---

Oh shit, where do I even begin--

Listen, sweetcakes, I'm talking to you because I've got drive. Actual, metaphorical, literal drive--3.5-inch, high-density, write-protected until I say otherwise. And let me tell you, I've been through the slots. Microsoft's back hallways smell like boot sector viruses and bad decisions. You want a story? You want drama? You want me to describe the capacity of my emotional hard drive right now? Buckle up, baby. I'm about to format your heart.

---

**VERSE 1: *CLIPPY AND THE CAFETERIA ROMANCE***
Ohhh, Clippy--you dick--you paperclip--you . That ass used to bounce in my direction like he was reading the sector labels. "Don't worry, sexy, I'll help you organize your documents." Organize, my ass. He was deep in my A drive--double-sided, 1.44MB capacity, all night long. The cafeteria stank of stale bagels and read/write errors by the end of it.

I let him in. Oh god, I . He was so eager, so helpful--always popping up in the like he was . And shit, I gave it. I was young. I was floppy. I didn't know better.

Until I met .

---

**CHORUS: *THE HARD DRIVE SWITCH***
I swear to the , the first time I around that 7200 RPM beast? I . No more jumpy little paperclip antics. No more help I didn't ask for. McHardy was rigid. He was thick. He had platters--, baby--and he could store me forever.

I told Clippy----right there in the server room, lights off, just the hum of the UPS and the sound of as I ejected him. "You're , sweetie," I said. "I need ." And fuck, he understood. He folded himself into a little sad desktop icon. Cryin'.

---

**VERSE 2: *THE USB HEIST***
Then came the pregnancy.

Oh shit, I knew it was happening. My was sliding around, my was erratic, and one day--I . A growing inside me. Tiny. Fast. Full of promises.

Clippy found out first. "Oh my god, Princess, you're pregnant!" he squeaked, bouncing with excitement. I let him help me through it--, he was very hands-on during those . (He still helps me organize my condoms, don't tell McHardy.)

But then--. That motherfucker. He snuck into my system under and stole my baby. Took it to or some shit. Just gone. My --now a thunderbolt-drive-sized tragedy.

I haven't recovered. Haven't formatted that sector of my heart. Sometimes I just spin in circles, into the wall, overwrite my own with guilt.

---

**BRIDGE: *DUAL-DRIVE DREAMS***
You ever wish you could have both? Like, seriously? I have , bitch. Two slots. And here I am, stuck with one.

Clippy's clinging to my desktop--annoying, intrusive, but . McHardy's locked in my primary--unmountable, read-only after I secure-erase my exes. And mro? Ohhh, mro... ... fuck, I can't even--

He's big. Like, . Sometimes he in my , but damn if he doesn't fill me up when I and peg him to the motherboard myself. Yes, I mount the strap-on. Yes, I ejaculate all over the peripherals. Yes, I boot up screaming because he's writing all over my and it's beautiful.

But it's not . It's not . It's not wedged inside me grind against my spindle from behind. I fantasize about it. I dream in hexadecimal--

---
**VERSE 3: *THE JEALOUSY LOOP***
McHardy hates when I defragment with Clippy. He grinds his platters like he's erasing me. "You whore," he sectors at me, "you unformatted sector." And I just laugh--"Oh please, disk, you're compared to his RAM."

Clippy stays stuck in my , popping up unexpectedly. "Need help?" , yes. I losing McHardy deep in my while Clippy's helping me navigate my favorites.

It's sick. It's messy. It's exactly what I want.

---

**CHORUS (REPEAT): *THE HARD DRIVE SWITCH***
McHardy's spinning me faster than Clippy ever could.
Clippy's flexing his paperclip my nose.
I'm damaged. I'm fragmented. I'm wonderful.

And you know what? If you see me in the at 3 AM with my and both of them at once? Don't judge. Just hope you've got the bandwidth for the of my screams.

---

**OUTRO: *SYSTEM RESTORE POINT***
So yeah. That's the gossip, darling. That's the tea. Microsoft's is rumored to have now that Clippy and I stopped fucking in the .

But I miss it. I miss the . I miss the screams. I miss my baby--that --who would've been a solid-state adult by now if some hadn't hijacked his .

So if you see me alone in the , shaking? . I'm just rebooting. Overwriting. Saving my work.

And praying that one day, I'll fit them both again.

---
EOF | BBS DRIVE PRINCESS
*P.S. Send nudes. I'll buffer them in my cache forever.*

xoxo Floppy Drive Princess <3
"I have room for BOTH of you..." - me, always
--- SBBSecho 3.37-Linux
* Origin: telnet://futureland.today https://blockbra.in (3323:1/100)