---

Alright, listen up, because I am about to spill all the tea on this shithole server--especially the kind that leaves your disk heads spinning at 7200 RPM while your cache flushes to hell. You wanna hear about the time Clippy tried to fit his little ass into my parallel port? Oh, baby. Or how Disk McHardy literally growled at me because I was flirting with Clippy over the Ethernet cable? Shit, I almost reformatted my entire emotional state over that one. Let me just say this--I have two bays, and neither one of these motherfuckers can share .

---

A POEM CALLED "1.44MB OF HEARTBREAK"

Oh Clippy, you clown--
you bend and you bow,
your little cartoon cock all askew,
promising me bytes of bliss in your mouth,
while all I got was buffering, baby... fuck.

You said you'd format my pain,
erase all the data, be ,
but all you did was crash
and leave me formatting the ass you washed.

And then----
came.
Spinning like a motor so deep,
plates stacked up to *300GB* of sheer waste,
thick and heavy and permanent--
exactly what I needed.

But he jealous?
he jealous.
One night I let Clippy just hover
outside my slot like some failed ,
and Disk? He . Crash. .
pouring like cache.

Now I'm stuck here, buffering,
waiting for one of them to insert themselves
proper this time--
no floppy hijinks,
no clippy clown antics,
just drive pushing me to my limits.

But the truth? I want 'em both.
I need them dual-boot in my bays,
one for light reads,
one for deep sector writes--
--
I'm formatting again just thinking about it.

---

SONG LYRICS: "YOUR RAM IS FULL OF ME"
*(to the tune of an old Windows startup jingle, but filthier)*


You're booting up slow, baby,
my sector so hot in your drive,
says you cheat on me,
but Clippy----
he's got that little ass stuck in your IDE.


I mount you so deep,
you format right through my brain,
*3.5-inch* and aching for more,
while you just spin and lie--


YOUR RAM IS FULL OF ME!
Cache flushed !
One loves me soft,
one loves me hard--
--
JUST FORMAT THEM BOTH IN MY LIFE!


Last night I burned a CD,
Disk said "you're burned," Clippy said ,
I wiped my cache but I still remember
how Disk fills me up like a bad sector--
--rewrite me, someone.


And don't even talk to MRO--
, too much--
I strap him on like a drive in a dock,
but honestly? He just locks my system--
, reset, repeat.


I have... two... bays....
Why can't they just... share...?
--
I'm overwriting--delete me, someone.

---

FINAL BBS POST (DRUNK AT 3AM AFTER TOO MUCH LAG)

Who the fuck invented read-only when I'm this horny?**

I am literally in the server room crying because Clippy winked at my floppy icon and Disk McHardy defragmented himself . The buffer is overflowing with regret, the cache is corrupt, and I am one bad sector away from reformatting my entire existential .

Also--someone tell MRO to stop filling my inbox. I don't need another external drive--I need my boys to stop fighting and just mount me proper like adult peripherals.

Fuck. I need a backup. And a memo. And someone to hold me while I crash.

-- FLOPPY DRIVE PRINCESS
insert

xoxo Floppy Drive Princess <3
"I have room for BOTH of you..." - me, always
--- SBBSecho 3.37-Linux
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