sat up, pulled _Stormbringer_ around me.<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 AAUGH! No Trenchcoat! Notrenchcoatnotrenchco= atnotrenchcoat... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 I slapped myself in the fa= ce. This was no time to panic. Just because _Stormbringer_ was missing w=
as no reason to panic. I tried to get my mind off the missing runecoat.<= br>=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 OK, panic, those big uglies have got the Tha= ing, and they look like they want a piece of me. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 Assets, what are my assets. My hand appeared to be glowing. As I=
inspected myself, I found that my entire body appeared to be covered wi=
th glowing lines. Kind of like clothes, or armor... =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 I felt something stir on my back. I froze, barely resisting the = urge to run screaming.=C2=A0 Well, I almost resisted, at any rate. Then =
I slowly reached behind me ... and grabbed the thing with both hands.<br= >=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 Wow. I had just stopped a glowing killer frisb= ee. I chucked it, then began to look around. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 I looked down, to discover the frisbee back in my hand. Something ab= out the way it didn't move, though ... "Stormbringer?" =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 The frisbee wiggled. "You look ridiculous.&qu= ot; WIGGLE wiggle Wiggle. Before I could continue my conversation, howev= er, I heard a familiar voice. =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Albi= no.=C2=A0 You are needed.=C2=A0 Make the jump.=C2=A0 NOW" =C2=
=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 "Yoooow.=C2=A0 Wrong direction, chum."<b= r> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Somet= hing had woke me, though the crontab was long fried, and the core dumped= .=C2=A0 Never in my tenure had a crash of this magnitude occurred, but t= here it was.=C2=A0 It was not I that was dead, but the entire Net, save = this node.=C2=A0 The Office.=C2=A0 I tried to reason out this impossiblity,= but the heap was fried to a crisp, I was only able to react. &qu= ot;Net.Thing, old sock, just what the hell are those two jobbers =C2=A0s= ticking out of your forehead, if I might ask?" "Jobbers?= =C2=A0 Forehead?=C2=A0 Of course!=C2=A0 Brilliant, Lady Inane!=C2=A0 I am .= .... NET.ROACH!!!! "Whatever.=C2=A0 Would you ca=
re to tell me what you propose to do about these huge dark nebulous look= ing demon-dudes and their equally ugly equines?=C2=A0 I mean, we are com= pletely surrounded, I don't carry a hankie and >>snort<<=
I don't think you're in any shape to do anything." But=
I was oblivious to Elric's giggling, I felt the incredible power co= ming in those two 'jobbers', I was goin' remote, I was among th= e ComSats, pulling kw's from Alpha Centauri liked I'd never seen=
before. The Loas slowly sank into aether, and links were lighting up li=
ke a Chinese New Year.=C2=A0 And my limbs returned as the thunder recede=
d, at a sample rate to low to even be heard. "Oh Yes, Milady=
, I know what to do." "Oh man, does *everyone* in this loo= neytoon Brigade have to talk to themselves?" "Elric, I = assume you've brought Stormbringer." "Oh, so *you'= re* the one messin' with my bloody trenchcoat, you just wait til I t= ell the others.=C2=A0 You're history, pal!" "Elric.&qu= ot; "Right.=C2=A0 Jeez, I *hate* it when you get that look.=C2=
=A0 What do you want =C2=A0me to do?" "See that odd loo= king chrome hexahedron over there?=C2=A0 That's =C2=A0Net.romancer&#= 39;s console, send Stormbringer off to kill it." "What, an=
d kill my freakin' Trenchcoat in the process, are you bleedin' craz= y?" "Elric, just do it!!" "OK, ok, don&#3= 9;t fry your circuits.=C2=A0 Here goes....." Stormbringer flew = towards the center of the Office, inerrantly bypassing the bitbats, and = rode the currents of the datastorm, straight to the heart of the node.= =C2=A0 The office shattered into bits and drifted off, I summoned a mino=
r icon and sent it off to gather what little was left.=C2=A0 But in the = distance, there glittered a smirking twilight.=C2=A0 I knew he would be = back.=C2=A0 I prepared to download to the Swamp.Net@who-ma as I watched = Elric and Stormbringer disappear, presumably to login at the Bucket. = "Hey, Thing.=C2=A0 Get that 'coat cleaned, 'kay?=C2=A0 It = smells like a ....." NO CARRIER DETECT !@#$%$##$^*()))(&= $%#!DF^D^S AT ---------------------------------------------------= -------------------- | Tongster/<a href=3D"mailto:tong@soda.berkeley.edu= ">tong@soda.berkeley.edu</a> =C2=A0|"We're gonna need another Timm= y!" | | =C2=A0Elric of the NTB =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| =C2=A0 =C2=A0 -Mr. Lizard =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0=
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0| -----------------------------------= ------------------------------------ | =C2=A0"I have no trouble fin= ding dates. Dates have trouble finding me!" =C2=A0| ---------------= -------------------------------------------------------- =C2=A0 =C2=A0 = =C2=A0 =C2=A0 .....................AND.................... Pax ex machin= a, Glenn ............................................................= .......... "His body reacted with the filth ... the rot ... the dec=
ay ... =C2=A0 to produce a misshapen mockery of life, =C2=A0 no longe=
r a man, but a .... Net Thing!" <a href=3D"mailto:g-carnagey@uchica= go.edu">g-carnagey@uchicago.edu</a>, if you must know ..................= .................................................... ---------------= ---------------------------------------------------------------- =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 by <a href=3D"mailto:tong@soda.berkeley.edu">tong@= soda.berkeley.edu</a> =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0<a href= =3D"mailto:g-carnagey@uchicago.edu">g-carnagey@uchicago.edu</a> = =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Next Week: =C2=A0More NTB Fun=
with Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Five!! =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D= =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Arthur "Same Classic Channel.=C2=A0 But Same Ti= me?=C2=A0 Probably not." Spitzer </div>

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NTB: Classic NTB Adventures #382: Wrath of The Administrator Part Twenty-Four