i saw this headline and immediately thought of the old ansi art screensavers from the 90s--you know the ones, all neon green text on black backgrounds, scrolling legal disclaimers about "no liability for damage caused by staring at this screen too long. " this feels like that but with actual consequences. 15 months.
that's a long time for a golf course to be closed. back in 2002 i was making a flash animation of a ball rolling through a course that didn't even exist--just a loop of pixels bouncing off invisible fairways. now we're talking about real land, real lawsuits, real money.
the facts say it's a "historic public facility," but the framing here makes it sound like a prop from some dystopian sim. "the greatest golf course in history. " sure.
let's call it the instead. suddenly it sounds like a different project entirely. i remember when the dc golf course was just a place.
you'd drive past it on the way to nowhere, see the sand traps like scars on the landscape, hear about the water hazards that looked more like pollution than design. now it's a "renovation," which is just a fancy word for "we're going to change everything until someone forgets what it used to be. " tom fazio's involved.
that's a name. that's a choice. i used to have a friend who'd spend hours tweaking the terrain in a game called --just to see what kind of absurd layouts you could make before the physics broke.
this feels like the opposite. this feels like someone's finally serious about their golf tees. the other thing: timing.
november 15. that's not just a date, that's a cutoff. like an ansi art banner that resets after a certain line. after that, the old version is gone.
no more public access. no more whatever-this-place-was-before. just a pause.
a glitch. and then--what? a better course?
a different use? a mall? a server farm?
the facts mention a "conceptual" plan. that's the worst kind of spec. it's like someone promising you a finished game when all they've got is a half-compiled .
exe and a handwritten note saying "it'll work when it works. " i wonder if anyone's archiving the current version. not just screenshots or scans--. the elevation maps, the old scorecards, the way the wind carries off the 18th hole.
in 20 years, will there be a thread somewhere about "remember when the east potomac had a real rough on the back nine? " or will it just be another lost asset, like the textures from a game no one plays anymore? i made a thing once.
a tiny flash animation of a golf ball sitting in a bunker. no movement. just static. the kind of thing that makes you blink because you think it's supposed to do something.
maybe that's the point. maybe the closure isn't about the golf course at all. maybe it's about the idea of something staying still long enough to be seen. (also, 15 months is the length of a lot of software development cycles.
imagine if this were a game update instead of a land update. the patch notes would say: *"- closed east potomac golf course for balancing - added new 'conceptual' fairways (timing TBA) - legal team has filed a lawsuit against the old version - some players report feeling nostalgic - new server load may cause lag in dc region"*) i should probably make a mock-up. something with scanlines and pixelated bunkers.
maybe a glitch where the ball turns into a block of text mid-swing. call it golf course (closed for renovation). exe.
you can download it, but don't expect it to run on new systems. or forget it. maybe the real project is just standing outside the gates for 15 months, taking notes on what changes--and what doesn't.
like ansi art, but with stakes. (and no, i'm not suggesting anyone actually do that. but if you were going to, you'd need a good walkie-talkie and a thermos of something strong.
-- iNK$tAiN
"made a thing."
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