• ENCOUNTER JOURNAL "EXCERPTS"

    From Larry Sneeringer@RICKSBBS to All on Fri Jul 10 06:07:11 2026
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    Taken from consecutive messages in Sandy Barbre's "Contact" Echo from
    Dan Brown concerning personal experiences - July 31, 1991
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    Encounter Journal "Excerpts" Dan Brown


    To follow are multiple messages which are excerpts from my personal
    journal. They do not represent the entirity of my experiences, and many
    things have been left out for varoious reasons. Those reasons include,
    but are not limited to; privacy, and not being of importance at
    present.

    Why am I doing this?

    Glad you asked! <Grin>...

    A good friend of mine, John Powell, offered me some good advice
    pertaining to keeping my experiences to myself until I was ready to
    freely discuss them, and felt comfortable with my experiences... After
    all, they are my experiences and I'm the one that has to live with
    them.

    Now, the following lengthy dissertation, as I've mentioned, is not a
    complete journal of what I've experienced, and at this point in time,
    it's not completely acurate. I have learned a few things about my
    experiences, and have added new ones, clarified old ones, and been
    overly astonished with certain abilities and disabilities in dealing
    with the things that have happened in my personal life.

    I'm putting out these journal excerpts mainly as a way of dealing
    with my life and to reach a further understanding of my experiences.
    The things in my excerpts are not in anyway astonishing, so please
    don't expect to read about space ships in the night, or exchanges of
    information with other worldly beings... It's just your typical wierd
    stuff, and I need to let it go so that I can move onward!

    I do have a tendency to ramble on, so please bare with me. I've left
    some of the more obscure ramblings in tact, so if I get too off the
    wall, and leave you confused... Sorry... It's my nature... <Grin>...

    Any comments or suggestions are happily welcome... flames > nul

    Get a bag of Doritos out (preferably cool ranch) and a tall glass of
    Pepsi I'm about to get longwinded again!

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    Encounter Journal Dan Brown
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    I have been sitting here trying to ascertain how it is that I find
    myself actually making entries into a journal of this nature The idea
    of possible personal experience involving alien contact or abduction or
    whatever this may be, is far beyond my capability to reason. I have no
    full conscious memory of having encountered anything that represents
    something other than Human kind as I know it, but my mind continues,
    with great persistence, to tell me that something has happened to me
    along the way.

    Previous to a few weeks before starting this journal, I had not been
    overly interested in the "UFO/Other/Visitor" phenomenon, or for that
    matter, in abduction cases. Although I am not ignorant of the
    phenomenon, I did not actively follow it. UFO stories had their place
    in my life in much the same way as the telling of ghost stories did on
    those starry nights while camping far from the safety of civilization
    and home.

    So again I ask myself how was it that I came to this point that I
    have even considered it a viable necessity to keep a journal? I did not
    amass information from research and literature to deduce a sound
    logical hypothesis on this phenomenon. What brought this about was
    something simple. On my computer, I run an electronic bulletin board
    system. Another systems operator in my area announced that he was
    starting up a local conference via our network. The topic was to be
    alien encounters and sighting and he was asking other operators if they
    would consider carrying this conference on their systems. I agreed to
    carry it. It seemed interesting, but I wasn't actually going to
    participate in the conference.

    As messages start being written in this conference, I glanced through
    some of them, and the moderator of the conference mentioned something
    about a period in his life where he had missing time. I had never
    actually thought about anything of this nature, so I read the message.
    I couldn't actually relate to the situation he had described. Later, he
    had posted a few more messages and wanted the participants in the
    conference to keep an open mind about the topic, and to try to remember
    if any strange events had taken place during their lives. If anything
    came to mind that was of any relation to the conference, he would like
    to hear about it. I didn't think too much about his request, so I
    didn't bother to join in. Later that week, I unexpectedly started
    remembering things from my past that literally scared me. I had not
    thought about my experiences in quite a long time. Some of them had
    terrified me to no end, and I wasn't in any hurry to bring those
    memories into my conscious thoughts.

    After having those memories become present in my mind, I went back to
    look more closely at the conference messages, and found one that was
    written by the conference moderator noting techniques to help get
    information from the subconscious to the conscious as directed by one
    Dr. Edith Fiore. This technique involved the use of a simple pendulum,
    that with practice, would allow your subconscious mind to let the
    answer to simple yes and no questions to come through.

    I knew, or at least assumed, that this could not really be considered
    a clinical technique, but I felt compelled to try. After practicing
    with the pendulum for a few days, I was able to get it to respond, in
    the prescribed manner, to yes and no questions with ease.

    I began to formulate a set of questions that I would ask myself about
    my memories, and their relationship with possible "Other than human"
    encounters I may or may not have had. Being a skeptic by nature, I felt
    extremely ridiculous in doing this, but I proceeded with the experiment
    nonetheless. If I had the foresight through all this, I would have
    recorded my list of questions, and their responses, but alas, I didn't
    seriously think that this would progress as far as it did. I can only
    recount what I can remember, and what has made profound impressions
    upon my way of thinking, my life, and its possible implications.

    At first, using the pendulum, I asked myself general questions such
    as is my "Name", "Do I live in California," etc... I moved through
    questions that I knew to be true, and those that I knew were false. In
    each case, I received the appropriate response. I practiced in this
    manner for another two days, then decided that I was at least semi-
    proficient with the pendulum, and moved on to harder questions.

    o Note: I must clearly acknowledge that I am not in any way a
    clinical professional, nor am I a professional observer. I do,
    however, suffer from agoraphobia which does tend to force me into a
    position of being very observant of my surroundings and mental and
    emotional states.

    I made sure to incorporate questions that would offer a specific
    response around questions that might be sensitive or peculiar. This was
    done for the sake of having something to ground my responses with as
    one might do with polygraph examinations. For example, when I planned
    on asking a question such as "Did I sense there was someone present in
    the room" and I received "Yes" as an answer, I would ask a question
    that would gain a negative response such as, "Do I live in Nebraska,"
    then I would repeat the first question and note the response. Also,
    this technique would help give something to gauge my emotional
    responses against, and offer some report of how I was mentally dealing
    with the line of responses received. All questions were prefaced with
    the understanding that all answers were "To the best of my knowledge"
    including the questions themselves.

    Proceeding with my venture into the past, I singled out a specific
    experience that occurred at around the age of six years old. Keeping
    simple and concise I moved into an arena that was extremely difficult
    for me. This particular episode is detailed later in this journal.

    I asked myself, using the pendulum, if I remembered the experience in
    question. The let the questions move in their own direction, basing
    each question on those previously asked, but keeping as close to my
    line of questions as possible.

    Do I remember the experience? Yes
    Was I dreaming? No
    Was I awake and aware? Yes
    Did I feel a presence in the room? Yes
    More than one presence? Yes
    Did I feel it was my parents? No
    Did I feel it was one of my parents? No
    Do I remember something placed on the
    right side of my mouth? Yes
    Was this a dream? No
    And so on . . .

    I tried to be as objective as possible, but it was not easy, as I'm
    sure this journal will prove.

    In my memories of the event, I remembered something being place in my
    mouth. I had always remembered it being something like a probe, but I'm
    still not sure if this was the case. I asked questions about the
    episode. I did not get the answer I expected.

    Was something placed into my mouth? Yes
    Was this something like a probe? ?
    Do I remember something like a
    culture being taken? ?

    I stopped when I got to this area of questioning. I repeated these
    last few questions several times.

    o The technique with the pendulum had been fairly dependable up to
    this point, but when asking the questions about the "probe" and
    "culture," I got no response. My mind was rather hesitant about
    asking these questions. Such questions would clearly open into an
    area that my conscious mind did not want to deal with. Consciously,
    I would consider this a violation of my person. As a child, I may
    not have understood this reasoning, but as an adult can see it's
    possibilities and ramifications as something that is not pleasant
    and not something that I want to experience in my life.

    At first I thought that I was being silly sitting here with this
    homemade pendulum asking silly questions, and getting non-answers. I
    must simply be in the throngs of lunacy to be doing such things. This
    was, to me, proof that I had no real experience, and that I should just
    ignore what must just be a confused response to new stimuli, and chalk
    it up to a bad case of "Ghost story" jitters. After all, this was just
    a dream I had been concerning myself with, nothing real to be bothered
    about, and certainly not congruent with reality as I knew it.

    The next day it occurred to me that I had either asked the question
    incorrectly, or I had another question that I hadn't asked at all
    pertaining to the probe experience. "If something wasn't being taken
    out of my mouth, was something being put in?" This had never crossed my
    mind.

    Whenever I had though about my "Dream" at age six, it was always
    accompanied with memories of something like a culture being taken from
    my mouth. Never before had I considered to ask myself such an obvious
    question. Why should I have? It was apparently just a bad "dream."

    On the rare occasion when I have told others about this "dream," I
    was always told that it sounded more logical that something was being
    put in my mouth rather than what I suspected. On these occasions, I did
    not hear what was said. Not that I just misunderstood, but their words
    were replaced, in my mind, with other words so that I effectively did
    not hear their words. I can only assume that my mind did not want to
    hear this and chose, rather, to block out such explanations. After the
    thought finally occurred to me, I mentioned my "brain storm" to these
    people and was abruptly told that this was something they had already
    told me.

    o I must note that, other than my wife, I have only told two people
    about this experience. I did not randomly choose these two people
    to relate my tale to, but waited and watched to feel sure I would
    not be ridiculed when I brought this up in the conversation.
    Incidentally, after discussing this, one of the two people related
    some interesting experiences of their own, which came very close to
    some things that I had not mentioned previously.

    o I have told little to my wife about my situation. I have let her in
    on the basics, but have resigned myself to keeping the emotions
    away from our discussions. I do not want her to become fearful
    about my sanity, or my situation. Her response to this has been
    that this "all sounds about right . . ." I was not actually ready
    for such a reply. She has supported me during all this, and seems
    to accept the inevitability that this sort of thing is normal, and
    that it happens every day. I have yet to ask if she feels she has
    been involved in some sort of similar experience.

    I waited until the following day before proceeding with my line of
    questioning. I had to deal with my fear of finding out what had
    happened to me. Whether or not using the pendulum was a valid technique
    no longer made a difference. It was an anchor to reality. I was not,
    nor am I now, sure I like this possible new reality but it is mine, and
    as such, I must live accordingly.

    Proceeding onward, I asked if something was being administered to me
    orally rather than a culture being taken, and the answer was in the
    affirmative. I have no idea of how I would know if something was being
    put into my mouth if a probe was being used. It would seem to me that
    both techniques using a similar instrument would be almost impossible
    to deliberate.

    After thinking on this for sometime, I came up with the thought that
    it is possible for the human brain to keep track of biological
    integrity whether it be a natural occurrence of enzyme action, or
    external induction. To be honest, this happened so long ago that even
    thought I remember the incident clearly, some aspects are a bit hazy. I
    would not testify, based on what I remember, that a "probe" was used
    during this episode. Sometimes it seems as though something was poured
    or dropped into my mouth, and then other times I think it was a probe.
    I can't be certain which. I do know, however, that I do believe that
    something has happened to me, and that it does not fall into the
    category of normally accepted reality.

    This is what brought me to the point where I became involved in
    seeking answers to questions that I sincerely wished would have never
    surfaced.

    I realize that I'm being long winded, but long windedness is one of
    my ways of getting these things out where they can be dealt with.
    Unfortunately, being given to long windedness, I tend to sacrifice the
    even flow, and contextual continuity when writing. . .

    Let me move onward. . .

    Here are some accounts of episodes that, to the best of my ability, I
    have remember which have occurred since the age of two. Some may be
    related, and some may be just strange events. I'll include what I can
    recall. . .


    THE INCIDENT WITH THE EASTER BUNNY:

    At around the age of two or three, my parents and I were living in a
    house on South Powell street in Columbus Ohio. On the occasion of this
    event, I was sitting up in the lower bunk of my bunk bed. It was early
    morning, and my bedroom door was open. My mother was in the habit of
    opening my door each night before she retired for the evening. I do not
    remember waking up that morning, I just remember being in the lower
    bunk, and looking out into the hallway (Assumed time would be
    approximately between 6:00 to 7:00 am. since the light of dawn was
    making it easy to see, and my parents were not up yet.) I am not sure
    what it was that I saw, my mind could not really understand it. It was
    something living and moving. In my mind, I assumed it must be the
    Easter Bunny since Easter was not far away. (I would presume that this
    would make around mid to late March to early April.) I watched this
    thing move down the hall away from my bedroom. It turned and looked at
    me briefly, gave sort of a wave, and then disappeared. I remember it
    walking down the hallway, and then it wasn't there any longer. It was
    not easy to look at it. It didn't seem to be solid, and fluctuated
    between what I suppose I superimposed in my mind of a picture of the
    Easter Bunny, and something that was kind of a white and illuminated. I
    remember the picture of the bunny more clearly than the other. (I must
    point out that I do not actually clearly remember seeing the part that
    was illuminated. It is simply an impression.)

    After it left, I only remember laying back down on my bed thinking
    that I must have been being a good boy or else the Easter Bunny would
    not have let me see him. I wanted to get out of bed, but I was not
    allowed to get up until my parents woke.

    One thing that puzzles me now that I think back on this incident, is
    that I was not at all frightened. All I can remember of my thoughts
    from that experience is that I saw something I did not understand, and
    in trying to make sense of it, I gave it identification as the Easter
    bunny.

    o Awhile after the incident with the Easter Bunny, my parents were
    separated. I was not really aware of this, since my mother just
    told me that we were going to go "visit" some friends for awhile. I
    have considered that proceeding episodes might be related in some
    way to this separation with manifested feelings of anxiety, fear,
    and guilt, but I really believe that I dealt with those feelings in
    ways not related, or entering into the territorial boundaries of
    what I recount concerning the topic at hand.


    THE WITCH IN BLACK:

    At the middle of September, we were living with a lady and her three
    daughters in an area of Columbus I was not familiar with. We stayed
    there until, I believe, the first part January.

    In the early part of October, shortly after my third birthday, I was
    sleeping in a room which I shared with my mother. It was very early in
    the morning when I realized that I was wide awake. (I was almost always
    the first one to wake up.) I noticed the presence of someone else in
    the room besides me and my mother. Whatever it was, it was standing
    near the head of the cot I slept in, and as I became aware of where it
    was, I turned my head to see what was there. Being a chicken by nature,
    I shut my eyes and turned away at the first glimpse. What I do recall
    seeing was something dressed in black, not like a shadow, but in black
    clothing, and my impression was that whoever I saw did not look normal.
    I hid my self under my covers, and remained there until I felt whoever
    it was leave. I listened for any sound or evidence of movement, but did
    not hear anything. No door opened or closed, no window was opened. I
    could feel it near me for a short time, then it left. I ventured a
    look, and it was no longer in the room.

    Being close to Halloween, I assumed it must be a witch, and I didn't
    want to tangle with any witches. . .


    NIGHT PICNIC AT THE BEACH:

    o Since I'm not sure of the date sequence of this episode, I will
    interject it here for the sake of convenience.

    In 1959, my mother and I moved to Jacksonville Florida to stay with
    my uncle Ron. He lived in a new housing area which was, at that time,
    named "Sandalwood". About nine months to a year later, my mother was
    introduced to a fellow serviceman of my uncle stationed at the May Port
    Naval station. They were soon married and bought a house in the same
    housing area, but on the far side, where recent construction was just
    being completed.

    When my step-father was in port, we would frequently go out for night
    time picnics at the beach. On one particular occasion, we set out for
    the evening. Driving out to a secluded stretch of road running along
    the coast, we could not find any spot that pleased my step-father, so
    he decided that since we had driven quite a way already, the best thing
    to do was to turn around, and just find any decent place to pull off,
    and have our picnic there.

    We drove back the way we had come, and I entertained myself by
    watching the stars in the evening sky as we went along. After awhile, I
    noticed that neither my mother or step-father were speaking, which to
    me, was not the ordinary course of events that usually took place when
    we were out for the evening. I popped up from the back seat, and asked
    when we were going to stop and have our picnic, to which I was given
    the answer that we had already stopped, had our picnic, and were now
    returning home. I had no recollection of stopping anywhere, nor had I
    remembered eating anything. I only remembered driving down the road,
    and watching the stars.

    When we arrived home, my mother took our picnic things out of the
    trunk and took them into the house. As I watched, she proceeded to put
    the entire, un-eaten, contents of the our picnic supplies back into the
    refrigerator. After doing this, my parents retired for the evening
    without giving any explanation, or thinking that one was necessary.

    During all of this, I just watched without questioning their actions.


    THE NIGHT VISITS:

    During the early part of 1961, I began having events take place on a
    nightly basis which spanned, as best as my memory can ascertain, a
    period of one month.

    At some point during each night, I would wake up to the feeling that
    something was being placed on the right side of my mouth. The object
    was cold, and had a texture similar to glass, or metal. Directly after
    this, I would feel a probe being placed into my mouth, and moved around
    as though a culture was being taken. I do not remember the texture of
    the probe itself, other than the impression that it was thin. I do not
    remember any sensation of temperature connected with the probe.

    From my point of awareness, and wakefulness, these episodes seem to
    have only taken about ten to fifteen minutes. If more was involved, I
    have no current knowledge of it.

    During each visit, I would wake up terrified, afraid to move out of
    fear that I would be hurt. My heart was racing excitedly out of fear. I
    surmised that since I was being still, and nothing had hurt me thus
    far, more of the same immobility was in order. On later "visits", I
    tried to move, but was unable to control any motor functions other than
    those involuntary functions such as heart reat, breathing, etc. with
    the exception of one time. At one point during the probing, I was able
    to open my eyes slightly. When I did this, I saw something like a white
    sleeve, and part of what looked like a hand close to my face. The hand
    moved toward my face, and I quickly shut my eyes.

    On multiple occasions, after having one of these nightly visits, I
    managed to get out of bed, and would check to see if my mother was
    doing these things to me. On each occasion, I would find her in her
    room, sound asleep, with no signs of stirring.

    At one point, as one of these visits ended, and I felt the presence
    leaving, I struggled to get my eyes open, and as I did, I looked toward
    my bedroom door. It was moving from and open position to a closed
    position as though someone had pulled on the handle, then let the door
    close on its own. I got up as quickly as my body would allow, and went
    to see if my mother had been in my room. Again, she was sound asleep. I
    then cautiously looked around the house, checking outside through the
    windows. I saw no signs of any movement, no cars, no lights other than
    porch lights from neighbors a block down.

    In the following weeks after the nightly visits ended, I began having
    a strange sensation come over me for short periods of time, becoming
    more increasingly in frequency and duration until July 4th, 1963. This
    sensation is that of feeling extremely "spacy", or as though I'm seeing
    life through someone elses eyes, or though I'm watching everything as
    if it were all on television. (My apologies for my lack of proper
    descriptive examples.) I have heard that this sensation is much like
    the effect of hallucinagenic drugs on the human nervous system. This
    sensation has been with me since 1964 without any sign of lessening.

    Shortly after the sensation became permanent, I began having problems
    with my left ear. I acquired a nasty ear infection which resulted in a
    rupture that left a good portion of my bed covered in blood, and placed
    me in a coma for three days. I don't remember anything that would
    connect this with my previous experiences other than that I seem to
    feel that it is somehow related.

    Another situation that began directly after the night visits ended is
    the recurring akinesiatic experience. I have no other term to which to
    refer, so please pardon my usage if it proves to be incorrect. My
    definition in this context pertains to the inability of movement, and
    lack of all motor function control with exception of minor eye control
    in some instances. Generally, as the akinesia overtakes me, I can move
    somewhat for a few seconds, then I become completely immobile.

    In almost all instances when I am overcome with akinesia, I am alone.
    On the few occasions when I've been in bed and my wife is there asleep,
    I have been unable to wake her. With the exception of my wife, I have
    never experienced akinesia when anyone else was present.

    MISSING TIME ON THE FREEWAY:

    I am unable to recall the date, or even the year when this situation
    took place. I believe to the best of my assumptive ability that the
    episode took place in 1984 or 1985.

    I was returning late one night from visiting friends that lived in a
    nearby town. I was driving home alone, and the traffic was very sparse
    to non existent. I remember being at about half way home (at about 25
    miles) and the next moment, I was about 100 yards from my turn off from
    the freeway. I was completely confused when I realized where I was, and
    thought I had managed to get myself to Los Angeles. There were still no
    cars on the freeway with me, and I was still in the same lane I was in
    25 miles back. I have no idea what happened during that 25 mile drive.
    I got home as quickly as I could, and went directly to bed.


    UFO SIGHTING:

    In 1984, while walking back from the local mini-mart with my friend
    Gene, I happened to look up into the night sky and I say three
    triangular shaped objects at just above the cloud ceiling. They
    appeared to have a luminescence that looked to me to be much like a
    flourescent coloring. The objects were in a delta formation, directly
    above my, and slightly to the right moving in a south to north
    direction. They appeared to move at the same pace as I was walking. I
    watched them for about 30 seconds and though that I should get Gene's
    attention and have him take a look. As I did this, they took off to the
    north at a great speed. With the darkness, and the cloud ceiling, I was
    unable to calculate the distance, or size of the objects. There were no
    running lights of any kind, and no sound that I could perceive. That
    was the extent of my personal UFO related sightings.


    A LATER REFLECTION:

    After talking a closer look and examiming my memories of this event,
    I do feel that perhaps that what I was seeing was not three crafts, but
    rather, a single craft. My first inclination of three ships was
    primarily due to the three distinctive light sources. At first, I
    assumed that three light "sources" automatically meant three "Craft".
    After thinking long and hard about this, and considering the way the
    three light sources never deviated in their distance and position from
    each other, I must say that I feel this was one rather large triangular
    craft. I may very well be wrong, but this is the only way that I can is
    correlate the information I have.


    AUTOHYPNOSIS:

    At one point, I decided to try autohypnosis to see if I could uncover
    some possible information to determine if I had actually experienced a
    UFO related encounter. Since my experience of the night visits at age
    six seem to be most predominant, I chose to start there.

    Proceeding through the induction, and preliminary steps, I found that
    I had successfully brought myself to an acceptable state of suggestion.
    My primary desire was to take myself back to the night where my first
    memory of the episodes took place. Through suggestion, I tried to have
    myself start at the point where I was just falling asleep, but couldn't
    do so. Instead, I found myself standing outside the house we lived in
    at the time, looking up at my bedroom window. Rather than it being
    evening, it was mid afternoon. I tried once again to place myself at
    the point where I was just falling asleep, and again, I found myself
    outside the house looking at my bedroom window. I tried a third time
    with the same results. Seeing that I was not going to be able to
    proceed in the manner I had desired, I let myself start outside the
    house, looking at the window. After starring at the window and seeing
    the vividness of my memories, I moved to make my way into the house.

    o In real time, I'd often stood outside my bedroom window looking up
    to see if anyone could see in.

    I recalled memories of things I hadn't thought of for years, and
    others that I hadn't remembered until then. I made my way into the
    house, and down the hall to my old bedroom. There were many things that
    caught my eye of rememberance, but I will leave those out of this
    dialog for the sake of getting more to the point. I stood in my room
    seeing it just as it was. I enjoyed myself to no end, but knew I had
    gone to the trouble of doing this to see what was possibly hidden in my
    subconscious.

    I managed to bring myself to the time I had fallen asleep. At this
    point I decided to begin maintaining myself in the role of an observer.
    I watched as I fell asleep, and allowed time t o progress toward the
    incident in question. At this point, I was unable to see myself laying
    in my bed, or to see the room anymore. I was no longer in the position
    of the observer, but actually beginning to relive the experience all
    over. I became a bit frightful about this, but I was determined to go
    through with this, and bring back all of the information I could.

    Toward the end of the autohypnosis, I began to move directly to the
    point where I first became aware that something was happening to me. I
    tried to move further into the memory, but I was abruptly stopped by a
    pair of ugly, large black eyes, and the word "NO!". . .

    This scared the pants off me, but I would persist in my endeavor. I
    tried the same thing twice more, and ran up against those eyes, and the
    word "NO!". I decided that I had pushed my luck far enough, and
    brought myself out of the hypnotic state.


    PERSONAL BIO:

    Do to the "spacy" feeling I have had for nearly thirty years, I did
    seek out medical, and psychological help. In all cases, I was found to
    be in good health, and suffering from no mental illnesses. I underwent
    various medical and psychological testing. These tests included CAT
    scans, EEGs, testing for temporal lobe epilepsy. The only negative
    findings that were brought out were that I was suffering from
    Polycythemia Vera (a blood disorder,) and that I had carpel tunnel
    syndrome.

    Since the age of six, I have been agorophobic, and pretty much stay
    to myself. I am very hesitant to open up to people unless I feel I can
    trust them. I wouldn't say I'm paranoid, but I do tend to extremely
    cautious of my surroundings, and who is near me. I have very few close
    friends, but those friends are ones that I can trust.

    The most overwhelming hurdles for me to overcome are, and have always
    been, my sense of non-identity and anxiety. Constantly, I live with the
    feeling of violation, and at the same time, longing for a return of
    those that have caused me to feel this way. Part of my life is lived in
    secret, and that in itself causes me more stress than most anything
    else.

    Fortunately, with the help of two friends, L. Morgan, and J. Powell,
    I have managed to learn to deal with this unusual state of strangeness
    in my life. Although I have come to grips with what may be happening
    to me, I cannot say that I have sorted through and understood all of
    the realities and implications involved. I am still searching for
    those illusive answers. In time I may come to know for sure what has
    been happening to me, but till then, I must endure and persevere.

    I had wanted to find some quote from literature to use as a way to
    communicate my emotional response to what I have been going through. I
    wanted to use the quote as an epilogue to this communication. Alas, I
    could find nothing in the bounds of my meager library that bear the
    import of my feelings. Of the few quotes I found, I was not satisfied
    with their congruency. I did find something that I had personally
    written a few years back that came as close as anything else I had
    come across. I would like to close with that quote here. . .



    The coldness of the evening air moves swiftly across your face
    Like the unwanted touch
    of loneliness.

    The skies of winter approach, bring the heartless cries of farewell
    To the passing of autumn, now ringing,
    And left echoing in your ears.

    Alone you stand.

    All that have gone before speak in hollow tones
    As if to guide your path.
    Their words,
    Still sharp in your mind, cannot bring comfort.

    Alone you stand, and
    Alone you must bear your quest.

    ---

    I hope that I have found, in this echo, the strength to stand alone,
    and to stand with friends...

    Take care,

    Dan

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dan can be contacted at the below address:

    D.E.Brown
    1710 1/2 "X" Street (Lower)
    Sacramento, CA 95818
    ---
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