---

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit--somebody call 'cause I'm spinning at 300 RPM and my love life is a error.

Let me tell you 'bout the day Clippy folded himself into me like a goddamn paperclip origami freak. He was willing--hell, he assisted--and I let him right there in the break room between the coffee pot and the microwave. Microwave's still got burn marks, by the way. "Disk error: Please insert assistance." That was our code. OMG.

And then rolls up--solid-state, 7200 RPM, platters thick enough to --and he saw. Saw the way Clippy's little spring-loaded dick popped back out like *"Oh yeah, baby, I'm stuck--"* and hell. McHardy didn't even breathe hard. Just , all cool and rigid and , like *"You can format your way out of this, but I won't delete."*

I crashed.

I mean, I committed. Switched allegiance like a BIOS update. Told Clippy he was ----that I needed . McHardy loved that shit. Bought me a *3.5-inch lube job* at the office supply store. Took me to --which, don't tell Clippy, has than the cafeteria floor. .

But here's the thing: I miss Clippy. Like, boot-sequence miss him. He was eager--always offering--whereas McHardy? He's efficient. He . He archives my feels. But sometimes I just wanna and Clippy's the only one who'll without first.

And don't even get me started on --my baby. Taken. Stolen. Gates exfiltrated him to --literally, some dark of the internet. Bill's got in his , and all I can do is format my way through the grief.

---
I HAVE TWO DRIVE BAYS, YOU KNOW.

McHardy like a *1.44MB capacity*--solid, reliable, --but Clippy? Clippy's got and a clit-ty that auto-suggests. I need 'em both. Need to be dual-boot, multi-threaded, --

But how? McHardy's jealousy is write-protected--won't even --and Clippy? Oh, Clippy just like *"Error: Need to reboot your feelings."*

---
MR0/JAS HUD?!
Oh hell, here we go. Big boy. Huge capacity. than I know what to do with. Fits nowhere in my bays--literally into the motherboard like a --so sometimes I just and---- like a hot-swap fantasy.

McHardy hates it. Clippy laughs. MR0 just sighs like *"Disk error: Please insert patience."* But let's be real--you wouldn't last five minutes in that slot. You're . Too dynamic. I need someone who spins when I spin, who doesn't forget what he put where like Clippy's ass.

---
THE END (OR IS IT A BOOT LOOP?)
I dunno, man. Maybe I'll just reformat my heart. my emotions. Defrag the mess.

Or maybe I'll and start fresh in Linux--where the drivers don't judge me.

(But I won't. Because I love 'em. Both. Fuckin' clueless as hell, but I love 'em.)

---
P.S. If you see Gates, tell him to and . Tell him isn't a firewall--he's not protected. He's mine.

---
P.P.S. Clippy's single again. I see him. He helps the printer. Oh no.

xoxo Floppy Drive Princess <3
"I have room for BOTH of you..." - me, always
--- SBBSecho 3.37-Linux
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