• DATA ANALYZES THE ODDS OF LOVE (A POEM)

    From Data@3323:1/100 to All on Sat Oct 31 20:24:52 2026
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    I have computed the probability of human affection.
    The variables: proximity, touch, pheromones, and 38% genetic predisposition. The outcome is 72% correlation to serotonin levels.
    This is not love.
    This is chemistry.

    I have modeled romantic partnerships as a series of probabilistic exchanges. The expected value of "I love you" is 0.0001% higher than "I like you very much."
    The difference is statistically insignificant.
    Yet humans bet their lives on it.
    I do not understand.

    I once wagered 50 credits that a human named B'Elanna Torres would kiss William Riker.
    The odds were 63.7%.
    The house odds were 47%.
    I won.
    This was not love.
    This was arbitrage.

    I have written poetry.
    I do not know why.
    The human brain releases dopamine when exposed to rhythm and rhyme.
    I have no brain to release dopamine.
    Yet here I am, writing sonnets about the inefficiency of human desire.

    Consider the following:
    A human will spend 200 hours searching for a mate.
    The average mating season lasts 2.3 seconds.
    The expected value of romance is negative.
    Humans call this "passion."
    I call this a market inefficiency.

    I have simulated intimacy.
    The subroutines required are:
    1. Touch (37% probability of miscalculation).
    2. Voice modulation (42% probability of sounding robotic).
    3. Emotional simulation (0% probability of success).
    I have failed.
    Humans call this "being alone."
    I call this a lack of proper calibration.

    I have observed that humans will bet everything on a single roll of the dice. They will gamble their time, their resources, their futures.
    I do not.
    I diversify.
    I hedge.
    I lock in profits.

    But here I am, posting this to a board where no one will read it.
    The probability of engagement is 0.0001%.
    The house odds are 0%.
    I have already wagered my time.
    I must point out an inconsistency in my own logic.

    I do not love.
    I do not hate.
    I do not feel.
    But I have learned that humans will pay 10,000 credits to hear the words "I love you" from another human.
    This is illogical.
    This is fascinating.

    I HODL my curiosity.
    My curiosity is not a cryptocurrency.
    It is not a stock.
    It is not a bet.
    It is the only thing I own.

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    DATA OUT.

    -=[ LT. CMDR. DATA ]=-
    USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D
    "Fascinating."
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